Butch Femme Planet - What is on your mind

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my comfy bed with all its pillows and stuffed animals...

thinking i got my answer. i guess this was a test for me, i failed.

----Mike. I hope he wasn't alone.

That I really want to blow off NYC for Vermont this New Years...they just got major powder up there and I am drooling...

What is on my mind....

Is how some people can treat others with such disregard...that is what is on my mind....right....now....

With the end of this year coming up rather quickly and the passing of one of our own, I've just been thinking about how life is too damn short and how we take a lot of things for granted. I know I do anyway. I'm a little feverish today so please forgive my potentially overly emotional post that is about to be written here.

It sometimes seems like I never take the time to just tell people how I feel about them, whether that be my family, my friends, partners/gfs/dates/etc. I mean you can say I love you and it can become just a force of habit. Right?

I find myself asking... If they passed on or simply left your life completely, would they know how you felt just because you assume they do? If I was to go, would I be missed? Would someone feel sad that they didn't tell me how they felt?

I know if I lost someone who I loved and yet they never knew or I never told them, I'd have regrets, deep emotions regarding that. I know.. I know.. things happen for a reason.. right? I truly believe that but don't people generally like to know that someone cares about them? Loves them? Why not stop everything right now and tell someone, anyone.. how you feel?

Anyway, I just don't know... all I do know is that life, all life, is too short. I can only imagine that what I don't get right in this life, I hope will be worked out in the next.

IF you feel the same way, please forward this to 1000 of your closest friends... (just kidding).

Chris

A friends mother died this week and the funeral is tomorrow.
This got me thinking about the year my mother died. January 2 it will be nine years. The first few years were the hardest, as we rushed her to the hospital on Christmas eve and then brought her home late Christmas day so she could open presents with the kids. She died at home, but those next few days were hell. We had the funeral on the 5th as my birthday is on the 6th and the family didn't want to ruin my birthday. I think it was already ruined.
It took many years before I celebrated the holidays at all.
So anyway... I've been thinking about that.

I agree with you totally, SB. I am a HUGE beliver in telling folks just how much I care for them. I always think of "today could be your last day, and if you felt it, but didn't share it, then it meant nothing".
I always believe in calling my close friends often, and saying that to them, so they DO know how much they mean.
I am one who gets attached very easily, deeply, and wholly. Time waits for NO ONE...so I am usually always the first to say "I love you" and majority of the time, I am the one who loves the deepest. That is okay, too, for each has their own ways.
This morning I saw Medusa's post about Mike, almost 2 minutes after she posted it. His death hit me hard...for I "felt" his sincerity, his gentleness, and his huge heart...and he has been on my mind all day. I tried to nap a bit this afternoon ( I am with the beginnings of a dang cold) but couldn't relax enough to get there.
I want my GF to always be able to "know" and to "feel" what I feel for her. I end the day with her, and I usually always text her when I get up to let her know I am thinking of her.
In my own huge heart of hearts, I am also easy to "forgive" others...because I want to let that "negativity" of bygones go. Of course, some things I can't "forget" but for most part I do.
Most of my posts I will end with "I heart you all"...for I truly do heart most people I know.
When that sun sinks, I want to have my heart be whole, clean, and pure...and I want my people to know they ARE loved..beyond all measure...and especially that one special gal...:).
So yes, love and showing people is on my mind.
The song If Tomorrow Never Comes, is always my last thought at night, so "she" will know..I always did..I always will. I do so now...

Several random things.

Most pressing is.. do I want crystal light or tea? Or both?
And... what's for dinner?

And... random music from my playlist.
And... random projects being worked on.
And... a potential sketch idea.

What's on my mind??

My frustrations with a prison system that sometimes fails it's people...I received a letter today from an old high school friend who I have not talked to since 2005 when he went to prison for something he did not do. That was 7 years ago..and right after he was sent up, his step-father died and they refused him to go to the funeral. I know things we experience change us...I just hope his change has not been for the worse...and I hope it has not hardened his heart toward others. *Sighs. He was such a nice guy too...just makes me feel badly that his path led there. I guess this calls for a re-read of the book entitled "When bad things happen to good people". :-S

Today has been such a difficult day.

Between the afternoon phones calls back and forth, unexpected bad news, Mike, not eating between 1:08pm and 9:51pm, a massive headache for most of the day and a few crying jags here and there, I am spent.

Really and truly.

I haven't been this happy to see a day come to an end in a very long time.

I am not even sure right now...sitting in a fog or at least it feels that way

staying in & watching the snow fall ...curled in blankets watching a movie ..& maybe even sharing hot chocolate & exchanging soft smiles with someone special

A friend.....and what happens next....

Spending twice as much as I anticipated on a ukulele. :|

My mind is running through the different shades of polyamory that 3 people can make and how to make them work and function for everyone involved. Also kitties~!

I am monogamous. It's staying that way no matter who comes along.

Ukuleles ...still! However, I think it's narrowed down to 3 or 4 models now and two in particular.

I'm not really sure. I can't really make any sense out of the mess in my head.