Hiya! Really good point you make! Personally I think we should hold other members of this community to the same level of expectation and respect as we do those outside this community.
Would I have some hesitancy in asking another woman of transsexual experience not to call me a tranny? Sure - I do not want to seem like the language police, challenging another's identifiers - but I would ask her anyway.

I agree! I think we should all be free to define our own brand of "femmeness", "butchness", "trans-ness" (and the list goes on). Why should we insist that because one term works for me, that it should apply to the next femme/butch/trans person?

I think any term in itself is not the issue - it's the attitude with which it is used. A standardised vocabulary means absolutely nothing if the person who is using it is disrespectful or dismissive about it. Conversely, I can always forgive a person who has good intentions but who may not be using the most politically correct term. Maybe they just don't have the educational background to know any different.

Hello all. I am posting here because I recently realized that I am trans. Its weird this body that I have. And I dont know how to quite identify. Everything is still so new to me. Do you identify as FTM without having the surgery? Do you identify as trans? Or the same butch label I have called myself for so long. Anyone who wants to PM me and help me out would be greatly appreciated. :) Hugs around to all you guys.

Hey BBM and welcome to the thread. How one identifies is entirely personal decision. What made you realize that you are trans? And trans could mean either transsexual or transgender. Are you going to medically transition? Do you intend on having surgery or are holding off?

There is no right or wrong answer to each of these but it's more something you have to address with yourself.

For me personally, I did an identity transition from butch --> transgender/genderqueer --> transguy/FTM. I haven't had surgery yet (although really want top surgery) but have been on T for over a year now.

I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months.

First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay.

Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system.

He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect.

I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. [I]A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

A few thoughts about your friend. I don't think that's true. That assumes that all people transitioning were dating "same sex" before and after. I know of a few trans guys who were dating men before and after, some who are bi, some who fit the stereotype of "flaming" (they wear more makeup than I ever did in my whole life), etc. It sounds like your friend is confusing sexual orientation with gender identity (they are separate but some blur it a bit).

Most therapists that approve of medical transition do so because it helps the person's self identity (ego or is it id?). That ability to align my inner mental view with the external shine-and-glossy view. My sexual orientation is separate from those views and do not define my self-identifying view. (if that makes sense -- I think I just confused myself!)

As for paying a high price for transitioning, it does happen. We cannot escape or ignore that. But it isn't the only reaction. I've been lucky. I started transitioning at age 37 and most of my family is/has been supportive. There are elements of family that I don't hear from but then again, I never really heard from them before so it's really no different. I've been lucky with work and my colleagues are overly supportive.

Now, if I could just get the gov't agencies to play along.. life would be grand but I don't want to take away too much of their ability to muck about in the red tape land. :cheesy:

As you all know, I am not yet transitioned but I also plan to start that in a few months. I suppose I am not as fearful about losing friends and family. Perhaps I am naive about this. I live in California, and just an hour outside of the San Francisco Bay Area. I grew up in the Bay Area which is comparably very liberal with respect to the rest of the country. That aside, my folks are very supportive of me, and other family members as well. The christian conservatives on my mother's side of the family actually like my being trans as opposed to being gay because they think gay is the greater of the 2 evils. (*rolls his eyes* whatever.)

I am not working at the moment as I am on disability, so transitioning while having a job isn't an issue. I guess my biggest fear is the reaction of the Queer community, and whether I will be welcomed and acknowledged as a queer person after transition. The worst kind of discrimination is the kind that comes from within your own community. I consider the queer community to be my home.

It is tragic when gay people or anyone for that matter speculate that the only reason you want to transition is not to be viewed by others as gay. That is simply ignorant and disrespectful. I hope no one says that to me. For some reason I don't anticipate it. Anyhow, Jet I wish you well on your journey. :gimmehug:

I think it is ashame that anyone would want to endure what we go thru to be accepted. I just cannot imagine. And I agree with you Atomic. The queer community is pretty harsh.

I'm sitting intently reading and smiling, sometimes chuckling at your responses. You guys are priceless.

I'm going to add some experiences and fears a bit later; I'd like to see who else is going to respond first.

Thanks bros for responding.

younger than 20 even.
 

Belle, I knew around 4 or 5. I hated girl things especially those g*ddamn anklets and patten leather shoes....lololol

BTW, those anklets always slipped into my shoes in the back and I'd scooch em back up with my other foot. It made playing baseball fucking miserable.

Hi!
 

Just dropping by to say hello! :tanning:

So I was curious about something: have other guys on T noticed that they are able to cry less? It's something I've noticed more in the last 3-6 months where when seeing an ad by the Humane Society pings me a little but doesn't bring me to near bawling like it used to. It's actually starting to annoy me a bit as there are times when I wouldn't mind a simple cry but cannot. It's like my ability to express emotions has shut down..

I have not started T yet. I am just reading ALOT. I have read this experince by other people during my search for info. I was initially interested in this experince after reading an article about a guy that felt he had lost all touch with his emotional side once he trasitioned. He felt desensitized and was wondering if it was the experince of the T or if this was how most bio men experinced life. Interesting thought, Thanks Linus!!

...not the case for me. I'm still a big ol' crybaby!!!!

'Roid rage is caused by steroids, not testosterone (what you'll be taking). Roid rage is something that happens in the body building community by morons who don't monitor usage. They (usually) don't have a prescription, they buy their steroids over the internet (usually), and a whole slew of other things.

T doesn't cause rages. Depending on the frequency of your shot, your hormones will dip up and down...which will cause some edginess towards the end of your shot period (if you're on a 14day cycle...which is what most people start out on). This can be 'dealt with' by doing half a dose once a week, or by doing a ten day cycle. Your doctor can tell you why your hormones get out of balance in 14 days, or maybe someone here will go into it. You WILL have to figure out how to deal with the two hormones in your body towards the end of your cycle if you stay on a 14day cycle.

Here's the thing about the "T-rage" myth. It's a myth. People want to act like the only people who deal with hormone imbalances are transguys. Fact is, birth control is a hormone, most menopausal women are on hormones, older guys are on hormones, etc. Everybody gets wiggy when their hormones are changing. You'll probably find T actually calms you down (most guys do).


Don't Have Time For More Detail Right Now, Mama Wants Me To Go To Walgreens For Her,
Dylan

T has not affected my emotions in the slightest. I don't cry any less and I'm not affected by things any less. I think overall it's made me more "mellow" so to speak. As thinker said, I'm still a "Big 'ol baby"

Just checking in a bit. I have missed you guys and posting. I have been on T for 18 months now and I still cry. I am a sap for all the holiday music and movies.

Hey Jet,

I wanted to add to what some of the other guys have already said. My gender therapist (an FTM on T 28 years) and a doctor I'm talking to both have said that while testosterone does not cause these (negative)things, it can/will possibly enhance what emotion is already there for instance if you're depressed (how many of us haven't been, right?) then it can make you more depressed. Some guys are advised to go on an anti-depressant for a while first before beginning T. Others start and level right on out. Something to consider. I'm not sure if other guys have been told the same but maybe they can weigh in on this too?

I have never heard that. If anything, I've heard that for many it increases calmness and happiness (on a path that finally leads to where they want to go).

Hudson's Guide on the Myths of T and FTMs: http://www.ftmguide.org/myths.html#1

I'm really familiar with Hudson's FTM guide, Linus and it's a great source for resources and personal experiences. I did say many guys just level right out when they go on T (and feel better). However, some do not. I'm simply offering what has been told to me with regard to moods so that Jet (or anyone going on T) can discuss those concerns with his doctor. I think it's safest if those of us who aren't medical professionals or therapists do not advise and reassure others quite so emphatically (and reference internet sources) which I think is problematic in the trans community.

Now this might be a bit of a morbid question but it is a question that I feel is better answered before something happens: do any trans individuals have some kind of a will or burial plans set out on how things will go when you pass on? I guess my concern is that when you're not there, you really can't speak for yourself and how you want to be addressed thus potentially opening the door for those who disapproved to go on about it.

And what about a "living will"? Has anyone planned any of those?

Linus I am being cremated, if anything happens to me before my parents, they know my last wishes

Just saw this on one of the FTM Yahoo Groups:

I do need to read this as well

No questions. Just dropping by to say hello. Still making my way around the site. Glad to know you guys are here.

Hey Gentle Tiger!! Welcome!!

Hey all.. I was curious if anyone has seen Beautiful Daughters from Logo (you can get it on NetFlix)? It was a documentary on the Vagina Monologues version that was done entirely from the TransWoman's perspective. I have to say: very moving. One of the things that was interesting was the comment that transwomen are like immigrants into womandom (as it were).

And I have to say, it's an apt analogy in many ways.

I just got it from Netflix. We will be looking at it at the next Living Your Truth meeting.

Good show on transgendered kids and parents.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grMYNqe9lIQ"]YouTube- transgender children and their parents speak out part 1[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL2brGdp_kM"]YouTube- transgender children and their parents speak out part 2[/ame]

Give them the time and space they need. They'll come around but you can't expect them to okay this when they hardly understand. They're grappling. I think it would be selfish of you to expect more right now. My mother disowned me for a year when I told her I was gay and then came around when she was ready. This is shock, fear, and a lot of unanswered questions for them right now. You have to take this as your responsibility for telling them. Be patient, kind, sensitive to them and deal with it.

To add to Ol' Jets comments: you've already grappled and understood the process of this for a while. It's their turn to come to terms with this. My grandmother, who was dead set against this, finally called me by my birthname last summer (took her a year). We often forget that our parents and relatives aren't experiencing life as we are.

Give them the time and space they need and be open for questions. When they do start talking to you expect questions, rage, confusion and such. Be patient as they have a lot to learn and understand. For example, for my grandmother her greatest concern, as a former nurse, (and the concern was echo'd by other family members) was health. They wanted to know whether I was seeing a doctor and how would I know if things were ok. When I explained the whole process and how I see a doc every 3 months and get lab work done then, it set a lot at ease.

I don't know if there is a support group for families of trans individuals in your area (Winnipeg, right?) but if there is, it may be good to get that info in case they want it in the future. One of my aunt's was pro-active about it and found one in Halifax to go to so she could understand more and know that she wasn't the only one with a weird nephew. (although the weirdness is likely due to geekness more than anything else :cheesy: )

I haven't but if I cannot get my new insurance (company is getting Aetna) to cover, I'm gonna go via the tax deduction. I think a lot of it depends on how much is spent over the course of a year.

I've said before that I'm a male on the inside, fully and deeply. It was/is always terrible to feel one way and look another way. But i feel alienated in the community because it doesn't seem like others feel the same, just based on their own definition of what a trans is. I truly was born in the wrong body, and I don't know if others also feel the same or is there another driving force or impetus classify yourselves as trans.

Input? Without getting complicated or feeling like you have to be politically correct. How about we set aside the definition of trans and just talk about what you feel inside your body.

I think that varies from person-to-person and what experiences they have so I don't know if you'll find someone who feels exactly as you. I don't know if my "driving force" or impetus is as strong as yours (then again, I tend to be slow at decisions to ensure I don't second-guess myself down the road) but it took me a long time to realize I was born in the wrong body. (I didn't really understand what it meant to be trans until later in life).

I had inklings at a young age (when viewing myself from a day-dream point of view it was a male view -- largely shaped by James Bond, Charlie's Angels and the Facts of Life) and didn't really become aware of that fact until I hit my mid-teens. (when I realized that I never wanted to be a princess but rather the prince in many of the fantasy/sci-fi novels I read at the time). Even short story writing in school I envisioned myself as the male hero. I never talked about this internal view of myself to anyone because I was afraid of being called crazy or weird (I already had felt like a loner and outsider to everyone else -- I just didn't know why).

With it, I hid my desire for women, especially those who are rather feminine while still very strong and independent. I had learned to push that away and hide it most of my life although internally it was a constant battle between what I saw myself as and what I was presenting as. I tried to ignore the internal but there are few times that it lead to some close disasters. Once I came clean and decided to match the inside with the outside I felt at peace finally with me. Even with my weight gain (due entirely to my lazy ass) I'm still ok and love who I see in the mirror now. This wasn't something I did before and I often hated what I saw in the mirror.

DSM V may classify me as a mental case but I'm a happily blissful one at that.

Hopefully I answered what you were looking for. If I misunderstood, please let me know. :)