On my mind
 

A new smoker/grill.

I recycled all my old grills and smokers so now I get to buy a new rig. So exciting!

:bbq:

I am thinking about.....

Whether or not I want to go out in this cold weather and make my way downtown to the University for a lecture. If it wasn't so cold I would be there in heartbeat!

Making a cup of tea to warm up.

Rewriting my paper.

On my mind
 

I have been thinking about my long time friends. We have loved, respected, and helped each other for so many years. Some as long as 30 something years. There is a real comfort from people knowing and loving me for so many years.

😊

w
 

a strange, but beautiful coincidence...Christ.

Greco

Traditions are on my mind.

I built so many traditions with my daughter and it's been sweet to see how she carries them on now that she's living away at college. She had her first away-from-home snow a few days ago. Our tradition has always been that that's the day you have your first cup of hot chocolate for the season. She texted me video of the snow falling and told me she was running out for her hot chocolate :)

I just had my first snow here so I sent her a video and she replied with a reminder to make sure I go get my hot chocolate.

Message songs
 

*I should finish this chapter*
*I should do my paper work....hate it, really*
*I should go to the gym*

Depression sucks
 

Ok so, I am a very strong woman who needs the person I am with to be stronger than I am.... That is very few and far between.

How do I find that kick ass, incredibly strong Butch????

I mean, they are out there but many are unavailable ( in different ways) How do I find the available, strong, kick ass butches that could actually handle me?

The wedding venue we are going to see tomorrow. We have number crunched and while numbers are a little higher, they are still obtainable, so we are excited.

Just waiting to hear back from the photographer, dj and cake baker with some details. It is going to be a very long two year wait!

I am surprised at the unmitigated gall of some people.

All you can do is shake your head and be happy their actions can’t harm you.

THAT, has been on my mind all day!

Being glad i didnt go to the company holiday party this evening.

On my mind
 

I have to go Thanksgiving shopping tomorrow. Ugh.
I hope that I remember everything.

I find now that I'm older... making a list beforehand helps A L O T :|

Today is national adoption day. As an adoptee its a bittersweet day. So many unanswered questions but am grateful that i was given the chance to go to a great home.

Yep, I have the store advertisement and I am making a list.

Checking it twice?

Trying to figure out how much wine and booze to buy for my relatives. Haha!

:wine:

~
 

chad , check out on food network channel "THE KITCHEN" the past week they have had great drink ideas : holiday inspired.

IF you run out would they tend to bolt?

Thanks ocean, I love that show!

I was just thinking that, I can limit the wine and booze to just appetizers and dinner then they would leave in a timely manner. I will serve coffee with dessert.

:cheesy:

Waist training, where to start and if it's possible to do so affordably

My heart feels very full today. I guess I’m getting into Thanksgiving mode.

Also on my mind are people who may be lonely, unwell, missing a loved one, or just dealing with some of life’s unpleasantries this holiday season. Sending warmth and peace into the universe for those people.

Cleaning this mess up. When I took off my scarf I thought I'd thrown it across the back of my chair. Well one end got there but the other fell in my coffee cup, so there it was acting as a great big wick... :(

Mom's second chemo treatment tomorrow. I hope they can do it and it goes well.

Bowties
 

I "met" a lovely kind butch on a dating site not too long ago. Well, we never met in real time but exchanged a few messages and then I kind of dropped off the site altogether for completely different reasons, but the first thing that caught my eye about that profile, was the bowtie this very handsome butch was wearing in a photo. It was kind of nerdy and hipster and cool and I liked it so much. I think more butches should wear a bowtie now and again. It's quite snappy.

YES, I so agree!

In my younger day I could pull of the bow tie look rather nicely, however now that I'm older, not so much!

November is National Adoption Awareness Month
 

I'm not sure how I wasn't aware of this before today. I'm adopted; mine occurred in 1959 so it's very different than it might be today. My birth mother never saw me, my adoption records are sealed, and the only thing I knew about my birth parents was the demographic information the adoption agency was willing to provide. (As an aside, I was adopted through The Cradle, which still operates in Evanston, Illinois.) My brother was also adopted through this agency three years later.

There seems to be two kind of adopted kids. Those who have to know about their birth parents and those who have no curiosity whatsoever. I was the first type and my brother was the second. I have cousins who are adopted and he was the first type and she was the second.

When my birth mother and I finally connected, the only thing I needed from her was to hear her actually say she never wanted to give me up. I didn't need to be a part of her life. I didn't need to meet my two half sisters or my half brother. I didn't want another mother; my mother was more than enough for me. My mother, who had always been supportive of my wanting to get in contact with my birth mother, did a 180 when it became reality. My mother was so threatened by the idea of me having the ability to replace her, she became irrational about something she had previously supported. I guess we all have our innermost fears which may not be exposed unless they become reality.

And for those of you who know adoptees, our mom is the one who took us home. Our birth mom or biological mom is the one who gave us to our mom. I don't feel a need to identify my mom as the woman who raised me; when I say mom that's who I'm talking about. I would venture to say that that is true for 100% of adoptees.

And for those who believe the platitude "your parents chose you," the truthfulness of that is dependent on the time of the adoption. My parents didn't choose me; the adoption agency chose me for them. Somehow people think that "your parents chose you" makes you more special than those kids who joined a family via biological means. There isn't a competition between the two.

I hold women who are able to recognize that they cannot provide what they want their child to have and who are able to give their child to another person/couple to raise in the highest esteem. I cannot imagine doing that. My birth mother's solution to having given away her child was to believe I was a still birth. She thought the adoption agency went through with having her sign the paperwork so she wouldn't have to know her baby was dead. The social worker at The Cradle said this is actually not unusual. It doesn't stop the birth mother from thinking about you on your birth date, but it does prevent constant wonderings about how you are and what you're doing.

Lastly, I could never understand why people thought my mom and I looked alike. She was a brunette with hazel eyes and a tanned complexion. I'm blond with blue eyes and a fair complexion. We did look alike - our facial expressions were identical. I learned to roll my eyes from her. We looked alike and nothing alike. Proof positive people see past the obvious differences to find the similarities.

response to Femmewench
 

Femmewench,

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Best Wishes,
RockOn

that I need to call an old friend whom I've not communicated with in months ... she shared something deeply personal with me ... I gave her my opinion and that was not to beat herself over the head about it ... and do not take any action yet or if ever - just to be careful because I did not think she would like the consequences if she took action and I knew for a fact it was something terribly out of character for her ... this is a straight femme friend, a good soul, I have known almost 2 decades, not that it matters ... btw, it is recovery related, not that that it matters either

It is about being honest ... I loosely quoted our literature by saying to her "except when to do so would harm others ... " She has admitted it to god, to herself and to another human being (me) ... I think anything more with this particular one would be overkill and bring on significnt undesirable consequences.

This woman has been sober years and years and years ... I have always thought her to be a perfectionist. Sometimes one does not need to be perfect --->>> only employ a little common sense.

I pass.

My spouse going blind from her Macular Degeneration.

~
 

((((((((((((( you & your spouse )))))))))) I am soo sorry , must be hard to watch.:bunchflowers::bunchflowers:

Thank you. Yes it is so sad to see her lose more of her vision every day. The Retina Specialist had originally told us that she would not go totally blind, that she would still see shadows and stuff. But she is losing it fast. The blind association had given her special magnifying glasses and screen for the tv, “bump” dots for the microwave, etc, and that helped some. She is very depressed but refuses to take the antidepressant our doctor offered because she said she takes enough medicine now.:confused::confused: