I love that you said that about the balancing of energy because that is so key to me is finding that balance between my extreme feminine side their masculine side.

connecting in straight spaces
 

Sanee, thanks for this. I pass as straight...always. And I'm not really into rainbows or triangles so I'm only visible as queer in queer spaces, and even then only if I have my hand in the back pocket of a lovers carharts.

But I think there have to be some other indicators that other queer folk can pick up on, if they're looking. These are the first few that come to mind:

1. vintage styleyness
2. artsy/creative/alternative looks (stuff that clearly isn't from the mall)
3. really red lipstick
4. being overdressed
5. rejecting cisdudes (gently of course)

What do you all think? And what are some of your femme spotting tricks?

And, if i were to ever get up the courage to approach a stranger i was reasonably confident was FTM...how do you guys like to be hit on?

So far i've only ever handed boifolk a note with my phone number. And that's worked but it would be nice to actually connect in that moment rather than getting a text later.

My Gaydar is excellent!:D Even now that I'm not in gay clubs so much.

Recently, I was walking down my street (which is pretty gay so you'd expect to see a few lesbians) and a saw a woman. A pretty ordinary woman, long hair, handbag, clothes.. but my eyes grabbed her and said 'Look at that woman'. So I looked and wondered why I was looking, right up until she approached a masculine-looking woman and smiled a shy smile. 'Yay!', I thought 'I can still pick 'em!'.

I did watch for a few more moments just to make sure and yes, they were certainly not just friends.

..just wanted to brag

Why are these indicators of a femme?

I keep thinking
 

I gotta be real and say I own nothing vintage, I'm not artsy hell I can't draw a straight line and I'm not sure what over dressed is unless you mean layering...

These attributes describe my straightest friend. She also does Burlesque and is beautiful, mid-40s and has an amazing, much-adored and full, shapely ass (*And if you're in SF she'll wax your naughty bits!).

ANNNDDDDD here comes the lesson in gendernomics....*gets a pen and paper to see what the real femmes have to say.*

.....
 

Ahh see there is no what makes a Femme "real" we just "are" lipstick or no lipstick..:) (f)

hello Julien, nice to meet you!!

There are a lot of femmes like this. Femme theory used to talk about this as our type, as if we are more performative in our femininity than other women. i disagree that most femmes are like this. i certainly am not. i also disagree that femmes perform femininity in ways that are that different from some straight women. There are some awesome straight women who perform femininity in transgressive ways. Anyway, i know what you are talking about, and i agree it is based in some reality. But i resist the stereotype.

I'm clueless! LOL I don't know until I'm hit with a 2x4. As for approaching, please do and just say hi and talk about everyday things. Thank you!

Most femmes would ruffy but for femmes like me who look 100% straight it's not even easy to be approached or talked to by another butch let alone FTMs.

Great thread! I think this will bring awareness. . and I am agreeing with you. So why not let it be known you are interested if they are not sure about your interest? One will never know unless there is someone who initiates. My last g/f I was in a relationship with for 5 years is straight and she let it be known to me she was interested!

Call me old school but I like to be approached, not necessarily approach someone. It's part of my femininity I guess. Does make it hard but if I want something or someone bad enough I'll be more forward

It's not my job to "look femme" or roll around in a stereotype of femme to make myself more noticeable. This is femme invisibility at its finest when our community is too lazy to delve past the "too straight" stereotype to see femmes.

Imagine a world where butches and ftms had to wear indicators in order to be recognized.

Something I have learned is there are as many ways to be/look Femme as there are Femmes. You can't make assumptions based on something as superficial as how someone looks. You have to get to know her. It's in her energy and way of being in the world more than anything.

I hope that ButchEire comes back to clarify, but I really think that hy was being tongue in cheek while trying to be supportive of the OP who was sadly lamenting the fact that she struggles with finding a FTM who is interested in femmes. I personally didn't see the OP as being offended by it, rather she is just saying she wished she could find this type of FTM.

The OP indicated that she was talking about FTMs preferring other masculine defining people rather than femmes. She didn't say anything about about high femmes, or femmy femmes, or whatever...just "femmes women".

As an aside, I have never thought of what you describe as a "girly girl" as automatically being a "high maintenance femme" or one who spends a lot of money on her outside self or would expect me to spend that on her. Being on the extreme end of "feminine" (society's definition based on external presentation) doesn't equate to this. Women do their own nails, dye their own hair, etc (the accoutrements of "girly girl"). I am actually surprised by your statement, as I personally haven't heard other masculine identified people say this before?

I just wanted to highlight this post. I concur with all of it!