Butch Femme Planet - If You *REALLY* knew Me...

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- Communication, Friendship, Getting To Know One Another (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=130)

- - If You *REALLY* knew Me... (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1874)

If you really knew me, you would know that my mother has never supported me. When I won my first tournament and I brought home my trophy, the only words out of her mouth was, how much did that cost? She never once watched me compete, nor did she care to. She also told the entire family that she did not think I would ever graduate high school, and that she was ashamed to be seen with me in public.

If you really knew me, you would know that I spent a good 5 years of my life after college, living at home, not working, but I was not being the moocher that everyone thinks I was. I was taking care of my mother who has epilepsy, and often times I would wake up to a cop knocking on the door saying he found her laying in the middle of the road, or to my dad calling me, telling me to quickly go get my mom where ever she was and to beat the ambulance there since they would take her in, and we couldn't afford it, and she didn't need it either.

If you really knew me, you would know that now, as of this day, I can not even talk to my mother whose problems have escalated past that of what it used to be. It came to a point where she lashed out at all of us, and now, unless she agrees to get help, she can't be a part of my life.

If you really knew me, you would know how much it saddens me, to have things be the way they have always been with my mother. To look at what my partner has with her mother, and wonder why it could not have been like that for me and my mother.

However...

If you really knew me, you would know how much love and respect I have for my father. He has never failed to encourage me in every idea I have ever come up with, no matter how stupid it might have been, he always said cool, and excellent. Even when I told him I was going to remodel the bathroom, but had no idea what I was doing, he let me do it anyways, and supported me in it.

If you really knew me, you would know that my dad tried to give me everything that he could, often times going without himself, so that I could have, and I am forever grateful to him for that. Even if it came down to my wanting the last fried won ton on chinese night.

If you really knew me, you would know that even to this day, I can find safety and peace in my fathers hug, and I know that if I need him, he will be there. The day he moved away, even though I am a grown man, I cried when I hugged him goodbye. Then when he moved back just recently, I couldn't wait to see him and hug him again.

If you really knew me, you would know that my dad, is my best friend.

If you really knew me, you would know that even though I say it's o.k. and that I don't care I find it really tiredsome and hard sometimes to always get questions about my gender.

If you really knew me, you would know, like my closes friends do, that I can seldom hear you and for the most part is reading your lips, I'm almost deaf.

If you really knew me, you would know that, even if I joke about it for the entertainment value of it, my upbringing and my relationship with my parents has cost me a lot of pain.

If you really knew me, you would know that even though I am a flirt, my life is completely depending on my wife, and that I live or die for her.

Thank you all for your simple answers as well as the heartfelt sharing in this thread. I see past a screen name into the depths of your souls. All of whom had much courage to open up so deeply. I admire that and have a greater understanding of who and what you are about.

If you really knew me you'd know:

Im a die hard Dallas Cowboy Fan. I bleed blue and white.

Im a huge NHL Hockey Fan

Im a dog person not a cat person

That I wear my heart on my sleeve

That my friends come to me with their relationship problems

That Im always the matchmaker never the match

If you really knew me you'd know :

Sugarland is my favorite band

You'd know I love country and gospel music the most.

Mexican is my favorite food

Reba McEntire is my favorite Singer

Kenneth Cole Black, Paris Hilton For Men, Perry Ellis Red And 360 are my fave colognes to wear.

I love smelling Bath And Body works and Victoria's Secret perfumes and lotions on a femme...

I love Pais Hilton For Women on a femme...

If you really knew me...

...you would know I seek justice in unjust cases of gay hate crimes

...you would know I don't watch television other than the Weather Channel duing hurricane season

...you would know I fell in love with the opera many years ago and to this day some of them move me to tears

...you would know I read a lot...mostly philosophy and spiritual books that make me think way outside the box

...you would know I love Boston and Cape Cod in the fall

...you would know that I look at each day as a new beginning

...you would know I am not afraid of death

...you would know that all of the work I have ever done in my professional career has been around helping others

...you would know I believe in 'paying it forward' regardless of the circumstances

...you would know that I treasure my freedom in this country

...you would know that I love quiet times.

...you'd know I'm quite pleased with it all.

I am daughter, Christian, honest, and hardworking

Everything you wanted me to be

But you don’t know me.

I am friend, lover, counselor, and protector

Everything you need me to be

But you don’t know me.

I wear the masks. I play the roles.

But no one really knows

The me I am behind closed doors

The person I am when free to explore.

The hopes and fears, thoughts and tears

That come like waves and pass like the years.

I wonder if I’ll ever fully let someone in

And let her shine her light into the dim

Places in my heart I chose to close

Deep dark things really nobody knows.

To go through life with her by my side

And know it’s ok, I have nothing to hide

Because she’ll love me for me

And cherish the lessons of my history.

I am the person you all want me to be…

But only one really knows ME.

...you'd be just as confused.

...you'd know I looked my own personal hell straight in the eye and refused to back down.
...I will give until I can't anymore, then I will give some more.
...I hear two sounds in my head daily, and what each means to me.
...I've accepted my past, and have moved on, but I've never forgotten.
...I love my parents unconditionally, but I do not like them. They are not expected/required to accept my choices. However, I expect the respect I've given them. I'll not cut them out of my life, but nor will I actively include them.
...I'm smarter than I seem. I read almost constantly.
...I have a fascination with advanced mathematics, ie: statistics, trig, calculus.
...I think about what I'm going to say in ASL, and then speak it.
...It's not unusual to see me walking down the hallway at work, signing simple signs against my leg, ie: alphabet, numbers.
...I'm the one that people come to.

If you really knew me you'd know :

Im highly loyal

I love fall

I give and give and give. And when I cant give anymore I find a way to give again.

How I have grown since my last relationship

How lately Ive been on a path to bettering myself.

If you really knew me......

You'd know I enjoy living peaceful-easy:hangloose:

if you really knew me you would know that:

I collected Snow Village Christmas houses until an ex stole most of them as I was leaving her. These were part of my daughter's childhood and this despairs me so much I dont have the heart to re-collect them again

once I commit to something I will work toward it and not give up or give in

unless, of course, it breaks me first

If you really knew me you would now that like June, i have a fear of being homeless. I'm sure I will never be, but the fear of it just scares me. I didn't have this until Katrina.

that even though I am a submissive girl, I am only submissive two human beings, not the general population, and if you push me you'll see.

that I jump in with head first, then I look to see if there's water in the pool.

I have fears and phobias that I am sure no one else has or understands completely.

Lisa this is a great thread.. :)

If you really knew me you'd know it is way past my bedtime and me and Skippy are about to snuggle up and get comfy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sassy_girl (Post 193754)

If you really knew me you would now that like June, i have a fear of being homeless. I'm sure I will never be, but the fear of it just scares me. I didn't have this until Katrina.

If you really knew me, you'd know that...for almost a year....I was homeless with my mother. I was around 7 years old and we were in D.C. during the winter. With our economy as it is, the fear is justified.

If you really knew me..
you would know that I've been brought back to life, after being clinically dead for over an hour..
that was kidnapped and held against my will for over 17 hrs..
that I was stabbed in one of my eyes and had my back slashed, while protecting a lady from being raped..
when I was 17, I had to kill a man, in self defense..
that I am bi-racial and I don't put up with racism..
that I am very passionate..
that I can be very intense..
for the most part I am mellow, low key and drama free..
that I love my animals like crazy..
am loyal friend..
when in relationship, am loyal no matter what..
I believe women are God's greatest creation..
that my moms will always be the greatest love of my life..
and that one of my heart's secret desires (shhh...don't tell no body) is to get married and have a family..
and that my furries always eat before I do..
that I love life.

If you really knew me...

...you'd know that I'm terrified of scary movies and have to cover my eyes, plug my ears, and curl up as tiny as I can. If I really want to see it, I'll have to watch it like 5 times before I'm brave enough to watch more than 50% without closing my eyes.

...you'd also know that I then get nightmares (from the above drama) and I have no one to blame but myself.

...then you'd laugh freely at my ridiculousness. :huhlaugh: I do it, too.

...it wouldn't surprise you when I start screaming for someone to come save me when I spot a spider (like happened today - thank you SB!). :spider: :bolt:

If you really knew me - you'd know that my faith is very important to me.

That I'm a loyal friend - I will have your back always

That I'm quick to forgive - but slow when it comes to being able to stop loving someone.

That I'm a die hard Red Sox fan - and would sell mah blood if need be to have seaon tix :praying:

That the newest electronics on the market make my heart skip a beat.

That I've been homeless - not thru my own volition 3 times since I was 6yrs old.

That I have the most wonderful Granddaughter in this world or any other.

That I want a walk on role on True Blood :|