RawR!!!
 

What Kind of Femme am I?
 

I'm not sure what my sort of femme is.

When I first came out I called myself femme as I wanted the right to have long hair, wear dresses and still call myself a lesbian. My look was drag, all bright lipstick, crazy outfits, 7" platforms and red hair.

As time went on it became more ingrained, I never went out without high heels, makeup, black lace and cleavage. Moving countries changed me again, the high heels dropped, but my underwear became sexier and I picked up the handbag and purse habit.

Now in my 30's and in an ostensibly 'straight' relationship I'm in flats and trousers and barely-there makeup, yet I feel far more femme than I ever did. The drag is gone, now it's all just me.

I am femme.

This past week, I chopped my hair off super short. I needed to look at myself differently. I needed to not equate femme, with, well, femme. It’s easy to slap some high heels on and do my nails, and call it done. But this year has been hard, and I’ve relied on compliments and worn-down thought patterns to tell me what MY femme-ness is.

Haven’t we all been there? Those moments or days or months or years when carving ourselves out of mashed potatoes just isn’t happening? When you realize you can’t back it up? The heels are there, the hair is there, the nails are there…and it all just makes you tired.
So I chopped off my hair to fuck with my femme-ness, to see if it was as easy as wearing high heels or curling my hair. It’s not, but we all knew that.

And I’ve come up with my truths:

I am femme because I say so.

I am femme because it describes my strength, not my weakness.

I am femme and a burlap sack couldn’t hide it, and encyclopedias couldn’t describe it.

I am Femme, except when I am not. I am not big on labels.

I am Aquarius with a dash of Sag. Icy intellect outside with a thumping fire inside. Emotion and sensitivity are a foreign language. Yet, touch my mind first, then my heart, and I will love you with the heat of 10,000 suns.

Friend to all, belong to no one. I don't ever see myself in a traditional relationship again. I'm too individual, too much the loner. The only way to catch me is to let me go.

I am so not the romantic. Romance to me is taking a walk under the stars...and bring your telescope. Walk me on the beach, I stop for quartz crystals. You want to woo me? Take me fossiling.

Take me to bed, and I will take you to Heaven...in hours. I am a Femme Top...except when I want shoved against the wall, arms pinned over my head, to bend to Your will. I am Aquarius, and love on my own terms.

My body is all at once muscular and strong, yet I love soft skin and my gentle hands. I am private, yet modeled nude. A prudish side, and a huge kink.

Don't bother with jewelry or fancy things. The new issue of Astronomy Today is more like it. A membership to the Smithsonian, with the offer to take me there-yes!

I sound like a humourless intellectual, but I am the Femme who laughs herself silly at the Three Stooges. It's A Mad,Mad,Mad,Mad World is my favorite movie. If you can't make me laugh, or are missing a sense of humor, I'm not for you.

I am classy and polite, yet I will crack up at funerals, whisper raunchy jokes in church, say shocking things just cause. I use words to build up, and language to make a sailor blush.

I was born here, but am not of here. I am a citizen of the world. Name it, I will go there. I will find my homeland, live and die there.

I can sit through a film noire marathon one night, and Bugs Bunny-Road Runner, the next.

I am the one who taught herself calculus with a book. I am the one who is learning Russian, just for "something to do". I am a teacher by day; a forever student all my days.

I am cool logic, a Vulcan out of time and place. I am the Empath, taking on the pain of those I love without words of my own. I am Leader of myself, never a follower.

I will never jump on the bandwagon, but will be out in front, shouting "Follow Me!"

I am my grandmothers look-alike, spending each day trying to be half the woman she was.

I am strong willed and at times hot-tempered. I am high-strung, yet laid back. Music surrounds me and I use it as a therapy for what is going on at the moment, what has happened in the past and what may happen in the future.

I am smart but very few know it. I listen alot and say very little.

I can be the girl you would take home to momma but at the same time the girl that would make your mother question your judgement.

I have a big heart but the wall around it is hard to break through.

I am funny, sarcastic, ditzy, head strong, sweet, critical and times dont play well with others.

I am confident in many things : doing my job well, my womanly ways, changing my own oil, working in the kitchen, my ability to love and realizing that there are things I am not confident about: doing another job as well ( I could never sit behind a desk), my womanly ways, changing my oil (at times I screw up and get it all over me), working in the kitchen ( Ihave burned a casserole or three) but some things remain the same.

I am jeans or sweats and a hoodie in the winter. I am a tank, shorts and flip flops all summer long. I am a short red dress and 5 inch heels when the time is right. I am a ponytail or my hair falling straight down over my shoulders, which ever strikes me at the moment. I am " Maybe shes beautiful, maybe its Maybeline" neutral tones, light lipstick (never pink or red), black mascara, charcoal liner.

I am AWARE...aware of the things I am and aware of the things Im not.

I am a woman, a little girl, a femme, a tomboy, a sweetheart, a total bitch......BUT I am GREAT at being all of them.

I am a femme with many facets.

I am a scientist femme who looks conservative during the 9 to 5.
I am a shot girl femme who could sell anything to anyone with my cleavage.
I am the femme your mother warned you about, surrounded by a shroud of sex, mystery, desire and danger.
I am stubborn, opinionated, willful, effervescent, hilarious, warm and generous, and EVERYTHING can be turned into an innuendo.
I am a musician who cannot live without the undercurrent of music as a running constant in her life.
I am the girl who can go from tailored pants, flats, no makeup and a ponytail to 8" heels, fishnets, miniskirt and pinup hair in no time flat.
I am a femme who can get lost in the museum of natural history and be blissfully happy, who wouldn't be hard pressed to spend hours in museums, planetariums, or on educational trips.


I am secretly a die hard romantic who wants to be swept off her feet and cared for, but will fight you to the death if you ever imply that I cannot take care of myself.

I'm independent and intimidating, but so worth it.

I am femme
 

1. I am a study in contradictions

2. Heart, soul, appearance & sexual identity are femme

3. I am warm, loving, nurturing, kind, sensitive & insightful

4. I am also inpatient at times and do not easily suffer fools

5. I am a recovering perfectionist & frequently fall off the wagon

6. I accept the human frailties of others much more easily than accepting my own

7. I need to be in control so much in my professional life, I crave being
able to give it up in other areas of my life

7. On the other hand, the thought of giving up control also scares me (even though "control" is really illusionary)

8. I become tearful at Hallmark commercials & laugh at silly jokes

9. I have many regrets about choices I have made in my life but work hard to accept that I did the best that I could under the circumstances

10. I dearly loved my dog Baby & miss her terribly. She was my first dog & I never knew that one could love an animal this much

11. I love looking feminine but must admit wearing<<disallowed word>>dresses or high heels really is not me

12. A former BF once said I was a cast-iron marshmallow (tough on the outside, soft on the inside)

13. I love to be fucked but have also been known to throw a good one myself if the stars and moon are in alignment & my partner so desires

14. The Daddy dynamic interests me greatly but also scares me (see number 7 above)

15. Writing all these makes me feel vulnerable & I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.<<disallowed word>>

Honest? Too honest? That's also me at times.

I am femme.

I am rough around the edges. When I am nervous i either talk too much or not at all. I have a loud laugh. I am a mother, student, preoccupied with life. I would rather say, "Damn, what was I thinking?" over "Damn, that was a missed opportunity!" I am kind, gentle-hearted, but don't fuck with me or my loved ones. I swear like a sailor and am as tattooed as one as well. I love with all I have, and give until I have nothing left, and am resourceful enough to find more. I have my faults, but they are mine and I am not broken. I am Mommy and little girl. I am bold, maybe too much so. I have my opinions, but will thoughtfully listen to others, and can be swayed. My truth is mine. I am an author, literary critic, and a seer of the unseen. I cry at puppy dog, and baby diaper commercials. I am sensitive to your words and quips. I can change my oil, flush the radiator, change a light bulb, but scream like a little bitch when I see a spider. I will spend pennies on me and dollars on those I love. I am like no one else, but am like everyone else. I am me, pure and complex...me.

I am the type of femme that can relocate that spider outside unharmed.

:byebye:

YES! GOD, YES!

That is perhaps the most brilliant thing I have read in a good long while!

wow
 

Hello Everyone

This an amazing thread! So wonderful hearing about all you wonderful women.

I have always found it difficult to describe myself. Some of the things you've said I can relate too. I'll have a go myself once I can get pen in hand and space in my head to think about who I am :-)

Thank you ladies

Flower :bunchflowers:

I love this thread and all of the powerful words I've read here. It's one that's made me think, "Who am I?" And I love it when my brain is asked to think. ...

I'm a queer, quirky, recovering academic femme who finds solace in books and theory more so than in the arms of butches who are too quick to be careless with my heart.

I'm a fiercely unapologetic feminist, recovering activist, semi-vegetarian, bike-riding pinko femme who prefers pretty dresses and knee-high boots as cycling wear over lycra and spandex.

I'm a femme who loves fiercely, deeply, thoroughly, and strongly. This quote from Dorothy Allison is my love warrior's call to arms:

“Don’t come at me with that sour-cream smile. Come at me as if I were worth your life—the life we make together. Take me like a turtle whose shell must be cracked, whose heart is ice, who needs your heat. Love me like a warrior, sweat up to your earlobes and all your hope between your teeth. Love me so I know I am at least as important as anythingyou have ever wanted.”

I'm a consciousness-raising, hell-raising, hair-raising femme who is a study in contrasts. I am at once bold and brash while being doubtful and insecure. I will love you in one minute and want to run from you in the next unless you hold on tight and make me feel safe, warm, cherished, and wanted.

In short, I'm the only femme I know how to be - unapologetically me.

I am a girly girl and love most things that make me feel pretty. Dresses, jewelry, long hair but only some makeup. I am average girl, short and average weight. I don’t worry much about gaining or losing weight. I do exercise at least four times a week and prefer to do outside things like the track instead of going to a fitness center.

I am someone who always has my cell phone with me and will text back almost right away day and night.

I enjoy talking and believe it or not even though I am a talker I am also a good listener. I may not answer the question right away but will think about it and then answer it. I am someone who is very busy with work, volunteering and kids but somehow feel alone a lot. Most consider me a little hmmn nutty but a lot of fun. I am drawn to people who may seem very different than most but I seem to understand them.

When I love I do with my whole heart. When I am upset I tend to see the worst cinereo and run from things to stop from getting hurt. I love music and new things to do. I have no problem just packing a bag and taking off for a day or even a weekend with maybe no idea where we are going.

Ive Been called a HIGH Femme
 

sometime i think i am...

I love doing my own nails as much as having them done in the shop, i love the way i feel spoiled when i can go to the shop and have them done.I love them long and I love that they are mine.

I despise shopping just to shop i need a purpose. I have my girly stuff all over the top of my dresser and i am just fine with that, it is where i do my makeup and hair every morning. That is my space just for me.

I love tanning and how my skin loves the sun..

I despise bugs in every form, i love camping please dont remind me there are bugs and we will get along just fine, i can put up a tent cook, not worry about showers etc.

I have tools and know how to use them...id prefer to not break a nail using them so if i don't have to i wont.

i once called my son in law to come change my tire on a dark road , he did then when he was done he reminded me that i had AAA, i reminded him that this is what he was here for ...to change my tire besides he reached me a lot faster than AAA would have.

Im the woman in red, im the girl next door, im somewhere in the middle..Im that kind of girl.

I like road trips where i don't have to drive however am willing to share if the road trip is a long one.

I like books and movies and superb conversation...I like to talk, I like to share, I like listening and learning as well.

I love the ocean, the mountains and everything in between.

Im the girl one can take home to "momma" as well as the other girl lol

Im the girl that can pull off business suits and mini skirts all in the same week.

Im the kind of girl who believes in dressing properly for the occasion even if you are only going to the grocery store.

Just an interesting thought/observation I made today...
 

I noticed that my ex and I actually wear quite similar styled clothes sometimes (jeans and a V neck sweater), yet on her they look butch and on me they look femme.

I guess it does help that she wears her version on the baggier side, where as I wear mine on the tighter side. Still essentially the same outfit, with a totally different look.

So my conclusion was, that it is not just the type of clothes, but how you wear them and how you hold yourself in them.

I am a femme through and through.

It's hard to say what makes me femme. I wonder just how femme I am sometimes. There are so many possible things that can make me femme but don't those things also make me a woman?
I can make a house a home. I can sew a dress. I can plan and make a dinner for 20. I am womanly. Probably the most important womanly thing I do is change those around me by listening and bearing witness to life. Does that make me femme? Not really. That skill is because I'm priestess.
I love to wear heels with dark red polish peaking out of the open-toed shoes. Gold polish works as well. I love to make a big, wonderful meal for my lover and feel her gush with appreciation and joy. Does that make me a femme? I wear skirts and dresses, smell like roses, am the one lost kids are drawn to when they want to be found and my children trust me enough to reveal all their secrets to me. That makes me a mother.
I love women. I love supporting and loving all women. Without my sisters growing up, I'd be dead or broken. My eldest sister taught me to love with an open mind and free spirit. The women in my life have made me whole. I'm proud to be a woman and love to be in my skin. I dance and am part of a local group of sisters who dance. This doesn't really make me femme but....it's close.
When I see butch or masculine women, the part of me that loves women burst out with squealing desire and sighs. I am femme because I love butch women. I love the swagger, the muscled arms, the roughened hands. I love the patchwork of tanned skin, the quick wit and charm, the clever quips. I love the bold style, the vibrant living, the proud, strident walk.
The sight of butch women makes me arch my back and watch with heady anticipation. I will inhale deeper and watch their every move. I'll adjust my skirt so I'm as appealing to the eye as possible. Sometimes I'll touch my neck unconsciously as I undress them with my mind. The sight of butch women makes me swoon and suddenly feel intoxicated with desire. I will sit, stand, pivot, walk or dance differently. I will emote differently. I will speak differently. I will flow into my most comfortable state of being. This is what makes me a femme. I am femme because I love butch women.

I'm this kind of femme:

Lipstick and flats. Leaving powder on your collar. Bookish and introverted. Wouldn't know what to do at a nail salon, but knows my way around Sephora/a makeup counter. Jeans and sweaters most of the time, but who loves to get dressed up for a special event (or just a nice dinner). Nappy headed, dreadlocked womanist with trust issues who loves deeply and fiercely. Always puts a camera in your face, because butches are beautiful, and you're the most beautiful of all. Wounded, but ready to love again. Hopeful. Funny. Fiercely loyal.

whoops, posted earlier

I am the femme that is a port in the storm for the butch that has the courage to go out into an unaccepting, unforgiving world to be exactly who and what they are

I am the femme that is the keeper of butch secrets

I am the femme in whose lap lays a butch who needs solace but will never tell another living soul about that need

The butch card will never be revoked by me.

I am strong and at times, weak; brave and at times, fearful; courageous and at times-not-so-much

I am an every-woman and at the same time, uniquely me

I am femme

I'm too sexy for my self!

I discovered velcro rollers (reminds me of sponge curlers way back when)
I love what they do for my hair, and no more heat treatment. :|

I know who I am not....which is more poignant at the moment and of course leads to self knowledge.

I am not that femme who can be with someone who says "I can be butch".

I am not that femme who can be with someone who says "I can do that for awhile until we figure out why you are like you are".