Hearing that the BeyHive went after Carlos Santana and he had to "clarify" his comments.

Too funny.

:bow:

Right? The Beyhive is FIERCE! You don't come for Beyonce without starting a war!

True that—they don't even mess around!

I love it.

:bow:

My goofball friend and his story about almost lost keys and a story about turning left instead of right and how long he traveled before he realized his mistake. Then stories about how the restaurant-made ham sandwich "had that fake ham that didn't taste like nuthin', it tasted like a bread sandwich"...

He had an eventful day and I had to crack up when he called and asked "When I go over this road, do I get in the left or right lane? I don't remember which one runs out??!!" .... :phonegab: :phonegab: I could tell him if I knew which road he was on. :| Goofball

My goofball friend telling his story about Cheez-It farts. Had me rolling in stitches when I said "oh shit" then he corrected me by saying "No! I told you farts!! Cheez-It Farts!!!!"

Wome's March signs
 

My shower has both a handheld and a fixed shower head. I have been showering lately with the fixed shower head because I needed to soak the other one which I finally got around to today.

So in anticipation of the arrival of my new shower filter I went in the bathroom to test the handheld which had been soaking in vinegar...completely forgetting that it was set for the fixed shower head. So I am bent over the tub holding the handheld, and proceed to turn on the cold water. As soon as I turn on the shower a rush of icy cold water
soaked me from my head to mid back, ahem... from the fixed head! Lmao!
I swear I laughed out loud! My neighbors likely think me insane by now. :rofl:

I play words with friends with my mom. Which she never wins so her frustration is amusing. I played a word for 90 points. She sends me a text. "What the hell is mikvoth?" (she very rarely cusses so it was funny)

I heard this new expression this morning on the news they were referring to Carmilla Bowles that she was well navigated in her life style as opposed to being a puttana.lol

Cracked me up
 

I was grocery shopping when a lady walked by me and said "freak" so I looked up at her and she said it again "Greek" she then picked up the Greek yogurt. Haha! That cracked me up.


:superfunny:

Last night my sisters, nephew and I went out to the local watering hole. It's a small town place where I stick out like a sore thumb. However, it's laid back and I always have fun there. A band called Big Easy and the Gators were playing and they were giving out beads with a gator on them and I got some. Later in the evening I walk into the restroom and there's a woman who looks at me and says, "Oh you have beads." Then she proceeds to say that she has never had a lesbian experience and lifts her shirt and shows her breasts. It's a rare occasion when I don't know what to say but this was one. I just handed her my beads and went into a stall. I could hear her telling her friend she just had her first "lesbian experience". I wanted to clarify that flashing your breasts to a butch in the bathroom does not qualify as a "lesbian experience" but she was too drunk and plus I think it made her night.

This didn't necessarily crack me up but it did crack up my sisters. I couldn't find a WTF thread!

It was definitely a :| experience! I am not very good at finding specific threads and stumbled onto this one.

You are too kind!

The greatest restaurant review of all time, as well as cheeky and hell funny!


Le Cinq, Paris: restaurant review

It was supposed to be a joyous trip to one of France’s famous gastro palaces – what could possibly go wrong?

The dining room, deep in the hotel, is a broad space of high ceilings and coving, with thick carpets to muffle the screams. It is decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and fuck you. There’s a little gilt here and there, to remind us that this is a room designed for people for whom guilt is unfamiliar. It shouts money much as football fans shout at the ref. There’s a stool for the lady’s handbag. Well, of course there is.

Other things are the stuff of therapy. The canapé we are instructed to eat first is a transparent ball on a spoon. It looks like a Barbie-sized silicone breast implant, and is a “spherification”, a gel globe using a technique perfected by Ferran Adrià at El Bulli about 20 years ago. This one pops in our mouth to release stale air with a tinge of ginger. My companion winces. “It’s like eating a condom that’s been left lying about in a dusty greengrocer’s,” she says.

We hit it again in an amuse-bouche which doesn’t: a halved and refilled passionfruit, the vicious passionfruit supplemented by a watercress purée that tastes only of the plant’s most bitter tones. My lips purse, like a cat’s arse that’s brushed against nettles.

The cheapest of the starters is gratinated onions “in the Parisian style”. We’re told it has the flavour of French onion soup. It makes us yearn for a bowl of French onion soup. It is mostly black, like nightmares, and sticky, like the floor at a teenager’s party.

http://www.clipartkid.com/images/686...ipart.gif~c200

http://www.paris-restaurants.net/pictures/le-cinq.jpg

My mom
 

We were all having dinner and some how the conversation turned to dating. My 72 year old mother said she had no interest unless it was Steve Harvey. She said he could put his shoes under her bed anytime. My ten year old nephew said ewww never say that again!

A philosophical discussion at work in which someone posited that folks who can't see wouldn't know when to stop wiping.

Thus ensued much conversation (that I will spare all of you from) about how one might know when to stop wiping if you couldn't see.

Folks are creative. I'll say that. :jester:

I have very fond memories of my Grandmother saying the same thing about an Elvis impersonator who came to her nursing home ... good times!

Lol... That's funny. My mom loves Steve. I introduced her by watching Family Feud and Little Big Shots. The other day she told my sister and I that if she had Steve Harvey we could find them in the last room on the left. Which is her bedroom. I don't know if Steve could handle her.

Why eagles are photographed mostly in profile. LOL


http://s1.funon.cc/img/orig/201601/16/569a47070b10b.jpg

I think I am going to try this...lol
 

My attempt at making chocolate pudding with almond milk...

Funny
 

In my front yard I saw a Mockingbird chasing a fox and she meant business nipping at the fox.

:giggle:

Talking to my coworker across the office over Skype about Vegas, boyfriend, life in general. Door beeps open and someone we do not recognize (but has a badge because he swiped in) walks in and waves at her. He is not in business casual clothing like us, has shoulder length brown wavy hair and sandals on. Our whole office has floor to ceiling windows and we are on the fourth floor so the light is shining in on him making it hard for her to see.

I look down at my blinking Skype window and see:

"is that jesus??"

I laughed SO loud!

:byebye:

I tried that too!

No bueno.

I’m just going to put this here because I'm not aware of a thread for “what kind of dumb stuff did you do today.”

I was sitting in a board meeting with handouts of the PowerPoint presentation (a few small slides per page) in front of me. Having trouble reading the chart/slide on the screen, I caught myself using my fingers to zoom in on the slide in the handouts like one would for an image on a phone or iPad. On a piece of paper. Twice.

That's almost as bad as the time I tried to open the elevator doors using the key fob for my car. Either work has fried my brain and I need a vacation, or I really just need to take a break from technology. :)

That is hilarious!!!
Thanks for a much needed laugh.

:superfunny:

today, my three year old grand daughter showed me a horrible scrape on her knee...

I asked her what happened and she said she tumbled down the steps.

when I asked her how that happened, she didnt even blink when she said "sissy pushed me"

Sissy, is three MONTHS old....lol..

and so it begins...(chuckling)

Left with no commentary


http://b3ta.com/blog/wp-content/uplo...onaldtrump.gif

My mom. We were talking about the 70ish year old neighbor lady that I mow for. My mom said, "I think she is a retired lesbian."

Apparently, I have retired early.

Blade trying his best to teach me to play cards, and how goofy things get. Everybody should have friends like him that make them laugh so much.

Coworker, in response to my "alrighty" reply to her on Skype moments ago: "You and your 'alrighty' - it makes me think of Bruce Almighty!"

Little does she know I LOVE that movie :giggle:

Yesterday, it was someone's pronunciation of the acronym QIFM (which was a new one to me). She had a very strong Southern accent, so I'll let you guess what it sounded like. :simplelaugh: My coworker and I immediately looked at one another other as soon as it was said and had to bite our tongues to keep from cracking up in front of our visitor.

My field of work tends to be rather acronym happy, and I'll just say that some of those acronyms would be better left as initialisms.

Watching a FB Live video with my roommate of his son and granddaughter trying to get a snake out of their kitchen cabinets, my roomie laughing and saying things like "I see you're barefooted...haven't learned anything in 40 years!"