Listening to my best friend tell several outrageously funny stories today, and both of us laughing so hard that they could hardly finish their story-telling. We cracked up so loud, while sitting in the truck, that I think bystanders were ready to call the cops on us for public intoxication!!

I needed that belly laugh!

My roommate cracked me up....

I made oatmeal cranberry pecan cookies today... When I went to put them in a vacuum sealed container, he said "I don't know about that. Won't that suck the air out'a the cookies?"

:rofl: :rofl: :cookielove: :cookielove:

This "children of the corn" moment with JD:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...s/IMG_8822.jpg

Christas pigs and baby dinosaurs!

vixenagogo

Is that a child's shadow behind me??

You are SO SO SO SO WRONG. WRONNNGGGGG.

You know creepy little kids belong as the same category as emus and holiday sweaters!

My roommate telling his story about how a "bird brain" chicken got the best of him.

Mom to me...did you get her a cast iron pan
Me..no JT said he had it
Mom..did he forget it
Me...How would I know ask him

I'm sitting at the table eating pie

JT comes threw and out into the garage, back inside mouthing to me "I don't know what I did with it"...
Me cracking up...boy you are to young for that

He goes upstairs and looks around, back downstairs looking in the closet. Finally reaching above the cabinets above the fridge finding the hiding cast iron pan.

Me....I thought only Mom hid gifts from herself

My daughter randomly called me yesterday and thanked me for giving her a vagina. She seems to think it helps her play the damsel in distress card...I get that. But it was the most random thing she's ever called me for lol

Okay so, the back story is that my daughter and I have had many late night laughs and hysterics watching videos like this.

So for Christmas I gave her two mannequin heads in hopes that she and friends will go make idiots of themselves in public and videotape it.

My 4 year old nephew got entranced. Watched the video. Then proceeded to borrow a hoodie from me and wear the mannequin head and do dances all around the house.

Seriously doubled over tears pouring out laughing here.

Now my daughter keeps pranking me, sneaking up behind me in her octopus hoodie that I got her for Christmas with the mannequin head stuffed in there and it's a riot.

Period..
Christmas Elf..what is a period?
Oh dear lort, LTB was dumb founded!
TW.... It's the little dot you put at the end of a sentence when you are writing.
Christmas Elf....oh I get it, I get it! I'm going to tell my friends at school what a period is.

This was on FaceTime, LTB was telling her extended family in TN that she is expecting. She was telling them when she had her last period. LOL

Tom'sSociety-(World Tomboy)-YouTube
Asian Butch Femme comedy series

Sometimes I intentionally fuck with song lyrics when other people are listening. Today it was listening to "Benny and the Jets" and I wailed the following to my team:

"She's got ELECTRIC BOOBS
a mohair suit
You know I read it in a magazeee-heeennnnn"

And then I put up my trigger fingers to my chest and made little "pew pew pewwwww" sounds like I was firing on them.

One woman on my team straight up snorted a stream of Diet Mountain Dew across the conference table and THAT was what cracked me up today.

DEW-GEYSER!

I hated 50 shades of gray. This made me laugh out loud.
 

I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and burst out laughing.

Picture this (Sicily, 1942!):

Crazy bedhead twisted up into a wildly-escaping bun that has been thoroughly oiled with argan oil
green sea kelp face mask that is drying and cracking all over my face
black detox mask under my chin
apron that is currently splattered with all manner of black bean soup makings, flour from the bread I just mixed up, and pumpkin from the smoothie I just made
pj pants have been changed to a colorful Nordic motif

I look a MESS but hey, it's a snow day and it's ALLLLLLLL good!

While driving threw my small town today, I saw a cat in a Crepe Myrtle tree. Its was in the fork of the limbs and it's tail was hanging down and sort if swishing. Hanging on to the trunk of the tree was another cat grabbing and slapping at the swishing tail. On the porch was another cat laying there watching the other two cats play.

First I cracked up cuz I saw the one trying to get the others tail. Then I saw the 3rd cat and cracked up again thinking this must be their mom watching the kids and thinking like we do "I wish I had their energy"

I was working through some paperwork today with two women from Dubai. One was translating for the other but was pretty early on in her process of learning English. We all approached it with a fun and positive attitude. So we had some very creative discussions, including some impromptu interpretive dance, to have fun while trying to get the necessary information. We all had fun getting there together. This included a very colorful vocab lesson.

I can't even get into it all. I've laughed so much in the last 24 hours that my abs and face hurt. Let's just say my weekend on the mountain with my friends was epic.

I know I am always posting about my nephews but they definitely crack me up. Jefferson, the 6 yr old, was dancing and started twerking. I laughed so hard I almost passed out!

Coded messages...(adorbs)

I set myself on fire.

Yes, that warrants a crack me up. There is a ledge in front of the fireplace where I sit to put my boots on. THIS time, I had on my big jacket, leaned back and smelled something a little funny. Smoke wafted in my peripheral and oh boy! I ran outside and rolled in the snow!

All is well, and I feel totally stupid.

http://www.coolfunnyquotes.com/image...st-firepla.jpg

My raccoon eyes when I sneezed right after putting on mascara. #femmethings.

I colored two pictures recently: one, that's an adorable depiction of a giraffe couple in love, and another picture depicting and angry Great White Shark with blood red teeth and jaws. I framed them both and the pictures hang on my bedroom wall... but the other night when Juan was here, he complimented my colored drawings. I told him that the shark was born out of our love making, *lol*. The look on his face cracked me up, that night, but whenever I look up at my colored drawings now, I crack up in giggles because of our private conversation about our "baby" and the priceless look on Juan's face after hearing my rationale on how we gave birth to an angry shark (lololol). :blush:

A couple of months ago, I purchased 'Dump Trump' dog waste bags. I use them every day to clean up after my dogs. Last evening, I took one of the dogs on a walk at a park behind the house, she did her business and I went to clean it up when an elderly couple were walking towards us and noticed the waste bag. Their eyes were super big and they both started laughing hysterically. He said, "this has been one of the worst days of my life and thank you for this gift of laughter, albeit momentary."

We engaged in a brief but lovely conversation. They are both retired professors with 4 children, one of whom is a gay man they have loved and supported.

I will remember that moment where the three of us forgot, if only for a moment the gloom of the political events of yesterday.

Here are the bags. :)


https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon....sL._SX425_.jpg

Watching Trump in church made me laugh so hard I had to leave the room (I'm at work)

He so obviously didn't have a damn clue

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Worry Bout Yourself
 

Female Legislators Unveil Male Ejaculation Bill Forbidding The Disposal Of Unused Semen


WASHINGTON, DC (By J. McConkey)—A group of leading female legislators have enacted a new bill that forbids American men from disposing of “unused” sperm, requiring them to bring any recreational semen to a nearby fertility clinic.

According to noted alternative facts specialist, Stephanie Yorke, sperm is intended for “procreation only” and not to be “wasted” on pleasure:

“Any sperm not being used for the purpose of procreation must be immediately donated to a sperm bank,” Yorke warned. “Failure to do so will lead to hefty fines and ultimately, incarceration, under the new ‘Level Playing Field Bill’.”

In response, leading male medical academics have raised concerns that refraining from masturbation would be hazardous to men’s testicular health, increasing their chances of prostate cancer.

Dr. David Ambrose hit out at the bill, claiming it put American men in the very difficult position of having to father and immediately surrender a child, everytime they ejaculate. He claims this will have very negative effects on men’s long-term mental health.

http://www.burrardstreetjournal.com/...culation-bill/

http://fooyoh.com/files/attach/image...14/semen10.gif

While watching texas flip n move, one of the Snow sisters said "the ice box" will go right there. Cracked me up because Ive never heard it called that except by my grandma and she's been gone over 30 years.

Passing notes back and forth with my daughter tonight, rather than speaking. Some notes were words, some were just silly drawings.

Also, getting my old lady cat high on catnip she was begging for. Then seeing her little brother roll around in the leftover catnip and then get in a wrestling match with the other sister cat. They went at it hard and little sister cat, who was not high on catnip, won an indisputable win.

A few moments ago, I cleared all of the texts from my phone, plugged the charger in and set it down a couple of feet away from where I am sitting. About a minute later I hear a distinctly female voice say, "If you just said something, I did not hear what it was!" I was somewhat surprised, seeing as I live alone and the radio/tv are not on. Lol! Then I realised my phone was speaking to me. As it turns out, I had accidently hit Google speak as I was laying the phone down.

A meme on FB my crazy friend posted. It was hilarious. Something about the wife asking if he wanted chicken, lamb or fish for dinner and the husband says chicken. She says "You're eating soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat"!

I wasn't ready for that...lmbo!
( Yes, I'm about as crazy as he is. )

Conversation with a co-worker:

Them: "Remember that diet pill back in the 90's that gave everyone the runs?"

Me: "Oh yeah! They would poop orange grease?"

Them: "YES! Can you believe people still took that even though it did that?"

Me: "Listen we've got a pile of greasy, orange shit in the White House as we speak so yeah, I can believe it."

Them: "But they PAID for that! That pile of shit BOUGHT his!"

Please make that into a cartoon strip, with a blip of the pile of greasy, orange shit sitting behind his desk, and submit it to all the right places. I'm sure there will be at least one to print it!

Watching JD on FaceTime and seeing a remnant of a ring around his wrist from one of the 30 pairs of rubber gloves he wears every day.

My face: :|

"Um, sweetie? Is that a piece of a rubber glove?"

JD: :blush:

Listening to funny stories about an expensive truck wash that resulted in a dirty truck, and other funny stories of the Life and Travels of Blade. (I think he still needs to start a blog about "how does this shit happen")

And reading an article where Pink was quoted calling Trump "our so called leader"....LOVED THAT and love gutzy, strong willed Pink.

My best friend telling me to go get my hair cut. (My wild curls after my shower must have scared them.)