Four more from Bulwer-Lytton:


After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale, Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.


Fed up with Parisian hipsters using fancy foreign words to describe French food, Pierre decided un oeuf was un oeuf.


After almost twenty years of baldness, Harry finally decided to splurge on an expensive, human-hair wig – after all, four hundred dollars to look twenty years younger was a small price toupée.


Winky the flounder, lying flat on the ocean floor, looked about in horror as he took in the shreds of fish flesh that rained down on him from the massacre visited upon his family by the barracuda gang, and realized: "I'm the sole survivor."

Gotta love good corn !

Four more from Bulwer-Lytton:


After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale, Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.


Fed up with Parisian hipsters using fancy foreign words to describe French food, Pierre decided un oeuf was un oeuf.


After almost twenty years of baldness, Harry finally decided to splurge on an expensive, human-hair wig – after all, four hundred dollars to look twenty years younger was a small price toupée.


Winky the flounder, lying flat on the ocean floor, looked about in horror as he took in the shreds of fish flesh that rained down on him from the massacre visited upon his family by the barracuda gang, and realized: "I'm the sole survivor."

Gotta love good corn !
__________________
__________________________________________________ ________________________

What do you call a pile of cats?

A meow-tain


Where does the electric cord go to shop?

The outlet mall, of course.


Why didn't the shrimp share his treasure?

He was a little shellfish.


What kind of music do mummies listen to?

Wrap-music!

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

You 'neek' up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way.

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?



Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Corny Jokes
 

How do you catch an elephant?

Dig a huge hole and fill it with ashes. Dump in a can of peas.
When he comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.


How do you catch a rabbit?

Stand behind a tree and make a noise like a carrot.


Well they are suppose to be corny eh.

~
 

oh my stone ~ you know some weird yokes ~ they were eggsellent tee hee ~

~~
Q: Why shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop?
A: It's too high a price 'toupee.'

Q. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?
A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

corny jokes
 

What's the worst weather for rats and mice?
When its raining cats and dogs.

What is the other than obvious difference between a flea and an elephant?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants.

In which direction will a tree fall if chipped on both the south and north side?
Down.

unfortunately not so corny joke

Hitler, Himmler, Goering and Hess are driving from separate directions into a crossroads.

Huge crash.

Whose fault is it?

The Jews, of course.

Christmas Ornaments Anonymous (meetings)
 

I like funny Christmas jokes, clean ones. *LOL*

But I saw this tonight and thought it was super cute too.

:cheesy:

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/u...s-pictures.jpg

https://30bpy449p8t71zsuk1t0y2e2-wpe...-puns-mint.png




https://i.pinimg.com/474x/b1/6d/30/b...f67b5c46ed.jpg

What do you call a Ghost Telephone?

A Dead Ringer.

Corny Jokes
 

A little boy was practicing his violin and his dog began to howl and his dad was trying to read the newspaper. After a half hour of practice and howling dad couldn't take it anymore. Son, he says, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?

It's very sad when you think about it...20 yrs. from now all of todays beautiful young women will be five years older.

BFF to her friend, "I thought you were on a diet?"
Friend, "I am, I'm just eating this fudge to test myself, and so far I failed."

Two brothers and their donkeys

Two brothers argue on which of the two donkeys is theirs,
so the first man says, ” I’ll cut an ear off of my donkey and the donkey with only one ear will be mine you take the other one”. So they come to an agreement. At night the donkey with one ear looks at the other donkey with two ears in jealousy, and he ends up biting the donkeys ear off. The next morning the brothers start arguing again, one of the brothers says,” alright I’ll cut off a donkeys second ear and the donkey with no ears is mine and you take the other one.” So they come to an agreement. That night the donkey gets jealous again and bites the other donkeys last ear off. Morning comes the brothers are mad and arguing. One of the brothers says,” this is what we’ll do, I am cutting off my donkeys tail and the other one with a tail will be yours.” So they come to an agreement. That night the same thing happens the donkey with no tail gets jealous and bites the other donkeys tail off. The morning comes both brothers are mad. One brother finally yells,” alright fine how about you take the black donkey and I take the brown one”