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I used to wonder if I should be trans.
Over the years, not knowing where I belonged or fit in, I wondered if the transgender thing was for me. Sometimes I felt like I stood on the shore and watched others sail away into manhood, into real lives. I never felt like I was in the wrong body, I just couldn't put into words what it was I was. If someone needs to be a man to be happy, to stay alive, I support that. That is their life to live.
Knowing what I do now, and finding people who get it, I am ok. Not everyone gets it but finding this community has brought me home. If someone thinks I am not butch enough or too butch, she can keep looking. |
This is just my opinion, but I think there's a very strong distinction between wanting to "be" a man and wanting to be "in" a "man's body". In fact there are many characteristics (generalization) about lots of bio men that I don't really care for. I feel no more manly than I did before, but I'm becoming much more comfortable in my body every day. For myself it seems that it was more about my body than anything, and still is so far. Just a quick thought to ponder. Ok, back to bed... not feelin so hot today. |
Can I say unless you walk in someone's shoes you don't have a clue what they are going through !! How life treats them .. What the future holds for them.
Amazingly it does happen .. It doesn't have to be in your face it can be little sly digs,it can be feeling you are in a minority rather than a majority. It can be when your made to feel like your not good enough .. Or that same old question off gay and straight alike "when are you having the op then ?" Due to the smaller size of the butch femme community over here .. A lot of butches going through surgery of some kind .. To be happier in their skins. From what I have seen to me it feels like butches are decreasing and transguys are increasing. Butch/femme here is a small affair, there are a couple of uk forums but it's always the same group posting with no fresh blood. I did this thread as I wanted butches/transguys opinions (femmes as guests) please don't derail this thread as it's a butches feeling and points of view. |
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Hpychick. I am sorry I misunderstood your comment. I did not do it privately because I thought what I interpreted as your public snark needed to be addressed publicly. I did not understand your comment to be a serious or genuine question. The little zombie face is what made me think you were poking fun. I do apologize for upsetting you. |
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To everyone who has shared, thanks for doing so. As an extreme femme girly girl, I rarely feel the pressure that a butch feels and I appreciate the chance to read & learn as I truly hope that it makes me a more understanding partner. ~love to everyone~ |
If you're transitioning for someone else, you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. If they are being honest with their therapist, then they wouldn't get the green light for T or any SRS.
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This is a very powerful post. Thanks. |
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America has a larger bft community.
Bft in the uk is a small fishing pond making it very muddied due to the swapping of partners in the community. |
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Is there a link for what you cite here to a actual research study? I honestly couldn't venture to guess what these numbers are- so much speculation. Also, it feels like the relationship among and between trans men and women and butches (of all varieties) is much less volitile lately. I feel like there is much more positive communication going on and less bickering. It feels good to see this thread take on a sensitive area respectfully and in a way that we feel safe to post and discuss. Something that I think about along these lines is how varied definitions of the Butch-Femme community could be. Persinally, I see transgendered people as part of it and it history. But, I don't know if this is true for everyone. Also, polls on these websites usually have only a portion of the total membership voting on them. Of course, there are members that are very active, others that are not and some that join and leave. |
julieisafemme,
I appreciate how protective you are here in such a personal space. I apologize for being reactionary and defensive, and also for saying that you were coming from a place of negativity. I am far from perfect, and often misinterpret things for whatever reason. Nonetheless, I was rude to you and that's really not part of my typical character. Thank you for the apology; I hope that you will also accept mine. Sunny Quote:
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It’s all about perspective. The whole of England could fit into Alabama – now ask the question, How does the Butch/Femme community in England compare to the one in Alabama? Relatively speaking, the Butch/Femme community across the globe isn’t large- however it exists, and if we need to find it around us, 99% of the time we need to relocate – or we find it here on places like this site. |
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Why bring in polls and statistics? Feeling pressured to transition may not come directly from transmen, it may come from femmes, the environment, the culture, from within oneself, etc. Heck, I remember reading an article about some country (can't remember which) supporting transition as long as it resulted in heterosexuality. Some here have stated they felt pressured, some haven't. This isn't a research project. There's nothing to prove or disprove. It's about people sharing subjective personal experiences, no?
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Yes I am protective of these kinds of conversations. This conversation is particularly interesting to me as a partner of a transman. My experience has been with the opposite in that my partner has experienced other lesbians grieving over or questioning why he would want to transition. Last year we went to a conference in his home town and there was an older woman there whom he had known for years who was visibly upset to see that he transitioned. She felt a palpable sense of loss. That was very hard to watch for me and others in the workshop. |
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yet, it gives some info about what Liam brings up. One of the things that always comes up for me is the distinction between someone (like myself) that integrates a gender-blended identification with being a butch woman. Never feels like that is covered very well- seems like we take on a either/or stance so often with gender identity within our community here. That feels constraining to me. On the other hand, I feel strongly that gender and differing throeies about gender are very important aspects of the B-F dynamic that can be quite freeing and not the least bit threatening. I honestly do feel like we have worked through some really tough stuff between butches and transmen and I hope we keep on doing this. What heart brings up does strike me in terms of the thread being about a subjective discussion about feelings about pressure to transition. I sure don't have any research to back up numbers. what I always think about with studies/polls, etc. about this breakdown is how the term transgender is used as opposed to transsexual is. The term transgender was coined by Virginia Prince, a gender activist who developed the term to describe her adoption of a feminine persona without carrying the connotation of changing her physical sex, as the term “transsexual” does. 1) The term has grown to become an umbrella term that is used to describe all gender-variant people, including cross-dressers, transsexuals, those who adopt the role of the opposite sex without medical intervention, and any persons who do not feel themselves to fit cleanly into the gender binary of “male” or “female”. 2) To learn more about GLBTQ and transgender terms, resources, and best practice methods, visit http://www.multicsd.org/doku.php?id=lesbian_gay_bisexual_transsexual_queer_question ing_populations |
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