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Jo laying on one side of sectional me sitting on other
JO: :passinggas:
Me: honey u didnt give full disclosure about "things" in the beginning Jo: ur just rubbing off on me Me: whens the last time you heard me :passinggas: Jo: last night---you made my eyes bleed Me: :blink: Jo: :rofl: |
Damon: "I am backing up (the show we were watching) because I am confused"
Me: "I stay confused" Damon: "I am not suprised living in a house with me" Me: (playing on my computer not EVEN thinking of what I was saying) "You can say that again!" Damon: :|:blink: :| :blink: "Did you not think I could hear that?!?! I am not completely deaf you know." Me: :hiding: "Oops!" |
Me: Hey baby they changed the date for the rapture!
Gemme: OMG so they are having a re-rapture? :poc-lol::poc-love: |
Overheard at a friend's beach house this past weekend...
Scene: My friend of 9 years is in the kitchen talking with my g.f., while my g.f. is cooking. This past weekend is the first time these two have met, even though my partner and myself have been together for two years.
After complimenting my g.f. on her general awesomeness, my friend asks, "How did [Dapper] ever get you?", in utter seriousness. :| |
Ms: She will have to be the first to go during the zombie apocalypse because she will sell us out for sex.
Me: :crackingup: |
Me and Miss Pinky discussing a rental house...
Me: "This isn't too bad, it's out in the country, partially fenced backyard" Miss Pinky: (looking at interior pics of home) "There's nothing like a black fridge with a white stove" Me: "I never would have noticed if you hadn't said something" Miss Pinky: "Well overall it isn't too bad but it's about as ugly as I can go,we can't rent anything any uglier...ok??" Me:"So this is your ugly quotient? We can't exceed it???" Miss Pinky is now giving me the HAIRY EYEBALL!!! |
Me: I'm going to drink my wine float and post something.
Ebon: Oh, Jesus. :| Me (going to my computer and seeing that the cpu is on): Oh, crap! I left Bessie on all night! Me: (turning the monitor on and a program I never use coming up): WTF? Ebon: Oh, shit. I was watching porn and forgot to turn it off before you got home. Me: I hope you washed your hands before you typed on Bessie. :blink: |
A VIRUS people, a VIRUS...
I was talking about a VIRUS when from the bedroom... I said laud enough for the boy and the whole world to hear...
Outlaw: "Yeah, why is it that every time I get it, it's harder AND longer?" Fishinabaggie: (said something inaudible given the snickering) I should be in bed, but I can't sleep over the din of her haughty laughter. |
Last night Ebon and I are in bed, chatting as we usually do before we go to sleep and the conversation went something like this:
Ebon: If we do break up, I'm going to stalk you. Me: What? You'll leave your fiery vagina to stalk your ex? Ebon: Yeah, and I'll watch you through the window. I'll watch you while you cook and while you watch your TV shows. Me: You'll stalk me and watch me watch TV? Ebon: Yeah. Me: That's sad. Ebon: Eh. Me: I can't get you to watch my shows with me NOW, and we're in a relationship, but you'll watch them with me while you stalk me after we've broken up? That's fucked up. :blink: Ebon: :rofl: |
Jo and i are sitting on the couch after dinner eating some Crunchn Munch i had gotten earlier at the store--seems we both are very addicted to it and we mention worrying about eating the whole box
Me:honey,i think ur right we ARE gonna eat the whole box Jo: Why you thinking im eating so fast?(she was shoveling this stuff in) Me: trying to get full quicker so you dont? Jo: no so i can get more than you! :| :rofl: thats my baby!! |
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So Simon is such a good boy. Trained him well. That is til tonight lol . I'm picking up the apt and cooking. He's usually under my feet. As I throw things in fridge away that's expired he goes in the bedroom and fleetingly I think hmmm that's weird he's usually up my ass. So I continue on and a knock comes to the door and its my neighbor. We stand there talking for a few minutes when I hear this blood curling squeal. I freak out and rush inside and he has gotten himself in the trash can after the bolognq I threw away and couldn't get out LMAO scared me to death.
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well i figure since i exaggerate the sweet,giving,nice side of you i might as well do the same on the opposite end.
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Me to cockatoo: STOP THROWING BANANAS AT THE DOGS!
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ow, that hurts !
me: it's not suppose to hurt, it's suppose to be romantic |
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We like HER. :eyebrow: |
Banjo, our Pom, picked out a cute lil baby dragon from the petstore. Cruel was sitting in recliner and Banjo kept putting the dragon on the arm of the chair and licking it.
Cruel: "Banjo, why do you keep licking your baby dragon?" Me: "If you had a baby dragon you'd lick it too." |
While sitting and watching "Two Fat Ladies" A cooking show that just cracks me up I love those ladies. One was making a kind of bread and I didn't hear what she called it.
Me to my daughter: Is she making spotted dick? (which is an english bread ) My daughter: ROFLMAO so hard she had tears Me: very mature for a 21 yr old My daughter: ahahahahahahaha those are words I never thought I'd ever hear from you Mama (while she is still rofl) |
me: 10 more nuts and I get another life
Wimsi: that's nice honey, hope you get your nuts ( few minutes later ) me: YAY ! Wimsi: you must of got your 10 nuts, I am proud of you :| |
shit heard in the car!
driving to the beach today
Me: look honey a produce stand Jo: doesnt look very good,they dont have anything Me: :blink: umm its Sunday they're closed Me: ( starting to laugh so hard im about to pee on myself) Jo: ( trying to pinch my arm) you need to lose some weight so i can get a grip on u! Me: :| :rofl: |
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Tonight, after making dinner, unloading the dishwasher.... Scoote: You never do anything for me. (said with a smirk) Me: I made you dinner. Scoote: Well you never make me anything else. Me: I made you jello, and chocolate trifle and... Scoote (interrupting) : Well, I don't have any hard-boiled eggs, do I???? :blink: |
daisy: I'm getting ready to watch eyebrow shaping videos, I KNOW you're excited!
Me: says nothing, just keeps scratching the cat behind the ears... daisy: (rummaging around) You know what I need when we go to the dollar store this month?! I need a FUCKING hand mirror! |
While modeling my new pink converse, "You know you are old when you have to putcha ortho insoles in your new kicks!"
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My honey and I are having a common conversation with me asking why I married him after he does a particularly boy type thing...
Rene: Mumbles something I don't understand.... Me: What did you say? Rene: Starts with the history of the earth (or so it seemed to me), blah, blah, blah.....Beyonce....blah, blah, blah.....song.....blah, blah, blah.... Me: So you did a parody on a song? Guess I am a little slow today. Rene: Slow? In a race between you and a snail, I am betting on the snail. I laughed AFTER I punched him in the arm. |
sitting on the couch the other evening...me on one side Jo on the other...im talking about the Prince needing a haircut and this and that and Jo pops off with
"honey,you need a haircut too. You're losing your mullet" me: :| Jo: :rofl: |
shit heard around Lowes today.
as i was wheeling all the mulch,compost and soil out to the car some bags fell off...while jo went to unload her hands i went againt a direct order and picked up the soil bags and laid them back on the pile...well i shouldnt have done that...Jo sent me back inside the Garden Center to give them some empty plastic planters...as i walked i had a realization so as i walked back to where Jo was i kinda yelled out... "yanno back in my young dyke days,with a little more shoulder action this was my swag walk....now its my "oh god my back hurts so bad i can barely walk" walk! :lol2: |
Jess and I were out and about today near the Blue Ridge Parkway. There is one stretch of Highway 58 that seems to have an "antique/junk" shop every 15 feet.
It was sweltering today on the mountain. We were tired, hot and were picking and choosing which shops we wanted to stop at. Jess spotted one coming up and said, "I don't think we want to stop at that one," and proceeds to zoom on past. Aghast as missing one that obviously had some of the things that we collect, "But Daddy! Thats the GOOD junk!" Needless to say, there was a Uturn. I love how my Jess indulges me! |
I have been in the kitchen most of the day, making preserves, jams, syrups and canning them. I still have things all over the place because I am not nearly done for the night - just taking a break while Jess makes dinner.
Jess is overly tidy and organized in the kitchen. Thirty plus years of being a professional chef means that my different organization (to Jess, its disorganized) makes Jess' head want to explode. However, she works around it, usually without complaint. I just heard noises that sounded like my canning crap is getting in the way. Followed by, "When's the mercury retrograde supposed to be over?" Me: "I dunno, but I don't think its any time soon." Jess, VERY perturbed: "Well, it needs to hurry the fuck on up!" I couldn't agree more.... |
Not the house, but close enough...
Ebon and I were driving down the road and slowed at a red light. I stopped just behind a turn in for a Sonic and then I realized that it was the entrance opening and not the exit, so I scooted up some in case someone behind me wanted in.
No sooner did I do that, but some lady took the long way around the parking lot and came up to the entrance to exit, which was blocked by me at that point. I started mumbling about her just "having" to wait until I'd pulled up and yada yada yada about her going out the wrong way and just fussing in general. Ebon rubs my shoulder and says, "Don't beat yourself up. It's not your fault. How could you know that she'd do that? Don't worry about it. Let's talk about something else." in an incredibly annoying tone of voice. Insert the creation, deliverance and receipt of "THE EYE" from me to him. I say, "Do NOT dismiss me!" Ebon says, as he pats my knee, "I'm not, honey. I'm just being patronizing." :| Let's just say, the man is DAMN lucky the light changed at that moment. |
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LMFAO!!! Sorry Gemme, but that is just too damn funny because he sounds a bit like me...LOLOL
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I'll get him back. :eyebrow: |
My friend and I discussing how fast our kids are growing up:
L: Oh my God, they are getting so big so fast. It makes me feel so old. Do you realize I'm almost 28? Me: Are you crazy?? I WISH I was 28! You DO realize I'm 43 right? L: Yeah, but you're like the Halle Berry 43 and I'm the Gary Coleman 28!! *I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants...sigh another sign of getting older. LOL* |
So I have this canning/jam addiction. It requires many things from Wally World. We live 60 miles from anywhere other than Wally World, so in as much as I dislike their employment practices as well as it being a concerted effort to buy things NOT made in china, we do support our local economy quite a bit. Especially when I am canning.
If Jess is driving (which happens most times, I commute enough during the week, I usually don't drive any on the weekends), it takes her SO long to get situated and get the car started and out of the parking lot. Its usually 8000 degrees and all I want is the AC on and to escape the parking lot before another person decides to engage me in some inane conversation telling me their woes. We have had many, many, many, MANY conversations (ok, me snipping at Jess, really) about how long it takes to take cigarettes out of pocket, find sunglasses, put on seatbelt, fumble for cigarettes, take one out of the pack, put the pack back in the console, fumble for a lighter that has usually fallen to the bottom of the console, check the seatbelt and FINALLY, bless the gods, put the key in the ignition and turn on the AC. All while I have been melting in the passenger seat, wishing I had gotten a couple of bottles of water to stave off the dehydration sure to ensue. Don't even get me started on how long it actually takes to back out of the parking space and drive the 500 feet to the highway. I should start packing a lunch. Last weekend, we get the cart unloaded, hop in the car and I suppose I *might* have given Jess "the LOOK" and a, "HONEY!!!" as the pre-flight check began. Not missing a beat, she looks over at me and says, "I bet I can get you out of this parking lot in 30 minutes or less! Just like Domino's pizza, baby!" I might have laughed till I cried and maybe wet myself a lil! :blink::cracked: |
hrmph... I have YET to have an accident in a parking lot... safety first baby, I gots precious cargo on board! :cigar2:
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priceless!! safety first, indeed. At least you weren't like me, sitting in a parked car waiting on my son...when a woman in an SUV hit me, then proceeded to say "I was on the cell phone and didn't see you." Did someone mention that it would take less time to walk home from Wally World? |
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Reason# 86 why I enjoy watching you two. |
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I tend to take a while to get going too, however, what happens when I get in the car is the following: get in pull skirt in, if wearing one, cuz they always drag shut door lock door turn key a/c on THEN, and only then, I fiddle with the other stuff. I melt too. |
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