we are legally married
no prenup here.
I never understood the purpose.
... I protect myself via my will and my deed, I made sure j gets everything and likewise.

i knew the score going in, sure, she might change...and so might I...

i trust her, bottom line

Love this...and it's true..if you believe the person you are loving has good bones..then trust you're going to be ok go all in or go home :) (so to speak)

I think it's a good idea. It's not a statement on someone's feelings or intentions (which is what I thought when I was once a young bride), it's a safeguard for the rough times. I wouldn't get married without one.

If either of us had substantial assets of any kind, or we were doing something businessy together, there would definitely be a pre-nup. The best, most caring person in the world can turn into a petty bitch when things go bad - even if it's just for a little while. Human nature is far from a settled, obvious thing. Trust them; love them; but be smart enough that if the end should happen to come, it's as smooth and simple as possible - there's already likely to be drama and pain already, you sure don't need more over who gets the antique chifferobe and Minx the cat.

I had another discussion with my folks, they said if I get married that I better get a pre nup.

I found out my sister's new husband signed one before they got married, it upset him but he signed it.

I think they are a good thing to have just in case problems arise and things go really sour, so yeah I plan on having a pre nup written out whenever time comes.

pre-nups..I think if you are rich enough or are worrying about your riches and your judgement it's probably a good idea..it's foolish to enter a marriage when you're not sure what you are getting into, better live together and figure it out..it's basically insurance and I don't have a problem with people who want or need it..just not something I would be happy with.

Exactly. And my question was if one would get a pre nup if they had substantial money to lose. Money you had coming into the marriage. If one doesn't have any assets than it is easy to say, no pre nup. I don't have much, but I spent 20 years skipping vacations and holding onto a car for 17 years in order to put money away for retirement. I would, and have, told partners who have had more than me, that a pre nup is the way for them to go...whether they married me, or someone else. I would hate to see them, or anyone get "cleaned out", which happens.

It doesn't me that you don't love your partner or expect to be with them forever. You can't foresee the future and people break up for all sorts of reasons.

I have a different point of view.

At one time, I would have said, "No way". If you love someone you trust them.

I have seen both sides now- hey, isn't that a lyric from a song? Joni Mitchell maybe?

Anyway: some cautionary tales. People that you would not expect in a million years to become mercenary, money-grabbers, can totally surprise you; after the love dies or family, even with a will.

My recent ex dealt with it twice. The first time after a 20-year break-up and a domestic partnership. Her ex fought for a bigger piece of the pie and my ex had to get and pay for an attorney. Never did she expect this.

Then she had to deal with one of her sisters getting an attorney saying my ex did not divide all money equally. Ex had an attorney handle the will issues and a CPA handled the money, including a forensic accounting! It is probably still going on and the taxi meter still runs for the attorney she had to hire.

My long-term ex had her brother named the executor of her parents will. They had big bucks. He took her to court repeatedly trying to get the terms of the will changed, up to and including stating the parents were not in their right mind when they wrote the will! It went on for years and still may be, for all I know.

I don't have a lot but I want to make sure my daughters get their share. If I am fortunate enough to find love again-yes I would do a pre-nup and I would be happy to sign one for the new love.

Getting married or a domestic partnership is a business arrangement. Two hearts come together as one, but also two financial situations come together as one.

I was much more naive when I was younger but I have seen much and am personally a little more cautious than I used to be.

I still think that everyone should be good, fair and just but I know now that not everyone is.

Anya..
 

Anya, I agree. Sometimes when you leave a relationship the other person is not fair or nice and can be greedy. In my personal experience at the end of two long established relationships I did walk away from property, bank accounts, houses etc and felt totally fine about it because quibbling about it was less important then my freedom. Having grown older I understand the need for security but I guess I am not built that way exactly..it's not to say I don't appreciate comfort and security, I do. In a relationship you take care of each other and should provide for each other as much as possible and if you are both accumulating wealth together, each should realize their responsibility in being fair and/or providing for the security of their partner if they should perish..re..gardless of custom..it's just the right thing to do..but if you don't have confidence your partner will do the right thing in every circumstance then a pre nup might be the answer...but it wouldn't be mine.

My thoughts....
 

I was just here, the other day, reading alternate points of view, mostly because I already have personal baggage around the social right of Marriage; but more out of concern for prenuptial legal instrument development and implementation.

That said, and of course not every state in our country develops and implements or will uphold legal agreements, especially if political upheaval up ends time held rulings concerning prenuptial instruments, but I view prenuptial instruments as a way to protect your spouse in the event of untimely death or any other life altering circumstances.

For example, I wondered if an prenuptial instrument could be used to enforce any legal action taken by creditors or certain parties who believe that they're entitled to an share of the deceased member's estate.

In my mind, breakups and/or untimely circumstances of death equal troubling issues to deal with, during a what most likely is already a very painful situation.

This is an important consideration, especially because legal marriage equality didn't magically erase bigotry. My personal experience losing my partner and then my girlfriend, the former to an accident and the latter to illness, made me aware of just how petty and vicious people can become. A sudden death of a loved one can bring out the worst in people. Lot's of different kinds of people. You would never know that a friend/sibling/parent could react this way until they do. When people die, with or without a will, people with previously hidden bigotry around the validity of our relationships can and will seek redress in court. Nothing prevents a person from getting a lawyer and making a play for the assets of the deceased. Nothing prevents a bigoted judge from ruling from their viewpoint, either. A prenup is one more way to ensure that everyone's wishes will be respected at every stage of our relationship/life/death. My personal experience with the suddenly hostile family of my suddenly deceased partner was edifying in that regard.

I was also just having this discussion with a friend about prenups protecting heritable assets. She said she didn't own anything, but when I mentioned that she had elder parents who own a home she sat up and took notice. Her boyfriend who she may end up marrying is in the same position. Yes, they should get a prenup!

I own great tools, a car and some motorcycles. They aren't quite valuable enough for most people to get excited about, but the tiny house I bought in a slum so dangerous that it had national notoriety at the time is now a valuable NYC property. I still don't even have a will! I think about it and then I get depressed that I don't have a proper beneficiary. Everything else seems more important the minute I come up against that moment of sadness around losing my partner, and she died nearly fourteen years ago. I just can't seem to make myself buckle down to it.

Don't be like me.

Absolutely I'd consider one.

Deborah

No, we didn't sign one.If something happens she knows it is all hers,i want nothing from her end.There's something about me that really doesn't give a damn about material stuff.She can have the house,the vehicles ect.I would move out and start new some place else.

Knowing what I know now, I will. I went into marriage thinking that it was forever. I did not expect that it would end with the infidelity of my ex after 15 years. I also did not expect the level of dishonesty, manipulation, frankly money-grubbing that ensued. I have a learned a great deal, and would rather have this conversation, as awkward as it may be, when a future relationship starts to get serious, to protect both of us from the unexpected.

It really is shocking when it happens and made me doubt myself so much (19-years) that I could be so blind and trusting.

I just have to accept I was in my 20's and just not burned often enough to become less trusting.

Totally vulnerable is not smart but wearing emotional armor isn't either.

A pre-nup is business and when you unite legally, there is love (better be) but one has to protect their assets (no matter how small) and whatever you want left for your children (if any).

The legal fight, if there is one, is costly and emotionally damaging.

My recent ex spent a fortune fighting her ex domestic partner just so she could "win" because she was so pissed her partner of 20-years (no infidelity) wanted out. The partner took less to just to end it.

That should have been a clue for me but it took me a couple of years to figure out the other side of the equation.

Still works for me.:goodluck:

I've changed my mind on the subject of a prenup. Years ago I would have said that I don't want to enter a relationship that involved a prenup but that was when I was younger and didn't have much in the way of assets. It was also before a domestic partnership and subsequent break-up. Despite having an amicable split, I did spend time thinking about how hard I worked to obtain my assets and that there wasn't a 50/50 input financially so why would there be a 50/50 split when the relationship ended? Today I feel a prenup is necessary. I'd make some assurances that my partner-to-be would walk away with more than she had before the marriage, but not some guarantee to half my assets.

I think that it is pretty common that the people who don't have much in the way of assets say no to pre-nups while those people who have spent years of sacrifice putting away money for retirement are more open/prefer to have a pre-nup. I am in the second group.

With that said, I can VERY MUCH see myself making sure my ex-partner was "ok" financially when the relationship ended. I am well aware that the majority of Americans do not prepare for retirement, even when they are able to. They will unnecessarily buy a 50 inch TV or a new car, before they will put money into their 401k/403b. It is just the way people operate in this country.

I just bought my second TV. You heard that right. Second TV. I am 47 years old. I only bought one a new one so that I can watch Amazon and Netflix on my television, instead of my computer. My TV wasn't even HD. My microwave is literally 25 years old as of this past August. :| If it ain't broke...

I put money away so that I can retire on time. I don't want to lose that ability because a marriage I am in ended. Why in the world should I risk that?

I still stick with my original statement, I will do a pre nup, but it wont be me the one who will be making the decision to sign it, my partner will, IF and that's a huge IF I ever get married.