Obsessing tsk!
 

Just how to schedule the day for fun and productivity. A delicate balance is needed to achieve the individual objectives of The General and I.

I am starting to freak about my sweetie coming to visit. I need to clean, I need to organize the massive amounts of jars of jam/jelly. I need to control the laundry. Laundry does not respond to the crop I've learned. snort.

The General's room is unlikely to resemble anything other than a war zone. There is a very good reason for this. And I don't think Stoney will really care.

I really am anxious about getting the vacuum cleaner to work. keeping fingers crossed the belt slipped and I can figure out how to 1. find it and 2. put it back on. I think if I can find it then putting it back on will be doable.

I made some sort of apple strussel bread this morning. Slippery pot holders have lead to me dropping the pan 2 times. Said strussel topping is mostly inside the oven now.

Wondering how the "phone bone" went!!! not really, just wanted to type out the words again


BWahahahaha. STILL laughing about that.

Well the 9 month anniversary is the anniversary of laughter. OMG we laughed so freaking hard over that. :seeingstars: If we all meet in person some time (like at a reunion) I am bringing depends.

and it went very very well. As any anniversary phone bone should!

I'll bring some too!!


I'm glad it went well. Now go have some:sushi:

There's so much on my mind. So much. Family, a wonderful friend, my life. My love - if I'm even able to keep something so important in my life without fucking it up. I just don't know. I have so many emotions and I want them to come out the right way. *Plays with fingertips* I've never really been one to be open about my thought process but somedays I wish I could just have a nice warm cup of coffee and enjoy an online conversation and feel connected again. I lost or misplaced a big chunk of who I am at my core for months because of new experiences and I'm scared the damage I caused can't be healed. I don;t know if anyone knows what that's like. I have hope. I'll stay and do the best I can at being the person I know the people I care for are missing. I just want somebody to take my hand and tell me they understand and that I'll always have that. Maybe I need too much.
Maybe I should stop thinking.

My mom just called....says my dads red blood cell counts are extremely high...another test tomorrow for him, then possibly a specialist...I'm not ready for this. Please let it be fixable. Please.

been an emotional day today....cumulative things that just led to a mini melt down.... i so hate being that way....i dont typically make a habit of it....thankfully teddy is my rock...my touchstone...and he saw me through it....

:moonstars:

Im so thankful that you allow me to be there for you baby just as you are there for me when I need it. That is what love is

on my mind is
 

I am wondering why there is nothing I want to buy anymore. Im totally uninterested in material things. There is nothing I desire in my life right now. I find that both interesting and lightly disturbing. Disturb is too strong. I wonder if it is like stopping running ? I cannot remember the last time I ran. I cannot remember the last time I really wanted something..... except maybe cake with thick pink frosting....:typewriter:

All that I desire is intangible.

My physical therapy tomorrow I will never understand how putting someone through torture will help said person not be in pain. Then there is how someone I consider to be a friend is hurt because I am happy. I do not like hurting anyone and when I do it it causes me pain. I do not regret or feel guilty about my happiness I am just sorry that it hurt someone I consider to be a friend. I know it will be okay though in time it just happens to be on my mind tonight.

Dependency. That's what's on my mind.

I really dislike being dependent on something for my sense of connectedness, enjoyment, or whatever else. Technology can really piss me off soemtimes. Of course without it I would have never met my girl, so I will just say that I am grateful... and pissed!

I know I would feel a shit-ton better if I had sushi and chocolate... In that order too.
:sushi::eatinghersheybar:

My dad
 

Second blood test....red blood cells are still bad....one day at a time....

I have to find my motivation somewhere - dig it out, drag it out, even if it's kicking and screaming.

I have to find my happiness button. I know it's around here somewhere, just have to find it under all the shit it's been buried under.

And, I have to grab my cojones and make the changes I need to in order to be where I want to be and then, and then, what I want will happen. Damn cojones, why do they have to keep on shrivelling up?