That was not meant as a backhanded compliment at all. I would not do that. I'm sorry it sounded that way.

Edited to add: I meant everything I said, I do think these are attractive qualities! Maybe it's weird to people but I don't see the traits of the negative stereotype as a bad thing. The best experiences I've ever had were with people who layed there and relaxed and didn't get very handsy.

Why do you want a femme to be so passive? What are you afraid of?

Almost sounds like necrophilla...

I am sure you don't want a lover to be "lying around, not being at all active" for real?

The "lazier and passive-er" the better!?

Edited to add: this is not my understanding of a stone femme or a pillow princess at all. I have been schooled and educated in these forums and have so appreciated the knowledge I have gained.

I don't recall anyone saying before that they did zero activity and just laid down, not to actively participate in whatever way was right for them.

I look very nonthreatening in person. If a butch wanted to be scared of me for no logical reason, then I would probably laugh and scare them on purpose. I would not lay still and sexy time would definitely be over.

*sigh* My turn to be offended now. I'm not afraid of people, I just don't like nonpassive partners. Do I need to through all the justifications and disclaimers again about how I don't like being touched, how it's overwhelming and uncomfortable when others are too active, and give five notarized affidavits of the times I tried to "stop being afraid" and found out it wasn't about fear it was about physical discomfort when I placed myself in such situations?

Going back on topic, there are people out there who are very passive in bed, and there's nothing wrong with them. I'm not the only person who thinks it's beautiful and desirable and ideal to be very languid.

Yes I mean it, I'm sure, I've heard all the comparisons to necrophilia and the insinuations that being how I am makes me a Bad Person before, so I'm leaving this thread alone after this.

So you'd be totally ok with violating another person's boundaries in a way that intentionally provokes anxiey, because of how you look. That sounds like bullying behavior.

You're the one who said it feels 'nonthreatening' when a femme is passive and still. That indicates to me that you're scared. And, maybe you should work out what it is you're afraid of but that would be disturbing to me. Not sexy at all.

Anyway, you're new and your name is 'Aisha's revenge' which makes me wonder about your intentions here.

I would never violate anyone. I would leave.

Your understanding is correct.

I'm okay with passive, although that's incorrect for me personally. It's the part where you called a whole group 'lazy'. Pillow princesses aren't lazy. That is offensive.

I see you're new here so I'll let you in on something. Blanket statements as a general rule are offensive. so it's best to be as specific about the things you have strong opinions about.

I get where you are coming from. Stones have a hard road sometimes, and you may certainly have come across some women that are fine with being called passive and lazy, but I can venture to say that most of us here aren't okay with it.

No one is saying you can't have boundaries. Boundaries are healthy. It's not an issue for me that you don't want anyone too 'handsy' as you said. We all have 'no go' zones on our bodies for a thousand different reasons. Just please try not to generalize a whole group of women; especially when so many princesses have been fighting the very stereotypes that you have played in to and called us.

I didn't jump on the necrophilia train and I think that condition was brought up prematurely in the discussion. I don't want to stomp all over you and your personal boundaries. I do want to make you understand that you just offended a whole division of our community and that is going to piss some people off.

You're missing the point. I'm not sure if you are Stone or not, but that could explain why you see things the way you do. AW, while doing it clumsily, was expressing their relief that pillow princesses don't violate their personal boundaries. They just chose a seriously poor way to communicate that appreciation.

Stone butches and femmes have historically had a difficult time with partners, especially if they try to partner with a non-Stone.

Wrath, not revenge.

This is certainly healthy and I hope that all of us would be sensitive to violating another's boundaries.

Oops you're right it's wrath not revenge. It still would be offensive to Muslim person. It seems like an unnecessary jab.

No, I'm not stone. I can understand taking it slow because I'm pretty shy myself. But if I can't move around without scaring my partner, then I'd rather not bother trying to have sex.

Wow...I was enjoying the thread then the nonsense earlier and now this...

Why so judgmental? Why is everyone so quick to pounce on one word or phrase and pick pick pick when someone's choice is exactly that...their choice...

I don't care what anyone likes...you like them so lazy they're practically catatonic? That is your choice and what you like and when you find someone that likes it too, y'all will have a great time...

Personally, I'm a pillow princess with a switch follow up...:D I'm 1000% bottom but I'm not leaving my butch undone...regardless...I think it's cause I'm a Virgo and I've got this unusual sense of justice...coughs...fair is fair...

Luckily, my butch is perfect for me cause, seriously, if she handed me a strap I'd be like...Oh, you need me to hold this for a minute for you?

That's the point, really...find what you like and find someone that likes the same...Get someone that fits and fuck yourselves crazy...

I've got a thing for control, hands and voices, and I've got a daddi with big hands and a voice like river stones dragged over sandpaper and that is what turns my crank the most...

Don't think I don't appreciate a pillow princess myself, though...god knows there's nothing like listening to the whimpering and begging and the cussing and knowing that you caused all of it...Knowing she's gonna be hoarse and fucked out and you're the sole reason she's trying to buck you off the same time she's scrambling to get you and your mouth closer.

Damn...now I got myself itchy...my daddi needs to get the hell back here...her supper can wait! lmao

I am a stone butch and I always think of my partner as being actively receptive. That is a huge turn on for me. We respect one another's boundaries (which complement one another) and the energy exchange is very hot.

I'm not jumping on anyone. This person said they prefer lazy/passive femmes because they're 'nonthreatening.' I responded by saying that their preference sounds very unsexy *to me*. They stated a preference and I responded with my thoughts. If people don't want their preferences judged, then they probably shouldn't post them in a public forum.

I actually could be totally submissive with the right person, but not with someone who's afraid of me. That just sounds lame in *my opinion.*

I personally would like to be with a feminine woman who is a little more active. Not that I don't like the women I'm typically with, who seem to just hold on and make all the right noises...or only move around when I ask them to. I like that, too. A lot actually. But, it'd be nice to, every now and then, experience a woman who does use her hands/mouth with a little more "gusto". Show me how much you want it, cause I'm narcissistic like that when it comes to sex. (Being honest here, not cocky.) But, I'm not saying try to top me, cause then we'd just be two naked people rasslin' on a bed and that'd just look silly.

(Disclaimer: no offense to people who participate in naked wrestling matches on beds.)

It's frustrating because I'm a quiet person, so I tend to attract timid people, but I don't like that in a partner. Despite being quiet I have a strong personality and I need to be with someone who is also strong or it's not going to work. I would slowly end up bossing them around and never having sex with them...lol. Then eventually I would sorry be for mistreating them and we'd end up being just friends. All I meant to say was that if someone is scared just because I'm moving around, then it definitely would not work for me.

I was just kidding before about laughing at them. I wouldn't laugh, but it would be awkward, not sexy.

I didn't even think about a Muslim connection. I know a handful of Aishas (with no Muslim connection), so I originally thought of a jilted lover scenario for the screen name.

It has nothing to do with 'taking things slow'. Being Stone can be similar to knowing a secret language that most don't. If you're not Stone, it's likely that you don't 'hear' what's being said.

A lot....not all but a lot....of Stone butches don't like to be touched in certain ways and areas, especially in the chest and genital region. A lot.....not all but a lot....of lesbians and femmes that are not Stone or a pillow princess expect a 'you do me, I do you' kind of mirroring game that involves touching in the chest and genital region. (Most) Stones don't play that game, although some might play a variation of it.

What you are hearing is not what's being said. What's being said is not what you're hearing.




This cracked me up.

You're right, I definitely do not know what goes on between a stone butch and stone femme, because I've never been with a stone. However, I wasn't responding to that unless you're saying that stone femmes have to be still or the stone butch will get freaked out. I don't think that's true, because other stone butches in this thread said otherwise. When I talked about 'taking it slow,' it's not that I didn't hear or understand that Aisha is a stone, it's that I don't care. I wasn't talking about them and their preference, I was talking about my preference.


I'm not sure what you mean by mirroring or playing a game. I kind of resent that comment. Lesbian sex is as real to lesbians as your sex is to you.

Of course I respect boundaries and would never want to touch someone in a way that bothered them, but at the same time, I'm eventually going to lose interest if all I do is lay there and get done. I don't see a future in that for me. Yes, I know stone's think differently, but there's more than one perspective in this thread.

By non-threatening people mean, someone isn't trying to penetrate you when you don't want it, or trying to convince you to be penetrated and that all lesbians need like like fingers in their bits.

I've been with stone lovers who *get* femmes trying to do that to them all the bloody time. It can feel threatening.

I can be incredibly languid if it's wanted. I have had partners who loved to fuck me while I was asleep (and I love that. I gave preconsent for it) and role payed kidnapping where I've been chloroformed and can't make a peep or move (waaaaaayyyyyy harder than it sounds) and it's very hot. I love bondage and being immobilized so I can't struggle, turns me way on.

So, there are peppers to everyone's salt. And just cause something doesn't suit you or gives you the oogies doesn't mean there aren't people out there who will like it. I like being used by my partner, sexually, to be super blunt. That's what turns me hella on the absolute most. And however they'd like to use me, usually turns my crank. I'm all about them reaching their bonna so if that's by me being trussed up like a turkey and immobile or by being "made" to come 14 times whether I "like it or not" (consensual non-consent... but I just can't seem to stop coming for them, please stop making me cum, please, please etc), or by being the naked beer girl durning a game that sucks them off every time their team scores... Whatever. I'm that.

So I really am a fuck dolly. Most of that is a pillow princess in that I'm am actively and submissively receiving something into an orifice somewhere. They get to tell me how that happens.

Sorry for being so blunt/graphic but I feel things get misunderstood when it's all polite and vague and I'm not really one for mystery anyway. Whether I'm pretending to be unconscious or I'm actively jerking them off with my boobs because they told me do be waiting naked on the floor just inside the door when they get in, it doesn't matter to me.

I personally get on with stones and non-stones alike because of this being my sexuality.

Happy to be an utterly lazy, pet femme shag princess or an active submissive working hard at getting her boss off the way she is told to.

It suits stones and non-stones alike, so long as they like being the boss of it.

So can we cut the stuff about how somethings are naff if they don't suit someone else?