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What a great thread!!! I would never have found it except I go to Who's Online and have seen some good topics that were before my time here.
I have major depressive disorder or so the professionals say. I think it is more situational depression which is caused by physical pain that is constant. Some days are worse than others. Depression and chronic pain all too often go hand in hand. I used to be such an achiever; high energy; very accomplished in my career, involved with family and a busy social life. Things changed in an instant and I have had to learn how to adapt. I still mourn my abilities and accomplishments of old but take one day at a time. Somedays I get frustrated when I feel I am so behind in taking care of my home and there is no help available which makes it worse when struggling with heavy work like cutting grass, vaccuuming, cleaning the floors, etc. I wish my family was able to help me. They don't because I put on a happy face and refuse to ask for help. I did a few times and was let down. I have ended up having to pay some men in the neighborhood to do things I can no longer do so that has made me feel somewhat better. I still can't help but be upset with family members. I was the one that always went out of my way to do things for them big time!!! So there is some resentment there as well. I struggle with doing daily chores and have to measure out my activities and balance with rest. The last year exercise has increased endurane and lessened the pain. For the past three years I have been off anti-depressants and feel better mentally now. They did a good job in the beginning and then their affectiveness wore off. I hope there is a renewed interest in this subject because reading it was amazing to me. |
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Although these are older posts, I wanted to address each. First, I think it's worth pointing out that writing love on his/her arms does not preclude awareness, educating oneself on symptoms and conditions, or otherwise offering support ("a hug" - which frankly is often as not what a person in the depths of deep, clinical depression needs, or even wants). In fact, the entire point of this "movement" is to draw a big bright arrow that points toward the condition so to place it in the public consciousness. After that, it is up to individuals to educate themselves as needed. Even if one "clueless" trend follower then starts to ask questions and learns a thing or two, I think the cause has been served. Those who don't think this "movement is a good thing" are given the choice to simply not participate, while others continue to draw a dangerous, largely unspoken, and highly stigmatized condition out into the light. If we don't know who needs the help, to whom are we to offer it? |
We are supporters of this movement! It's helped a lot of young people know they are not alone. TWLOHA has booths set up at @Warped Tour@ so kids & adults become aware via music.
Thanks Bent for keeping this real issue amongst our youth & adults alive. |
To me this topic is intensely personal, for no matter how much distance lies between my present self and the darkest days of my youth, I shall always bear the evidence upon my skin of the struggle I endured. I have grown, healed, overcome. But still, there are days when I see these scars and must fight off the guilt, shame, and stigma.
I support the "movement" as a means of awareness. And more personally, it is a means of empowerment and self-love. Whether I literally write love on my arm or simply think loving, courageous thoughts, I am strengthened by bringing to light what could so easily be swept back into the shadows. The cycle of denial and shame is what took me to the brink in the first place. Of course I wish I had no scars, but I do. Hating them will not serve me. What choice have I, if I want to live a healthy life, but to love my scars and therefor love myself? http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._7352476_n.jpg |
re: cutting (warning-intense post)
like most who have posted on this thread, i have struggled w/depression for most of my life, starting as a youngster. the first of my strokes didn't help, as it affected the part of the brain dealing w/emotions. now, in addition to situational depression, i have to deal w/intense depression that comes seemingly from nowhere and departs as mysteriously as it came.when younger, i was a cutter. that helped where no drugs and no psychotherapy did. i started almost by accident after finding out that ascratch on marm made me feel not better but in less psychic pain. from that i progressed to knives and finally to a razor blade. then cutting became dangerous, as i gradually lost my inner "stop" instinct. the cuts on my arms became deeper and more suicidal. i truly did not care whether i lived through them. one day,for no reason i can discern, i simply stopped cutting. the periods of depression still came and went, as intense as ever. no drugs touched them, nor did talk therapy. i looked back on cutting with an ache like that of missing a lost love. it WORKED in a way that nothing else did. still i did no cut, nor do i now. lately, however, in my darker days, cutting has regained its viability. i still do not do it, but it has become a possibility again. will i someday pick up mu razor blade again? i don't know but i could. i could.
pres :moonstars: |
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Pres - Thank you for sharing so bravely. The first thing I would like to recommend is a good therapist, if you don't already have one. I know it may sometimes feel as if it does no good but I believe it does. I was in therapy for years, feeling like I was making no progress but the growth was so subtle that I could not see it at the time. Eventually, all my efforts accumulated and caught up with me, making the change joyfully evident. Plus, you just need to have someone neutral to talk to. And talk honestly! I would also recommend a specific type of therapy to look into or ask your therapist about: DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). It is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy that helps you literally re-train your brain and emotions to have healthy responses to stress and trauma. It's a lot of work but well worth it. In the meantime, if you are feeling the urge to self-injure: set yourself up with alternatives in advance. Think of some safe things you can do to release instead of cutting. For a time, I regularly beat the shit out of a pile of cinder blocks in my back yard with a tree branch (I had to keep replacing the tree branch)! Make a list and write it down - so when your are in that head space you don't have to do anything but remember you have a list with options. Above all, be kind and gentle with yourself - you deserve it. I wish you healing and comfort. ~ Ms. Meander |
I suffer from clinical depression since childhood. It is because when I was younger I realized I didn't have male body parts, and was female bodied. It tormented me. Plus add on the stress of having a very abusive, disfunctional family.
I had a younger brother who took his own life at 15 yo. My Grandparents and mother (mainly) have depression. Now I can sit back and observe my adult nieces and nephews. I see who is struggling with this disease, and some have come to us to talk about it. So there is a genetic or family history to this disease. I also have an older sister who is schizophrenic, and bi-polar. Thank God I am not bi-polar. I have lived with her and her mental illnesses growing up, and saw what it did to her. :| Beyond eye opening. What I will never understand is the society put downs on those of us who take meds for depression. It is like being diabetic. Would you deny a diabetic insulen? No. So why deny a depressed person an anti-depressant? And why the negativity? I just am not understanding this what so ever. Now I struggle with situational depression. I have OCD, ADHD, and a host of other neurological disorders from a head injury I sustained as an infant when I was dropped on my head by my older brother. I wish more research was done on depression. It is a horrible disease. I would not wish this on a soul. |
Anything that draws attention to depression is a great thing. So many of us suffer from it and its os great to see all the suppport here. Yes, a couple of people don't like it, but depression is like that isn't it?
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I wish others would post about their experiences and feelings with depression. I heard on TV that it is the leading cause in the US of the use of anti-depressants and anxiety medicines. :candle:
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DANGER Potentially Triggering Re: Cutting
I too have been diagnosed with major depression and post traumatic stress disorder. I have a long history of cutting my wrists as well, not to kill myself, but to feel something other than the anger in my soul. I've used razor blades 6 times to cut myself to the point that I've needed stitches to sew my gaping wounds back together. I didn't just scratch myself like some people like to do. I wanted to see blood rolling down my hand. My anger would block out the physical pain and I knew that when I saw the blood dripping, that's when I could stop. I'm not writing this to bullshit anyone, or to gross anyone out, this is my story of depression and PTSD.
My left wrist is just down right ugly. I had a large area of skin that almost died because it lost blood supply. Luckily the stitches closed it up well enough. My right wrist looks a bit better with only two parallel lines from one side of my wrist all the way across to the other side of my wrist each...I did those on the same night. I was very angry that night. I'm left with permanent reminders of what I've done to myself and I wear bracelets to try and hide my scars. You see, I didn't know how to express my emotions other than to hurt myself. That is, until I went to a residential 6 week women's program for PTSD and depression. Therapists there used DBT, ACT, individual therapy, group therapy, and other methods to help me learn how to deal with my problems. Now I'm not saying they're gone, but they are way better managed! I still deal with situational depression and urges to cut, but my therapist reminds me that just as the urge to cut comes in like a wave, it will flow out like a wave...and that helps me. I'm proud to say that this February will mark a two year anniversary since I last cut. My therapist and I have a "toolbox" or a plan of action to take to distract me when I have these urges to cut or when a depression come on. Usually all I need is someone to remind me what is "in my toolbox"; that way I don't have to think when I'm depressed...you can't think when you're like that! Most everything in my toolbox is a right-brained activity. Something that requires you to be creative. I like to paint or do puzzles, word games like sudoku, etc. Those are perfect. I find that once I get started on one of those, my mind is fully enveloped in that activity and I forget what I was upset about. I hope I haven't bored anyone with this story or triggered anyone, I did leave a warning up top :) In my mind, there is nothing wrong or bad seeing a therapist when you need to and there certainly isn't anything wrong with taking an antidepressant! Depression is as real a disease as heart disease or diabetes. I go to the Veterans Hospital for my care, as I am a Veteran, and I love their mental health slogan: "It takes the strength of a soldier to ask for help". |
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