Thinking...
how good someone made me feel today... and how good they made me feel about myself...
I remain VERY VERY guarded... but it was nice to feel this way instead of defective and like I can't do anything right... I'm tired of getting the blame and I'm tired of feeling ugly.
Today was a big change...

say what?
 

SILENCE ='S DEATH

speak up!

on my mind is a conversation that moved me to tears, in a good way and a frustrating way, and the memories, good and not so good, that still mean everything to me. also on my mind is the same wish for the whole human race that things didnt have to be so confusing when it comes to the "heart" and that people understood all the things they needed to before anyone got hurt.

Argh!
 

I am a little agitated tonight...there is someone- not on the planet- who I briefly dated this past winter. She is a cling on and doesn't understand why we can't be together even though I have been nice and gentle and honest in my explanations. Sigh...

Now that I am finally happy and dating again, she seems to feel the need to constantly comment on all of my FB posts. I don't have the heart to be mean and delete her, but I need her to chill out. It's really beginning to drive me a bit nuts.

So what is really on my mind is figuring out how to do this nicely but firmly so I don't hurt her anymore than I already have...and get the message across once and for all...double sigh...

Big deep breath...inhales...exhales....
 

What is on my mind?

1) Mybiomotherthecougarwhosebfisinthehospitalandmaybe dyingandwhohasdonesomuchdamagetomebothofthemandshe wantsmetoprayforhimandbecauseofmylifestyleamongoth erthingsshouldnotjudgehimrightnow. Whew! What gives her the right to throw me into the mix because he is a horrible person and to manipulate me into doing what she wants tries to remind me of my "shortcomings" and my past. I'm not judging him...I'm mad at her. And I did pray for him no matter what a horrid person I think he is.

2)
WhydoihavetoalwaysbethebiggerpersonjustbecauseIbel ieveinGodIhavefeelingstooandIdontappreciatebeingdr awnintothemiddleofthingsthatdontbelong/haveanythingtodowithme...read situations/relationships/friendships, etc...I'm not your patsy/scapegoat/badguy/sucker/victim/target. Get your shit together, tie up your loose ends and then come find me. Very Important Disclaimer: I may or may not be here when you get back.

3)
Fuck. Yes, I said FUCK.

4)
Oh.

5)
They just started playing my favorite calm me down pep me up music right now and I am finally smiling a little. Carlos Santana, Oye como va....now I wanna dance...anyone wanna step into my crazy right now and dance with me? lol....

my life...

taking time out for me;
thinking through all the steps I
will take; so life in the present will
feel harmonious, full of a rich range of melodies....

The imitrex I'm about to take for this horrible headache. I have to be somewhere like an hour ago...:(

:asswhip: boooooohhhhhaaaaaaa

Feels good to be getting back into the stride of inner peace.

Feels damn good, in fact. :)

circles in life
 

yep yep
 

Time to jump back in with both feet
<-------- Stone Butch Happy Dance:sunglass:
:grindevil::leatherdad::grindevil:

Picking up my new motorcycle this evening...she is all set, and I am feeling quite wicked~ within.

I hurt. I finally slept for about 20 minutes. I wanna get dressed but it hurts me to. I want my puppies with me. And....that's the extent of my whining.

New friends, amazing conversion, fantastic distraction. And the memories haven't swallowed me today. The princess of yesterday would love that.

I slept for 4 hours or so.
I may or may not have passed out from pain into sleep
One leg stopped spasming but still barely supports my weight
Now the other leg is trying to
Even with as bad as pain was today, its less than it was, with the exception of about one hour.


I slept with my puppies on me and around me.
The Bear is bringing me yummy food.
The girl came home and I like that sort of thing.