Worked at the shop yesterday, the following is a conversation I had with a woman who brought a vintage cheese slicer to the counter:

Me: What do you have there?

Her: A cheese cutter! I've been looking forever for one of these!

Me: *with nary a smile. How have you been cutting the cheese?!

Her: With a knife.


Okay, juvenile humor, but this woman was so serious, she was very cute.

Behind the counter, we laughed and laughed.

This probably cracked me up much more than it should have.

she is so sick, I love her. Thanks, needed today :)

Setting the scene...
At Tractor Supply looking for dawg wormer, and finding it in a locked cabinet.

Jim an older gentlemen who works there came walking down the center aisle, close enough to me that I could hear his voice. I seemingly loudly said Jim I need to get in the closet. OMG, that took off. He said it takes long enough to get out of the closet don't get back in it. That was a good laugh for today

Dad telling embarassing stories about my brother!

Parking Notes

OMG....I actually guffawed out loud.

I love the incredibly detailed note and diagram. lol

http://files.mom.me/photos/2015/06/1...1434668244.jpg

Still laughing about my blunder from a couple days ago. The gentleman across the street went down to his fiance's aunt's house (a couple doors down) and I had said "Good Morning" to him when I saw him. He didn't say anything and just grabbed a cigarette from his truck and went down. In a few moments he came walking back and once again said nothing, went in the fence and into the house. All of a sudden the neighbor came down (she owns the house) and I began talking to her as she was walking. She informed me the water broke. I said, "Oh boy. Did they know where to shut the main off?"

Fast forward later in the day...sitting out front recounting story to my sister. She says to me, "Oh was it the house or her?" I think for a moment and the light bulb goes off. I scratch my head and say, "Ya know....I don't know!"

Sister of the woman across the street is walking down the street and I say, "Heyy Cheyenne! I have a question for you." I recount the story and she bursts out laughing and says, "It is her. Her water broke."

Well duh!! Who knew?!? Thinks to myself well so much for finding the main to shut off. LOL!

Now is that butch mentality for ya or what?!?

An adorable little boy with his bright yellow Minnions tshirt on, trying to catch tiny minnows with his bare hands , at the edge of the lake up to his ankles in sandy water, bent over with his butt in the air and his face about 3 inches from the water...fixated on catching "phishies" ...when we got home I told him to go clean up and change clothes because he smelled like dead phishies...to which he responded by smelling his tshirt and saying "no...LIVE phishies!"...

SMH...thank god he didn't bring any phishies home in my car!

The woman that owns this condo I rent sent me an email bill for 15 cents for Heating/AC in May. She wants me to send her the 15 cent cheque by mail to her vacation home in Florida.
I've been trying to compose a fitting reply for 4 days now.

I found this magazine on my client's nightstand today...

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...L1MAhw2-cTuQhQ

I just KNEW it had to be a southern publication...girls down here are all about their gardens...AND their guns!!

:)

My buddy and I running through the rain storm to retrieve the baby goats from the front pasture...laughing as I grabbed them to put their leash on...then all five of us running back to their enclosure, soaking wet, the babies immediately loaded into their dawg house...as I'm dashing back to the house my buddy says "look your hair isn't even wet!"...made me laugh as the water was running off my curls down my face...once inside, trying to peal off wet clothes, naked in the bathroom I realized OH SHIT!! THE DOGS ARE STILL OUT BACK!!

My partner called in a dinner order to our favorite local Vietnamese restaurant. Instead of using the number beside the menu items she tried to pronounce the words (poorly, I might add). Well, it must have frustrated the older Vietnamese lady/chef who took the order because when she went in to pick it up, in broken English the lady said, “Oh, you are the one who called in the order. Don’t talk to me. Only give me the number. You cannot pronounce right.”

Me mentioning to someone that would be some Hollywood Stuff.

Lmao She is right and it is.

A friend sent this to me and it clarifies things so well, I thought I'd pass it on here:

It's a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a $100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the $100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the $100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. She then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the $100 note.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 note back on the counter just as the traveller comes back down the stairs. He picks up his $100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, folks, is how the Greek bailout package works.

Listening to the story of three little mutts raiding the burlap bag of potatoes ...one mutt in his "cone of shame", one short legged, shy but silent troublemaker, and the other usually clueless goofy clown of the bunch... I cracked up so hard when I heard the whole story....now the Three Musketeers are called TaterTots!

No need to waste money on a choreographer or professional dancers
 

I think the girl on the far left took dance lessons from Elaine on "Seinfeld." Lol.

Driving through the campus of a local community college earlier today, I saw a young woman, scantily clad, jogging on the sidewalk. Approaching her were three young men of a rather nerdish variety. I confess I experienced a bit of schadenfreude witnessing their clear discomfort as they tried to figure out where they should be looking. I had a ringside seat because I'd stopped to let pedestrians cross. I'll grant that it was a cheap thrill.

It wasn't today but a few evenings ago, I was in the coma chair with my boy in my lap. I had been kicked back for a while and my legs were asleep. Skip was sleeping soundly. I started bouncing my knees trying to wake my legs up and ummm I woke Skip up. He opened his eyes, squinting sleepily, slowly turned his head and disgustingly looked me in the eye. Giving me that
"Daddy look" LOL like what the hell are you doing, I'm trying to sleep.

I stopped bouncing my knees and he slowly lowered his head and closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

I cracked up at the Daddy look he gave me, cuz I know how often he gets that look from me

dies laughing
 

This did.

http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/c...fb_ref=Default


lol



Apologies for not cleaning up the text; the icons still aren't working for me and neither is hard coding the command directly into the post.

I have a very large, heavy wood splitting axe (aka splitting awl) on the front porch near the door...placed there after my run-in with a huge snake earlier this year on the back porch... now I don't have to look too far for it when needed. ...but it just dawned on me, that maybe it's the reason why the mail lady didn't deliver my package to the door? It couldn't possibly be the little ankle biter dogs?

YALL WATCH THIS
 

While driving on a 2 lane highway in the mountains I met a string of traffic. It took a minute for me to realize what was holding them up....remember this is a highway not a side road.

ARE YALL READY FOR THIS?

At the front of the pack was a guy riding a moped, steering with his right hand. His left hand was holding an electric push mower beside him, pulling it backwards down the highway at 30mph. He had the whole world hung up behind him. Oh geez I laughed soooo hard!

While driving home this evening there was a beautiful sunset! Reds and blues bouncing off the Carolina evening sky. My co-pilot leaned up to take pictures of it out the front window, just as she took the picture [u know the delay a cell phone has] I pushed the windshield wiper button and sprayed the window and the wipers came on.....ROFLMAO!

On my list movies to watch
 

Previews of the movie Hot Pursuit with Reese Witherspoon and OMG,funny as hell,actress Sofia Vergara

I love Sofia :smokejoint:

my daughter...

I was reading her a story about a French couple who accidentally left teir 3 year old daughter at a rest stop while traveling...

She was taken aback and said, "really??? they had te kid for 3 years and THEN forgot her?? I can see doing it in the beginning....."

Yes, she is thus far childless....and will probably stay that way....

http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/local...ness/31684749/




hahahaha!!

As an addendum to this....

My daughter and I left to go downtown the other night and she realized she forgot her cellphone...

She was upset with herself and likened it to being like the French couple forgetting their child....lol She tickles me.... :)

While traveling to work this morning in the middle of the night, I saw a young fox up the road playing on the left. As I got closer he trotted across the road a little ways ahead of me.

Suddenly he realized he was in the spot light(headlights) clearly it startled him. He spun around and went to run into the corn field. He ran head on into a corn stalk, hit it so hard his back end came up off of the ground. I started to laugh but kept watching, as he spun around and just laid down in the grass.

He wasn't a baby but was very young, he was small maybe a yearling. I love watching baby animals play and explore. They are so comical.

HA
 

my niece having her first crush and claiming him like he's a piece of meat on the sales rack!

:shark:..........😏

Just people in general...................

While watching a football game in the livingroom, my roommate was watching a movie in my room . Or I thought she was.

She comes to the living room door holding a little bucket in her 2 hands like a little girl and says "I was gem mining in your bed"

and I go :blink: huh?

Then we both cracked up.

when the game is over I'm going to go see if I can find any gems in my bed. LOL

She had gotten a bucket at a gem mine this weekend and was apparently mining in my bed while watching a movie:fastdraq: