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Idiot. |
An 8 minute long video of my niece on her way home from having her wisdom teeth removed. My ribs hurt from laughing she's sooooo funny!!
She DEMANDED her mom stop at Subway and went thru a detailed list of what she wanted, right down to the mayo... She kept saying the tooth fairy took her tongue, too. She made them change the radio station 100 times... Then asked to go play in the rain puddles... She commented about another car on the road and then demanded her mom to let her "get behind the wheel", she'd "show them the right way to drive"! She got upset and asked her mom if she'd bleed out"? Mom said no, she responded "good, cause I wanna live!!" "I want Subway! Not apple sauce!....(long pause)... (looking into camera, wiping her make up away) "They won't feed me and they let me ugly cry." ... Omg....too much!!! |
I was in my backyard finishing up some stuff and had my side gate open when I looked up and saw an unsavory character that had apparently decided that he was free to roam around my backyard, since the gate was open. It appeared as though he was unaware that I was in the backyard so, rather than say anything and alert him to the fact that I was there, and knew he was there, I opened the back door and let my not-so-little, very protective dog, out. That guy about shit himself when she rounded the corner and realized he was there, and promptly proceeded to give chase when he took off running. Needless to say, she was not happy! The guy made it to the front yard where he landed into the loving arms of my across the street neighbor, who just so happens to be a Sergeant for the Sheriff's Department. My neighbor had seen the guy and was coming to find out why he was snooping around my house. He (my neighbor) was armed and had already called for on duty officers to make location. Thankfully, my dog stood down when I told her to, but she growled at the unwelcome visitor until he was taken into custody and placed in a squad car because he had warrants. Surprise! Yeah, not so much. My neighbor wants my dog as a K9 partner, and I'm thinking I need to grill a steak for her, lol
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My short little stubborn dog.
I'm staying at a friend's house (in the downstairs apartment) while dealing with some medical crap... I was upstairs with them discussing my adventures with "the system" when I took my stubborn dog downstairs, put his cone of shame on (because he can't be trusted not to make himself bloody again)....left him on my bed and went back upstairs... After we said goodnight, I opened my door only to be totally surprised to find a curled up dog, with his cone, laying at the top of my steps... how he got up all those steps with his cone on and without making a single noise (his collar dog tags make lots of noise) is beyond me. But he figured it out. If he goes to the yard with his cone on, he's always getting it stuck in the dirt or making lots of noise from hitting it on stuff because he can't keep his nose off the ground. How did he climb 15 steps as quiet as a church mouse? |
I got a text today...Has anyone checked on George Strait's exes??
Lol |
Hey Kenna
your short stubborn little dog went into stealth mode
:) |
Seeing all the shite I used to talk around here, when I was throwing too many of 'em back.....oy. :seeingstars:
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that the door was cracked open the whole time...:blush:
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My dog thought he was Chicken Little when we were in the downstairs bedroom while the carpenter was making lots of noise upstairs.
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Pumpkin butt got himself stuck under my printer and wound up smacking himself in the face with an ornament. Best laugh today.
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How cool, calm and relaxed my "country dog" was while the carpenter was firing a nail gun half the day...a dog that acts like a limp noodle while under fire is a cool cookie.
And how funny my friend's big dog responded to it, begging for a dog treat after he went upstairs to camp out without giving me a fuss to get his big self up the steps. He was right proud of himself laying in the middle of the bed, begging for treats. But the poor thing had never heard such noise, so he hid in "momma's room". |
That when I finally broke down this evening and decided to get a mani/pedi (very rare for me to treat myself to that)... I was disappointed in the colors they offer, and chuckled to myself when I thought about finding one that matched or almost matched my new truck.
Why not? Gunmetal metallic is kinda sexy. |
Forgot to add..
I just got tickled and cracked up every time my nail tech kept calling me "Momma"...or saying "ok? Momma" when she asked me a question...and how she did it with fondness as if she'd always known me.
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A Myrtle Beach vacation commercial just came on...
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The tooth fairy can't fly in hurricanes, maybe she will come after the storm passes
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A scientific funny about cats
I'm an avid reader of "The Register" website, as I like its tongue-in cheek humour. Every year, they publish the winners of the IgNobel Prize, for reasearch that first makes you laugh and then makes you think.
This year, Antoine Fardin has gone above and beyond with "On the Rheology of Cats", rheology being fluid dynamics, the science of how things flow. Having just downloaded the PDF of "The News and Information Publication of the Society of Rheology, Volume 83, number 2, July 2014" and read the article (starts on page 16, and continues on page 30 of the PDF) published on his investigations into "Can a Cat Be Both a Solid and a Liquid?", well, IMHO it's hilarious, the more so for being written straight-faced, so to speak. The Register article, with handy PDF download link: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/09...gnobel_prizes/ The IgNobel site: http://www.improbable.com/ig/2017/ NB: No cats were harmed in the production of Antoine's paper |
The Toyota dealer calling to wish me a happy birthday, but it's not my birthday, it's my best friend's.
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That cosume....:lol2:
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A trick or treaters worst nightmare! Changed my mind about being Smiley today, decided on scary clown wearing a one piece mechanics uniform. The costume would not be complete without my chain saw, a very good fake with realistic sound. It will take about 2 to 3 hours for my blushing bride to do my make-up, so I better get cracking!
Happy Ghouls Day to All Who Celebrate! https://www.ctvnews.ca/polopoly_fs/1..._620/image.png |
Steve Harvey and his reactions to answers on Family Feud.
My buddy Donna and her smart-ass comebacks. Nothing sneaks past her. |
Going thru really old posts of mine, being reminded of some awesome funny times, adventures, friends, our banter and stupid-silly things we'd get into.
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Racist Country Singer Under Fire For New Song–Because Of Its Terrible Grammar
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https://yesplz.co/racist-country-singer-fire-new-song-terrible-grammar/?utm_content=inf_11_4078_2&tse_id=INF_06d6f4a0cd5e 11e7b926579f881108d6 |
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I was writing my weekly business report today, and mentioned that, that major home improvement store was still receiving trucks of dry wall daily. Showing that the area is still under construction from the damage of the hurricane.
I did a quick re- read and saw that I referred to that store as...Homo Depot. Oh no..had to fix that! |
Heh Heh! :)
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Cracked me up
Last night when I got ready for bed I realized that I had worn my sweat pants backwards all day yesterday. Haha!
:superfunny: |
As I’ve mentioned before, we have a problem at our office building with women at the newish business downstairs coming from floor #1 to floor #3 to....do #2. This even though they have a much larger restroom down there.
Our restroom used to stay very clean and tidy, but now it constantly smells like a latrine with paper on the floor, etc. During our Dirty Santa party last week, one of the gifts was a “public restroom survival kit” with wipes, Little Trees hanging air fresheners, and Poo-Pourri spray. Well, the person who ended up with that gift thought it would be a good idea to leave the Poo-Pouri spray in the restroom and hang the Little Trees on the hook of each stall door. Not even two days later, and someone stole both the Poo-Pourri and the Little Trees out of each stall. (Really.) Once discovered, my coworker came back from the restroom, walked through the door and yelled, “This is why we can’t have nice things around here!” |
Cracked me up
Today I was getting a hair cut from a young lady and we were talking about the holidays. I said that I got the grandkids videos then she said what is a video? So realizing my mistake I said "I mean DVDs".
Haha! Old guy humor. :superfunny: |
This fella who seems to really enjoy his job.
:lol2: |
I bought a new alarm clock yesterday. My old one is probably 25 years old. The sad thing is you cannot test drive an alarm clock before you buy it.
What cracked me up today is I just tested my new alarm clock. This alarm isn't loud enough for me to hear when I'm awake let alone when I'm dead asleep |
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That I went to the grocery store, bought eggs and a few other items, got home and opened the egg container and noticed it had ten eggs, not twelve that I bought.
Deborah |
I pulled in to my usual place to fuel my truck and there was a motorcycle at the pump ahead of me, with a rider that seemed a bit befuddled by paying with a credit card. The card reader has been temperamental lately so I watched him for a few seconds to see if he needed some help. Just as I got ready to step out of my truck, he scratched the side of his head...while his helmet was on. I was undoubtedly way too humored, but at that instant I knew he'd figure the pump debacle out without my assistance. I've done that very thing a time or two myself, and I can attest to the friction between glove and helmet magically creating "Aha!" moments.
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I've been helping some friends prepare their house for their grandkids to visit (the house was a construction zone after remodeling their kitchen)...
One day last week, I arrived as "Mr Santa" was hooking up all the inflatable yard ornaments and roof lights... good thing he works for the fire dept...he cracked me up when he was fussing about the flying pig needing a new motor. He loves pigs!! So today, after cleaning house for several days and being happy with the dent I made, I arrived to the joy of finding the big pink pigs (made of flat metal) that are mounted near the garage roof are wearing Santa hats!! Toooo funny...but once I stepped into the house, my crack-up moment turned to shock...Holy Flippin Flying Pigs!! This place looks like Christmas blew up!! "Mrs Santa" had brought down every box in the attic filled with every Christmas ornament imaginable. It was CRAZY!! I couldn't get through the den, dinning room, hallway, kitchen or bathroom!! Yes, there is a huge live plant in the bath tub and several boxes of Christmas ceramic houses sitting on the floor where you can't even get to the toilet. There's an 8' tree in the den and TWO more in the dinning room... and she's not done! You can't tell we did any work since last Saturday. My text to my other friend "I'm gonna be covered in glitter when I leave here!" A few hours pass and Mr Santa arrives home carrying a handful of glittery, flowery tree topper. My immediate response was "MORE Christmas decorations?" ...his reaction "that woman's killin' me" :jester: I adore them and I don't envy him for having to put up with her decoration-buying fetish. P.S. the old flying pig didn't make it a week... he's awaiting his replacement parts. |
My roomie's mom getting me a pink trunk organizer and pink, foldable, insulated cooler and 2 light-up light switches that she was so proud to announce she "figured" I could use when I go camping. She was so happy to describe the light switches had magnets on the back and she "figured" I could "stick them to the inside" of my truck bed so I'd have lights if I ever go camping again where coyotes live.
She cracks me up. (Shaking my head at her color choices, but I'm thankful she's so thoughtful.) |
Cracked me up
This happened in New Orleans at Christmas. when I have a suggestion I usually say that I have a proposal. At Christmas dinner I told my companion that I had a proposal for her and she said that I had given her a lot of proposals so far and then I got the look. Haha!
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Cracked me up
A few minutes ago a femme in the grocery store mistook me for her butch. Haha!
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