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-   -   Singles dating: online VS real world? (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3840)

*Anya* 09-15-2011 06:03 AM

Great thread, btw...
 
"*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?".

I did not answer this one, so here goes.

There are all different levels of dating. If a friend of mine had a very, very casual dating relationship and when it ended-it was mutual, I would still ask her if it would be OK and how she would feel about it. I am very intuitive and if I even had a sense ut bothered her, would never do it. Friends come first to me. I am never going to lose a friend over a date, no matter how attracted I might be to the butch.

If they had had a much more serious relationship & it ended, I would never consider it. There is too much emotion left when a serious relationship ends. She would need my friendship more than ever!

Separate issue: I do not call online interactions dating. I call that getting to know someone and there are also many different levels of that, too.

The online interactions can and do, range from casual, brief, superficial chit-chat, to much more intimate verbal sharing.

When one gets to the much more intimate sharing stage, then I would want to meet that person; in person. If we meet in person and all the feelings, thoughts, hopes and shared dreams that we had online, bonded us and there was genuine physical and emotional attraction (and not just a projection of what we thought the person or wanted the person to be) then, I would call that dating.

Before that, I am getting to know them on a deeper level than even an actual casual, physical date.

I agree about not discussing people you have dated or slept with with others. What goes on between me and someone else, is our business. I never, ever share a confidence either. That is an important value of mine. I do not betray trust.

Have a great day everyone!

ruffryder 09-15-2011 03:54 PM


*Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)


Yup I would and have on several occasions both local and long distance and had some rewarding and long relationships from it. For myself now as I grow older and wiser and been around dating for a few years, I do not want to get attached to someone online until I can meet them in person and get to know them better. I just do not see the point in rushing it now since I've been single for over a year and am enjoying me time and figuring out what I want in life. I want Ms. perfect for me and I will wait. *smile*

*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)

Yes I have and have found some great friendships and was in one long relationship due to a blind date. I would do it again.

*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?

Depends, but more than likely I would as long as it's upfront, honest and no one is ill about it.

*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life?

I say either. Just meet them first before you commit to more than just dating. I find most of my dates nowadays online and it's easier to get a feel for someone and chat and see if there are any interests there.
//////////

Apocalipstic 09-15-2011 04:01 PM

*Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)
I met several people on line in the past...until...2 different people pretended to be someone else to talk to me. They made up entire personas to mess with my head...so unless someone has good references from people I know in person, can't do it.

*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)
I would, but have only ever done it a couple of times. It was fun.

*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?
Sure, in a town like Nashville it is hard to avoid.

*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life? Real life has worked better for me in the past....or maybe not? Since I am single now. Who knows?

ruffryder 09-15-2011 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popcorninthesofa (Post 417501)
After years of being in real relationships, I actually prefer online ones. I once dated, married, made love to, argued, and divorced a femme thousands of miles away for nearly three years all online. I did'nt speak more than a paragraph, or have to spend anything. or go anywhere. I did'nt have to do anything. In fact, it was the best relationship I ever had!;)

I can get some of this, but the speaking not more than a paragraph in 3 years?? .. and argued?

Sounds like one of those sex sites or maybe second life.. oh hell yeah those types of relationships are bomb. Is this what you are referring to?

I thought you said the "best relationship I never had." :/ Please explain how this is possible if you don't mind or are you being silly?

WolfyOne 09-15-2011 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julie (Post 417916)
Jagg...
Back to your original statement.
You will be single forever.

Virgin or Has Been Had.
The choice is yours.

(snort)


Julie, if JAGG don't want the virgin, I'll take her
I'm not afraid to explore the unexplored
I think teaching is a wonderful thing
Heck, who knows, I could learn something, too

Apocalipstic 09-15-2011 04:39 PM

No virgins for me thanks!

I value experience in a lovah.

SugarLips 09-15-2011 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic (Post 418360)
I met several people on line in the past...until...2 different people pretended to be someone else to talk to me. They made up entire personas to mess with my head...so unless someone has good references from people I know in person, can't do it.

I actually knew someone who would do this to "test" their prospective others... It's crazy...

Shadowboi2010 09-15-2011 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Library_girl (Post 417390)


*Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)
*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)
*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?
*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life?


1. I have, so I guess that implies that I would, and they always seem to be not in my local area.
2. I have gone on blind dates, it normally doesn't work well.
3, I would date someone who dated someone I know if they are cool with it, and the person wasn't insane.
4. I think dating online and dating RL both have their pros and cons, so its 6 to one, half dozen to another.

Jess :hangloose:

WolfyOne 09-15-2011 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic (Post 418381)
No virgins for me thanks!

I value experience in a lovah.


What if you passed on a virgin that could've been your soul mate?

What if that virgin took direction and turned out to be a great lover?

Things you'll never know if you pass one up

And as for experience, a virgin is only as good as the teacher, but can sometimes pass the teacher easily

Just a few things to ponder

*Anya* 09-15-2011 05:00 PM

[QUOTE=
"...and the person wasn't insane."
[/QUOTE]

I did not include this but yes, some semblance of sanity is definitely on the top of my criteria for dating someone!

Blade 09-15-2011 05:23 PM

*Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)
yes I have and would again date someone I met on a dating site or online forum
*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)
No have never will never
*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?
I'd date someone who had dated someone I know. It's doubtful I would date someone who had dated someone I consider a friend.
*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life?
I actually like meeting people online first, building a friendship, meeting in RT and if something develops that is great if not then you have a great friendship. That said I don't do LDR's so an online meeting and pending relationship would be with someone in fairly close driving distance. Don't get me wrong, I like meeting in RT too but it seems less stressful to build a online relationship to start out. Less distractions.

Silverseastar 10-09-2011 09:23 AM

*Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)
I would definitely go out with someone I met online if the mental attraction was there, but I find irl is where I have met my dates, felt that energetic attraction and gone for it.

*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)
This just sounds like a BAD idea. Finding connection is such a subtle art. How would anyone else know what makes us hot? I do think a social gathering with no pressure is cool though.

*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?
Yes as long as they were not a friend (i.e. acquaintance only) and there were no bad "political" repercussions. It hasn't happened so far and I'm in a small Butch/femme community. Mind you I was in a long term relationship too.

*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life?
I think in this day and age it happens all kinds of ways and I try not to evaluate it. Online does afford you the opportunity to see how the person thinks.

Oh and as for LDR's, after having one recently end because my partner could not take the distance piece (it was a first ldr for me) I'm really gun shy about the person being more than a few hours drive away. It was heartbreaking to have the distance be the deal breaker. Then again, I was okay with it because I'm more about the person and the type of connection when we could be together than things that kept us apart. But everyone is different.

msW8ing 01-27-2012 01:23 PM

Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)
Yes i have. They key is both people MUST be honest. i've had LTR and made very dear friends from online. my best friend and i met in a chat room over 10 years ago, she is my soul sister and i hers. Although the LTR didn't last my friendships have. :)
*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)
Oh Hell to the NO..i detest the "i have a lesbian friend that.." well i'm sure we've all heard the rest..oh lawd just because they are lesbian don't mean we're a match.lol bless their hearts they mean well. But NO.
*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?
Although i never have..i guess it would have to depend on the circumstances.
*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life?
Eh, six of one, half a dozen of the other..i think it's just the way society is leaning towards the computer and electronic ages..i'd prefer old fashioned wooing and courting myself..either way as i stated before HONESTY is a must when getting to know anyone in any kind of media/social situation. *sigh* whatever happened to the days of taking your time and getting to know one another??

Gemme 01-27-2012 03:49 PM


*Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)
*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)
*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?
*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life?



1. Yes, I have and would again.

2. I've never been on a blind date. I'm afraid who my friends would hook me up with.

3. Ebon dated one of my best friends before we got together. Before taking that boat, I spoke to both of them until *I* felt comfortable progressing with our relationship. Both were fine with it. If one had not been, that would have been the end of things.

4. There are pros and cons to both. Here, it's much easier (for me) to type the things that I need and want in a partner. That lets the person know upfront, who and what I'm looking for. IRL, it's a giant crapshoot. You may meet someone and you like them, but they aren't compatible with you in some major way and it's very sad when that happens. It can happen online too, if someone ignores the deal breakers of another or if someone plays the 'she obviously didn't mean ME/that/all the time' game, but I think it happens less often.

Sachita 01-27-2012 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julie (Post 417882)
So here is a question to all of you who would not date someone who dated someone you know...

Our community is fairly incestuous - be it online or real time. How can this be avoided? Seriously.

This is very true. On one hand I say no but the truth is that if you have chemistry then everything else goes out the window. Someone is going to know someone, some where. If I had serious chemistry with someone that use to date someone I knew well then I would talk to my friend and ask them how they felt. I would discuss it first. If I knew of them, just someone I knew but we were not good friends I wouldn't really care.

Sachita 01-27-2012 04:38 PM

In our community we often don't have a choice then to network and pursue people online. I've always used this venue to meet people, however I won't engage in a relationship online. I might get to know someone but soon after I want to arrange a meeting. If someone is long distance I need to know they can afford the time and money to come visit me to pursue the relationship. I will do the same. If that goes well after a while I think we need to sit down and decide how we will merge.

ButchEire 01-27-2012 04:40 PM

Lol, I haven't ever dated anyone on this site and I have but a single ex living in this town or even within thousands of miles of here. It would be more probable that I would date someone who doesn't know anyone I know than it is the opposite.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julie (Post 417882)
So here is a question to all of you who would not date someone who dated someone you know...

Our community is fairly incestuous - be it online or real time. How can this be avoided? Seriously.


Rockinonahigh 01-27-2012 05:09 PM

I once dated one of my best friends ex partner and didnt know it,they were together when they both were way younger wich was ovr ten years before.Then we met (all 4 of us ) for dinner one night...OMFG! When they saw each other I thought I was gonna need the popo..but it works out ok,but u bet we didnt doubble date again.

clay 01-27-2012 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ButchEire (Post 514598)
Lol, I haven't ever dated anyone on this site and I have but a single ex living in this town or even within thousands of miles of here. It would be more probable that I would date someone who doesn't know anyone I know than it is the opposite.

ditto, Butcheire

sanee66 01-27-2012 08:05 PM

*Do you (or would you) go out with someone you met online, such as from a dating site, chat room, BFP, etc.? (this can be local or long distance or both)

I once drove to Greenville Indiana to meet a woman I had been talking to from another chat site when she lived in Ohio. We ended up being together for 7 years, so the answer is yes, as long as I feel comfortable meeting them face to face and dont think anything "hinky" is going on lol.

*Do you go out on blind dates? (set up by friends, co-workers)

I have never been on a blind date, but I might be open to the possibilty if the person or persons setting it up knew me well enough to know what I was looking for.

*Would you go out with someone who has dated someone you know?

No I kind of agree with the other posts I have seen where you just dont want to deal with the gossip that is sure to accompany it. That and if someone tells you all about the person, there is nothing there to learn on you own.

*Which do you think is better: meeting and dating people from an online source, or meeting and dating people you meet in real life?

I think both are full of endless possibilities! But having a real hard time finding people where I am lol.

Any other comments on this subject would be great.....these are just questions off the top of my head. :deepthoughts:

THANKS!
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