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i worried all day because the doc called me about some blood work he did and wants me in to talk to me about it and do some more tests.. why didnt he just tell me? oh well now i feel kinda selfish to worrie about me all day when its prob somethig like colesteral or lack of iron or something..why do doc's have to be so secretive?
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Humans and their insecurities. I've been observing many of the humans I know...and observing my own inner self... Insecurities are really a large part of our mental make-up.
Some of us have only a few, some of us have many, some of us have large insecurities that impact us greatly, some of us have minor ones that hardly ever surface... [you get my point]... Insecurities come in all shapes and sizes. I am normally a very confident, cocky, independent, stubborn, self-sufficient person... No matter how confident, over the years, I've faced various insecurities that sometimes I'm conscious about and I try to work on/face head on, and sometimes an insecurity is like breathing...it's just a part of living that I don't consciously think about...usually until I feel a very negative impact that makes me self-analyze. Sometimes our insecurities hold us back, for different reasons. Sometimes our insecurities protect us, they become our "guards" and "walls". Most times, our insecurities shape how we interact with other humans and shape how we trust others. For some humans, insecurities can be a benefit. For others, they can be a hindrance. They are part of our make-up... how we are "wired", no matter the kind of..or.. reason for the insecurities. Insecurities can lead to stress and heartache. Or, insecurities can lead to motivation to make a positive change. My observations have amazed me. Do our insecurities shape who we are/become.... or do we as humans shape our insecurities throughout our development? Do our insecurities become crutches... or do they become our coping mechanisms? It depends on the human and their individual make-up. As a personal, private [not to be shared openly] self-analyzation: how does *your* insecurities affect your life and impact your interactions with others? |
On My mind is the Makeover episode on The Biggest Loser tonight ~ seeing how much weight all five of the final contestants have lost and how AMAZING they all looked. Makes Me excited to begin working out so that I can finally lose this weight and look as awesome as they did :D
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Silence.... and being silenced.
Both different things. Both very profound. I can find peace in silence. My definition of silence may be different than *yours*. For instance: I can be surrounded by only the sounds of nature while hiking in a remote place... but even if the birds are being noisy, I feel and hear peaceful silence. I am finding, at my work place, that having a voice and being heard is very important to me. I resent being silenced by individuals that think they are better than I am because they have more credentials that I do. My co-worker backed me up today and made me feel appreciated for my voice and my compassion for advocacy work. The credentials on the wall do not make *you* more important than the next person. Certain forms of silence, many times, has a positive impact on me. Certain forms of being silenced has recently had a positive impact on me, as well. At work, it has made me even more determined not to lose my voice again, even when in a crowd. |
Hym, the road trip Friday and just the two of us spending three nights together! ;)
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Wondering if I will ever find the one for Me, while watching others around Me fall in love :(
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(((((Matthew)))))) So sorry for what you're going through my friend! You WILL find "the one" and you will be happy. Just give it time hon. You're a really great guy and true love WILL find you when you least expect it. Hang in there buddy and lean on your friends...that's what we're here for! :)
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I'm amazed at how easily some people accept information and incorporate it into their lives.
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wonder why people say one thing and do another.
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The weekend... feeling her beside me, time together. I can't wait :cheesy:
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my dad and missing him:stillheart:
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I have realized that the ability to speak freely, and I mean truly freely, is much more important to me than I realized. I need to have someone, or better yet more than one person, to whom I can tell anything. The type of person who will listen to what I say, without judgement, without giving advice, without getting her/his feelings hurt, without interruptions, and without turning and twisting it around. This probably sounds really selfish. But I think lots of people have a best friend, partner, sister, therapist, rabbi, wife, someone that can be this type of person for them.
I feel like I am holding a thousand thoughts in my head and I don't have a safe place to release them. I don't want to expose too much of myself, or hurt someone's feelings, or make anyone angry, or whatever. So the freedom to say anything you want or need to say......is so precious. When I do find a safe outlet for my thoughts and feelings, wow, I need to appreciate that more. |
I was laid off yesterday, so waiting to hear from the unemployment gods. I'm annoyed because it's due to my employers inability to manage money. I am still quite blessed, I still have a place to live, and it is temporary. The last straw aspect of it, becomes clearer. Oh well, there are many that are in much worse spots than I am, mostly I am just frustrated.
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At work today, I shared information one on one (behind closed doors) on a particular topic. I told the truth. I am not in any trouble. Still, I am bummed out because it made me feel dirty.
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That I have 17 days to get all my projects done :)
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My mom :vigil:
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Life in general & maybe getting into school.
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On my mind: How thankful I am to have a job where I can work from home pretty much as often as I want.
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I'm working at home again tomorrow so that I can get my Christmas tree up ;) |
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