I lived with my ex for a year after we ended the marriage because I literally had to start over (I really only had a paycheck to my name when I ended things and that was it). However, everyone knew he was my ex. He knew he was my ex. And of course, I also knew he was my ex. We slept on separate floors of the house and lived as roommates.

I only dated one person during that year and I'm not sure said person ever questioned anyone but me, but if he had, he would have heard clearly that my ex and I were over.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that sometimes there are reasons people have to continue living under the same roof for awhile after separating - lives are entwined and take some work to detangle... but, it's usually pretty clear when it's over, regardless. If you're questioning things, you might have very well have something to worry about.

New Update.....and thanks for all of you're thoughts!
 

So winter here in the midwest might be a warm one, maybe even hot ;), after all. Good conversation with her tonight after much pondering on both our parts. She's scared, I'm scared, but we're going to give it a shot. We love each other and hopefully that's enough. :) Thanks again for you're thoughts. It is much appreciated.!!

So is she willing to come OUT with your relationship? Is she willing to let everyone know?

In a perfect world it shouldnt matter, however I would not jump into a relationship with someone who had an ex lurking about. I would spend time, get to know them and move very slow. There's just been too many bad situations I've encounter to just trust someone that much right off the bat.

I look around me and see so many people just jumping in and going full speed ahead. Whats the fucking hurry? The very worse thing you can do is base a relationship on passion and allowing the HIGH's to fuel you past common sense. When reality checks in it might be more then what your bargained for. Slow down, don't settle and nurture a friendship

Blu Collar Read This Again :

PULL EJECT NOW

Having been in this exact situation myself, I would have to agree with Kobi. I lived with my ex for almost a year after splitting up and it was one of the worst situations I have ever been in. It made sense at the time since neither of us could afford to break the lease and move, but in the end that exact situation happened so it was inevitable! I did tell the person I started dating about our situation but it still turned out to be messy and painful for everyone involved and I wouldn't recommend making the choices I did to anyone.

Even though I was VERY new to the gay dating world, and I made some pretty poor choices, I would now recommend the following:

1. slow down.

2. and then slow down even more.

3. do not, i repeat...DO NOT!!...move in with anyone until you are both single, have gotten to know each other in different situations over time, and are each living on your own, unattached to anyone else...both emotionally and physically.

...and most of all, don't pressure or feel pressured into anything. It's more than OK for anyone to ask for some personal time and space to figure out what is in your/their best interest. i know how it feels to be swept off your feet and want everything to happen FAST. it feels exciting and hopeful and wonderful...but if it is meant to be there shouldn't be any reason at all to rush things. be patient and know everything will work out the way it was meant to. (w)

*shaking my head*...

Each situation is unique. Other people can provide advice, share their experiences, which may influence your own. The trick is learning to find, listen and follow your inner voice. On a deeper level we all know what's right for us.

This exactly... :rrose:

I appreciate you starting this thread. People have been there, done this. I hope you take the advice given here. It is good to get a 3rd party advice. People always say the heart knows what it knows. You cannot tell it how to feel. I'm glad you are having conversation about this with her. I do not agree that she is keeping you a secret from the world. The only thing I can think of is what you said is that you are both scared and maybe just starting to explore the start of a relationship. Give it a shot, give it time. Keep communicating about what you both want. Do not be a secret to the world though when you are ready to commit and she's not. Love is enough if that it is what it is buddy and hopefully for your sake she's just loving you. Good luck. Keep us posted and come back for more advice if you need to.

I should have listened to some of the advice I received from this thread. I gave all I had and it wasn't enough. Tapped out emotionally and financially....not that I had a lot of money to begin with. Just sayin. A lesson well learned......don't give your heart to quickly or completely, especially when the other person is emotionally unavailable. It was all great advice, I just had to find out for myself I guess!!! Argghhhh!!

{{{{{blu}}}}} i'm so sorry you got hurt.

hugs are awesome!! Thanks!

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My grandma used to tell me - the key to success in life is not making mistakes. You need to learn from your mistakes and be wise enough to avoid repeating them again. My $0.02. Good luck and may the new year bring a new tide in your life.