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Thank you for saying this. This is a term I actually use more than necessary. I use it in a joking way a lot. I will work on remembering that this is not a toss-away word but a very real affliction for some people in this world. So thanks for taking the time and having the courage to put that out there, Julie. |
I struggle all the time with oral communication. It takes me alot of courage to post online here. What I say and what I mean sometimes comes out wrong, or what I mean is read differently by others, and they get so angry. It boggles my mind because I really am lost on what is so upsetting. And I can pretty much guarantee that I don't mean any harm by what I am saying. I just struggle with the words & reading comprehension. Dyslexia does that to me.
That is what my real life is like. That is why I got and still get called retard. I hate some words like stupid, lazy, and retard. I also hate confrontation. It just is that people don't understand me. I feel so isolated sometimes. And sometimes I just stop trying. It is one thing to be forgiving. It is another to really understand. I hope this makes sense. Andrew |
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As human beings, no one can be perfect. Things get said and misunderstood. IMHO it is the reaction given to those mistakes. By others who hear/ read the mistakes and also by the person saying it to begin with. It isnt censorship to express your thoughts and opinions with consideration for other's feelings. It isn't about political correct to express offense to things and explain why. What causes a breakdown in communication, feeling welcome or safe to post, and comfortable to be valued for your opinion is the Over-reactions to it. There is a good way to handle bad feelings I think....
:gimmehug: Andrew: I hope more tolerance and understanding (with loving compassion) flows your way than the name calling... and I wish for you to find a way to allow the positive people to out shine the negative when you look around you.... |
I have no impulse control and absolutely NO FILTER.
This happened with my head bump, and I have struggled to finesse the lack of impulse and the lack of filter to make myself fit for human consumption. Still, it is up to me. The world need not bend around my brain injury, my brain injury must in fact bend around the world. I like cheese. I love Ponies. I get called names and it makes me laugh. In my head I am thinking "Oh honey, you have no idea". |
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Reading what you wrote(in red) made me remember something I read painted on a wall. It said, if it is to be, it is up to me. If we let every little thing that is written or said bother us, we'd walk around angry all the time. Laughter is good for the soul, so lets laugh as you do when someone wants to provoke us. Oh and I'd call you a name right now, but I can't think of any good ones. So, if it's all the same to you, I'll just call you Adele. |
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Awww. Wolfy! You made my eyes leak. The people that know me and love me accept me. Warts and all. I'm blessed to be able to count a handful of people who love my swiss cheese. BTW, I want you to know that I'd never call you late for dinner! |
I struggle with this issue..
It feels like such a slippery slope to me... On one hand I think that we as a society can become too *polite* too careful.. We want to make sure that no one is offended... But someone is going to be offended by something.. Period.. Where does it end? Art? Film? Music? Books? People have both fought for and against the right to censor these things.. Shouldn't it be up to each indivdual to decide (i hate that word, I have to type it three times EVERY TIME to get it right) what is right for them... But on the other hand... Words have power.. to lift up and to tear down.. I think for me... Anytime ANY word is used in a negitive way.. then I hate it being used that way... and of course I express that feeling.. rather strongly... There is a book... For some reason it came into my mind while I was reading this thread... I can't remember the name of it.. It's about a society that frowns on strong emotions, strong colors, over dramatic use of language.. Everything is for the good of the community... Everyone has classes.. when you get to a certain age, then you do a certain thing.. The main charater is a boy who is going to become the keeper of memories and feelings.. He will hold all the stronger emotions for the comunity.. So they can be pure... They say that they love, but they really don't know what love is, they say anger, but they don't know what it is... They have traded the *flavor/passion* of life for safety and the well being of the community.. If a baby won't sleep through the night, then it's put to sleep.. If someone threatens the peacefulness of the comunity then they are given the needle.. For a book that made such an inpression on me,I can't ever remember it's freaking name!!!!! For me.. self expression is the greatest freedom there is.. But that is a two sided coin.. If I want the right to express myself, then I have to expect that right for everyone else.. *shrug* For me.. there is no answer.. I try to be mindful of other people.. as I want them to be mindful of me... but I also have no intention of being so worried about my words, that I silence myself..000 |
Oops, this is "lengthy"...
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So, julieisafemme - about that OCD thing. Yes, just not using the acronym phrasing correctly could/would be a trigger! I do make reference to my "OCD stuff" quite a bit. And I think it's GOOD that you use the word crazy and "reclaim" that word for yourself. I do as well. I feel "compulsive" to explain to folks why I straighten up their rugs if they are crooked when I walk into their homes, or rearrange the kitchen chairs all perfectly around the table, etc... I usually let them know their picture on a wall is not square - and ask them if they want me to straighten that up. (I have a really good eye for that!) I guess in the clear case of art, they may have wanted it off kilter and I respect that more. Biased I know. They might need their chairs at "their own" angles artistically too! I could go on and on. I've gotten pretty good with nonchalantly doing these things. HERE, in my place, I am on the wrong end of [my] OCD and it scares me some. I do feel overwhemled at times. (And no, I don't do this rearranging to strangers in their homes, but to family and friends who know this about me!) However, I am sure I've said this "ODC phrase" incorrectly too at times. But, I want folks to know what I am referring to. But, to not understand how comsuming and tiring this all is and throw it out there simply as a joke... I'm really glad you spoke up here about it. Thank you. Actually, in fact, this reminds me of one of my troublesome things here in large community writing. For example, I know "alot" is not one word. When folks say they HATE seeing that or it "drives them nuts", I've had to be really thoughtful then. Now, is it their own OCD talking? Or, just bitching for fun and fluff. I'll tell you how I take it (like a thread about hating people's improper grammar, typo's, etc... "DUMBING DOWN", that is a good one)... It feels so incredibly judgmental to me. To not consider that someone might be head injured, have a different level of education, not speak English as their primary language, have developmental disorders, or birth defects, on and on, etc... To me, actually, "a LOT", is a parcel of land, with a very specific dimension footage-wise. (My humor, I know it has more than one meaning.) So, forgive me when I do that, and I hope it doesn't ruin anyone's day. And yes, once I believe I DID write "irregardless", so shoot me. I may have had a migraine that day. But, the main point is, this is hurtful to many I think for all of these reasons I mentioned above and keeps folks from writing and creates fear for being a part of our experience here - for these "tearing apart" concepts of nit-picking. Not that anyone can't do a thread like that here. That's fine. I'm saying how it could possibly make folks feel, for everyone has imperfections for reasons we do not always know about. And last I read here, we didn't have to have a doctorate in writing/literature to belong and participate. And yes, I was raised by my mother to stick up for the "underdogs". My exception for the "dumbing down" sentiment would be when folks are writing hating things and not backing them up. Even when asked and asked about where they got their facts, etc... they can't or won't do it. I do not mind folks being questioned or challenged with that AT ALL. Last thing now I must say. I will always use the word gypsy and refer to myself as such. It is a proud part of my history. I disagree that it is a negative word. My girlfriend from Romania and I have discussed this at great length. It IS often used as a racist word there - it is one of the most horrible words you could be called in the street or referred to! That is their own discimination, there. Like we have some here. To the gypsies THERE, it is horrible for them. They get profiled, not unlike some culture or racial groups do here. (You can figure them out, but I will say our best example: Queer = pedophile.) Not debating you Arwen and I see how hard you are trying - and completely respect that. I just don't want folks to think I am being racist using that word... for to me it is a wonderful, beautiful word - in fact, brave way of being or walking through life. YEARS back here, folks were biased against bands of gypsies too! If you didn't work in a factory or job that you absolutely hated, in order to "be seen as responsible", for 50+ years you were heavily criticized. Now, we know that some folks need and must change their careers several times - or their location in living. (And of course you do what you have to when the kids need food. Work-wise, not holding up an elderly lady on the street or robbing a liquor store!) Some folks are nomads in spirit, or it is tradition. Not all boxcar jumpers were/are alcoholics either. Some cross country hikers and bikers are not aimless drifters. Not all homeless folks are "bums, drunks, illiterate". In fact some homeless folks I knew in N.Y.C. had IQ's so HIGH, it was stunning. Some of them had been professors at one time, etc... They just had to "leave society", as they could not or would not be part of what was "expected". What is "normal" anyway? (I realize this is not across the board for ALL people, some DO have addictions, some DID LOSE their jobs, some ARE mentally ill, etc.. that is not my point here. I'm talking about the exceptions, the ones who are world travelers, who need and require complete freedom in a way that most of us cannot understand, to go into the wild to be alone, for example... to find their most creative selves perhaps.) I don't feel like judging someone who is different than me. If someone knows how to forage for food, and cooks dandelions for lunch, or has a complete and thorough knowledge of medicinal herbs - then power to 'em, I'm happy for their chosen independence from the "expected norms" in society. Anyway, I am proud of my gypsy spirit and love that part of me. The ONLY thing I don't like about it, is that my spirit has been trapped here for awhile. I've had some difficult circumstances the past few years. That hurts me more than anyone could imagine, and everyone who knows me then as well - is affected by this. Thanks for allowing me to share these things. I feel better, don't you?! Sincerely, WILDCAT *About the PC commenting. We are all so different. Again, we know what is insulting, usually. And good point about knowing the difference between being considerate and completely ignorant and hurtful. I don't care if someone uses words in understanding between theirselves - even here, (that I might not use here, but with friends in private - yes). If you call someone a "crazy bitch", you probaby should be friends though, and understand it is with love and humor or expect a direct confrontation - and if someone does NOT "know" that (about who are friends and whatnot), they might also question it, politely, of course. :artist: :stillheart: |
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It's the first of three novels apparently. I've only read that one. I see where you could get that energy from this thread. I really do. However, I think it is the intent. I laughed my REAR off Saturday night while watching Robin Williams. And believe you me, the man was offensive as all get out. No really! He hit some buttons pretty hard--one of them being some stereotypes we've discussed here. But I think if I said to you, Cyn, it makes me uncomfortable when you use the word "blue" around me (and gave you a compelling reason) that you would probably not use that word around me. Knowing our audience. For me, it's about knowing my audience. In a large community like this, I can't know my audience that well. That's probably how smaller more intimate groups get formed (the so-called "cool kids" syndrome.) We gravitate towards those that laugh and feel and emote like us. Can we expect all of us here to homogenize with the rest? Nope. Not gonna happen. Because, like in The Giver, our world would become bland. But I can try not to intentionally hurt someone. |
My post went bye bye and now I'm too tired to redue it..
Will comment again tomorrow.. |
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I hear what you are saying.. It's up to us to be mindful of each other.. While being true to who we are at the core... it's actually harder than going one way or the other.. Balance is the key, I think.. You are right.. knowing your crowd is the key... I feel more comfortable being a bit ranchy with some folks than with others... |
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Lois Lowry, and the trilogy is The Giver, Gathering Blue and Messenger. |
Yep, I have swiss cheese for a brain. It happened from an accident when I was a day old, and dropped on my head onto a hardwood floor. My skull was cracked and some major blood vessels tore open.
It still doesn't stop ppl from calling me retard or idiot, the looks when my tic starts, or the negative responses I usually get when my words don't match what my thoughts are, or if I have a seizure in public. It hasn't happened yet. I think it also has to do with how ppl are perceived. Superfemme is perceived one way, and I am another. If we both were laying on the ground unconscious, who do you think ppl would go to first? My bet is on Superfemme without a doubt. I believe that most ppl fear the unknown. It was like when my adopted father had his stroke. He lost the left side of his body. One day he was walking to the mailbox using his walker, and his neighbors seeing this, waved hi to him, but did not stop to chat as was the usual. Having good health is a gift. When you don't have it, and you have chronic health problems, it changes you. You don't see life and living as the same as someone who is healthy. |
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So what are our obligations to one another? How do we live a life that is true to ourselves and still respectful of our fellow humans? If I call someone a stupid redneck because they've just called me a dyke--who am I hurting, if anyone? If I am angry at another woman and I call her a fat, stupid cow--have I insulted cows, other women and myself (since I am fat)? I think on some level we ALL do this. I honestly do not know of anyone who doesn't react in anger and speak from that ugly place we all own. How do I learn how to speak from that loving, joyful place? Is it necessary to do that all the time? I think, for me, it is. I could live my life whining about how others have hurt me. Or, I can forgive them and release all that negativity in my soul to make room for better stuff. That is one reason that I choose to seek joy. I've now layered in forgiveness for those who've intentionally hurt me. It feels good but it also feels weird. I'm not used to it yet. But I know when I engage in :gossip: I will make it the good kind rather than the hurtful kind. |
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Two other times I went from having a seizure to nobody helping, calling for help and tried to walk myself home. These two times I was arrested for *drunk in public* despite having a letter from my Neurosurgeon and a seizure card and medic alert bracelet. I blew 0.0 on the breathalyzer and then had forced blood tests. I sat in jail for over eight hours until the results came back. Without apology. I flew to NM with my family who had decided my head injury was me being dramatic. We got off the shuttle at the car rental place and again I had a doozie. My own fucking family stepped right over me and left me laying on the cement in 102 degree weather. The shuttle driver turned me on my side and talked gently to me. He had a son with epilepsy. In Vegas in 06 I had a seizure during the Ball at the Bash. Do you remember that? Because everybody walked right by me, and when I was taken to the ladies room by a dear friend? Bash attendee's were coming in and rolling their eyes. The only place I experienced compassion was in my brain injury school. We all looked out for each other and had a plan of action. The teachers knew my quirks and could tell when I was going to seize. They kept a pillow and blanket in the cupboard and always made sure I didn't get hurt and that I came to in a soft, quiet and safe environment. We all did that for each other because it is kind of like a special club we are in, where only we can truly know... So the assumption that I get some kind of pretty privilege is hurtful. At the end of the day we are the same. We have these seizures and it scares the bystanders because it is in the realm of the unknown for them. It usually traumatizes them, and then us because we hear the nasty/ignorant comments as we are trying to find our way back to our bodies. Regardless of the bad experiences I am NOT a victim. I am a fucking MIRACLE and if one person learns something and changes their perspective after witnessing my seizure, then perhaps they will pass it on and the torch of empathy, compassion, and love will burn a little brighter. You are a miracle to Woodie. Not a victim. I have to say that you hurt my feelings, but only for a second. Because I'm not giving them away. :byebye: |
Superfemme,
Like you, I have had seizures in public. And yes, people walked overtop of me during my seizures. It was at my last job. I was left alone. Afterwards, I peed myself, and vomited. It is all apart of epilespy. I had to give a blood test to my employer to verify I wasn't drunk as well. I also had to hire a lawyer. They tried to fire me for being who and what I was for years. Then to have epilespy was just one more thing to throw in the pot. My employer also tried to have my driver's license taken away from me. You are not understanding what it is I am trying to say. I apologise to you if I hurt you. That is not my intent. Not at all. And I am the same way as you, but I am trying to bring those who are the "norm" to our world. To build a bridge. Not to make you a victim. That is confusing to me. Perception is different to each one of us. I am very happy you found compassion. I have yet to find it within a group. I have found compassion person by person. That is it. Even in my rehab. group, each one of us was handicapped in different ways. There was no way we could have compassion for each other since we had no clue as to what compassion even was. Anyway, my apologisies to you. I meant no harm, ugliness, or evilness. I won't be back here. I don't want to get timed out, banned, or anything else. Andrew |
Just wanted to chime in and say what a great thread topic this is. I haven't seen one this good anywhere in a long time. Thanks for getting us started Medusa.
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My heart goes out to SF and Andrew in light of insensitive treatment by others. Shame on those people.
In other news, I'm a flippant kinda girl (the [sometimes] "lacking seriousness" part, not the "lacking respect" part). When I was in college learning how to teach, one of the things we were "taught" was NEVER to use sarcasm. I discarded that 'rule', as I couldn't teach without it. That being said, there are 2 types of sarcasm....I don't have to tell YOU that.....there's silly sarcasm and there's hateful (hate-filled sarcasm.....which, imho, is oh~so passive-aggressive). And I also believe there is a certain responsibility which we ALL must share in the giving and receiving of comments made to us. Sometimes, I think there are people who are just waiting to be offended. And they will look for anything and everything over which to be offended. "Chip on their shoulder" is the phrase which comes to mind. Then, of course, there are the whiners and those who are the victims....and there's ALways someone sayin' something 'wrong' to them. I do my best to be sensitive with my own words, but I know I don't always succeed. It is our human condition, after all. If someone says things to me [repeatedly] that makes me go "hmmm....that was icky", I have no problem just stepping back from that person with no hard feelings......I have found that that works best for me. I know we can't know what that person may be going through at any given moment. And while that's all well and good, I have the responsibility to ME to not be someone else's doormat. |
First off, I want to tell Woodie that there is absolutely no need to leave the thread. You are invaluable and not going to get banned or flamed for speaking your mind.
I am not/was not offended. Perhaps my feeler were hurt but not necessarily by you Woodie. It just floored me that you think if we both had a seizure in the same time and place the *I* for some reason would be assisted first. We have such big things in common. I'm not faring any better in the world of different-ability than you. I guess I couldn't understand why you would think so? If you're up to it can you please tell me WHY you have this impression? I would also like to point out to you gently that lots of people care about you. This community seems to wrap their arms around you in love and compassion. I'd like to hold a mirror up to you so that you could see how much you are cared about. So please. Don't go away. Let's talk about this, it could be very enlightening and I for one am open to learning. hugs, SuperFemme :superman: |
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