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I love to date. I am good at dating. I dont jump into a relationship just because someone opened the car door for on the date and then called me the next day. Those are NOT cues signifying an instant relationship! Just because I find out someone likes to dunk their toast in their coffee and watches CSI and SVU religiously like I do, (I dont, these are just examples) doesnt mean they are partner material... what they do mean...is that they are likely to offer pretty good dates. Dates do not mean their shoes get slid under my bed. Dates dont even mean coming inside my house. And depending on how we met, dates might not even mean knowing where I live... what a date would mean, is a step closer..to smell my fragrance..perhaps to even embrace it so that it might cling to you after I leave... Dating isnt about how fast we can sum it all up. Just the opposite..it means slowing down the heat so it doesnt burn on the edges...so the middle is cooked thoroughly...and the syrups of the fruit come out hot and steaming when it is time for pie... |
Key
I read your post and am wondering,just for clairafacation(sp?),how cold I create a diffrent me to attract someone??
Lose more weight to be healther....i'm doing that already,to be shure loseing weight has its own scedual. Be more finacialy stable...I already own near all I have free and clear. I have very fue bills to pay just utilities and car inshurance with $ left over..do I need have more $$.Oh shure, I could go back to work cause retirement is boreing..besides I miss the daily grind. Should I be more handsome,dye my grey hair,work out harder so I can bulk up more. So if I change who I am on the outside, how will it make me diffrent cause if I did a total redo..I wouldnt be the person I really am and it took me a long time to get to where I am. |
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In my world I have to be the one I want to be with for her to be with me. just sayin... high expectations usually no one can live up to, often give unrealistic consequences. |
In an ideal world my partner would be my equal; intelligent, spiritual. mover-shaker, as you put it Key. In reading this all this somethings occurred to me.
I have lived a very full and interesting life. There are many aspects to my nature and although some have met the end of that journey, nonetheless they are still part of me. I am a strong alpha femme that also has a complete opposite. Over the years I have learned to find balance with everything I am. One thing that has happened in my recent past relationships is that I completely closed parts of me because they couldnt deal with it or felt threatened by it. It use to really piss me off when my ex would make some shitty comment like "Stop trying to top me." every time I voiced an opinion. After a while you start putting up walls because you get so sick and fucking tired of being misunderstood. I need to be able to put my cards on the table and not be judged but honored for all that I am. This is going to take a very confident, self assured and spiritual person. In their strength they also need to adore and worship me as the Goddess I feel I am. (ok no eyes rolling) Only a strong and intelligent human can relinquish control and still be strong. They really don't give a shit what people think when it comes to how they love their SO. damn I think I had a point - lol- I'm sick today, in bed, bored and my mind going a million miles. I think the bottom line for me is I want it all. Did I say that already? lol - even when I'm feeling kinky, no matter what it is, my partner doesnt go "wtf?" and start judging me. Instead they smile and ask "what can I do for you?" That same person wakes up, brings me coffee in bed and then go bites the world in the ass! |
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I read recently that love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I like that one. |
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I know I need help in this department. I don't want to crush relationship sprouts.... I guess that is why I am attracted to such sassy, self-satisfied women. It really is something I aspire to. And the funny thing is, when I am alone (as I have been for a long time now) I am very self satisfied, loving my own life, doing my own thing. But if I meet someone I crush on I can just toss all that out the window. :hanging: |
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Excellent list, BBM - it mirrors mine...
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Physically, I am attracted to masculine energy, and an 'in-charge' attitude without being bossy or demanding. I love daddy types - and tho I don't mind being called 'babygirl - I am not a fragile 'babygirl'. I don't want to make decisions for you, but don't want you making them for me either. I wear 'big girl' panties, and carry them very well, thank you...I am an independent, strong woman. That said:
What works me? First, and foremost, intelligence, wit, and a wicked humor. Keep me laughing, and you might just steal my heart. A healthy body, mind, and spirit. Hygene, and self-love is important - you need to care for, and about yourself before you can care for anyone. Integrity, honesty, strenghth of character, fidelity, and trustworthiness. Someone I can lean on for strength, and who isn't afraid to lean on me as well. Creativity, imagination, whimsy, child-like curiosity and wonder of all things in nature and life, a reader, industrious, ambitious, romantic, sensitive but strong. A sense of fun, and compassion for the less fortunate without being a pushover or doormat. And the list goes on...but these are the main qualities I look for. Oh, and a p.s., if you love classic movies and can talk about them intelligently - that's a major PLUS!!! lol Knowing Spanish wouldn't hurt either! ;) |
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What I see when I'm in public -- and am attracted to -- isn't different than any other time but is perhaps ordered differently. We can all wax poetic about intelligence and caring, etc., but I think if you see someone across a room, without knowing them, it's hard to get beyond looks and energy. Until you engage with someone, you can't move on to the other characteristics.
I don't think I have a type, per se. For me, there's just a gut reaction to someone that's my particular brand of attractive. I think a lot of that is how people carry themselves. While I can appreciate masculine beauty, I'm not attracted to it. It's not what makes me go boom. *grin* All ranges of femme do it for me. I've been all across the board in the types of people I've dated. In the long run, deeper characteristics will almost always prevail. I just don't think people look across a room and think, "Wow he/she seems so smart and witty." I think it's more like, "Damn, what a hottie/cutie." On the flip side, I think all these other characteristics such as humor and wit and intelligence come into play much quicker and looks shuffle to the back of the line. Just my 2 cents. *smile* |
when I am in a room full of people I watch...and it is the one who is centered, grounded and interesting who I will gravitate to.
It is not the one with the crowd around him, as he spouts off his hotty totty lifestyle, attracting attention to himself. Nor is it the miserable one who shows anger and depression as his clothes. He who is looking around, the same as I, will meet my eyes....and with a smile...I might invite him over... |
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At points in my life, I have been in dark/angry/sad or general crappy places and I attracted those kinds of people to me...of course at the time, I may have said "why do I attract all the crazies?" but really it was where I was in my mental/emotional space. I have spent many years on a journey to figure myself out, my "stuff", understand it, process it...basically understand myself better and be able to own my shit. I'd like to be the best human I can and a good partner to another human. And it's a continuous journey... Some years ago, my father suggested I make a list - describe the kind of person I would like have as a mate. I made a point to write the things I wanted, rather than those I didn't. It sounds very simple, but it was pretty profound when I finally did it. It actually helped me weed through all those who did not work for me...and I kept getting closer. |
Sassy, just like your daddysuggested to you, I suggested to my daughter, that she make up a list of what she wanted in someone. She took it to heart and came up with a very serious checklist. She had on it, he had to open car doors and let her be seated at a restaurant before he sat down himself. She told me she wanted her men to treat her as well as she has seen my butches I dated, treat me.
Hats off to the ones she admired....and to all the good butches out there that are like that, too. Sassy Leo, I like how you say that we attract the energy we are expressing. I do believe that I could hold that against any relationship I have had and it be true.... |
Dark hair
Blue eyes preferably Smile is everything No smoking |
interesting thread
I have been reading and rereading this thread for a while and its made me think a lot.
Attraction is such a subjective thing and I find it difficult to put into words something that, to me, is more instinctual then intellectual. It seems I can make a list of what I like and dislike but we all use words differently i.e. "sassy" to me may not mean "sassy" to another. I find with each relationship, be it a lover or a friend, we fine tune the things we like and dislike in general, the things we want and dont want in our lives, the qualities that are important and the ones we give leeway on. It is easier to discern those things that are deal breakers more so then those things that work. And I say this because even if someone can meet a list of qualities or things I look for in a person, it doesnt means there is the type of chemistry that will lead to a relationship or friendship. In the same vein, I am pretty sure of the types of things that are immediate no-no's to either. I do find that as I age, I am more self contained, self sufficient, and less prone to things and people who require too much of my time, energy, or attention. And I find, I like people who are similar. |
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