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-   Breakups, Lessons Learned, Healing (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=131)
-   -   Infidelity (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1084)

SuperFemme 03-25-2010 01:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 73146)

It's funny you ladies both spoke up. From a guys pov, I really thought this was about a guy cheating. I think in society you see more of men cheating than women. And if women stray...it goes un-noticed or isn't focused upon.
Monica Lewinsky?
Princess Di? (they certainly focused on her more than Camilla Parker)
Recently Leanne Rhymes....

Gemme 03-25-2010 01:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by apocalipstic (Post 73159)
Pondering which is cuter, in case I ever am single again. :unicorn:
Pigs and dolphins have sex for pleasure. Wolves do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

*grin*

SuperFemme 03-25-2010 01:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by little man (Post 73151)
and maybe penguins?
Penguins are monogamous for only one mating season.

Andrew, Jr. 03-25-2010 01:49 PM

Tonya,

You are so right! I forgot about those gals. :ballerina: :farmer:

little man 03-25-2010 02:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperFemme (Post 73167)
Penguins are monogamous for only one mating season.
obviously, i do not watch enough animal planet. although, i have to wonder if they're not onto something there. that would certainly broaden the gene pool, wouldn't it? (which has nothing to do with the topic at hand...sorry for the diversion)

The_Lady_Snow 03-25-2010 02:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'mOneToo (Post 73110)
Maybe I can rephrase or add to my comment and say, it requires a *specific* type of negotiation and openness. For all involved parties to be agreeable, it's negotiation x (however many) and some say, "the more the merrier" and other say, "sheesh I can't even keep up with one." It goes without saying for me, that without openness and communication, it's gonna fail. But when I fail, it's because I look the other way when I know goddamned well what's going on. That's my biggest failure. It's not consensual, it's not discussed, and it ends up festering. And what's my part in that? It's a weakness because I just let it beat me down until I give up. Instead of it being a love that lifts me up, it's a drain that saps my energy. Then I become less willing to lift the other in love, because I'm feeling cheated. It's a vicious circle.
*I* still do not feel like poly has or is a *specific* way of living, it's not like they have different rules, or guidelines.. What happens with good poly is what should happen in ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL relationship spectrums...


HONESTY


I mean really should we not be expecting that each time we start any relationship regardless of what it is??

I do....

SuperFemme 03-25-2010 02:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by little man (Post 73179)
obviously, i do not watch enough animal planet. although, i have to wonder if they're not onto something there. that would certainly broaden the gene pool, wouldn't it? (which has nothing to do with the topic at hand...sorry for the diversion)
How hard is it to me monogamous when all your potential mates look EXACTLY THE SAME.

http://uashome.alaska.edu/%7Edfgriff...e/penguins.gif

The_Lady_Snow 03-25-2010 02:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 73146)

It's funny you ladies both spoke up. From a guys pov, I really thought this was about a guy cheating. I think in society you see more of men cheating than women. And if women stray...it goes un-noticed or isn't focused upon.

I call bullshit Andrew..

If a woman cheats, she is cast as

WHORE

HOME WRECKER

SLUT

LILITH


Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. (Post 73154)

It is all about talking or communication. That is key in all relationships. :dance2:
I agree with this 1005

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperFemme (Post 73163)
Monica Lewinsky?

Right? Naughty bad Monica who led poor poor Clinton, mind you no one made him get his dick sucked, no one made him fuck her with a cigar, and no one forced him to cheat on his wife..
Princess Di? (they certainly focused on her more than Camilla Parker)

Di, well Charles was sticking his dick in Camilla, she was supposed to sit back and watch like a good little girl right? Cause that is what good Queens do, sit back and watch the guy do whatever..
Now she decides fuck it and gets her nookie wet, all hell breaks out, her crown taken, and I still say killed...

Recently Leanne Rhymes....

Here we go again, the bad bad vixen strayed the poor guy who is married with kids, she turned into a serpent struck him with her venomous ways and he had no choice...

Poor victim cheaters...

Makes me wanna vomit a bit...

Fuck this excuse for cheating, this whole new I am addicted to sex, it's just an excuse for a new reality show with Dr Drew..

I'mOneToo 03-25-2010 02:29 PM
I'm not disagreeing with you, maybe I'm not communicating it well. Because for me openness and communication are equivalent to honesty. What I tried to say is that in a poly situation, it is multiplied. that is the specificity (sp?) that I am referring to. Some people struggle with the keeping up with life, keeping up with people, just keeping up in general... not saying that a relationship should be allowed some slack, like "oh this is just my relationship, i can coast here". if you coast, that is when it slips away from you... ALL relationships can. sorry i'm not doing very well. when i write a post like the first one i did in here, it took an hour because i have to re-read the shit out of it so if it makes sense... writing this way without editing, it's like extemporaneous speaking for some. i will be smarter if i quit while i'm ahead!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow (Post 73185)
*I* still do not feel like poly has or is a *specific* way of living, it's not like they have different rules, or guidelines.. What happens with good poly is what should happen in ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL relationship spectrums...


HONESTY


I mean really should we not be expecting that each time we start any relationship regardless of what it is??

I do....

SuperFemme 03-25-2010 02:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperFemme (Post 73055)
The male reporter on Showbiz Tonight (CNN) was commenting about the "TWE" (Tiger Woods Effect) happening to Sandra Bullock. Meaning that more women are coming out of the woodwork to say the had couch time with Jesse James. Male Reporter said they all had txt's and email's to prove it.

THEN he said....(wait for it)..."It's a tough time to be a guy"!

Seriously? I think it's a tough time to be a moron, but that is not exclusive to males and puts the cheater in the victim stance rather than the other way around.

Of course, immediately following the segment a Viagra commercial came on.

So to answer the OP: No, I don't think fidelity has gone out of style. The world wouldn't be so hungry for the dirty deets if it had.

Not getting caught may be going out of style due to technology. But let's face it, we all know in our guts when something is off. Denial of that is usually what leads to a person being slapped upside the head with the info.
I quote myself to show, once again how men are portrayed when they cheat. "It's a tough time to be a guy". Puh-lease.

Gemme 03-25-2010 02:31 PM
It's in the heart....song, that is.....
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperFemme (Post 73186)
How hard is it to me monogamous when all your potential mates look EXACTLY THE SAME.

http://uashome.alaska.edu/%7Edfgriff...e/penguins.gif
.............

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbuXk7hAwQw&feature=related"]YouTube- Happy Feet Gloria (long)[/nomedia]

The_Lady_Snow 03-25-2010 02:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'mOneToo (Post 73194)
I'm not disagreeing with you, maybe I'm not communicating it well. Because for me openness and communication are equivalent to honesty. What I tried to say is that in a poly situation, it is multiplied. that is the specificity (sp?) that I am referring to. Some people struggle with the keeping up with life, keeping up with people, just keeping up in general... not saying that a relationship should be allowed some slack, like "oh this is just my relationship, i can coast here". if you coast, that is when it slips away from you... ALL relationships can. sorry i'm not doing very well. when i write a post like the first one i did in here, it took an hour because i have to re-read the shit out of it so if it makes sense... writing this way without editing, it's like extemporaneous speaking for some. i will be smarter if i quit while i'm ahead!

How is it mulitplied??

I mean yes there are more than one person, but the same rules apply...
I am still not understanding how poly is different than any other, what I see here is for *you* poly has to much to keep up with, what I experience is no different you are open, honest, you communicate etc just like I do with say..

Superfemme my expectations with her or say Day are no different, I expect and have been clear about how it's gonna roll, and that is the same way as I described above..

So if we can handle all kinds of relationships with these kinds of expectations, why not the same with monogamy? or poly amory?

See what I am sayin?

SuperFemme 03-25-2010 02:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow (Post 73201)
How is it mulitplied??

I mean yes there are more than one person, but the same rules apply...
I am still not understanding how poly is different than any other, what I see here is for *you* poly has to much to keep up with, what I experience is no different you are open, honest, you communicate etc just like I do with say..

Superfemme my expectations with her or say Day are no different, I expect and have been clear about how it's gonna roll, and that is the same way as I described above..

So if we can handle all kinds of relationships with these kinds of expectations, why not the same with monogamy? or poly amory?

See what I am sayin?
Amen Ms. :drool:

I'mOneToo 03-25-2010 02:47 PM
yes the same rules apply. but if a casual acquaintance of mine or even a close friend isn't truthful with me, the impact isn't as high as if it was someone who is in a sexual relationship with me. if a person i'm having a sexual relationship isn't honest with me (or all of us, if there's a poly situation) it impacts everyone and can have negative consequences that would not apply if it was someone i wasn't fucking. so it's not that the expectation of honesty is higher, but the consequences can be greater when honesty doesn't exist.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow (Post 73201)
How is it mulitplied??

I mean yes there are more than one person, but the same rules apply...
I am still not understanding how poly is different than any other, what I see here is for *you* poly has to much to keep up with, what I experience is no different you are open, honest, you communicate etc just like I do with say..

Superfemme my expectations with her or say Day are no different, I expect and have been clear about how it's gonna roll, and that is the same way as I described above..

So if we can handle all kinds of relationships with these kinds of expectations, why not the same with monogamy? or poly amory?

See what I am sayin?

Soft*Silver 03-25-2010 02:49 PM
whether it is monogomy, poly, vanilla or leather, they all fall under the umbrella of relationships and all relationships need huge amounts of communication for them to properly work and not become dysfunctional.

When i am in gear to consider a relationship with someone, I teasingly bring up and joke about my "contract"...as we talk, if something pops up in our conversation that is distinct enough for me to know it matters and will matter even more if we keep going, I lay claim to putting it in the "contract".Now, there has not been an actual drafted contract, but you can ask anyone i have dated if I didnt do this. It gives them at least a visual that we arent sliding on past some important things.

communication...I agree with Lady Snow...is important in any kind of relationship....they are all as simple and as complex as you need make them..

Soft*Silver 03-25-2010 02:50 PM
the same? Didnt you notice his flipper was wider than the other guy's?


Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperFemme (Post 73186)
How hard is it to me monogamous when all your potential mates look EXACTLY THE SAME.

http://uashome.alaska.edu/%7Edfgriff...e/penguins.gif

Apocalipstic 03-25-2010 03:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'mOneToo (Post 73208)
yes the same rules apply. but if a casual acquaintance of mine or even a close friend isn't truthful with me, the impact isn't as high as if it was someone who is in a sexual relationship with me. if a person i'm having a sexual relationship isn't honest with me (or all of us, if there's a poly situation) it impacts everyone and can have negative consequences that would not apply if it was someone i wasn't fucking. so it's not that the expectation of honesty is higher, but the consequences can be greater when honesty doesn't exist.

For me it is worse to be betrayed and lied to by a very close friend.

SuperFemme 03-25-2010 03:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by apocalipstic (Post 73224)
For me it is worse to be betrayed and lied to by a very close friend.
Me too. Love is love is love. Sex is fucking.

I'mOneToo 03-25-2010 03:16 PM
there's no kind of betrayal that ever seems acceptable. and consequences vary so greatly that i'm just going to leave this topic alone myself, because i don't function well in piecemeal discussions. this is a whole smorgasbord of stuff in what started as one little topic, now it's a debate about polyamory and that's a great biggo meal by itself. i had some thoughts about the original topic, though it may be unworthy of discussion now, lol. nah, i'll just stuff that cuz i need a nap.

Quote:
Originally Posted by apocalipstic (Post 73224)
For me it is worse to be betrayed and lied to by a very close friend.

Apocalipstic 03-25-2010 03:18 PM
I think it all boils down to be honest and respectful in all our dealings!

Honest and Respect

Simple!

Have a great nap! :)


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