I hope everyone has a happy New Years and is safe.. I for one am spending it with family and without a first kiss yet again...

No first kiss here either. No worries.... while the first is the most exciting, the last is the best!

Good Morning to Everyone! I survived another birthday and I ended it by having a go kart race with the kids and enjoying cake and ice cream. Today I will go shopping with my mom and then go home to relax!

I am leaving coffee, tea and breakfast goodies for us to enjoy!

Zimmeh

Oh, here's something else that bugs me if I'm dating someone: crybabies. First, let me disclose that I am a hypochondriac. Whenever I feel pain or a strange sensation, I'm sure it's the end of me and I google until I find some site to confirm my suspicions. I totally get being worried about one's health, but I keep most of those thoughts to myself. And, I never whine when I am sick. I actually have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I think partly because as a kid nobody ever let me gripe too much about being sick or injured, so I don't get into feeling sorry for myself.

But when it comes to close friends or someone I care for, I will do everything for them if they're sick or injured. I'll bring a hot meal, do their dishes, walk their dog, or whatever they need. I'm very nurturing and caring in general. I just can't stand how certain people complain all the time about being sick or uncomfortable when they have no reason to feel that way. Maybe I should be more sensitive, but it drives me up a wall when a butch (or anyone) is always saying, 'it's too cold'...'my throat hurts'...'my feet hurt'...'my ass hurts'... I mean, we all have the same exact same pains. Either go to the doctor or stop crying about it. I've met a few people like this and I think, we could never go wilderness camping or do anything too rough. I want to do those things and I'm just little! It kind of makes me lose interest in someone when they can't tough out a little pain.

Another New Years that I will be spending single. And even worse, tonight I will be spending the evening at an engagement party. Definitely not looking forward to it. But at least I'll look sharp in my new suit.

Happy New Year! Be safe.

Ugh. As much as I love weddings I think an engagement party would do my head in a bit. I'm struggling with the thought of dating. Part of me wishes to but I have so much disgust with what's been presented to me over the past four years with dating I'm not sure I could. The though that someone would want me for what I look like, what I could do for them in order to take care of them or how I reflect their station in life just makes me feel like being sick.

I've gained weight from being in school and part of me doesn't want to lose it because if someone loves me at this size, then they find me attractive and sexy for who I am, not cause I'm my usual size 16-18 with huge tits. Sick to death of being a care unit with boobs and a vag in life.

Would like to be a fun, amazing person to hang out with, to talk with, to be really good company instead. No one ever says that. It's just comments on your bits that are pretty or how tasty the food is.

Crabby in Vancouver lol

That is an absolutely horrible way to feel!
I hope you find someone better than the person/people that caused this

Happy New Year to all of you!

Imperfect, I also suffer from body image disorder. I lost 60lbs nine years ago, only to gain 40lbs of it back due to stress eating. It is hard to find a person to love is for who we are and not try to mold us into something that we aren't. I have spent the majority of my life, being someone else's puppet and not loving myself. I am currently seeking treatment for this, because I deserve to be treated like a human and not a puppet. Sending my you a hug and I hope 2016 is a good year for you!

Zimmeh

Happy New Year's Eve, singles. I'm staying in tonight but don't mind as I don't want to be on the road with all the crazies. I have my best friend coming for a visit tomorrow, so going to see what sorts of trouble I can get into :)

Happy New Year to one and all!

Let me first start by saying how much I appreciate the anonymity this site provides with my particular condition. Even though I haven't been on this site for long, I think I've found a place I don't feel alone as I'm very stoic (btw real world support is also in place). I suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder and admitting it,, even on a forum is very hard. I relate to many replies on here about a life being single and having or seeing traits that restricts true intimacy when finding the ideal partner.

Being vulnerable is not in my 'Butch' make up, but BFP allows me to show my imperfection without judgement and for that I'm very grateful. I've ruined many relationships both platonic and romantic denying my own needs to be seen for who I truly am (kind, sincere, compassionate yet complicated) But I also accept that I've not shown others the true me and just shown a sociable mask which may be the real reason why I'm spending New Year alone!

This feels like waffle and I may not be making any sense to you out there in cyberspace but I'm breaking new ground here opening up as this is more than I've done in the whole of 2015. I've become an expert illusionist with little to no satisfaction in my craft. So I decided to start 2016 differently. By being true to myself and showing others that truly matter the real Me! I'm not craving the adorations of others.

To the select few who are willing to take the time to truly see me as I do them....I'm willing to be open over a nice cuppa tea...tea anyone? :) :tea:


P.s: I felt compelled to share a youtube link on attaining the connection we all hopefully want..becoming a conscious partner.

Ah, but I only feel that way about dating. And it's not just a person or people, it's society in general that squeezes me to be a feminine unit of care - pretty first, then I can be talented and intelligent. But dating since I have gotten home to North America has been very challenging to my self worth. My weight matters more, my ability to fish camp and hike while baking cookies and being a nursey matters more. My intellectual ability, my career skills, my sense of wit, my independence, my sense of adventure matter far less. These are all masculine traits here, you see. And those aren't seemingly valued as much as my figure, my ability to cook, keep a nice house and care take other people.

I'm intelligent, talented in my work, great fun to be around, I love hosting dinner parties and getting people to get to know one another, I'm a fabulous hostess and I enjoy talking about philosophy, sciences, and constantly learning. I know I have great skills in the boudoir, I'm an experienced 46 year old sub femme. Being a highly skilled and expereinced femme also seems to put people off.

I'm tired of being measured on scales of femininity that are 300 fucking years ago. And I'm pissy about it LOL.

If someone does wind up with me, it won't be through dating. It will be through incidental friendship that forms into a relationship. Dating strangers in my personal universe is nothing I want and frankly it causes me a lot of stress and distress and fatigue.

I am actually very happy on my own. I am very confident in my abilities, I love my friends and my career rocks. But when I think about trying to date again my stomach bile twists in my gut in a pissed off way. Perhaps that is bitter? I don't know. I do know I can't deal with the stress of it and the expectations piss me off. I *like* who I am as a person. I have to get my core strength back up and even more for this kind of work. And I'm grumpy about the weight because my lovely clothes don't fit.

I'm not looking. Looking stresses me out. More like I'm leaving the door for someone with patience and confidence to take the bother to get to know me as a human, not a femme romance unit. Not pressure me or push me or make demands. Which happens a LOT.

:)

Singles
 

Hello singles,

I hope that you all have a very happy New Year's Eve.

The kitties and I will be disco dancing.

Champagne on the table help yourself.
Chad
:cowboy:

For the record, I helped myself to too much champagne last night and I am blaming it on Chad and the kitties, lol.

I hope everyone is having an excellent new year! I am working through the afternoon, but will hopefully be able to take the evening off.

Haha! Thanks Nattith, you should have joined the kitties and I disco dancing.

Happy New Year to you.
:seeingstars:

Happy New Year peeps.

I have a bad body image too. It doesn't matter what size I am, all I see is fat. I am between a 5 and an 8 (depending on the pants). I have this wicked thing, I fat shame myself... never quite content

This year my friend asked me what size t-shirt I took... lol.. I told her L to XL (that is how I see myself). Well, neither one fit me and one actually went down past my knees. Lol

I think that this year I am going to have to start seeing things for what they are and not some imaginary image in my head ... and go to the gym more, of course.

I hear ya there

Yes and it's an individual choice to "follow" society which I learned long ago its not worth my attention. However unfortunately you are correct in that statement.
In reality I can not say that looks don't matter at all. They do to a certain point for everyone. And anyone who says otherwise is a probable liar.
But personality is the biggest makes it or breaks it in my opinion.
The whole not looking and if it happens it happens notion is a good way to go.
And what you said makes me think of labels. I don't mind when people use them. But most people have a certain way they think a butch or femme etc should behave/be. When someone says femme I expect a girlish or semi-girlish look but that's as far as it goes in my head.
I've known plenty of feminine women who love to do much more than what is typically expected.
Point is sounds like you have been put in that box a lot and though I've not personally had that experience to that extent....I have seen a lot and do get what you're saying and am in agreement

Tomorrow is my last day working in Jacksonville. It is a bittersweet way to end my employment with a company that I truly love and appreciate. Due to my manager at this job, I cannot work there anymore. She has all but causede to go crazy since she doesn't want to work for her money.

I am having a good start to 2016 and hope you all are also having a good night!

Zimmeh