I love those ideas and you are so right about taking the pressure off the ideal of a date...its just 2 simple folk coming together to solve a problem...and what a way to get to know someone.

As for the issue with the "why are you dating a guy?" I find that simply saying..." well, sometimes love isnt about the gender, but about the person." Tends to leave them in deep thought pondering different aspects of love and the GLTB life, not to mention their own deep seeded secrets of their "sexuality" just a thought.

this is one of the reasons I'm turned off about dating. the minute you go out with someone, they get dissed if you date other people. If I did date, i'd make it clear that it was casual with no serious intentions and that we are free to date other people. I don't like the feel of ball and chains.

the question I posed was about someone who was dating someone else....interesting enough, Gemme assumed they were in a relationship. And Jet addressed it as if they werent. I love it! This was exactly what I expected! Dating someone doesnt automatically mean they are in a relationship. And it doesnt give anyone sole "rights" to the other person.When I date, I simply date. Like Jet says, I dont want to feel the "ball and chains". I am up front when I date more than one person at a time. Dating is DATING..not committment. But once I reach the level of intimacy, all other dating stops and I date only that one person I am intimate with. I am ok with someone dating other people while they date me...as long as, like Gemme says, the other person is aware he is dating both of us. I would NOT date someone, no matter how attractive or appealing they are, if they were intimate with someone else. Just not ok in my book.

Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

Ask him, if he is interested in her.

Softness asks: Next question: you are interested in someone online but see through the threads that another femme is hot on his trail. But you cant tell if he is interested in her. What do you do?

Or, tell him that you are interested in him...or flirt with him so that he knows that you are interested in him.

I respect your point of view. But I'd keep on dating regardless of intimacy because I'm not in a committed relationship. If who I'm dating doesn't like that idea, then she doesn't have to continue dating me. I'd respect that. For me, intimacy doesn't constitute any kind of steady dating or commitment. Jus' sayin'.

But honestly, I doubt whether I would want to be intimate anyway. heh.

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ5aNftth5I&feature=related"]YouTube- Joe Cocker - You Can Leave Your Hat On[/nomedia]

well, Dapper, that would be ok as far as the guy goes, but we femmes have to consider other femmes too. Is it appropriate to flirt with someone that someone else is publicly wooing him to woo her? Even if you go to him privately, when it comes out later that you inquired, doesnt it make the femme look like she is a pirate of love? How does a femme not end up looking like a snooker hooker?

I just have to jump in here. I agree with softness that this is all so much more difficult on the internet - trying to establish where many of the butches 'are' in regard to availability, level of interest, and so on. For me, I live in a virtual drought of the butch-femme dynamic so this medium is vital to me. Mostly, I like being in the mix of intelligent people who are bright, insightful, and often strongly opinionated. I thrive on these kinds of things. I just never know where or how how to go about saying, "Hey, I am interested in you" and not feel like an intruder. I respect privacy and certainly am wary of sharing too much too soon. But I ask...how do you tactfully, respectfully inquire about getting to know someone on a more personal level than all the frivolous stuff I seem to think I might have down to an art? And, no, 'U-Haul' is not in my vocabulary.

Well, I guess it would depend on the situation then...I don't really tend to notice this stuff on the threads, I guess...lol

I guess all I am saying is if you like someone, and by all accounts they appear to be available, tell them. Tell them that you do not know if they are available (if you don't know if they like someone else), but that if they are available, you would like to get to know them better. If they have something going on with someone else, then they need to be upfront about it.

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.

If you do all things with integrity, then I don't see where you can go wrong.
__________________
-Dapper


I like that!

be direct, private and the classy woman that I know you to be. nice post, btw

I think we view others through our own looking glass. I am a flirt and I own that. I flirt with everyone from butches and femmes and Transguys on this site to little old ladies and sanitation workers. It's an integral part of me that must be accepted by anyone brave enough to make the choice of learning me on a deeper level.

However, I always let folks know where they stand with me in regards to their status with me. I want that directness for myself. I MUST know where I stand with someone. If they don't tell me otherwise, I assume we are just friends and that is where we stay until someone's brave enough to rock the proverbial boat.

I'm also a monogamist. Maybe that's why I saw a more intimate connection than others did. *shrug*

I had to chuckle at this question. I've been here and the U factor (the Unknown) can drive someone batty for no reason. As long as the butch's relationship status remains 'single' or something easily acknowledged at being single, then I think s/he's 'fair game' (sorry for the objectification, but...).

However, I would be very conscious of everyone's postings from that point out. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else, especially if someone has much stronger feelings for a butch and my interest is just that, interest. I don't like getting in the middle of those kind of webs. They tangle and can strangle all participants very easily.


It's easy to say that. We are basically forced to trust others that we've never laid eyes on or shared air with in this medium. Not everyone is trustworthy and most of us know it, plus many are shy and hesitant from past relationships not working out. Please see the above post in regards to flirting. *grin* It comes more easily to some of us than others.

I'm going to use you for example, if you don't mind too much. Let's say I enjoy the way you write and the thoughts you've expressed here (which I do, btw). Let's say I like you in a way that could grow into something more, given the right circumstances. Looking at your status, it says busy. So, if I were interested in you, I would not bring that up. At all. Why? Because I don't know if you are busy with work or with a partner or just taking a break from intimacy right now and I'm not going to ask because then things would/might be weird between us from that point on. I would feel as if I screwed up a good online friendship for nothing, yanno? And if this situation ever came up again, I'd be even less tempted to say anything.

Hello, our 1000th member! :welcome:

Yes, yes, yes. Exactly.

Snooker hooker? New term for me. :blink:


I love your last line but that's where the issue lies. I have a lot of distrust for this medium. It's too easy to prey on someone and/or play them and that is where things start to get sticky. And, if someone is being purposely deceitful, then oh my. Snowball. Downhill. The ratio of emotional survivors drops significantly at that point.

I also think that femmes tend to think more about the feelings of other femmes and butches tend to think more about the feelings of other butches in situations like this. It's only natural, of course.

Ah, jeez. I hope this makes sense. I have three people hollering at me for the community computer, so I have to get off of here. If I'm not clear, I'll be back later for clarification.

I have an appreciation for direct and forthright communication. It doesn't have anything to do with with me being accountable to anyone. If that isn't your style, it isn't your style. I guess if you are interested in someone, and you don't want to step on another femme's toes, then it is your business, but that is just how I see things.

Oh....I understand now....yeah, not such a lovely situation...:|

that's funny

I met someone on line and moved half way across the country only to end up with the disaster of my life. There were at least 15 variables that were part of being blindsided.

It'll never happen again.
And neither will any F&*%king relationship.

For that even alone I am anti------everything. And I trust absolutely NO ONE.

No big deal. I'd rather be alone than have someone kick my trust down throat.
And you know what's ironic?
I've written my ideas of meeting and falling; my romanticism is written in

Pure Jet, Pure Fiction
Jet's .02 in OFOS Threads
The Dancer of Atlanta

All of these are truly me, my sensitive side....and what I really believe and feel....but there is no who will ever get that and that's what's sad

I enjoyed chatting with you last night, Delish! ;)

really?...............

yep! Some of us are REAL! We know who we are, what we want and how to achieve without games. AGAIN..just sayn :cheesy:

And what is it you want? :sunglass:

A Hawaiian blizzard would be lovely, thank you. :cheesy:

:blink:........