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My miniature poodle, Jacques...I'm giggling recounting this.. went out to do his poodle doodle....went to walk "on" the snow...as he has been accustomed to...since it WAS packed and very shallow in the yard..
..he didn't realize we had just gotten a FOOT of fresh powdery snow....and when he jumped up onto the snow...he just fell in like it was water...and it was instantly up over his head...he jumped out of the snow immediately and shook himself off and looked SO confused...the funniest thing is he just disappeared in the snow..figuratively and literally...since he is white... LOL...he is originally for NC...this is wayyy more than he's accustomed to....poor Jacquesy....he is cuddling nicely on the couch now :) |
I farted and the dog was sniffing around afterwards. hahahahaha!
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Yesterday while in the kitchen at work :badcook:
staff: so I hear you're some kind of super hero director: oh shit here we go again me: yes, why yes I am staff: and what super hero are you and where is your phone booth? director: let me guess, your booth is the pantry? me: yes, why yes it is and I am a super hero pirate if you must know staff: pirates can't be super heros director: *backs out of kitchen* hmmmm... not sure I'm ready for this me: I have my cape to prove it staff: is that all you wear super hero pirate? me: of course not. I will wear a pirate hat and even an eye patch director: will your people be approving this? me: remember, you are my people now, so will you? staff: and you have all this already? me: well, except for the hat. it has to be the right one staff: please say you will wear tights!! director: if I have to approve this I'm waiting for your response to the tights thing me: pirates don't wear tights, they wear buccaneers director: whew: your approved!! me: both of be gone now *waving my spatuala* Yes we are this odd there. I will be the super hero pirate for Halloween this year :rofl: They just don't know it yet!! :cheesy: |
A lady at the shooting range had a brand new gun. She shot her first five shots and the brass wouldn't come out of the gun when she opened it up. She was like omg omg, is my gun defective. We got the biggest laugh our of her reaction. She had never shot a pistol before and her husband went out and purchased this pistol for her. She had never even had it out of the box.
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So today I wake up cursing the morning since I didn't sleep well last night. I rise, shower, get ready for my day and drive 2 hours away for the BIG exam. I know I can only take in my drivers license so self-consciously take current and previous because the current doesn't look like me with my goatee and short hair. I go in and am greeted by a woman handing me a list of rules and regulations. She directs me to the foyer I just came through to sit down and read both sides. After reading both sides, I take it back in and she tells me to go over to the other desk and sign in. A picture is taken of me and the girl hands me both licenses and tells me that she technically should keep my old one but since I cannot get any information off of it and she is returning my current one she sees no need to keep it because that would be senseless. *chuckles. She then tells me that I need to empty all pockets and turn them inside out. Oh good Lord...*insert eye roll here. Why Oh Why on this day did I decide to wear carpenter jeans with a shirt with a gazillion pockets?? Hell! She found pockets I didn't even know I had and that had NEVER even been used! Wth!?! After this she told me to lift my pants so she could see my socks and ankles. *smh. THEN she used a metal detector wand over my entire body and informed me that if I had to go on a break this entire process would happen again. OMG! *Gulp. Ok. A four hour exam with no breaks or bathroom times. I hope the body will hold up now considering I am nervous. Bottom line? I completed the four hour exam in 2 and a half and got the hell out of there before they had me do a strip search! LOL! That is what cracked me up today!
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Great day for crack ups today!
Mom text me to tell me my niece was replacing a strip off of the edge of her counter, in her kitchen at 11pm last night and super glued her finger to the counter, while waiting on the glue on the tile to dry. She pulled the strip back off, went and got her phone and called my sister to come help her. My sister looked it up on the internet, to see how to get the super glue to let go of the finger without tearing flesh. LOL Finally they used fingernail polish remover with acetone to remove the super glue and separate her finger from the strip of countertop. Funny thing was that she was in a panick to begin with because she thought she was going to have to let it wear off. She told my sister, she couldn't go to work like that, a judge would think she had a weapon. LOL OMG she is so silly. |
Crack up number 2 today
I enjoyed a nice homemade supper this evening with Mom, my sister and her boyfriend. After supper I had a little baby belch and said excuse me. My sister "V" said be glad it wasn't "J" her boyfriend...."J" said ME! You are the worst and you go at both ends all the time. Me and Mom got tickled at this point because my sister has always been gassy even as a little kid. "V" said I pooted in bed one night and "J" was sound asleep and he sat straight up in bed. It woke him up out of a dead sleep. "J" said yeah it sounded like a jake break on a big truck. Mom and I get more tickled. At this point "J" says I don't have it on this phone but my other phone I recorded her farting and set it as her ring tone. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought Mom and I would die at this point. I had to get up, I thought I would wet my pants before I could get to the bathroom. When I came back to the livingroom, I told Mom....You might be a redneck if you have your girlfriends fart as a ringtone |
It was something she said just before drifting into slumberland... The twilight moment between awake and sleep!! :blink:
It was fucking hilarious!! :cracked: If only I could camp out in her dreams.......... :superfunny: |
Cracked me up
I laugh at myself all the time. Im such a pervy nerd.
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I'm still cracking up about my Pre-Munch conversation with my hair the other day. We weren't sure if I was going to be done working before it was time to go, so we didn't think we'd make it in. But I did, so we were able to go.
Spousal Unit: wanna go to the thing tonight? Me: sure! Let me put on real clothes. gets dressed, combs hair, starts to pin it back SU: cool, I'll PM and let them know we're gonna make it. My Hair: DOOOOD! Know what would be fun? if we had a Stoooopid Hair Day! We haven't had a Stooopid Hair day in oh, days! Me: NO. We are going to have a Polite, Well Behaved Hair Day. Stooopid Hair day was yesterday. And Saturday. And Friday... Hair: WHHHHEEEE! SPROING! okay, you curls go that way, we'll go this way. Anyone wanna stand straight up now? Me: Nononononono! Every one obeys the Law of Gravity, ALL the curls go the same Direction, and we look like proper grown-up hair tonight! attacks with comb, spray bottle of water, more pins Hair: LALALALALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Me: dammit Hair! I swear to Dog, one of these days I'm gonna shave you ALL OFF. Hair: Yeah right! You'll take one look at the clippers and cave! begins doing the Time Warp Skin: why's the Hair getting all the attention?!? What do I have to do to get some love here? I know, HIVES! Me: Stop it, all of you! We are not 12, you are not allowed to act 12, now behave! Spousal Unit: are you ready yet? Me: NO! Spousal Unit: what's taking so long? You were just gonna get dressed and head out. Me: Apparently, we're having a Stooopid Hair Day today. Spousal Unit: sighs You look great! I"m sure it's not Stooopid Hair Day today. Um sweetie, we do need to go... Me: Just a minute... takes 2 benadryl, applies allergy cream to hives, combs hair, mercilessly pins it back, stumbles out of the bathroom Spousal Unit: by the way, the presenter wants you to say a few words about negotiation from the Sub side. I told her you'd set it up when we get there. Me: AAAARRRGGGHHHH! |
This.
This cracked me up:
Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant after Seeing BA in Communications on Resume The Onion makes my life better. |
My son: Mom, why are you always so soft and warm? (snuggles me)
Me: Because moms are supposed to be soft and warm... Youngest daughters walks by and hears the questions and responds: Yes, Moms are supposed to be soft and warm, they have to sit on the eggs and keep them warm until they hatch. :| |
My 8-year GD always makes me crack-up.
Recently my GF and I went to watch her roller derby practice in LA. We made plans to take her out to lunch after practice (which I loved, btw! You haven't seen anything until you have seen a bunch of 7-year-olds, on up, roller skating around the big girls rink. Beautiful sight!). Anyway, she says to my GF, "Are you L. (My long-term ex) or are you D"? My sweetie says, "I'm D". GD: "Well, both of your names have 3 letters and both of you look alike"! We cracked up because they don't look alike at all but they do have the commonality of both being very butch and I guess that was what threw my GD off! |
Me.. forgetting my bag at home, complete with wallet- and running out of gas on the way to the gas station. I love me some days, and today, I was in love with me. I crack myself up.
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Yesterday - woke up highly "distracted" and when making my coffee I put the usual amount of coffee in my percolator but only half the water...WOW! Talk about rocket fuel...NASA should try that...LOL
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The thoughts in my head cracked me up. I know that makes me sound crazy but I'm really not. :|
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Two boys chatting....
boy 1: nah, what's bad is going down a spiral staircase and farting. boy 2: huh? boy 1: think about it. your face will be where your ass once was. boy 2: ohhhhh yeh I get it! :superfunny: Only fart going up a spiral :blink: |
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