I have to agree that a positive mind and outlook is the key to making things happen, with you in control. After my a huge upset in my now defunct relationship, I beat myself up pretty badly and allowed myself to be cloaked in negativity and black thoughts - I blamed myself for allowing things to happen. I eventually took advice and saw someone who has helped me redefine the circumstances, and shake off the self-doubt and to identify the type of personality I was drawn to. I'm aware now that I tended to 'save' people, to meet my own needs, but this was only ever going to be destructive. I like who I have become, and I'm positive about my ability and what I can bring to a relationship and friendship. Life is good, and I'm good to myself. It's not easy at first, but to think positively leads you in a whole new direction and to new openings.

“You are Braver than you Believe, Smarter than you Seem, and Stronger than you Think.”
Winnie the Pooh -

I need to listen to this advice also; thanks for posting it Strappieeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

Wow do I EVER know how you feel there bro; I was in that place even just a few months ago. Its taken me, literally, years of trying to get over being bullied during high school and being put down by my father to get to a place where I know I am worthy of being loved as opposed to believing I could never be loved. I still have a long way to go, but I know now that I am closer than ever before to having the exact same mindset ~ staying positive is having good effects, so I keep plugging forward and its worth it in the long run!

I just wanted to quote this part of your post Bleu because its very true; if we want good things to happen in our lives we have to remain positive no matter how difficult it seems.

This is just a wonderful overall post pam, and extra points for the quote cuz I love Winnie the Pooh :D

For a lack of a better way to put this, i think we are all "fucked up" in our own way; we all have baggage that we carry and alot of the time we think it makes us unloveable or undesireable. That's of course not the case at all, but I've noticed that often it is engraved into our minds by others around us (friends, family etc) that because of our past or said baggage we will never find someone to love us but that's not true.

I'm glad this thread is here :)

I agree with this. I have learned that it is how we handle or let our baggage control us that makes the difference.

I am glad that by me posting this thread about something I honestly felt that it has been helping others, I do belive that we all have some form of fuck upness and baggage, but when the time is right there will be a person come along and I truly belive everything will just fall into place, The past few days have been really hard on me, dealing with a lot of personal bs but my friends here at the planet have really kept me going with positive thoughts, thanks everyone for being you and thank you to everyone responding to this thread, it really does help

Exactly, I agree with you 100% :)

I can see how this thread is helping alot of people, and it certainly has helped me as I've said before so thank you for creating this CB *hugs*

Thank you all very much again I cant say it enough, all of your words and thoughts have really helped, life kind if took a rough turn and I had a very bad day when I wrote this. They also had me on a medicine for my health called prednisone and its also known to mess with someone's mind. I now realize that it was silly to think that I or anyone is too screwed up to love. I know I just like everyone else with baggage is not unloveable. I've had bad stuff happen but who hadnt there are people a lot worse than me. Yes I am sick and who knows what the future holds but I know that no matter what I can and am capable of loving and being loved, lately I have come across a few beautiful women but they just like me have baggage and one in particular accused me of being depressed just so didn't have to talk to me she created and made up stuff because of her own issues, but I just keep being friends with anyone and I myself know that no matter how crazy or screwed up someone is I won't give up on them. Thanks again to everyone who read and responded and I am always around just send me a pm if you nerd a friend

So I revisit my thread and I think I have finally had a breakthru in my own personal crap! Im not too screwed up, I just needed to clear my mind refocus and things are getting better! Im starting something new and its very unfamiliar to me , scary but in a good way, I just hope I don't mess it up but with a positive attitude I think things will be ok, and at the end if the day I have the best love anyone could want that of a child that love comes with no conditions and nothing better than kissing my little one goodnight!

So a lot can change in a week, I have decided to just focus on me and my little one! She loves me for me, and as for everything else it will fall into place when it's supposed to!

O my I sure know all about this , i have issues that i cant do anything about right now ,It makes it hard for others to want to be be with me or/and sometimes be even my friend ....I have started to work on my stuff and I do hope within a few months i will be on the right track ....just never give up !I refuse to think and or let others hold me down any more ....i had a pretty messed up childhood as well and yes it can be hard to get past that and not let it seep into ever day life but ...sometimes ya got to just tale a really deep breathe close your eyes and le it all go ...have a good cry ...it cleanses the soul .Then Take one day at a time ....Thats what im doing ..

I used to be. But I have learned a whole different me exists. Thank God!

Well, I am an ugly femme so you might not appreciate my opinion but...

Noone has ever so much as wanted to flirt with me in a bar or buy me a drink so...

I would take anything I can get, but that seems to be nothing and nobody. So it's not a matter of being screwed up, it's all about your standards etc...Like if you're superficial of course you're not going to find true love.

Really wheneever I see stuff like from guys or butch lesbians about oh am I ever going to find someone the only thing I can think of is, this person would reject MY love in 5 seconds so... Can't take it seriously.

On Bad Days...
 

Sometimes I know the feeling. I've had a couple serious realtionships go sour, and it seems to always leave me wondering what's wrong with me. It's only years later when I'm looking back, remembering the new terms I learned, like "emotional abuse," and "sexual discrepency," where I can have some peace and know that I'm not unlovable, it just wasn't the relationship for me. Like I'll look at my ex from 10 years ago, and she's a character and really funny with her goofy temper and all the off-the-wall stuff she says, but I can't believe I ever beat myself up over her opinions.
She cray.

Hi, 4everlonelyfemme.

I was thinking about your post. I wanted to tell you, for what it's worth, that I've always noticed that people's level of attractiveness (based on whatever cultural standard you hold), seems to have no correlation at all to whether or not they're in a relationship, or in a good relationship, for that matter.

I look around at the people I know in couples, and some are movie-star gorgeous; others, more unique looking. I think it has more to do with their personalities, their access to a community, dumb luck, etc.

Just thought I would share that with you.

Scout

So when you see other couples together you feel like strangling them right? Lol. Don't be so selfish and spoiled, and blame them! It's not their fault if you don't get your way while looking in your " delusional ugly mirror." You really are not ugly you know. And do not settle for whatever you can get either!
When I was an 18 year old butch, and young like you, I was delusional too, thinking the opposite of ugly. I thought I was such a good-looking, white-knight, (but in reality, I was really conceited and co-dependent, who thought I knew everything.) So , when I met a damsel in distress like you, I tried to help her. (and deep down, we both felt unworthy, but tried to save each other anyway) so she'd love me forever and not be lonely anymore. And because of our co-dependency needs, we trauma bonded, and complained about the world together, and became crazy together and dysfunctionally in/compatible together. and on and on it went... Like that song by Eminem, Love The Way You Lie.- quote "you're the same as me."

Your thoughts create your reality. So take a hard look at them. Being young and easily influenced by the media and your peers is going to be difficult to deal with if you don't develope a strong inner core.

I was a mess at your age. Now at 56 I know for a fact that I'm beautiful, funny, smart, quirky, loving, impossibly onery, cuter than hell, and irresistable. (except when i'm on my pity pot to my great embarrassment)

I am FEMME. Make no mistake, I love myself first because that's where love lives. (keep in mind this is a daily challange) Inside us. Love is not found outside of your self. (learned the hard way) Become the love you are looking for. Knowing love means you will recognize it when you come across it in others. (That's my belief)

Focus on giving to others, not receiving. :rrose: