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A powerful read...thank you for sharing this, Selly...big hugs for you. |
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This last year so many of them...I think that the Brain Spotting therapy I am having is helping. I think flashbacks pretty much describes ptsd to a t. :) |
Ohhh yes. You are right about that Apocalipstic! And it isn't a pretty picture either. I hate being on the receiving end of them too.
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More than anything in this world, on this day in this moment at this time in life I wish I had courage for the adversity I'm about to face. The first time, I had endurance. Now I'll found out what I am made of and what I am not made of, who I am and who I am not. I'm here online busying myself, trying to grasp and process things coming to light. Past and present, light and dark, heaven and hell, cowardice and courage, strength and weakness, the seen and unseen, life and death. God help me through this. I wondered what makes a man. I asked and it cost me my life and damn near my soul. My heart is faint and there is no one but God and me and a night in Rio Rio and the reason for it. Sorry to be cryptic, but typing this allows me to process my thoughts online as a link to the outside and something that feels sane right right now in my fright. This is and was my PTSD, and there is far more than I remembered. Now, I'm facing all of it and maybe now—finally—the devil will stop laughing.
Your fellow member, an ol' Jet in all foilbles 2/18 5:22 EST |
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I hope things get better for you soon. The PTSD makes us often relive things we don't even remember clearly...that don't match up right. Our minds play tricks on us. |
I finally ventured to this thread. I have passed it by so many times not wanting to remember, not wanting to acknowledge, not wanting to give respect to the girl who survived a thus far a lifetime of abuse. Embarrased, I suppose, ashamed, not wanting to be reticuled and thinking who would care anyway, its just me. But then I started reading and I see that we all have things in common. There are similarities in each of our sufferings and aftermath of our events. I feel almost like I have come home to ppl who will understand me. Thank you!
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(((((((((((((((Princess4u))))))))))))))))
we get it, honey. |
Welcome Princess!
You mention "the girl who". Do you feel like she was a different person? When I look back, I don't see myself as the same person I was before...I don't even know her somehow. Does that make sense? I am searching for her and all the her's I have been and trying to put us together somehow...to feel inside that we are the same person. Is this what you are saying? I hope all of us have a healing day and do good things for ourselves as a reward for making it this far! :) I am at work and listening to music from movies I love. Right now its Third Man and I have Jasmine Vanilla candles burning. A reward for taking care of business, even though I want to be in my closet hitting my head on the wall. |
Has anyone had success with "energy tapping,"?
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Energy Tapping, Fred P. Gallo, PH.D., Harry Vincenzi, ED.D; 2008; New Harbringer Publications, Inc. |
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http://www.emdr.com/briefdes.htm |
I must say that Energy Tapping's claims to rapidly eliminate anxiety, depression, etc. seem to be valid. I just did my first treatment, and it is amazing. I encourage everyone dealing with PTSD to check their local library for this book. I will be purchasing it. Something so simple and portable, that does not require anyone else's participation—its phenomenal; I am so glad that I found this.
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I have had many things come "up and out" since my post on Thursday. This past week, I have come through the roughest part of my trauma. I have been through this purging process, so to speak, for more than a year, and I am finally reaching core memories and emotions. They are still coming up as I write this tonight, but I have a much better handle on them. As such, I'm overcoming a lot of fear in remembering and associating with the event. This has been in my system and subconscious for 17 years. It claimed everything in my life. I hope very soon now that I'll walk free—and maybe in the coming year, I'll be as unaffected as having this be nothing more than a figment of my imagination.
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When, if ever do trigger words stop triggering? Has anyone ever reached this point, I would be curious to know. Thank you!
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Thinking out loud here...
For me, I have learned new coping skills to help with my trigger words. Everyone has different ways of coping and learning. Also, when people say time is a healer...for me, I have to disagree with that now. I have recently learned that some wounds will scar deeply, and some wounds really will never heal. They will be just as they are. Bruised, bloody, infected, and painful just as they were yesterday, today, and will be tomorrow.
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Just for today Ive decided Im not broken. I dont need to be fixed. Im not disregarding anybodys space. hell. I might be there in that broken feeling, wanting fixing, tomorrow. But for today, I am ok with all of it. All that happened. all that made me who I am at this very moment. Its nice. Its a light feeling.
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The brain spotting which seems to be similar ot the emdr seems to be helping, but it does bring up all sorts of things I have to be ready to deal with.
I don't seem as strung out and think I am a bit more centered. Will keep you all posted. Jet, glad things seem to be getting a bit better for you! Princess, thank you! What a powerful affirmation...just for today. Like Reiki. Andrew, you all of us, I hope all those scars can at least become infection free :) Liam, thank you for posting, I will read up. May we all have a peaceful, healthy week! :lips: |
Tonight, something happened to me...and to some others...the PTSD room opened...thanks so those who worked on getting it started....it is a wonderful thing...ppl shared their past, their horrors, their story of survival. What courage we all have in our own rights...for we are all survivours...but I was not able to withstand the torment in my own memories....i wasnt able to share ....for so many reasons...unworthiness, fear....the physical restraints that fear and suffering subject us all to...I feel so horrible for not being to a point I thought I could tell of my history on this planet....I feel like i owe everyone in that room tonight an appology for not being strong nor brave enough to open up...and for those who did...you are amazing ppl in every right of the word...and i am sorry!!!:blues:
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PTSD room?
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It wont be officially started till next week. If you want to be one of the facilitators, PM me.
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I had no idea about it. Would like to participate if I know times and so forth.
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Keep your eye on this thread for further details. The room wont be open until there are some committments from people willin to facilitate meetings.
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I never had been on chat and I just checked it out....it requests a password for the PTSD chat? |
Include me on this. I too have never been on chat. :penguin:
Thanks. Love, Andrew |
Due to the subject matter, and privacy needed, it is a password protected group. Please bear with me, a public announcement will be made with all the details.
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Feel free to PM me if that is better, Would love to help out. |
Maybe
Maybe I'll let go of the past
Maybe I'll exhale Maybe I'll collect myself Maybe I'll open my heart now Maybe I'll stretch out in confidence Maybe this is my Shawshank Redemption |
Just wanted to give you all an update regarding the PTSD support group. Im still working out the details as far as confidentiality issues. I will be posting all the details here in this thread ASAP. If anyone has any questions, please PM me. Also, I need one or two people who are willing to give a two hour committment each week to be one of the Co-facilitators of the group.
In unity, Jewel |
So tonight phone rings and it's the cemetary dude from my father's funeral.
He has called before becausee he wants to sell me a funeral plot. Like where I want to spend fucking eternity is right there next to E (my dad). But tonight I stare at the phone ringing, then check the voice mail.... "it's Rocky, call me" So I imediately begin the "he's not really dead, they are calling to tell me" meltdown. Visualizing dug up graves....yes, I know he was cremated. I've had my medicine now. Poor Cynthia, she is so longsuffering! I feel like such a freak...one phone call and I am tumbling through space. Sigh. |
This is a great idea. Many thoughts and blessings towards this beginning of support and encouragement for all of us living with ptsd. I have recieved so much love and strength from my fellow BFers on other sites! I really cant express here what some of you have meant in my life. But you already know cause I have been there for you too. That's one of the best parts of it, being understood even in our silence.... Big love to all those who are opening up and sharing. Some of us who have shared elsewhere are coming to the table to share our experiences here too, there are more of us living with it than people realize.
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Just a thought for the group chats...
I attend group sessions for PTSD at the VA. One of the rules of the group is that we don't tell "war stories" that might trigger other participants. What we DO do is discuss how we are doing in our daily lives and triggers we may face and what we can do to help each other and ourselves through the rough times. I've found that, almost more than anything else, is that there are other folks out there that are going through the same types of things. Much of what I see happening in this thread. |
Real World Support Groups
Goofy,
Good point, wanting to know more about your group though... I am curious as to the specifics of HOW your group discusses triggers and daily dealing without mentioning any of the "war story". In my experiences, my triggers come FROM what happened and that makes it very difficult to discuss without it relating to others what happened to me. Everyone's PTSD is coming from different places and not just from the same shared "war". On other sites we Title our sensitive sharing type posts with "possibly triggering" and/ or write in red. With chat that wont be possible as we are interacting without pre thought out posts and titles. |
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My PTSD stems both from childhood trauma and a situation I was in while in the Army. Since it's a VA group, it's much easier to not reveal histories of situations related to the military because, to some degree, we all have a similar experience. But I've also found that those folks are pretty accepting of non-military related triggers. Once, someone brought up a subject that was a trigger from my childhood. I started to twitch, literally. I told him it was a trigger for me; that it was something that happened when I was young. That's all I needed to say. No one questioned me as to what happened or why it was a trigger. We talked instead about *now*; how it presented itself (anxiety, anger, etc) and how to deal with that. I bring all of this up because I know that when it was suggested that I start attending the PTSD group that I'm now a part of, that I had so many reservations. I didn't want to tell my stories to a bunch of strangers, regardless of whether they had been through similar situations or not. I didn't necessarily want to hear anyone else's story, lest they trigger me. I've been in the same group for almost a year now, and most days it's a life line. I feel sane, despite the insanity. I'm not sure if this makes as much sense to you, or anyone else, as it does in my head. But I hope it clarified a bit. |
And I just feel compelled to say that I don't mean in any way to dismiss the people who are sharing their experiences in this thread. I was just throwing out an idea stemming from an earlier post about someone not wanting to share their particular experience and how to navigate around that.
I know for many that sharing their experience(s) is cathartic on some level. But for others it's difficult and downright painful. |
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