I'm sad and tired. Our little extended family is smaller by one, again. My boy's boyfriend, David, passed away a week ago. He literally died in my boy's arms. I wasn't there, but my boy said that he and David had just had a lovely day together - they played, watched TV and had a big steak dinner - and everything seemed fine. Then awhile after dinner, David started feeling dizzy and nauseated, and agreed to go to the hospital. They never made it to the car. He was already gone by the time the ambulance arrived.

Now my boy is a basket case. He has gone back to work, but only for half days to do the accounting, and no customer contact. Otherwise he alternates sleeping, crying, and drinking beer while watching TV game shows. His grief is deep - he was still grieving from when we lost Dixon in April, and now his dear boyfriend of 20 years is gone.

I'm just trying to hold us together. I am still grieving for Dixon too, and also now David. My boy is inconsolable. I'm trying to convince him to see a grief counselor or a therapist. There's too much death around here.

sitting down softly beside you, silently, as you sorrow………

Better, and not so overwhelmed. We have a plan now for attending the viewing and memorial service. Our outfits are clean. We have the address. The boy is still crying at the drop of a hat, but that's appropriate behavior for the memorial. We're going to make it through tomorrow just fine.

I am exhausted. Two weeks ago. I was sick for a week with RSV. Last week I worked 40 hours to make up for all the hours I missed. I’m taking the day just to relax. Although I have my granddaughters over here for a pizza party. And I had a couch delivered. And I helped three police save a couple pitbull‘s that were locked in an upstairs bedroom with a litter of pups for two weeks. So…

it's too early ..


coffee

Better.

The heat wouldn't come on this morning. Thermostat wasn't working. Called the Heat Lady and she sent someone out. All I needed were batteries. The service guy also gave the furnace a tune-up and changed the filter.

I felt pretty clueless having not checked the batteries, but at least I don't need a new furnace. There is that.

:bow:

How are you Feeling?
 

Really super tired today although I slept a long time but pain in my back is concentrating on the R. side and is painful when she would massage that area. She asked how my back was and I told her very bad the last couple of days. Tylenol is not even doing much for it. Oh well, life goes on.

I feel …. Subdued into a state of submission by overwhelming tides of humility— feeling so profoundly grateful for the chance to be present and cognizant of all I am fortunate to enjoy in life. Submissive to my life experience. Humbled by it all, for sure.

I am sore from gardening all weekend. I’m still tearing down the gardens, planting bulbs, putting more garlic in the ground, covering the beds, laying the compost out, etc. every muscle in my body is in pain. Glorious, wonderful satisfied pain! There was a time when I could barely move. My healing has taken years, but it’s finally here! I am so enjoying being in this kind of pain instead of the other kind of pain!

Still stressed out this year has been a long one like I said I won’t be able to breathe until I’m in the plane or already in the new school

Numb. Shocked. Angry. Grieving. Sad. Overwhelmed.
I was laid off permanently from the best job I have ever had. And now I have to worry about all the senior citizens I took care of.

I feel like I was punched in the gut…

Temporarily, explicably sad. I say temporarily because the boy is bringing home my antidepressant medication after work. I say explicably because my pharmacy ran out of my meds and I've had to wait 5 days to get them filled. They have worn off and I've been crying for no good reason for 2 days now. At least it's fixable; I hope it doesn't take 2 days for them to kick in once I get them.

Drowning…..

I’ve got some traumatic stuff going on in my life right now which concerns stuff from early young adult years, which has upended my life but has drawn me closer to my youngest brother. I’m stunned and sad for my brother. His right leg was amputated and now he has “Kevin” his unicorn embossed artificial leg…. But on Monday he returns to hospital to have two stents inserted into his heart. He is 2.1 million in debt. He doesn’t care if he loses his business. I suspect I’m going to lose the only member of my family who cares deeply for me. He told me to take the high road, concerning my traumatic experience.

I just feel so stunned.

And, sad.