I gotta love your attitude ! You go girl! Enjoyed reading your post. Woot ! Woot ! Woot!

Trying it on by one's self is entirely different from wearing one with/for a lover, just a small thing to remind yourself when you're standing in front of a mirror thinking how foolish you find yourself looking (these may have been my first thoughts). Patience and the ability to laugh during sex I find are also very important. Don't be afraid to speak up and say "I/We need to do this to make it better/more enjoyable/etc." Chances are your partner will go right along. Is it sex after all, and who doesn't want to enjoy it? :sunglass:

Yup
 

:D You are exactly right. I will keep that in mind.

Hummm,thinking...no,not for me.But i'll tell y'all what,i like to watch femmes,lesbians,women,men,strap it on and watch 'em pleasure their partners,seeing as i'm so big into voyeurism and all.

Not a crime...hey,i always ask permission to watch!

yeaah right,prove it!! :detective::goodluck:

great topic
 

Hi everyone,
This is a brilliant subject.
If I had to label myself, it would be maybe as a soft butch.
But labelling is not something I care for.
Having been someone who as strapped, and who has been on the receiving end to, I have to say I really enjoy both.
To me its about what the other person likes and how it makes them feel as much as my own needs and desires to.
I would like to think that a person I choose to have a relationship with would be open to new experiences.
Even if it was to try it once.
Having said that, I would never make someone do anything that they absolutely didn't want to do.
I have felt ashamed on occasions for bringing up the subject of me wanting to strap for someone who was more butch than me.
This I found a very uncomfortable feeling, and their negative reaction prompted me to never talk about it ever again with them.
This felt like I had to hide what I really wanted and I felt restricted.
I truly felt by their reaction that I was less of a woman somehow.
That it wasn't my place to ask for what I needed and wanted.
I had my role, and it wasn't to be deviated from.
The consequences of this reaction was that I really feel with future lovers, that its a should I ask for it or not dilemma.
This is something that you shouldn't have to even need to repress.
But yet you feel ashamed to request it because of a negative reaction.
My first gf wasn't even bothered about me strapping, she liked it, and l liked her doing it to.
We should all be able to feel free enough to explore new things with the person we are with.
Its just hard to know what their judgement of you will be if its something that you have never approached before, even if you think you know that person pretty well.
And sometimes its just embarrassing and intimidating to bring the subject up if your not that confident.
And this shouldn't be the case in this day and age, but sadly its still a reality.
For me personally, well I have now come to terms with the fact that I'll be damned if I am not able to say and ask for what I want.
Is just a question of approaching it in a comfortable way so that the other person doesn't feel like they are under pressure to do it, or to think that if they don't its going to be a major issue.
I am interested to know more about this femme cock topic that so many of you are talking about.
Please enlighten me.
Great post btw

I talk about what I like in bed even before the first date if I think I am going to like the person. For me though this is about being Stone. I tell them what that means for me (my boundaries) at the first date if I think things are going to go somewher. I would have no interest in dating somebody who isn't sexually compatible. So, if you decide that strapping is a "need to have" in your sexual relationships, then only date those people. Things get complicated if you don't tell people prior to getting attached.

Hi dapper,
You are way more confident and know who you are than some other people.
Some people like myself would not be so confident to bring this kind of subject up with someone on a first date.
I would never approach that subject until I knew the person, but seeing what you wrote has given a new perspective on things.
Your approach is less complicated, and honest.
Maybe it cuts all the wasted time out, but I have to wonder if by doing this you may lose a potential good friend in the long term.
If you get along with that person and you bring this up, and you said no this is what I like and that's it, you may alienate someone who would become a very cherished important person to you.
This is just my way of thinking, but again dapper, I can see that your point of view makes sense to

Gosh.....where to start..?:blink:

So many points I can think of.

OK, in no particular order. I agree with Dapper in that I think its important to know what each others wants, needs, likes, dislikes, boundaries and deal breakers are in the bedroom..{or over the kitchen table etc etc..}. It would be pretty soul destroying to date/interact for any length of time, grow close to someone and have hopes of being together only to discover that sexually you were incompatible. For me it wouldnt have to be on or before the first date but fairly soon after.

In a personal reflection.....and with respect this is specific to me...as an old school Femme....I am often expecting {and happily so..no martyrdom here} that there is a fair chance the Butch I was drawn to may be stone. And can see a stone Butches need to make this clear from the get go, the same as a stone Femme would/may want to also. I myself would not claim being stone as a label...I am fluid with this. I am stone if my partner requires it, it is of no major importance to me either way. There is a whole wonderful world of pleasure out there to be enjoyed in many many ways is my point here.

For me personally, I have never, nor wish to strap. I am certain it would feel completely alien to me. Equally, for Femmes who enjoy to, I celebrate and support your choice to.

What I think is of real importance is knowing you have the absolute right to feel able to say that something is either very important to you to have in a relationship or that something is unacceptable. Please dont ever let anyone shut you down in stating your personal preferences.

As for thinking you may loose a potential good friend in the process. Wouldn't such straightforward honesty be a firm building block in the beginning of a friendship ? And if you were to be `only friends` after testing the water on a romantic level it should make no difference to that friendship at all what the details of each others sexual tastes are.

Be true to yourself and proud of who you are, whether that be a stone Butch, strapping Femme, a switch or any of the many many other identities we may or may not be at any given time on our journeys, with or without any given partner.

Thank you for reigniting this interesting topic.

Daisy :bouquet:

My mind boggles at the thought ...
 

me wearing a strap-on!

As I read through this thread, a nagging thought kept popping up 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!' I'm glad I didn't because this is a topic being discussed between my partner and I at the moment.

Neither of us have ever had anything to do with them before. I don't know what the concept of 'packing' means or a woman having a 'hard on' is. What I do know is, that since my partner and I started talking about them; my partner is more and more frequently coming up behind me and thrusting into me repeatedly, as if she's already wearing one.lol It really turns my on when she does this too. I'm like 'come on, I'll race ya to the bedroom' ...and off we bolt.lol

We are actually looking at buying one. We have google searched them and are discussing what would best suit our needs and desires. There is a lesbian sex toy shop in Melbourne where we are intending on buying it. I'm thinking of ringing ahead to talk with the owner before we venture there.

I have never been in a sex shop or anything like that in my life before, so it's a bit scary and intimidating to think of going in there. I do want us to see all the different kinds there are and make this purchase together. It's a very personal and important item for us to buy, so I don't want to buy it over the internet.

What's made my mind boggle at this thread, is the thought of me wearing it. We have spent the whole time discussing my partner harnessing it on and penetrating me, not the other way around. I really hope my partner doesn't want me to strap it on because I am not wanting to at all. What's bothering me is that my partner may very well want me to, just so she knows what its like for me.

My partner is butch, dominate and on top. I'm femme, submissive and on the bottom ...and that's how I like it. Even when my partner rolls me on top of her sometimes, she's still in control and continues deeply penetrating me. I sexually touch my partner too, but it's not in the same way. I know I'm going to have to ask my partner this question, but what if she says 'yes'?

Be honest with her. You have a right to set a sexual boundary, just like she, or anyone else does.

You can tell her you are not interested in that. Full stop. End of story.

Or, you can say you don't see yourself interested in it, but you are open to seeing how you feel after you all get it and she wears it. The other thing to remember is that even if you are the one wearing the strap on, she can still be in control.

There is nothing wrong with either of the above responses. It is ok if it is a firm no from the beginning. People should never puts themselves in uncomfortable situations in order to please their partner. Some things just don't "feel right", and that is ok.

Definitely talk to her about it before you buy it. Then you can let go of that anxiety, or any barriers that would impact an otherwise fun time while buying it.

I appreciate you replying to my post in this thread DapperButch
 

Your reply makes all the sense in the world, but then there's me!

The thing is that I have done and will do again ...put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to please my partner. This is no reflection on my partner at all and has to do with the way I am. I really love pleasing her even if I am apprehensive about whatever it is that I'm about to do.

I thought about this dilemma since I posted it. If my partner asks me to wear it, I have decided that I will. I’ll let her know that I feel awkward about it, but that I’m prepared to do this for her. Basically my desire to please my partner is way stronger than the thought of me saying no.

I really hate having to hold the heifer’s heads tight in the cattle crush whilst my partner dehorns them. Their blood gushes out all over my face, my legs feel like jelly and I cry. These days, I get down on my knees, turn my head to the side of the cattle crush and hold the halter tight for dear life …but my eyes still well up. After it’s all finished, my partner gives me a big bear hug, holds me tight and tells me how much she loves me and appreciates what I do for her.

So in the scheme of things, strapping on isn’t really that big of a deal right? Well I sure hope not. I guess I’ll soon find out. I might be going through this for nothing, because my partner might balk at the thought of it …if I’m lucky. I don’t feel so worried now, so I’ll just wait and see after we buy one. If she asks me to strap on for her, I will.

This is an AMAZING thread!

I am totally in awe of femmes who pack and/or strap. I am SO envious of that power you must feel, but I just can't imagine ever doing it, myself..... even if a partner asked me to.

Oh yeah! I thought I was the only one who's strapped on as a femme. It's been a while since I have had the pleasure of using the strap on my Butch as the last 2 people that I dated were tops exclusively.... I am still open to using one if it is pleasurable to my lover.

I don't know, Poss. What I am hearing here is that you are willing to put your partner first, even if it is to your own detriment. That really isn't healthy....for either of you.

It is one thing to say you feel awkward but are still willing to give it a go, but it hearing it side by side with someone that is horrid for you, but is something that MUST be done is really uncomfortable for me.

Sexual acts shouldn't be equated to having to do something that is hard, yet needs to be done.

When your partner says she loves you and thanks you for helping her with the cattle's head it is because it is a necessary evil. I can't imagine that your partner would want you to strap on for her if she knew that your discomfort in doing this is not as bad as it is with the cattle, but that it is a similar process.

Maybe I am off here.....all I can tell you is that reading that you would do something sexual that seems to be quite uncomfortable to you, only to make your partner happy, actually makes me feel a little ill. I am imagining how horrible I would feel if I knew my partner did something she didn't want to do just to please me. It would feel like I am violating her, I think.

I can't imagine any healthy partner wanting you to do that for them.

This is a good thread. :popcorn:

I can't imagine myself strapping. I'm not against the idea, but I'm pretty sure I have no skills...lol.

I have a couple of thoughts.

First of all, boundaries are critical for anyone.

We all may have a hard boundary. Mine is anything anal for myself. I don't have to justify it to my partner or to myself.

It just is.

I do want to say, however, that this is different than my trying something sexual for the first time and any associated discomfort or anxiety I may have if I have not done it before.

I felt scared and anxious the first time that I kissed a woman, the first time that I touched a woman sexually and the first time that I went down on a woman. Actually, the first time I did all those things with my first bio male boyfriend, I felt unsure and anxious, too.

The first time I strapped, I felt awkward and very unsure but I soon let go of those feelings and enjoyed it immensely.

Penetration is a hard boundary for my GF so, that is off the table and I totally respect that.

My point is that a hard boundary is very different from feeling anxious and unsure about our sexual skills in a particular area. No one can tell us what is right or wrong for us but ourselves. It may take us a while to figure out which is which, but if we trust ourselves and our partner; we will come to know what is right for us.

Poss, I'm not all that fond of strapping, mainly because I'm submissive and a bottom and it's super rare I've been someone I know that is dominant, top, and masculine and still wants me strapping.. But you know what? It HAS happened. And it's not nothing like suddenly growing a cock and becoming dominant and it's really awful and I can't deal.

Actually it just turns out it's a plastic toy I am not connected to but am wearing in a submissive way to have my partner use from me to please themselves. They stay exactly who they are. They don't morph, I don't morph, no one changes and a good time is had by all.

It's not the strap on. It has no magic qualities. The same strap on worn by a stunningly sexy Butch bear dominant top, worn by a bottom boi doesn't suddenly make them by magic into a dominant. They stay just as much a bottom as before they strapped it on.

You won't change if you wear it. I personally cant wear the same strap on a lover wears if it's realistic. It puts me off. Kind of squicked me out. So She me bought one that she wanted me to wear. It was dark blue and had grooves, not a head. Then she tied my hands behind my back to help me feel less toppy the first time, and threw me back, and used me like a post while grabbing my boobs and at no time did she become less masculine. There wasn't a single iota of feminine girly squeal that came out of her. It's was all Butch musk. So, no one becomes something they aren't just by strapping on - or by using the strap on the other way round.

I also fist people, but I stay submissive and they stay all boy, all Butch, and in charge.

If you can't imagine that, then perhaps you've just never been exposed to it. I've been in a hella lot of sex parties, fuck clubs, bdsm fetish play nights, etc and I have seen and taken part of even Dominants getting whipped with a flogger by their sub and STILL being in charge. One of my exes used to get me to flog her and she did it as a release for emotional reasons. I was simply there to serve her. She was absolutely in charge of it.

We don't have to fit inside a bog standard box. But if you have never seen it or been told, you might not know.

There is more than one way to be top, dominant, and masculine.

I'm not saying you have to, but if you are worried because the only thing you've read on this site is the whole "connecting with you cock" thing.... Well, that's only ONE way of many that people use them. I have never, ever connected with one. And it doesn't change who I am. But if it's what a top/Dom wants, then by all means, put it on me and make me take it :o !

;)

Sexual boundaries ...how do I know what they are if I haven't been there before?
 

The replies to this thread since my last post are amazing and thought provoking. I have seriously taken on board what you have all written. It's wonderful that we feel so open to honestly discuss this subject matter in here. Social networks sites likes this are almost non-existent anywhere in the world. It's certainly encouraging me to view this topic from different angles.

I do think I've been over thinking this whole issue of being femme and strapping on for my butch partner. Right now if my partner was involved in this discussion, she'd look at me and say "YOU THINK!" lol

The thing is, if I don't sexually explore further than where I've already been before; then how will I ever know if I'd like it or not? How will I know if strapping-on is really a boundary, unless I go that far to find out?

It was me that initially raised the discussion between us about using a strap-on during our love making. We aren't getting any younger and its very rare now that we are able to continue making love all night until the sun comes up; like I'm 51 in a few weeks time and my partners in her mid 50's. I was thinking it would be easier on us both if we used a strap-on and some lubricant. We are in our 18th year together and spicing things up by utilising a sex toy seems like a good way to go about it. I just hadn't thought of strapping it on for my partner until now.

Who knows, we could get to the shop and find out that there are strap-on's for femmes and for butches. We could buy one of each and go on living a sexually active happy, healthy and loving relationship long into our retirement years.

If I keep this thinking up, it might be me asking my partner if I can strap-on for her ...just kidding (I think?).lol Because I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable about going into sex shop for the first time, doesn't mean I shouldn't go in there. So if the situation ever arises that I strap-on and find it very difficult to penetrate my partner; then I'll concede that it's a sexual boundary for me, but not before.

One word.....Excellent!

Yes! This!

I still feel a little strange going into an emporium of sex! I realize it is my own very puritanical, rigid, upbringing that makes me uncomfortable looking at sexual things and implements in a public place.

In my city, there are a couple of very nice sex shops-type places in regular shopping malls!

All around me in the stores, there are younger and older folks going about their business; not paying me a bit of mind and I then begin to relax. Well, I relax until I have to bring a chosen dildo up to the register. That's when I hand it to the girl-friend for the transport and paying!

We are both older than you and your girl-friend!

How do I know anal is a hard boundary for me?

I have tried a few things with partners over the years and accepted that I did not like it and never wanted to do it again.

No one ever forced me to try it. I wanted to see what it was like and did.

Kudos to you Poss for your spirit of exploration and for maintaining an 18-year relationship!

Both are not easy to do.

:moonstars:

for me, personally, it's a no go...lol...i'm just not a strapper. my butch would enjoy it though it wouldn't be her favorite of our activities and wouldn't be very often, but i will always like being strapped not doing the strapping. would i consider it if she asked me? maybe. probably. would i really get into it? i doubt it. it would be too out of character for me. but i'd do my best anyway to make her happy.

do i see any stigma in it one way or another? no. there is no stigma in sex to me. not in any form. what you and yours are happy with is what matters. nothing else.

It’s amazing what can happen in a week ...
 

This little femme Possum here knows thy partner well. Of course, it helps when one consciously looks for and spots the little sign posts along the way. Knowing my darling butch for 30 years wouldn’t have anything to do with it …right! lol

Last Sunday morning after finishing our traditional cooked brekkie, we enjoyed a cuppa together and leisurely chatted about this and that …as we do. Suddenly Poss panics, there’s so much to do and how many more weekends are there left before chrissie? Darling butch with typical calm, cool and collectedness, says two. Poss is anything but cool, calm and collected saying loudly “ONLY 2?” I went into a tail spin about all the things I’ve got to get done in that time. I could see thy butch started looking out towards the distant paddocks …dreaming of a quick exit out of this situation. Out of the blue, I said …”and when are we going to Melbourne to buy our strap-on …like it is a few hours away.”

That got my darling’s attention, as she showed me her empty cup for a refill. We got into a conversation about them again, covering old ground. I could sense my partner was thinking something that she wasn’t saying. I went quiet and then hesitated a bit before I asked her if she would like me to use it on her. Sheepishly she nodded and said she would like me to. I smiled, nodded in return and looked deeply into her eyes as I said ok. I leaned over and gave her a soft loving kiss in support of her feelings and desires.

Basically my partner didn’t know how to approach this with me. For me, the sign post was this thread. I thank you Nat for starting it up and of course for you all contributing to it and assisting me to get where I am now. In the course of a week, I went from thinking no way would I do that, to I really would like to give this a go. I want to experience all manner of pleasures with my partner. We will look to buy 2, maybe even 3 different types of strap-on’s. Our minds are opening up to the many ways we can utilise them for sexual pleasure during love making.:blink:

I am so thankful my partner didn’t bring this up with me before I first had an opportunity to think it through myself. My partner instinctively knows how to give me my space and I know I do the same for her too. This thread was my starting point and I even joked with you all that I might even ask my partner if I could strap-on for her. My partner doesn’t call me her Possy-Pie for nothing.lol

Aww Poss, your post makes my heart happy. I have been going through a bit of a modest phase and sometimes I wonder if I just have shared too much, but if starting a thread like this has helped one bit in bringing about a moment of real sweetness like that moment sounds like - I'm so glad to have played my little part in that. Thank you for sharing it. <3 I don't think the acts are nearly as important as the connection and it sounds like you've got that. It's a good base to try anything. Thanks for the smile. :)

Poss, I love how you write and how you put your heart into words.

Another adventure for you! Remember, it may feel strange and you may fumble at first-don't forget to laugh a little with your love. It breaks the tension and reinforces that very deep bond the two of you have!

You will either love it, like it, or not be crazy about it; but you and your long-term partner embarked on a new adventure! This adventure, you may want to repeat or you may decide it is not for you.

Some adventures are terrific, some may be, some may not! But you are expanding your horizons and it will add to you life that you gave it a whirl!

What more can you ask for out of love and life??!

(((Hugs)))

PS: If you like it, you are still the femme that you always were.

Maybe, with an additional skill....

Strapping is not something I would come up with myself, but if my partner were to ask me to strap (which she would NEVER do, I think), I'd do it, it's not like I am grossed out by the idea of me strapping or anything, but the idea just gives me the giggles, and not in a sexy, kinky kinda way, it just makes wanna laugh at myself, more or less like I would laugh at myself if I was wearing a moustache. :)

big femme thigh slapper
 

As a femme who loves to strap it on, I'd say this thread needs a revival! I can't get enough, fucking someone with a cock is one of the the biggest turn ons for me. Especially when I'm with a tough butch dyke who can give it as well as she takes it ifyouknowwhatI'msaying. :callme: