Last night, my ferret Smokey started walking funny. I took him to the vet this morning and they are telling me he had a stroke :( he also has a new heart murmur or leaky valve so he is going too the vet again tomorrow for x-rays. Ugh. Today sucked. He is on my mind :(

her
truffles
ball caps
jeans
coats
haircuts
thanksgiving
work
movies

No one on the outside can really understand what its like in my house. Yes, its usually cluttered. Yes, we yell sometimes. Yes, there are things that we just let go... because its not worth the fight. BUT... every day we manage an 8 year old boy who doesn't understand social expectation, limitations, or reasoning. He doesn't adjust to change, he can't grasp the concepts that most children in his class have had mastered for years. This same child, is smarter then most of those children will ever be. He looks normal, he sounds normal and to all outside eyes... I'm sure it looks like his problems are in how things happen in our house. In reality... the way things happen in our house, is the only reason he functions in society at all. EVERY, and when I say every I mean more then 5, professional we have talked to agrees that we (my mother and I) are doing all that we possibly can to advocate and support this amazing and challenging child. This includes allowing my 10 year old daughter move out of my home and in with her father.

SO today whats on my mind is how frustrating it is that his fathers fiance still thinks that somehow I am not doing what is needed in my home. I have sacrificed my entire life to raise this child. Lost every friend and had to start from scratch. Given custody of my other child to THEM... do you really think I would be giving away my child if I had any other choice? THIS, is what I do for a living. I work with children with severe disabilities. My specialty is behavioral disabilities, and I am very good at my job. I have put all of my professional knowledge, as well as that of the other education professionals i know to work in trying to find a program that will work for my son.

I am sorry if you don't understand what it means to be on guard 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sometimes, I have to give in. No child should be in trouble all the time... and every parent needs a break.

On my mind
 

My awesome g-f ! And the fact that this woman knows how to love me! This bad boi might have to put a ring on that finger someday.

Man...I am happy for StrongButch and Ocean. That is awesome.

Oh, i was thinking about what a small world we live in.
and more coffee.

Thank you so much DMW .. nice to meet u .. :)

I would like to stay up all day and night....

I would like to go rake the yard, or go thrifting, or go to the library...

I would like to do something beside work, go to the grocery store, play on the internet, clean house and watch tv...

11 hr workdays with half hour drive on either side make for long days..

Working overnights makes it difficult to stay away during the day to enjoy the day...

I'm thinking that the next job we get will be morning or mids... Just miss too much of life sleeping all day...

Waiting for a text message but so tired ... story of my life these days :(

My crappity holiday work schedule.

*dislike*

mmmmm.... espresso....

I am losing some of my government benefits today. I have been getting free transport to medical appts because I couldnt drive myself to and fro because of my problems. Well, I have been stable long enough that I no longer need this service. I AM SO THRILLED!!!! Some people get upset over losing benefits. To me, this is a huge milestone. Again, I will never be fully able bodied and I will always be disabled but I CAN do for myself yet. And while I CAN do, I WILL do. And I am so grateful that my health has stablized enough that long!

this is a wonderful day for me...

Sarojini Naidu
 

Autumn Song

"Like a joy on the heart of a sorrow,
The sunset hangs on a cloud;
A golden storm of glittering sheaves,
Of fair and frail and fluttering leaves,
The wild wind blows in a cloud.

Hark to a voice that is calling
To my heart in the voice of the wind:
My heart is weary and sad and alone,
For its dreams like the fluttering leaves have gone,
And why should I stay behind? "

Dance Now

It is ok, and good; by me
for love has no boundaries.
If it is always so, it is ok...
for happiness has boundaries.

So, the morrow and the new
should break free the heart, by you
that suffers today, from me
let today be already done and the
suffering of the morrow gone.
let this note be worn and a part
of the past.

Today... let i be that
your heart has won; for you.
the morrow has come.
let it be that your heart is ok;
and good,
by you.

Which
then,
by me

Nevermind, nor, you
trouble; for me

Nevermind,
Never i...
let
bother
you
(f)

Society rejects me for being Deaf
The Deaf community reject me for not being "Deaf enough"
The Lesbian community rejects me for being too Butch
The Butch/Femme Community rejects me for dating other butches
The Deaf-Lesbian community reject me for being into S/M
The S/M community rejects me for being Deaf
Society rejects me for being Puerto Rican
The Hispanic community reject me for being "Pagan" & too "White"
Patriarchal society rejects me for being Androgynous
Matriarch society at-large rejects me for embracing so-called Patriarch Dichotomy,
I am rejected and oppressed
Even by those who cry out readily against
Rejection, oppression and discrimination
When will it end?

:mohawk:

...a conversation with the executor of my mother's estate

...a big work event coming up

...my "to do" list for around the house

...how much I'd like to learn to make really good tamales

...getting involved with a local group and doing more real time socializing

...looking at things through a different lens

...Thanksgiving dinner with friends and strangers

:rrose: