''Wow! You look so much thinner in the photos you've sent to me online.''

Well, I thought I was out on a lunch date, and she certainly presented as very butch... until she said she didn't approve of homosexuality.

LMAO AT THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is exactly why I totally like you . Perfect

Dang no wonder that one girl never answered my call that next Sunday many years ago.
Makes sence now !!!!!!!! ;)

Absolutely hysterical!

oh yeah. She had taken me to see a light show and we had gotten a bit stoned. I needed to pee really bad and we had already left the building and it was closing, which was in a park. Ish. sorta. So I said "I'm just going to nip into those low shrubs and take a wiz. can you keep look out for me?" Sure np, she turns around and watches I try not to pee on my foot and I shifted over a couple of times, as ya do, to avoid wet-foot, and I grabbed my knickers and jeans and stood up really fast and the top of my head collided with a tree branch and I knock myself out for a couple seconds, she was just about to grab me when I woke up. Knocked out in the pee dirt with my knickers around my thighs. Super Classy. I then threw up.

she had to take me to the hospital and she sat with me all night.

honeybarbara, that is hilarious!

LOL! Thanks, I needed that laugh.
:)

no worries. I have quite a few of those stories.... you'd never be able to tell I went to finishing school. sheesh.

I love people who can laugh at themselves. it's sexy. making fun of one's self takes being at ease with yourself. It's why people can have the piss ripped out of them by their mates and LAUGH instead of getting offended.
It's pretty UK humour as well. If you can't laugh at yourself for being a twat when you are one... I don't think I'd want a date with that person. It's better, in my books to make a joke about something hard and upsetting so I can let go of it and laugh, instead of getting all mopped up in it and sobbing into my hankie. I love it when people make inappropriate jokes if I'm crying about something.

self deprecating humour lets me laugh at myself... and everyone else :p

Lmao this is too funny
The whole thead is too.

What was your reaction when she said that ?

Years ago I met someone at the local queer bar that I really got along with,I thought it was gret she understood the bf life.We had many things in common,we both were extroverts so it was like magic....tilllll.Yes till I was haveing a summer bbq with several of my friends so she could meet them.Come to find out she was my bestfriends wifes ex,that they had a ten year relationship then broke up with a really bad break up.When they saw each other it was like two cats threatning to kill eachother,she said 'I didnt know u knew her'.Finaly my friend got her wife to calm down,I got her to calm down but I promiss that the sothern summer bbq was a hard sell with people doing there best to pretend nothing had happened.I did contenue to date her for a couple of years but over bith if us found other intrest,me with a new job that took lots of days of my time and she wanted travel.

just being silly.......couldn't resist
 

here hold my teeth while I gum your tummy

The proper statement would be I don't wear underwear :) kidding

"Oh. I thought we were on a date.

Nevermind."

Email after date (no phone call of course, too labor intensive ).

If you want to have another date email me back, if not that's fine, I enjoyed meeting you, have a great life.

I didn't answer, multiple reasons including bad hygiene, manners, and monologue.(

The onslaught of emails became increasingly hostile and ugly continued for weeks.

Autonomy is priceless. (f)

you can dodge bullets while standing still!! :D

I usually accept the email or text "thanks for the date/sex/visit to the emerg" as there are so many people with phone phobias/discomforts. And for thank yous I figure texts are the new tech equiv of a note.

I don't think I've actually ever gotten a phone call "thanks for the ____" since about 2003...

Lmao dang I wish I were able to get a ring side seat for that one .

This thread is like visual crack :) In a good way! :hangloose:

Sex isn't a big deal to me. I would rather have a wonderful meal and a good movie over sex any day of the week.

Oh my back is really giving me problems today. You don't happen to have any pain killers laying around you aren't using do you ?

I'm glad you're driving , because I'm already wasted.

:koolaid:

Omg JAGG, I forgot which thread I was reading, and in my head I'm screaming

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!:overreaction:


Imagine My relief when I realized YOU were NOT saying those terrible things ...

Famous last words...
 

" yes I have back problems, but that has never stopped me from having sex."

Wait for it......

"No, my back hurts, no can't do that either, I'll tense up and the pain will get worse. "

Note to potential suitor, if your back hurts, and you can't /won't be intimate, get a dog.

''I still am living with my partner.''

''Are you going to finish your dinner?'' While you are STILL eating your dinner!

So tell me a little about your friend (insert name) I think she's hot is she single?

I had forgotten this. This date was years ago, I mean years, when I still dated men. A friend fixed me up with her boyfriend’s cousin. We all went to the beach and I guess things were going along okay until the guy starts telling me how great he is at holding his breath. I’m like okay wonderful.

He keeps going on about it. So I offer to watch him (I figure guys like that) or time him (I know little kids love it when you time their exploits, maybe he does too.) I’m struggling cause truthfully I don’t really know what he wants me to do with this information. I’m thinking so you can hold your breath for a long time, it’s not the most useful talent in the world unless you are a free diver or dive for abalone or something.

Apparently the point is to dazzle us with his ability by challenging us to a breath-holding contest and beating us badly. He wants us all to go in the water, dive down around the rocks, grab on and stay down as long as we can. I’m thinking to myself, I hope this guy can really hold his breath a long time or he’s gong to be very disappointed. I love snorkeling and often do a bit of free diving when I’m out because it allows me to go down deeper and get a closer look around and I can seriously hold my breath. I try to tell the guy this, just letting him know that I might have an unfair advantage cause of all the breath holding practice I’ve had. He’s not impressed and isn’t having any of it. He thinks I’m trying to psyche him out or something.

Anyway off we go, I dive down grab a rock and a seat and I don’t come up until I really have to. I have no idea how much I beat him by, although my friend told me later it was a painfully long time. He was so pissed off he didn’t even look at me the rest of what became a rather truncated version of an afternoon at the beach. He just hung out with his cousin until we left. As he’s getting in his car he turns to me and says “Just a word of advice, guys don’t like it when you try to act like you are better than them. You really should act more like a girl.” I so wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I said “And you think acting like a girl would prevent someone from being better than you are? Anyway I don’t have to act like I’m better than you, that’s for sure.” I never saw him again. And that was too soon. Asshole. Thank god I figured out I'm a butch and I love femmes. That worked out ever so much better. Not that straight guys have cornered the market in what not to say on a first date. As this thread aptly illustrates.

'I think I hooked up with one of your friends.'

Personally, I'd be happy having someone tell me that...

But the rest of this thread makes me like not... want... to date... ever.. again... :|

This went in an entirely different direction than I expected. I actually thought the stupid boy was trying to impress you with his mighty breath-holding powers because it had something to do with cunnilingus prowess.

I guess I'm just used to hanging around with lesbians. Silly me.

Cheryl, you are not alone. my mind went there.

i actually thought this was cool LOLOL. you all please don't tell anyone i typed that.

i like to make sandwiches and draw stuff on the bread with the mustard bottle. for a use to be gf, i would draw the first letter of her name on the bread and lick it off. she got a kick out of that. made her giggle LOL.

too funny. thanks for sharing, princessbelle.

Had he won he might have gone there, who knows, but since I could hold my breath longer than he could, it lost the power to impress in any capacity. But I never noticed that my ability to hold my breath for long periods of time actually played that important a role in my cunnilingus prowess. I hope I’m doing it right.

i'm gonna go with its just an ole lesbian saying lol. but now being able to extend can make a better love lover. i hyper extended once, though. but i was a freshman and out of my mind.

That's why you rawk macele!!!!!!

huh. interesting. we did a contest in school with holding breaths, a class of 50, last term. I won. by a chunk of time. And I know I've got skillz. so maybe they *are* related??

I certainly know I've had to hold my breath at points in time for it... :blink:

Chancie: wow. what bell-end. that's spectacular....

"I think I hooked up with your friend"
um. that would probably be me too... but I think I'd keep that to myself to a few more dates in....

Umm, uhh... perhaps someone with first hand knowledge would like to weigh in on this?