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I have found that I have to come to a place of forgiveness- towards self, and others, way before I come to the space of making amends.
If I dont, then I am too attached to outcomes I want- how I want others to respond and as a control freak that is really an easy trap to make. I have found that some stuff happens, and Im just not ready to rehash it. I leave it be, really, until I see that there is something in my way of being happy. I work through things on an as needed basis because if I push it on MY timeline it doesnt work, and I end up doing the work all over again anyway. There is a time to let go. And a time to pick things up again. And sometimes I need a little perspective outside of my little bubble to find out when those times are. |
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Neen - thank you show much for showing up and demonstrating your perception and utilization of forgiveness or acceptance.
I enjoy reading the diverse views and hope this place (site) remains a venue of inclusion. Truly looking forward to reading and learning more of you. Sunny Quote:
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I have read a lot of things that appeal to me in here. I want to be able to forgive but I'm not there yet. I learned the victim mentality at my mother's knee and I learned it well. It's taken me years and years to get where I am now, which is less victim and more vigilante, but a step is a step in the right direction.
I've been angry for a very, very long time and I don't see that changing soon. But I do see it changing, which is more than I would have said a couple of years ago. Once again, progress is progress, no matter how slow. Maybe it's like weight loss? Maybe the longer it takes to reach that place of acceptance and forgiveness, the more likely it will be to stick. :ohm: |
In my space, after years of practice
Forgiveness is closing the book on that experiece, reminding oneself it's history. Now there are times, I may still have a trigger effect. |
Thanks for starting this thread Blade. I myself get caught up in the daily hustle bustle of life and forget to ponder the notions of life that really do give me the gift of humanity.
There are times when I need to find forgiveness for my actions. There are times I want to forgive someone or something that I perceive to have hurt or harmed me in some way. I think overall it is easier for me to forgive others. I do not live in their head, their skin. I do not know their every flaw, thought or action. With myself, I know. Even when I try to ignore my shortcomings. For me at times forgiveness includes redemption. I must do something to try and bring things back into balance. I don't think mistakes, missteps are some sort of sin. I think actions that require redemption and forgiveness are things I do that are not the authentic Greyson. Is redemption part of anyones path to forgiveness? If so, how do you find redemption? I have posted one definition of the word, "redeemed." To restore the honor, worth, or reputation of: You botched the last job but can redeem yourself on this one. As a side note, Did you see Katie Lang singing "Hallelujah" in the opening ceremony for the Vancouver Winter Olympics? The irony of life. Here we have a Dyke, Gender Variant Queer person on the world stage bringing us all together for a moment in time. I think maybe this act of kindness, her sharing her gift of song with the world, perhaps required some forgiveness of wrongs made against her in her lifetime. |
I'm finding in re-reading, don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements, that forgiveness comes easier when applying the principles of those 4 agreements.
I'll keep working on it...everyday, it seems there is something to forgive. |
Reading some of the posts on here, im not sure what to write on forgivness as although i have been abandoned as a baby, hurt emotionally and let down, ive not been through some of the awful experiences others have.
However, this is my feeling - i can honestly say that its never been in my heart to hate anyone, sometimes i have wanted to feel hate but it just isnt there - hurt yes but never hate. I also feel we in the western world find it much harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive others, unlike our eastern counterparts. We have a different take on life. In the east they cannot imagine anyone not loving themselves, but how often do we hear of self hatred in the west. Its not that in the east people are selfish, but their attitude seems to be that if you cant love or forgive yourself first, then you are not very well equipped to love or forgive others and to me that makes sense. So over the years i have adopted that way of thinking and it has proved very useful in my life. |
Forgiveness...it is a strange bird for me. The latest for me is that my oldest sister (bio) has been estranged from our parents for years. She has found inner peace that way. It was her free will to do so. I had to ask her if she was going to ask our parents to the wedding of her youngest daughter. She said no, so I acknowledged it. I am the kids favorite, so I will be there.
At the funeral of our sister JoAnn, our oldest sister, our parents never shed a tear in public. The opposite of everyone of us. It was strange. I mean you could see and hear everyone else crying. The Church was packed. God made us a family, but yet the mental illness of our father has destroyed it. Prayers can help us for so much, but it is the real decisions of living and life that make us who and what we are. We need each other, no matter what anyone says, we do. Love is what it is all about. The heartbreak of being disowned is horrible. I can forgive my parents, but it isn't something I forget. My parents have missed out on so much of my life. My parents are embarassed by me. They want nothing to do with me, and haven't for 30+ years. We can be civil with each other, but that is about it. We were forced into being civil with each other because of JoAnn. Now that she is gone, our relationship has gone back to being nothing. No contact whatsoever. It is best that way. It is a means of survival for me. Forgiveness has different definitions. Some it means saying sorry, and letting it go. For others, it is thinking it, and asking God for help, but it is really just leaving it in God's Hands. |
Sometimes we have to forgive or ask to be forgiven for things we or someone hasn't done or said. This is tricky too. How does someone know they need to ask forgiveness if they don't know they've done anything wrong. In this case I think we hold those we are in love with more accountable than we do others. Usually these might be "the small stuff" but to some people the small stuff is BIG. And harbored animosity over events or non events as it may be can build and build and build and never be resolved because person A doesn't have any idea that they hurt person B, and person B just walks away.
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It have been a really good change for me. :) |
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Until I learned this, I was unable to have a good relationship. It is one of the most imortant things I have ever learned. Great thread! |
Forgiveness to me is forgetting all about it..plain and simple.Like it was yesterday,and sometimes it is.That's for all nonsense stuff.
Now if it was me who did something wrong,then I definitely would like to sit down and talk about it.It's not good to go around being so angry at me and I don't even have a clue why I made you so angry.Silence never solves anything and it never works for me..cause if i'm angry you'll know it.I tend to shout when i'm angry...and loudly.I'm talking about when i'm face to face with someone,not online.Online it's hard for me to get angry at anyone. :fencing: |
Forgiveness is hard for me. Sometimes it is like a medical miracle. When my sister was in a coma. I was angry. Pissed as shit at the doctors who gave her chemo, and stem cells, and to not think she was a mother, a sister, a daughter, a sister in law, and so on. The only thing on their minds was organ donation (think eyes, ears, etc.).
Sometimes forgiveness is just a handshake, and just letting it go. Nobody is really a winner or looser. Just equal. It is all about love, and not holding grudges. |
I forgave and forgive..
because if I didn't and don't, you win. because I refuse to care enough about you to hold on to hate and ill-will. because you took too many of my years and I'm taking what's left for me. |
What is forgiveness....
For me is is human growth, peace of mind and detoxification in my life. To harbor resentment only blocks my being able to attain balance. I just won't allow those that have trangressed against me any more of my time or emotional energy. Rather give this to others that have character and practice integrity. |
What a powerful thread. I feel so inspired by many of these words.
I had to chew for awhile... Forgiveness is healing, acceptance, compassion. Forgiveness is surrendering to things outside of your control to allow room for growth and movement forward. Forgiveness is hard and painful sometimes, but the only way to release yourself from a situation and learn from it. Forgiveness is more about the heart than the mind, like a salve for the soul. Forgiveness is something I strive to give easily because I hope others will grant me the room to make mistakes and forgive me my wrongs. |
Forgiveness isn't something you give to another, it is something you allow yourself to partake.
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It has been my experience that, in certain situations, it can be a long time coming. Even so, I feel so much better when I can forgive someone, give them a break.
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