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I told my friend about this thread and she said "real women have curves" while I wanted to jump up and say "Hell Yea!"....... I thought about my other grandma who is stick stick rail thin..... That woman raised me and she most certainly was/is a "real" woman... Why does it seem in order to lift oneself up, it comes at the expense of another? :deepthoughts: Peace and Love |
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Real women have curves And straight lines Slight bends Hills And mountains And valleys And plains And plateaus. |
I want to tell you a story. I met someone I came to fall love with on line. We were on the phone 24/7 for 6 months while I lived in Colorado with my family. We talked about everything—and I mean everything to get to know each other.
I had never grown to love anyone or be so enamored with a woman until I met her. Trust me when I tell you I was completely carried away by her southern charm, her voice, her eloquence, and presence. I loved everything about her—that certain southern sexiness being from Atlanta; her views on life, and her intelligence. I loved the way she thought and most of all, how she responded to me as a transman. She was absolutely the kind of woman I could ever hope to be in love with. And I grew to love her, sight unseen except for a few pictures she sent. As time went on, I wanted her to the point of marriage and for her to be the one to kiss me goodbye for the last time—as my life partner. Our relationship was based on trust— no stone was unturned about our lives, families and our experiences even as far back as childhood. We laughed and cried and shared over and over. Many times we talked about our health being in our 50s—our weight, exercise and diets. When she sent her pictures she was heavy set and she told me they were out of date and that she was on a diet because she was determined to lose weight. I gave her kudos and encouraged her to keep going. She said she was 40 pounds within her goal, and to me, that was nothing. She had planned to come to Denver to meet me, and it always failed because of something on her end or mine—logistically is just never happened. Meantime I had sent her my art and she told me that I needed to be in Atlanta, and that she, herself, being in the corporate world had never seen designs as inventive or of the same level or caliber. She had opened the door for me in thinking of Atlanta as a career move instead of Denver. Naturally, being crazy about her, I came to Atlanta. Since we had never met in person beforehand, we made a pact and promised each other that if for some reason, we didn’t hit it off or it didn’t work, we would be great friends because we liked each other and had so much in common. So what did I have to lose? I landed in Atlanta and she picked me up at the airport. I was excited, nervous and I couldn’t wait to meet her. When she pulled up and got out of the car, she looked as though she more like 140 pounds within her goal not 40; she was obese and much heavier than her pictures. I won’t lie to you, I was floored. I had on sunglasses and she asked me to take them off because she “knew” I would be blown away and she wanted to see my expression. I took them off, kissed her, hugged her and didn’t flinch once. What blew me away the most was that she wasn’t anywhere near the person she sounded like. But I handled it and this is how: First, I fell in love with her, not her weight. I fell in love with an incredible woman filled with poise, intelligence, grace and an unspeakable presence that draws you to her. As I collected myself more and more throughout that day, I felt that weight could be dealt with and that it really was secondary in the scheme of falling in love and wanting to marry her. At the same time, I also felt I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming to Atlanta to be with her because she had misrepresented herself. I struggled with my feelings because I felt split down the middle. But I believe in honoring what I say and I was determined to give things a chance and eventually decide between the two of us if things wee going to work out. We had made a promise that if it didn’t work out we would remain friends. Besides, being with her, her weight never once overshadowed her demeanor or the qualities that had attracted me to her. But then came clincher: We lived apart when I came to Atlanta and so we would spend 4-day weekends at my apartment. The sixth weekend arrived and she left to help her daughter who was in major drama and crisis. She never returned — not once and without so much as valid explanation. In emails that followed she said we wouldn’t be a good fit and gave other reasons that never warranted her leaving or the fact that she didn’t want to be friends. When I read them to my friends and family they couldn’t believe it. I was livid and hurt and on a rollercoaster of feelings that ran the full gamut. I was willing to see it through and she walked out on me. Forget the weight. She completed destroyed the image I had of her as a woman of integrity. Talk about stunned? She left me in a strange town, no car, no bearings or direction, no help and no real explanation. Remember, I’m a trauma survivor which she knew about. So the shock of leaving me almost sent me over the edge; she could have killed me. The poetry in my thread, The Dancer of Atlanta, are about her with the exception of Rio Rio and Rocket 88. So you talk about big girl love? She was a big girl who was loved and never even knew how much. |
i find myself so tired when someone gets all self-congratulatory about dating someone they never thought they'd be *attracted* to (read: fat). i always want to ask, 'and what.' exactly, suspiciously missing the question mark--because i don't really think all that much of anyone breaking their arm, patting themselves on the back--and lord knows, i don't want details.
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apretty..are you the chief-cencorer here?..What I stated, was my own opinion I am entitled to like anyone else here. No offense against anybody and certainly not personally meant.
Obviously you've got a big problem with your self-esteem or otherwise you wouldn't attack everybody who has a different opinion or respectively own preference projecting these to yourself negatively. There is absolutely no need. |
Moderation and Report.
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This thread is for "Big Girl Love". If you do not have love for big girls, then you need to take yourselves to another thread. If you come into a thread designed for positivity and you make comments about someone's size in a negative fashion, you are being insensitive. Period. Also, kat6071, your post was reported. There is no need for you to make a personal attack on apretty and make guesstimates about her self-esteem or how she is projecting herself. Please do not continue to engage using personal attacks, if you have a point to make with someone, your point needs to stand on its own without getting personal. Again, this is a size-positive thread. Keep it that way. Thanks. Admin |
It's odd how self-image works. When I was maybe 10 to 20 lbs over my "ideal" weight, I considered myself to be so unattractive. I hated pictures of myself and was always saying things about how fat I was. Unfortunately, my husband agreed, and he never missed a chance to remind me that I would be so attractive--if I lost weight. At the same time, I was generally depressed and really had no clue that life wasn't supposed to be so grey. I pretty much agreed that I was too heavy, which also equated to being lazy, out of control, and out of touch with myself. Well. That last one was true, except my weight had nothing to do with it.
Now, life is much better. Since I came out, about seven years ago, my new "normal" is damn happy. I'm also a lot heavier. At 5'1", I'm close to 200 lbs. I can't say that I don't struggle with self-acceptance--I do. But, I used to obsess constantly about losing weight. These days, I don't really think about it much. Sometimes, it can't be escaped. For example, I can feel utterly sexy and attractive, and then one hour with my family will have me feeling, well, the opposite. Issues, much? Sure, and so what. My health is OK, although I've been told that I'm prediabetic, which does scare me. The thing is, I think feeling uncomfortable at times with my weight is not the same thing as hating myself and feeling worthless and unattractive. I don't hate anymore. If a doctor suggests that losing weight will help my health, then I'll take that into consideration without falling into blame and shame. In the main, I feel like a beautiful, expansive, sexy woman. The truth is that *I* am bigger, more expanded, and sexy, as a PERSON. So, this body of mine usually fits perfectly. |
HOLY CRIKEY!!!
:thud::thud::thud: WHAT PART of "big girl LOVE" of this thread title don't people understand?! SHIT! I just nearly had a friggin' heart attack reading some postings here. My goodness! Ya'll get your shit together, please!? (Pleading as a decent human being - not in any moderator sense... Mmm-K?) Where the heck is the sensitivity? (And LOVE, SHEEEEESH!!!!!!!) FOR REALZZZZ!!! WILDCAT :koolaid: |
my hoard of sexy succulent shopping sites
tired of Fashion Bug? how about the over expensive-under fashionable Nordstrom/Macys and CJBanks? well heaven forbid we should be limited Avenue or Lame Bryant (no that's not a typo) ever again. blech blech blech. i like the basics at times...you know...Target, Maurice's, Old Navy On Line. but what about some funky/trendy/crazy/elegant/drop dead sexy/goth/punk/rockabilly/couture/boutique-y kick ass clothes? ***WARNING*** drool alert! drool alert! not only are the clothes pretty cool on some of these sites but the lingerie is to DIE over! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hips & Curves (gather a pile of soft cushy pillows near the computer girls....your lovers are going to fall over when they see this site!) Plus Size Plum (purrrrrrrr) Lingerie Diva Fredericks of Hollywood Plus Monif C Hippy Chix Plus Fashion Overdose (currently requires shoppers to use IE rather than Firefox or Linux but they're updating fast!) S W A K Alight (one of my faves...check out the sales...if you're patient you'll never have to pay full price!) Shop Style (they carry Sweet Pea tops!) eVogue B and Lu DOTs (they carry sizes from 0 to 24) Silhouettes (not my favorite but i get a few neutral/basic things here sometimes. i think they're trying to transition out of the "OLD" feeling their line has...but they dont seem to be in any hurry.) Rocawear One Stop Plus Chic Star (my fave for goth and rockabilly and vintage styles..often better than Torrid for selection) Baby Phat Size Appeal Missphit Kiyonna Igigi (expensive but the sales can be good at times) Torrid So What If? Old Navy Plus (my standby....great for the basics and the sales are out of this world...i recommend checking out the MEN'S cargo shorts every time b'cuz they're really cute on girls AND the MEN'S jeans give you that "i'm wearing my boyfriend's jeans and they slide down on my hips in a sexy way" vs. the OMG these low rider jeans are too much look! cool thing about Old Navy is that the plus size pants often come in "just below the waist" rises making them attractive but not overly revealing. plus sizes are available ON LINE ONLY) PS Fix Fat Chance Belly Dance (this one makes the list for a very personal reason. not only is it a great site good for some exotic looking pieces BUT belly dancing is the sexiest and most amazing thing! great work out....lots of history behind traditional belly dancing that shows the curvier you were the better the dance looked AND there are classes everywhere! i teach one called "Belly Dancing for Fat Chicks" and i cant tell you how amazing it is to watch women who have been taught to hate themselves based on something as nonsensical as size COME TO LIFE AND FEEL SEXY!!!!) anyone want to add more? :hippie: |
Ulla Popken sometimes has cute stuff....it is pricey, so I look at the sales mostly.
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She's stunning, Jackhammer. And I'm jealous.
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...*leering*
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I really enjoy reading this thread and I enjoyed posting until I saw many posts picked apart in a negative way. I think if someone has a serious problem with a post, take it to PM. I adore, admire and love big girls. Couldn't and wouldn't live without them in this life. Watching them show off their beauty makes me smile for many reasons. Anyhow, the reason for this post...I will continue to read and watch this thread flourish with positivity but the likeliness of me posting here again won't happen. I hate when someone comes along and tries really hard to put words in my mouth for me. I want nothing but the best for this site and I promised myself I wouldn't jump on others without privately asking them questions if I didn't get their post. I can see if this was in the Red Zone, but it's not. I want to be able to enjoy myself and others that post without worry. If I offend someone and I'm wrong, I'll be the first to apologize otherwise, you'll never hear those words from me.
Oh and for those that don't personally know me, I consider myself to be chunky, about 40-50 pounds overweight for my height. I'm good with who I am and it doesn't matter what others think. I hope all of you are good with who you are, no matter what others think or say. Enjoy the thread ladies and gents, I'll kick back and keep reading. |
Youre more than entitled to your opinions. But why dont you state them in the appropriate thread? Just sayin.
People are getting offended in here and righteously so. The INTENT of this thread was to honor our "Big" "Fluffy" "Chubby" "Succulent" "Thick" "Rubenesque" "Fat" (Get my point yet???) sisters. Of which I am one. Is it so phuking unimaginable to have thread for us bigger girls where we are honored for who we are, and not picked apart?? Dont you think that we get enough crap every single day that we walk this planet because we dont fit into societys definitition of whats beautiful?? And if that to you is an "agenda", well, then my big fat self has a HUGE one as well. And if this comes off as my being annoyed, then fait acompli. Jewel Quote:
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*Bump* Cuz I kinda like this thread :):sparklyheart:
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yes agreed gotta love this thread :)
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