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Happy Anniversary Tomboystud!!!!!!
Happy Anniversary!!!!!
Congratulations on 13 years clean!!! http://www.choices-nyc.com/images/pr...older_1176.jpg Wishing you a wonderful celebration and the start to another wonderful year!!! Thank you for sharing your recovery with me Have a great meeting tonight ....it's so cool that they have a parade on your special day! |
Thank you LWF! I am so happy you are part of my journey. We do recover!! Thank you everyone for being on the path with me!
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July 4
Conflict “We learn that conflicts are a part of reality, and we learn new ways to resolve them instead of running from them.” Basic Text, p. 90 ––––=–––– From time to time, we all experience conflicts. It may be that we just can’t get along with that new coworker. Maybe our friends are driving us crazy. Or perhaps our partner isn’t living up to our expectations. Dealing with any conflict is difficult for recovering addicts. When tempers rise, it is often a good idea to back away from the situation until cooler minds prevail. We can always return for further discussion when we have calmed down. We can’t avoid troubling situations, but we can use time and distance to find perspective. Conflict is a part of life. We can’t go through our entire recovery without encountering disagreements and differences of opinion. Sometimes we can back away from these situations, taking time to reflect on them, but there always comes a time when conflict must be resolved. When that time comes, we take a deep breath, say a prayer, and apply the principles our program has given us: honesty, openness, responsibility, forgiveness, trust, and all the rest. We didn’t get clean to keep running from life—and in recovery, we don’t have to run anymore. ––––=–––– Just for today: The principles my program has given me are sufficient to guide me through any situation. I will strive to confront conflict in a healthy way. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 5
Tyler’s Truth The snow is dying, pouring itself into the creeks and riverbeds. Sacrificing its crystalline structure and community for the ubiquitous oneness of liquid. Drawn by the gravitational lure of the ocean. Unity conquers the frozen individuated whole. Pulled from coast to coast the sun tempts the water’s life, the sea gives up her soul to the sky to be reborn as snow once more. Open your mouth just to see if a song comes dancing out * THE RAINBOW What is that look of concentration? Asked my sponsor I am trying to see the gray. The gray? She queried. Yes, I heard at the meeting that between the Black and white there’s a lot of gray. Well my darling I don’t want you to have black and white thinking. But what lies between black and white Are all the colors ---the full spectrum What am I to do with this information? What do I do with all those colors? I ask in shock and confusion For right now, just remember That all colors aren’t blue. |
July 5
Exploring spiritual options “The nature of our belief will determine the manner of our prayers and meditation.” Basic Text, p. 44 ––––=–––– How do we pray? For each NA member, this is a deeply personal matter. Many of us find that, over time, we develop a manner of prayer and meditation based on what we learn from others and what we are comfortable with. Some of us arrive in NA with a closed mind toward a Power greater than ourselves. But when we sit down with our sponsor and discuss our difficulty, looking at the Second Step in depth, we are pleased to find that we can choose any concept of a Higher Power that appeals to us. Just as our definition of a Power greater than ourselves differs from addict to addict, so does our manner of achieving a “conscious contact.” Some attend religious services; some chant; some sit quietly or talk with whatever is out there; some find a spiritual connection by communing with nature. The “right way” to pray and meditate is whatever way helps us improve our conscious contact with our own Higher Power. Asking others how they found their spiritual guidance is always a good place to begin. Reading literature before we enter periods of meditation can also help us. Many have gone before us on this search. As we seek spiritual growth, we can greatly benefit from their experience. ––––=–––– Just for today: I will explore my options for improving my conscious contact with the God of my understanding. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 6
What is at the Eye of the Storm? Serenity is the alignment of three knowledges 1. Knowing that I am not without skill, talent, gifts. 2. Knowing that I am not without community, connection, comfort. 3. Knowing that I am not without G-d, whether or not I believe G-d is able to intervene. When I am in full or even partial possession of these three I am safe from storm, or no, drought or no, fiery hairy pestilence and without this knowledge everything is storm, drought and pestilence, no matter what anyone else says or all evidence to the contrary. I will make my own mess when bereft. I will pay a large price for ignoring the facts and the lion’s share of this loss is loss of my serenity. Disrupt the effectiveness of negativity * THE BEAR Living with my disease is like having A sleeping Bear in the house. I knew it was there, could hear it snore. I never felt comfortable or able to turn my back On it and get on with my life. I felt under certain threat. Fearing the bear would wake When my attention was elsewhere I proceeded to poke it with a stick. I prodded it to wakefulness In retrospect it is clear I was unprepared For a wakeful bear. Even with my full attention fixed on the brute The Bear, which is my disease, roamed about the house And made forays out into the world. I had no plan or tool for these events Finding a legion of people who had worked out Living arrangements with their Bears I happily joined their ranks. My Bear wakes and sleeps at its will But I am no longer afraid or unskilled At handling this creature Today I am so grateful for the Bear in my life. I would never want a life without it I live in a world filled with Bears And would be at a loss as how to exist If not for the practice and success With the Bear that is my own. |
July 6
"I'm sorry" “The main thing [the Eighth Step] does for us is to help build awareness that, little by little, we are gaining new attitudes about ourselves and how we deal with other people.” Basic Text, p. 39 ––––=–––– To say “I’m sorry” probably isn’t such a foreign idea to most of us. In our active addiction, it may have been a very familiar phrase. We were always telling people how sorry we were, and were probably deeply surprised when someone, tired of our meaningless apologies, responded with, “You sure are. In fact, you’re the sorriest excuse for...” That may have been our first clue that an “I’m sorry” didn’t really make any difference to those we harmed, especially when we both knew that we’d just do the same thing again. Many of us thought that making amends would be another “I’m sorry.” However, the action we take in those steps is entirely different. Making amends means to make changes and, above all, to make the situation right. If we stole money, we don’t just say, “I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again now that I’m clean.” We pay the money back. If we neglected or abused our families, we don’t just apologize. We begin to treat them with respect. Amending our behavior and the way we treat ourselves and others is the whole purpose of working the steps. We’re no longer just “sorry”; we’re responsible. ––––=–––– Just for today: I accept responsibility for myself and my recovery. Today, I will amend some particular thing I’m sorry for. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 7
Keeping My Seat I can sit through this. I can do it even when I don’t remember that I want to. I will get through this no matter how it tweaks me and I squirm in my seat. In spite of the unfairness of it all, I can do what is right, because that is what is best for me. Acting out or giving up are options that I have, but I like me too much to choose so poorly. When this is all settled I will still have me no matter what else I gain or lose. If I don’t like me anymore I have lost everything, if I can hold my head up, proud of my behavior this is the most valuable gain. Love is only love if I am still here to feel it, so I will sit still. Set group goals for your tiny terrors * TIME TABLES I know the train is coming And I want to read the schedule I hear rumors that the convoy going to Feeling will arrive in two years. The five-year expedition to getting my brains back Seems unlikely but is often commented on in meetings. Excursions to far-off destinations such as Functional and Reasonable have me on my feet In gleeful anticipation. Still I wish for a clear mapping of time. I feel I could leave off the worrying About the How of it if only I could Be sure of the When. This cavalcade of adventure Would be so much more palatable With a well written itinerary. |
July 7
God in each other “One aspect of our spiritual awakening comes through the new understanding of our Higher Power that we develop by sharing another addict’s recovery.” Basic Text, p. 52 ––––=–––– We’ve heard it said that we often see God most clearly in one another. We see the truth of this when we practice our Twelfth Step. When we carry the recovery message to another addict, we sense the presence of a Power greater than ourselves. And as we watch the message take hold, we realize something else: It’s the message that brings recovery, not the messenger. A Higher Power, not our own power, is the source of the change that begins when we carry the message to a still-suffering addict. As the message does its work, transforming the life of another addict, we see a Higher Power in action. We watch as acceptance and hope replace denial and despair. Before our very eyes, the first traces of honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness begin to appear. Something’s happening inside this person, something bigger and more powerful than either of us. We’re watching the God we’ve come to understand at work in someone’s life. We see the Higher Power in them. And we know with greater certainty than ever that this Higher Power is in us, too, as the force driving our recovery. ––––=–––– Just for today: As I carry the message of recovery to other addicts, I will try to pay attention to the Power behind the message. Today, as I watch other addicts recover, I will try to recognize the God in them so I can better recognize the God in myself. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 8
Tooth Fairies and Super Heroes I never know who the tooth fairy is going to be. Who might be the one person who will know CPR in my hour of need. Which unlikely friend will whisper to me the secret code to my mental lock. I have been caught off guard by the power of the most unlikely wallflowers. It is important for me not to prejudge, but even more important to leave space for surprise and the delightful aptitude of those around me and for that matter from strangers on the street. Also, it is good for me to remember there is change in my pocket and a resuscitation certificate in my wallet. Repattern the impressions made on you * FAR OFF PLACES Meetings too near home are unsatisfying to me. On smooth simple days, local meetings are fine, I catch a meeting, just slip it in. On rough days I yearn for an out of town meeting. After these many 24’s I come to realize I need the ride As much as I need the meeting. Like a discontented baby, I need more that just a trip around the block. The comfort of taking flight in my car Is equaled by arriving at some far off AA meeting Fresh faces and a new take on old woes Are an antidote to my colicky attitude. The drive back offers a sense of triumphant homecoming A good meeting can be had anywhere Sometimes I just need a change of place Or a change of pace. |
July 8
The "G" word “It is important for you to know that you will hear God mentioned at NA meetings. What we are referring to is a Power greater than ourselves that makes possible what seems impossible.” IP No. 22, Welcome to NA ––––=–––– Most of us come to Narcotics Anonymous with a variety of preconceptions about what the word “God” means, many of them negative. Yet the “G” word is used very regularly in NA, if not constantly. It occurs 92 times in the first 103 pages of our Basic Text, and appears prominently in a third of our Twelve Steps. Rather than sidestep the sensitivity many of us feel toward the word, let’s address it head on. It’s true that Narcotics Anonymous is a spiritual program. Our Twelve Steps offer a way to find freedom from addiction through the help of a spiritual Power greater than we are. The program, however, doesn’t tell us anything about what we have to think about that Power. In fact, over and over again, in our literature and our steps and our meetings, we hear it said, “the God of our understanding”—whatever that understanding may be. We use the word “God” because it’s used in our Basic Text and because it communicates most effectively to most people a basic understanding of the Power underlying our recovery. The word, we use for the sake of convenience. The Power behind the word, however, we use for more than convenience. We use that Power to maintain our freedom from addiction and to ensure our ongoing recovery. ––––=–––– Just for today: Whether I believe in “God” or not, I will use the Power that keeps me clean and free. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 9
Night Clothes and Bed Clothes Is there any indulgence quite like that of clean sleepwear warm from the laundry? Pulling on jammies over squeaky clean skin and the little shutter that goes with tired hedonism is a pleasure without formed words, left for grateful sounds and little moans. Hard work creates more than stability, more than cash flow and more than mere exhaustion, hard work changes my mind about delight and allows me to see it in the most obvious, most subtle of places. My bed has become haven, hospital, refuge and I am tucked up in my nest and safely out of my mind. Tidy around your messy emotions * THE WATER YOU DRINK Anyone who has to be drug to water Doesn’t deserve a drink. said my sponsor What about raising the bottom? I question. I’m not talking about that I am discussing people you try to convince into recovery The folks you try to accommodate . The ones you attempt to bend reality for These are the type who will piss in your well Let me be clear-------- I am not concerned with individuals who piss in the pool Which is rude and disgusting But basically not life threatening . When your well is defiled When the place you draw your drinking water from Is used as a chamber pot--- your life is at risk. Don’t ever pull your pants down Over someone’s fresh water Don’t let anyone squat with their bare ass over your sobriety |
July 9
We do recover! “...the time has come when that tired old lie, ‘Once an addict, always an addict,’ will no longer be tolerated by either society or the addict himself. We do recover.” Basic Text, p. 89 ––––=–––– From time to time, we hear speakers share that they don’t really understand spiritual principles yet. They tell us that if we knew what went on in their minds, we’d be amazed at how insane they still are. They tell us that the longer they’re clean, the less they know about anything. In the next breath, these same speakers tell us about the profound changes recovery has made in their lives. They have moved from complete despair to unfailing hope, from uncontrollable drug use to total abstinence, from chronic unmanageability to responsibility through working the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. Which story is true? Do we or don’t we recover? We may think we demonstrate humility or gratitude by underplaying the change that recovery has brought to our lives. True, we do injustice to the program when we take credit for this miracle ourselves. But we do an equal injustice—to ourselves and to those we share with—when we don’t acknowledge this miracle’s magnitude. We do recover. If we have trouble seeing the miracle of recovery, we’d better look again. Recovery is alive and at work in Narcotics Anonymous—in our oldtimers, in the newcomers flooding our meetings, and most of all in ourselves. All we have to do is open our eyes. ––––=–––– Just for today: I will acknowledge the miracle of my recovery and be grateful that I’ve found it. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 10
Special Is it the wiring between my ears, the size of the pump in my chest? The difference which can be seen when you look from me to the neighbors? I know that you feel me to be special. I feel me to be special, too, just like you. Defining that thing, that combination which unlocks the mundane is more than just an attempt to point a finger; it’s a search for that little light. Close and closer we pull together and that is special, but now I will whisper it, tell you the secret truth is my ability to play. Come play with me! Whistle with the tune the wind brings you * IT’S MY PARTY The party I was throwing myself in addiction Was nothing but a very long wake. There were no smiles, only murmurs of what might have been. I was filled with tears I couldn’t cry And mourned my death as I caused it. When I took off my little black dress And stepped from this shroud I closed the bar, clicked the switch and the dirge stopped. The funeral ended prematurely I walked into AA where I learned to be the life of the party. |
July 10
A positive attitude “That old nest of negativism followed me everywhere I went.” Basic Text, p. 137 ––––=–––– A negative attitude is the trademark of active addiction. Everything that occurred in our lives was someone or something else’s fault. We had blaming others for our shortcomings down to a fine science. In recovery, one of the first things we strive to develop is a new attitude. We find that life goes a lot easier when we replace our negative thinking with positive principles. While a negative attitude dogged us in our active addiction, all too often it can follow us into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. How can we begin to adjust our attitudes? By altering our actions. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. We can start by listening to the way we talk. Before we open our mouths, we ask ourselves some simple questions: Does what I’m going to say speak to the problem, or the solution? Is what I’m going to say framed in a kind manner? Is what I have to say important, or would everyone be just as well off if I kept my mouth shut? Am I talking just to hear myself talk, or is there some purpose to my “words of wisdom”? Our attitudes are expressed in our actions. Often, it’s not what we say, but the way we say it, that really matters. As we learn to speak in a more positive manner, we will notice our attitudes improving as well. ––––=–––– Just for today: I want to be free of negativity. Today, I will speak and act positively. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 11
Let God Do What? I hesitate to let go to G-d because I fear that G-d doesn’t like me, or likes me now, but doesn’t like me all the time. I think I got this belief from being the only child of parents who don’t like children. It never mattered how good I was, how smart or thoughtful, well informed, helpful, I always ended up being treated like I was a burden, someone to be endured. If only I was likeable, I would think to myself and try recreating me to become….what? Finally I settled on indispensable, if I could make myself necessary, then my life would be okay. People would need me therefore they would want me. What I discovered is that people who can’t live without me end up resenting me. By the time I was so important to others I was no longer important to me, so I didn’t need G-d’s help because I didn’t need anything, I didn’t exist. Over time what I have settled on are a few truths: People who don’t like kids shouldn’t have them. And I need G-d’s help to learn how to want to be here on this planet since I was not brought to earth by people who wanted me. Title your dreams * SYMPTOMATIC BOUQUET My bouquet of symptoms took root in alcoholism I displayed these blossoms to few. I thought I could keep these problem posies to myself. No need to worry Everyone has a bit of manure in their lives. Mine hardly seem strange. Planted in addiction things grew in a dramatic way Pruning became unworkable, Drastic measures were required. Uprooted and exposed these virulent stalks Created the need for help from better gardeners than I. Thinned and repotted these character traits Have fruited many a lovely harvest. None of which could have happened Had I been left in the family plot. |
July 11
Encouragement “We share comfort and encouragement with others.” Basic Text, p. 99 ––––=–––– Many of us have watched as babies take their first steps. The mother holds the child on its feet. The father kneels nearby with outstretched arms, encouraging the little one, his face flooded with devotion. The baby takes a few small steps toward its father. An older brother and sister cheer the tyke on. Baby falls down. Its mother, murmuring words of comfort, picks the child up and starts over again. This time, baby stays up until it is close enough to fall into the safety of its father’s arms. As newcomers, we arrive in the rooms of NA much like this small child. Accustomed to living a life crippled by addiction, full of fear and uncertainty, we need help to stand. Just like a child beginning its march toward adulthood, we take our halting first steps toward recovery. We learn to live this new way of life because others who have gone before us encourage and comfort us by telling us what worked—and what didn’t work—for them. Our sponsor is there for us when we need a push in the right direction. Many times we feel like we can’t take another step in recovery. Just like a child learning to walk, we sometimes stumble or fall. But our Higher Power always awaits us with outstretched arms. And like the child’s brothers and sisters shouting their encouragement, we, too, are supported by other NA members as we walk toward a full life in recovery. ––––=–––– Just for today: I will seek encouragement from others. I will encourage others who may need my strength. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 12
A Year for Me The world is my mollusk and I am its pennyweight paragon, witty girl that I am. I have spent enough time surrounded by wet feet and confining shells, all held at the bottom of the sea. This is a year for me. I am going to climb over the rim of my briny brink and try myself against the fearsome winds of chance. Although souse is buoyant I feel strong enough to stand my ground. Time has come for life, open and raw, but I shall leave the clams to the casino. Allow ticklish issues to make you laugh * HOLD THE LINE Relax is not the same as give up. Unwind is not fray. Letting go doesn’t mean never grab hold. It is important to have moderation in all things Including moderation, exuberance and enthusiasm, These are wonderful in their season Too much and I could get an adrenaline addiction. Make sure your song has more than one note And make sure you sing more than one song in your life. Change, interest and excitement are vital to my existence If you take all the spikes and ridges Out of your life line It means you’re Dead. |
July 12
Patience “We were trapped by our need for the instant gratification that drugs gave us.” Basic Text, p. 25 ––––=–––– “I want what I want, and I want it now!” That’s about as patient as most of us ever got in our active addiction. The obsession and compulsion of our disease gave us a “one-track” way of thinking; when we wanted something, that’s all we thought about. And the drugs we took taught us that instant gratification was never more than a dose away. It’s no wonder that most of us came to Narcotics Anonymous with next to no patience. The problem is, we can’t always get what we want whenever we want it. Some of our wishes are pure fantasy; if we think about it, we’ll realize we have no reason to believe those wishes will be fulfilled in our lifetimes. We probably can’t even fulfill all our realistic desires; we certainly can’t fulfill them all at once. In order to acquire or achieve some things, we will have to sacrifice others. In our addiction we sought instant gratification, squandering our resources. In recovery we must learn to prioritize, sometimes denying the gratification of some desires in order to fulfill more important long-term goals. To do so requires patience. To find that patience, we practice our program of recovery, seeking the kind of full-bodied spiritual awakening that will allow us to live and enjoy life on life’s terms. ––––=–––– Just for today: Higher Power, help me discover what’s most important in my life. Help me learn patience, that I can devote my resources to the important things. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 13
Old Nasty My addiction is like a Percheron, bigger and more powerful than I am, but what I have learned is that if I treat this horse with due respect and a guiding hand from my recovery and my Higher Power I can harness the energy of my illness and use its’ force to make my life work. I can never be the master of alcoholism, but I can see it for what it is; an overgrown instinct looking for an outlet. When I am given my way out I take this beast with me and when I value that partnership we are both safe. When I have tried to lock it in a stall and run far from the barn, it kicks my life down. When I put my head in the yoke willingly, together we are led and we do the work which is fulfilling and rich. I was meant to work in a team, I am grateful to have a teammate. Close your eyes and look at yourself * QUICK-------SAND !!!!!! Don’t ask how deep the quicksand is. Said my sponsor. It’s your job to get out of it--not quantify it. I’m not sure how to get out. Will you come and get me. I ask her? No Darling, if I get in we will both be down for the count The only chance we have for me to help you Is if I stay out of the morass With my feet firmly on solid ground. What if you can’t get me out. I cry? I will go get more help. What if all of AA can’t get me out? Angel, my hope is, that if there was no way out You wouldn’t even know you were stuck. |
July 13
Humility in action “If we are hurting, and most of us do from time to time, we learn to ask for help.” Basic Text, p. 83 ––––=–––– Sometimes recovery gets downright difficult. It can be even more difficult to get humble enough to ask for help. We think, “I have all this time clean. I should be better than this!” But the reality of recovery is simple: Whether we have thirty days or thirty years clean, we must be willing to ask for help when we need it. Humility is a common theme in our Twelve Steps. The program of Narcotics Anonymous is not about keeping up appearances. Instead, the program helps us get the most from our recovery. We must be willing to lay bare our difficulties if we expect to find solutions to problems that arise in our lives. There’s an old expression sometimes heard in Narcotics Anonymous: We can’t save our face and our ass at the same time. It isn’t easy to share in a meeting when we have a number of years clean only to dissolve into tears because life on life’s terms has made us realize our powerlessness. But when the meeting ends and another member comes up and says, “You know, I really needed to hear what you had to say,” we know that there is a God working in our lives. The taste of humility is never bitter. The rewards of humbling ourselves by asking for help sweeten our recovery. ––––=–––– Just for today: If I need help, I will ask for it. I will put humility into action in my life. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 14
Wales It is safe for the houses to sleep in the streets, but not for me. I cannot follow that which is so right and regular for mundane things. I am a jagged piece and it is hard for me to find my place. The sun comes though everyone’s windows and peeks around the blinds left down. I must mind my manners and not be a nuisance or a bother; draw no undue attention to my brightness, carry a basket to hide it in. And while every river can drown its sorrows in the rush of the downhill sweep to the sea; I must stand here stock cold sober and bear the pain appointed to me. Curl your fingers into the tangles of life and hang on * WAKE Don’t worry that you might spoil the procession By getting out of your coffin. You don’t need to lie there waiting for the lid to close. People will walk past saying ---so sad---too bad But don’t lie instate just to keep them from feeling Their trip was a waste. Just because the crypt has been purchased Doesn’t mean you’re ready to go. There are still opportunities to dance. Don’t die for love, glory or pride. Don’t die before your time. Death is only an honor If you lived every preceding second. |
July 14
An "inside job" “Social acceptability does not equal recovery.” Basic Text, p. 22 ––––=–––– One of the first things that happens to many of us in recovery is that we start to look better. We get healthier; we bathe; we dress more appropriately. And without the goading of active addiction, many of us finally stop stealing, lying, and hustling. We start to look normal—just by removing the drugs. Looking normal is very different from being normal. Acceptability in the eyes of the world is a benefit of recovery; it is not the same thing as recovery. We can enjoy the benefits of recovery, but we must take care to nurture their true source. Lasting recovery isn’t found in acceptance from others, but in the inner growth set in motion by the Twelve Steps. ––––=–––– Just for today: I know that looking good isn’t enough. Lasting recovery is an inside job. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 15
Sympathetic Strings A guitar with 28 strings generates much sympathy from the cords which were not strummed. Pluck is contagious and inspires much harmony and verve in the vicinity in which it shows face. Sympathetic strings vibrate in response to the jangling around them but are tuned to their own notes. Much distortion adds to the depth of the sound created by this throng. Can you hear my life? How a disturbance in my life rings in the lives which surround me? How I twitch and chime when things are twanged in the lives of my neighbors, my friends, my kin. We make the music of care, the discord of reaction. To every move there is a sound to every sympathy a harmony. Surprise yourself with the light in your own eyes * THE LIVING DREAM Throwing yourself into the river in pieces Drowns you as crumbs. Casting aside love and longing makes you less in your heart and your soul stops beating. Pitching your tent with critics and complainers Leaves you out in the cold on warm summer evenings. Crest the hill to meet the rising sun Orbit the constellations without hesitation. Petit point the pictures in your mind Then set them to music. The world is your dream Live it into reality. |
July 15
Relations with others “We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” Step Eight ––––=–––– All human beings struggle with self-centeredness. The chronic self-centeredness that lies at the very core of addiction makes that struggle doubly difficult for people like us. Many of us have lived as if we believed we were the last people on earth, utterly blind to the effect our behavior has had on those around us. The Eighth Step is the process our program has given us to honestly examine our past relationships. We take a look at the writing we did on our Fourth Step to identify the effects our actions had on the people in our lives. When we recognize harm done to some of those people, we become willing to take responsibility for our actions by making amends to them. The variety of people we encounter in our day and the quality of our relations with them determines, to a great extent, the quality of our very lives. Love, humor, excitement, caring—the things that make life worth living derive much of their meaning from being shared with others. Understanding this, we want to discover the true nature of our relationships with other people and mend whatever breaks we may find in those relations. We want to work the Eighth Step. ––––=–––– Just for today: I want to fully enjoy the companionship of my fellows. I will examine my relationships with the people in my life. Where I find I’ve harmed others, I will seek the willingness to make amends to them. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 16
Rounder Back again, yes, that I see, but change is not the same as return. What I know of you is your past. I believe the past because I know it. If there is a new you to meet that remains to be seen. Even a chameleon sheds its skin, though I doubt its intrinsic nature is altered much in the process. So flash your smile and wind your words into the thoughts of those with whom you have no history. I’ve been exposed before, the virus doesn’t conquer me, I am immune. Once bitten makes me wary when you come around again. Pick a color and let it find you all day * TO SLOOP When I was a tanker- I carried such a heavy load. The diesel cycle ran at regular intervals And my internal temperature was terrific. The fuel sprayed and things went round and round The cost was high. Now my principal means of propulsion Is the wind in my sails. Conversion was difficult Though I found the rigging and mast a fascination The ballast was a heavy load to bear. Cargo is something short lived To be cast off at the next port. Incumbent discretion is welded to my keel And will go with me to every harbor. As a tankard, liquid was transported or consumed. As a cutter, dependability keeps me tacking into the wind. Now my outlay is low and my rewards are high I carry only what I need, I am free, a sloop upon the sea. |
July 16
Self-esteem “Deep inside, I had feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.” ––––=–––– Somewhere along the way, many of us developed strong feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Deep inside was a voice that continually cried out, “You’re worthless!” Many of us learn to recognize this characteristic of low self-esteem very early in our recovery. Some of us may feel that our feelings of inferiority were where all our problems began. Whether we learn this low self-esteem in our families or through our interactions with others, in NA we learn the tools for reclaiming ourselves. Building up our fractured self-esteem sometimes begins by simply accepting a service position. Or perhaps our phone begins to ring, and for the first time people are calling just to see how we are. They don’t want anything from us but to reach out and help. Next we get a sponsor, someone who teaches us that we are worthwhile and believes in us until we can believe in ourselves. Our sponsor guides us through the Twelve Steps where we learn who we really are, not who we have built ourselves up or down to be. Low self-esteem doesn’t go away overnight. Sometimes it takes years for us to really get in touch with ourselves. But with the help of other members of NA who share our same feelings, and by working the Twelve Steps, we blossom into individuals whom others and, most importantly, we ourselves respect. ––––=–––– Just for today: I will remember that I am deserving of my Higher Power’s love. I know that I am a worthy human being. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 17
Horse Play The sequestered equestrian rides alone through the night; the wood is as quiet as she. Passing no one; speaking not a word, she slips into the paddock without a nicker or a neigh. I long to be just as she, not silent sentinel, but living a whist fleet life, a power unto myself. What stands between are my hurt feelings and my longing to be loved. I can’t blame myself for either, but work to heal and grow. Nagging need is a pestilence I will be well rid of; the irredeemable past is luggage for a catalog, not for hauling on my back. I will mount up and ride my great round stead, the night is mine when I am ready the path is there I know. Imagine an ostrich in flight * GRAFT The bottom has been cut out My underpinnings stripped from me.. Budding ambition whittled down, transplanted, Saddled onto the rock like stock of other peoples sobriety. Taped to the leg of my sponsor I heal and grow. I splice my thinking with the rich ideas of improved living I cling to the cleft, divisions made from the people, Places and things of my past leave me split, Primed for fresh growth and opportunity. Never again do I need return to the sordid Acquisition of power or control There is no gain when I am bolted to position and influence Graft is graft for good or bad I don’t have to grow where I was planted. |
July 17
Using our "using dreams" “Do we fully accept the fact that our every attempt to stop using or to control our using failed?” Basic Text, p. 19 ––––=–––– The room is dark. Your forehead is bathed in cold sweat. Your heart is racing. You open your eyes, sure that you’ve just blown your clean time. You’ve had a “using dream,” and it was just like being there—the people, the places, the routine, the sick feeling in your stomach, everything. It takes a few moments to realize it was just a nightmare, that it didn’t actually happen. Slowly, you settle down and return to sleep. The next morning is the time to examine what really happened the night before. You didn’t use last night—but how close are you to using today? Do you have any illusions about your ability to control your using? Do you know, without a doubt, what would happen once you took the first drug? What stands between you and a real, live relapse? How strong is your program? Your relationships with your sponsor, your home group, and your Higher Power? Using dreams don’t necessarily indicate a hole in our program; for a drug addict, there’s nothing more natural than to dream of using drugs. Some of us think of using dreams as gifts from our Higher Power, vividly reminding us of the insanity of active addiction and encouraging us to strengthen our recovery. Seen in that light, we can be grateful for using dreams. Frightening as they are, they can prove to be great blessings—if we use them to reinforce our recovery. ––––=–––– Just for today: I will examine my personal program. I will talk with my sponsor about what I find, and seek ways to strengthen my recovery. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 18
Cicatrix and Love The mark left by injury is indelible though it may heal, the consequence remains. This is also true of love. I am branded and changed by your affection. The improvement wrought in me does not leave when you do. If you stop loving me, can no longer remember my name, my face, my sigh; I am better for having had your love if only for a short time. Good medicine offers lasting results; the miracle of your love is my health. The blush in my cheek, the revitalization I feel is traceable to you, to the days you held me in your heart and the nights you held me in your arms. And though I want you back in my world the best of you lives on in my life. Slice time with your thoughts and peer through the pieces * JUXTAPOSITION Right next to this world is the globe that I came from. The landmarks are similar but these spheres have little in common The angle of refraction illuminates the place of my origin The source of this light is legend. On my home planet, the existence of sobriety is cast off as myth. I held onto this tale with my heart. I slipped the gravitational bonds of Crazy one night By the glow of the ready button on the coffee pot. Here and there intersect at only one point A room with some chairs and a circle with a triangle. The meeting was on step one And it was a good place to jump in. |
July 18
The gift of desperation “Our disease always resurfaced or continued to progress until, in desperation, we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous.” Basic Text, p. 13 ––––=–––– When we think of being desperate, we envision an undesirable state: a poor, bedraggled soul frantically clawing at something sorely needed, a desperate look in the eyes. We think of hunted animals, hungry children, and of ourselves before we found NA. Yet it was the desperation we felt before coming to NA that compelled us to accept the First Step. We were fresh out of ideas, and so became open to new ones. Our insanity had finally risen higher than our wall of denial, forcing us to get honest about our disease. Our best efforts at control had only worn us out; hence, we became willing to surrender. We had received the gift of desperation and, as a result, were able to accept the spiritual principles that make it possible for us to recover. Desperation is what finally drives many of us to ask for help. Once we’ve reached this state, we can turn around and start anew. Just as the desperate, hunted animal seeks a safe haven, so do we: in Narcotics Anonymous. ––––=–––– Just for today: The gift of desperation has helped me become honest, open-minded, and willing. I am grateful for this gift because it has made my recovery possible. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 19
Rings of Color against Butterflies Resistance I can accomplish directly; impedance requires magnetism from an alternating world. I can drag my heels and live life in a sandpaper shack making everything a chore, but what it takes to throw furniture in the path of progress, slamming doors and turning off the lights that is more than I can do on my own. This takes the cooperation of my disease and me, the monkey-hoop, which is effort and clever repartee. Look how well we do it, too. Distracting possibilities, staving off humanity and the humane, may not sound like much, but it takes up our whole day; goodness is such a persistent little grub. It takes a concerted effort to prevent it from chrysalis and failing that, still more determination to make sure it doesn’t fly. Listen to music the way you walk through a garden * 2 CHAIRS Math is the language which moves Closest to the speed of my brain. The language of recovery slows my thinking So I am more than numbers and clicks. I need not race my mind in an effort to win. I am my prize. The victory is mine if I can embrace who I am. I can use numbers to figure whether I am more or less But owning who I am must be given To the talk of the soul and heart. My nashamah is not an astral projection To be theorized but the seat of my emotions. The only way to discover myself Is through deep and loving conversation So I had best pull up two chairs. |
July 20
Taking the Field Humor is an illustration; a joke, an explanation. I learn far more from the smiles than the jeers. Laughter carries me; an action, which tears can’t always accomplish. It is hard to live with constant descent, but wit is a quick impassioned friend. Thoughtless conformity is an evil companion I prefer the company of those who play. Life is too hard from the sidelines; I would rather take the field. Find a pit crew before you crash * DEFINITIONS I am close to my Higher Power But I have no words to describe It. I have found it best to say nothing unless asked. When I do speak it is always the path I took Or the way I held my face. I know the things, which changed And the wind, which blew. This is not the sketch most people seek. My skin is brown and my smile broad. This is not from over exposure to beams of light. Closeness warms me, I glow from standing near. I know the face and form is different for everyday I must not stop for definitions. |
July 21
Rules There are rules about breaking rules. You can do it this way, but must not that way. Cross this line and you get dragons; cross that line you get a good natured slap on the wrist. Beneath the reflective surface of law I have found many shoals and sandbars; rocks and outcroppings, layer upon layer of blue depth I can only partly chart. I also find inquiries in this matter meet with the same reaction as asking about: yeti, crop circles, or what was kept in Uncle Author’s spare room. Those willing to talk about it I often fear to hear from and the reluctant to speak I fear to pursue. You see this investigation is just another thing from under that sea. Look before you listen * MY BABIES Too often I have abandoned the infants Of my creativity to doorways and charities Having little patience I did not raise them To their intended station. Joyful parentage need not stop At the cutting of the cord. Down playing the importance of each birth I leave beauty and art to be foundlings And the province of others. I can share the guardianship of these precious gifts And be more than a broodmare for cunning and craft. I have neglected things For the promise of each new conception. Overpopulation weakens the body of work And leaves my portfolio listless and immature. |
July 22
The Landscape of Words Paint takes time to dry; I work with words. I say azure and you are there with me, even if I am far from this mortal coil, my pigments stay fresh as long as you know blue, as long as you can hear me, read me, see me. I paint 6X8 cell and we are imprisoned together, trapped, til I tell you of the key I slipped into your shoe. I love the flow of watercolor, adore the mushy paste of oil, but nothing beats the world we paint and repaint here on this page. Explain why frogs don’t have wings * GAME PLAYING My Higher Power doesn’t play me like a board game. Doesn’t monopolize my time or put me in jeopardy. My trouble is my own. I pursue trivia at my discretion. I take or reject risk at will. I scrabble my thoughts and am sorry when I make mistakes . But don’t expect to live in a candy land. When I stick my hand in a mouse trap Or fall down shoots and need to climb up ladders. I know the game may not be over But it is far too late to play let’s make a deal. You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault |
July 22
Spiritual death “For us, to use is to die, often in more ways than one.” Basic Text, p. 82 ––––=–––– As newcomers, many of us came to our first meeting with only a small spark of life remaining. That spark, our spirit, wants to survive. Narcotics Anonymous nurtures that spirit. The love of the fellowship quickly fans that spark into a flame. With the Twelve Steps and the love of other recovering addicts, we begin to blossom into that whole, vital human being our Higher Power intended us to be. We begin to enjoy life, finding purpose in our existence. Each day we choose to stay clean, our spirit is revitalized and our relationship with our God grows. Our spirit becomes stronger each day we choose life by staying clean. Despite the fact that our new life in recovery is rewarding, the urge to use can sometimes be overwhelming. When everything in our lives seems to go wrong, a return to using can seem like the only way out. But we know what the consequence will be if we use—the loss of our carefully nurtured spirituality. We have traveled too far along the spiritual path to dishonor our spirit by using. Snuffing the spiritual flame we have worked so hard to restore in our recovery is too dear a price to pay for getting high. ––––=–––– Just for today: I am grateful that my spirit is strong and vital. Today, I will honor that spirit by staying clean. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 23
Before Ophelia Young women drown themselves before Shakespeare immortalized, memorialized Ophelia. But having a poster child changes us. Cautionary tale or rallying cry, Ophelia is a hand to hold on dark cold days when the light is hard to find and everything seems bent toward destruction. Not that I think she solved anything with her despondent act just that she stands in the familiar frame I find myself in from time to time. When I imagine I’ve invented the wheel it makes it harder to step down and walk. Ophelia’s fate makes it easier to get off depression’s bus and find my way back home. Press your excuses for truth * TOOTH FAIRY I slide my hand under the pillow And am disappointed not to find a quarter. I feel I deserve one though I didn’t leave a tooth. I did leave my bite, I’ve toned down my bark a bit too. It has not been easy. I’ve spent much of my life snapping and growling At the world around me. I have shortened the leash on these reactive behaviors Many I have put to bed all together. Improved conduct is prize enough But I surely would enjoy a winged visitor If only just for fun. You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault |
July 23
Surrendering self-will “We want and demand that things always go our way. We should know from our past experience that our way of doing things did not work.” Basic Text, p. 93 ––––=–––– All of us have ideas, plans, goals for our lives. There’s nothing in the NA program that says we shouldn’t think for ourselves, take initiative, and put responsible plans into action. It’s when our lives are driven by self-will that we run into problems. When we are living willfully, we go beyond thinking for ourselves—we think only of ourselves. We forget that we are but a part of the world and that whatever personal strength we have is drawn from a Higher Power. We might even go so far as to imagine that other people exist solely to do our bidding. Quickly, we find ourselves at odds with everyone and everything around us. At this point, we have two choices. We can continue in our slavery to self-will, making unreasonable demands and becoming frustrated because the planet doesn’t spin our way. Or we can surrender, relax, seek knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry that out, and find our way back to a condition of peace with the world. Thinking, taking initiative, making responsible plans—there’s nothing wrong with these things, so long as they serve God’s will, not merely our own. ––––=–––– Just for today: I will plan to do God’s will, not mine. If I find myself at odds with everything around me, I will surrender self-will. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
July 24
Speak! Are there songs a bird must not sing while communing with the flock? Do fish learn to restrain their expressions while schooling? Or are we the only animal versed in the language of taboo? I wonder when I hear the cows lowing in the night are they giving whispered voice to things they longed to moo about all day. I know what to keep inside, things too flamboyant for out of doors. I understand to keep body and soul together I must keep down and hush, but when I complain to my pup does she comprehend or is it just blah, blah, blah; in her world of speak maybe it is like it is? If your pallet is limited broaden your ideas * SHARING Please take a bite of my PB&J, I made it myself, it is fine as it is I slathered the bread and cut it neatly Still I can’t help but want to offer some to you. I know to stand and smile next to you Watch you lick the peanut butter from the roof of your mouth Have you dab jelly from the corner of my lips Will make this sandwich even better. You bring so much to this meal Something bright and clever --you bring you. I can pull things together and set it all up But somehow my creation is never quite complete Until I share it with you. You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault |
July 24
The masks have to go “...we covered low self-esteem by hiding behind phony images that we hoped would fool people. The masks have to go.” Basic Text, p. 33 ––––=–––– Over-sensitivity, insecurity, and lack of identity are often associated with active addiction. Many of us carry these with us into recovery; our fears of inadequacy, rejection, and lack of direction do not disappear overnight. Many of us have images, false personalities we have constructed either to protect ourselves or please others. Some of us use masks because we’re not sure who we really are. Sometimes we think that these images, built to protect us while using, might also protect us in recovery. We use false fronts to hide our true personality, to disguise our lack of self-esteem. These masks hide us from others and also from our own true selves. By living a lie, we are saying that we cannot live with the truth about ourselves. The more we hide our real selves, the more we damage our self-esteem. One of the miracles of recovery is the recognition of ourselves, complete with assets and liabilities. Self-esteem begins with this recognition. Despite our fear of becoming vulnerable, we need to be willing to let go of our disguises. We need to be free of our masks and free to trust ourselves. ––––=–––– Just for today: I will let go of my masks and allow my self- esteem to grow. Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved |
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