You need your own TV show.

Priceless.

lol and I bet the culprit filed out first.

I have a double standard when it comes to farting. We live in a small NYC apartment, and farts linger. I ask BB to stand outside the apartment door if she has to fart, preferable outside the door of the Kluger's, the neighbors I don't care for who live adjacent to our apartment. BB grumbled about me being too neurotic but would open the door part way and gas towards the hall. Unfortunately, then when she'd close the door, half of it seemed to come right back in, propelled with vigor by the closing door! When I pushed the issue, I was accused of being anal and BB yelled that she'd be damned if she was going to go out in the hall, especially in only her underwear at night, just to do a fart ("What if someone happens to get off the elevator?! You're crazy!". Like the crafty femme that I am, I knew to let the issue go a bit and then approached her with the offer that after a total of five farts were done sufficiently outside our apartment, she would receive a present. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She perked up, and we had a deal. I ordered some crap from her Amazon wish list and like a child on Christmas, after her fifth fart outside the apartment, she eagerly tore into her present. If only this is where it ended. Our one bathroom is directly to the side of our bedroom. In other words, the two small rooms are connected by a door. While BB was sitting on the toilet I heard the tiniest of farts and said admonishingly in a low tone, "B...B..." (drawing out the "B"s). BB said, "What?! I am on the toilet! Who are you?! The fart police?!" Sadly, while I am controlling about her farts, I think I can be slick. I try to keep them quiet and use tricks such as quickly pulling up the blankets, off-handedly mentioning that one of the cats just used the litter box, or letting just a bit out at a time (when possible). Even sadder, I am told now and then by BB that I am certainly not fooling her. She just isn't as controlling when it comes to a partner expelling gas in the home, though one time she let out a primitive cry, like "Whoooo!" when I released a particularly foul one. :blush:

I can't breathe.... lol

Sharing is caring. We won't judge you!! :)

Geez, I really need to go to bed but this thread is cracking me up! I can't stop:giggle:

Me too. I keep looking at the clock.

BWWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHHAHAHHA!!!!


Have you ever tried holding one cheek of your butt up when you do it? It totally keeps it from making that clapping noise!!

Your ass claps?? I must be doing it wrong LMAO

Anal applause!

See now, I think you might have sumthin there. For women that are attention whores and cannot poop in front of partner or in public bathrooms, just think, everytime they poop, they get applause and adulation LMAO

:rofl:

My mother did this the other day. Lol next time I'm gonna tell her it was a lovely applause.

There is something wrong with you! :fart:

Too funny

I do that like, allllll the time, and thank goodness BB's mind just doesn't conceive that such weird, contrived things like this go on in the world, so she just sits reading her Kindle beside me in bed, oblivious, as I pull up the covers, roll onto my side, slowly put my hand on my hip like a model, lift an ass cheek and gracefully expel a thick yet silent stream of steaming hot gas beneath the covers. And most embarrassingly, I am sometimes so proud of my feat that I can't resist sticking my head under the covers to get a whiff of what I just pulled off! All I can say is I sure am lucky that BB spends all her time in the BFP arcade and wouldn't roost on a thread like this in a million years!

AHHAHAHAHAH!!!

I have TOTALLY done the hand on the hip trick too!!!

Like, "Look how sexy I am!"......ssssssssttt!

Bodily functions are universal!!

And it's even better when people admit that it's FUNNY!

I am 35 years old and I laugh every.single.time. I hear someone fart.

Oh yes I do!! Friends teased me in the past, until they really thought about it - then they wanted to borrow my spray! :winky:

Also - my bathroom is right between the 2 bedrooms, but it's the spare room - my office - that stinks after someone is done in my bathroom, so I dont just light incense in the bathroom, I like one in the office as well. I take care of that shit (pun intended)!

I think you all should have a phone tree - then when one of you needs to visit the head, you can call someone on the phone tree and she can call your SO and keep them occupied while you are ... well, occupied! lol