There really is a lot on my mind lately however, it all boils down to wanting to be worth it. Worth pursuing her. Giving her all she deserves. Yes I am a perfectionist and this has kept me quiet on how I feel well this and a touch of shyness that no one else seems to see in me. It is okay though. When the time is right for me I will tell her and it will either be just the right time or to late and I will have no one to blame but me. Yet because of who I am at my core I want to be worth it I want to be all she deserves. At least in my eyes and it is my eyes that count in this matter.

I can't sleep tonight.

Someone told me to call if I couldn't sleep... but it wouldn't be right.

There's a lot in my head these days... but a couple things weigh heavier then most. My daughter is moving out of my home... She is ten years old (well, almost, only a few more days) and shes moving to live with her father an hour away from me. Its so hard to let her go, but its the right thing to do. Her brother, my eight year old son, has some special needs. He doesn't always understand what hes doing, or have the ability to stop himself from doing things... and now, hes becoming more aggressive. He's playing when it happens... having fun, or trying to get her attention, but he can hurt her... He never means to, and I don't blame him... but it's not fair of me to keep her here either. Not when her father can take her, and she wont have to worry about that happening.

I don't know how any mother can make a choice to send their child away without tears... Its taken a while for mine to come but they are certainly flowing tonight. I know I will get to see her often and I know she will be safe and happy, but I will miss my little girl. I wish she didn't have to go.

My doctors appointment today. I have had to wait a month for it and it is suppose to be a step towards finding out why I am in so much pain yet I really do not want to go. Mainly because I know I will have to deal with transphobia and a bunch of idiots. I will go because I need an answer to why my body hurts so damn much. Four hours and counting.

The move and what it means
wow I guess this karma thing is real
had my doubts but karma has it's own timeline
the timing is .... well let's say perfect is a huge understatement

Paradise ...............
what can I say that would hold some weight? Thank You.......
dont think so say it 100 times help me here.....
paradise for the rest of my days

World
yes This Stone Butch is humble so very humble

just putting it out to the world and Higherpower:praying::blush:

Moving and what I need to do to get ready for it.

Also, the two books I am working on. Starting research for one non-fiction one that I will start once November is over, and putting together some character outlines for another fiction one I will write during NaNoWriMo in November.

and... Online survey sites and which one to use for some of my research.

and... that I have only told a handful of people that I am moving because I do not want to be talked out of it again. I will be in Kelowna by the end of the month, I am so relieved, I need a new start.

and... my kids and grand kids.

and... how to repay the great friends I have been staying with for the past couple of months.

and... friends far away.

and... well my brain as usual is going all over the place, maybe I need to go get ready to go to yoga and find some peace for this frenetic brain of mine.

frustrations
 

I do not understand why people at work get so grumpy acting over asking them to reset a user's database password. It takes all of a minute. Users will always lock themselves out by mis-typing in their user id or password more than the max allowance of tries here. I am tired out today of trying to explain how our main app logs on to Oracle. Why does this woman have to tell me my guy at the main building has his password embedded elsewhere in the app when she knows nothing about the software? When speaking with her, acting ingratiating (spelling??) has become old. It is her job to service my users. In three years, this is the only time I have asked this of her.

Ok, better now.

definition of
 

difficult (comparative more difficult, superlative most difficult)

hard, not easy, requiring much effort
hard to manage, uncooperative, troublesome
from wiktionary

I'd bring you a cup of coffee..

You are the sweetest gentleman.:kissy:

the work week. the awesome team I work with, so accepting and supportive. funny how I worked one day and not even with all of them and they already feel like a family that have each other's back and best interest at heart.

I'm feeling incredibly emotional today. Hoping it doesn't last too long and my fears are unfounded. Some reassurance from a few particular someones would help. A lot.

I think I have the hot spots on my newf under control. I HATE this time of year!

Thinking hmmm far from the truth... and I am oh so grateful.

Have I failed to mention how much dictionaries are just so damn attractive to me? Don't dare let it rest on the shelf for too long... :reader:

I happen to agree! I keep one on my night stand table to have with me when I read... I inevitably come across a word that I want to understand in greater detail.