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* A woman calls the fire department screaming that her house is on fire.
The fireman asks “how do we get there”? The woman says, “why don’t you still have those big fire trucks”? * Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months. * Did you already hear about the zoo that only has a dog? It was a Shih-tzu * Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat. * Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store. |
Vancouver Aquarium faces bankruptcy
Because of the Coronavirus and being shut down for a month, the Vancouver Aquarium is now facing bankruptcy
The above is actually happening now here in B.C. as per: https://globalnews.ca/news/6825917/v...irus-shutdown/ "Ocean Wise, which operates the facility, has applied to governments for $9.5 million, but has not heard back yet." Perhaps, the Vancouver Aquarium could get help from a loan shark. :) |
Q: Why was the little Strawberry crying?
A: His mom was in a jam. Q: Who earns a living while driving their customers away? A: A Taxi driver. Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A: A soccer match. |
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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?" |
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
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Quote:
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Q: How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?
A: Ten-tickles. Q: What's the easiest way to get straight A's? A: Use a ruler. Q: What's a balloon's least favorite type of music? A: Pop. |
With so many sporting events being canceled, they're televising the World Origami Championship.
It's on Paperview. |
Q: Why could'nt the bicycle stand up on its own?
A: It was too tire'd. |
Q: What do you call a sad strawberry?
A: A Blue berry. |
Silly jokes and sayings
A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned so what could they do?
Let us flea said the fly. Let us fly said the flea. SO, they flew through the flaw in the flue. |
Q: How did the Introvert react to Social Distancing?
A: Now you're talking. |
C, EB and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
A pun, a play on words and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke. |
I got mugged by six dwarves last night...
Not happy. |
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I hate it when people get all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings.
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The three hardest things to say are:
1. I was wrong. 2. I'm sorry. 3. Worcestershire Sauce. |
Told my gf I wanted to be cremated.
She made me an appointment for Thursday. |
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time she does.
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Corny Jokes
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back.
A stick My 3 favorite things: eating my family and not using commas. |
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