Don't ever let me wait.....

Treat me like a lady, and remember, the small things count enormously with me, as I have seldom received them before. Money doesn't matter a whole lot to me. As far as i am concerned, we can have as good a time at a McDonalds as at a fancy restaurant, if we choose to do so.

i think a first date should be a very impressive one ~ light at heart , fun, flitatious ,and most of all . well mannered on both parts. second date, now more familar with eachother, could be more romantic , still light at heart , interesting convos, with a flirtatious and teasing overtone . third date now u can tell me about urself, ur family, ur achievements ,it's sexy when self confidence becomes enpowering. fourth date .. ahh u will become aware of my submissive side, and I ur domiante side , suttle seduction on my part , ur awareness will show in ur eyes, maybe someplace quiet and out of the way , sex comes into play , built up passions , leaves me with something to think about till we see eachother again :)

I love how this thread keeps popping up from time to time. I read every post and learn so much. I really appreciate all your responses ladies. :)

I think we've all had horror stories. Mine is I was asked to lunch when I was in town. Called to see where to meet and was told to the person's house. I spent all afternoon watching this person wash and comb out her three dogs.... Never saw her again......

So how do I want to be treated on a date?

I want the butch to show some interest. It doesn't have to be extravagant. Just show me that you want to know me.

Be on time or call if you'll be delayed.

Of course, open the door for me and make sure I'm safe inside your vehicle.

Treat me as the lady I am in public but don't be shy about holding my hand or putting an arm around me. Just don't be all over me. (That's more about you than about your interest in me.)

Talk to me. Ask me questions. Tell me about your life and your goals and dreams. Make me laugh with your quirky view of life or your curious observations, not stock jokes.

Look at me. Let me see you.

Be attentive to what I reveal about what I like to do that are things you enjoy or have wanted to do. Challenge me gently to try new things. Broaden my experience with your experience and I will do the same.

I enjoy conversation. Get to know me. What we do on our dates will come from our mutual interests or our willingness to dip into those activities we've never tried--but would have with a trusted friend. Let trust build.

Affection will spring from this.

A date? What's that?
 

I'm trying to think if I've ever been on a date. I had one in Wellington - I was staying with my parents in a city about two hours north. Drove down to meet a dyke whom I'd been chatting with on pinksofa. She knew what I looked like, everything. I thought I looked nice - I made an effort. I was wearing knee-high black boots, black pants and a nice black jersey (sweater). Can't remember what make up I was wearing. This dyke was clearly not interested in me the minute she saw me and funnily enough some friends turned up not long after. I didn't even get much conversation or even an explanation. Put me off big age differences permanently.

I think, like most blossoms, it's not so much the place or the cost, it's the company and the attention. I'm not used to having the car door opened for me so that would probably tickle me pink. I wouldn't expect to go somewhere noisy and crowded unless we had our own little bubble - I don't want to have to yell and say "eh?" because I can't hear. I expect a two-sided conversation. I want to feel that you're interested in getting to know me. I appreciate humour and I appreciate insightful comments. I do like good food. But good food doesn't always have to be expensive. But I don't want McDs, KFC, etc. I'd like to go somewhere that either's special for both of us or, if things developed successfully, is a place that becomes a special part of our memories as a couple.

I expect you to dress nicely, to dress in such a way that I'm going to enjoy looking at you. Even if the date is a picnic on the beach I still expect you to make an effort in how you dress. I expect you to smell nice, I'd prefer no cologne to something cheap and nasty. I love perfume and cologne and I'm a bit fussy with that.

I don't want stale cigarette breath - I prefer non-smokers as a general rule anyways.

And I'd be quite happy if there was a little something something that I get to feel a bit of when you kiss me good night.

And if you're lucky, I might invite you over for breakfast the next morning ...

I have to say...I am horrified and disgusted by what some people have put you ladies through!

I feel like apologizing on behalf of the entire butch community.

My first date with my current partner was in a Thai restaurant in the West Village. The food was awful, but I couldn't eat anyway; I was so excited to meet her, to see if she were real, the person who wrote the quietly thoughtful emails, who noticed things in my words and tone that others would have missed—a barely expressed hesitancy, a joy I was too shy to say outright.

I am usually the listener and seem to attract talkers, but she is also a listener, so it was good that we happened to pick a place that was quiet, where we drew each other out.

We were on our respective lunch hours, and sat by the front windows. It was December, very cold out, but the sun was warm, beating down on our table. It was so quiet you could hear our chop sticks, when we rested them on our plates. Afterwards, we walked to the subway and I impulsively hugged her.

That's all I ask for on a date, especially a first date: To be in a peaceful place, so we can focus on each other.

I don't want the heightened pressure of formality of a first date, I want to be in a casual setting that has some aesthetic appeal: sunlight, or gentle colors. This is even more important to me than the food.

Later, when we are feeling more of a bond, and our personalities have emerged more fully, I'm up for anything—a wild place, dancing, some kind of intense outdoor activity.

I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate......

Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh....
Lola

This is the kind of thing that makes me crazy. I had an afternoon first date with a butch who wanted to make a stop first. It was at a furniture store. She was picking out furniture to rent for a condo she was staging to sell. We were there maybe forty minutes. Then she talked about her ex during lunch and casually mentioned that the ex said that she -- the butch at lunch -- was sort of stalking her. No second date, of course.

I think disrespecting my time pisses me off more than anything. Rescheduling a lot, being really late, and, as I said in an earlier post, stopping at the gas station or ATM while with me, just doing anything to waste my time and bore me. I do not go into a first date expecting to meet my life partner. No high expectations. But if you waste my time, I am not going to give you any more of it.

things that are nice to have in a first date:
...let me know if you don't have money and want to do something inexpensive. i know what that's like. i never go on a date with someone unless i have a little bit of money - it's really nice if they pay, but i always make sure i can pay for myself in case they don't pay. i'm also used to doing inexpensive things...which leads me to...
...i prefer first dates with low pressure. meeting for coffee/tea is my favorite kind of first date.
...don't pressure me for physical contact. if we hit it off and there's chemistry, i might be open to touching/kissing. but touching/kissing/demanding i sit closer, etc. without consent makes me feel really unsafe unless we've been friends for awhile first.
...don't look at me weirdly if i ask you if i can hug/kiss you. it means i want to be close to you. take it as a compliment - and i won't be offended if you're not comfortable or want to say no.
...also don't look at me weirdly if i ask about how you identify or your pronouns - it just means i want to know who you are and be respectful instead of assuming things and possibly being wrong.
...i don't think it's necessary for you to open doors, bring me flowers, etc...but it's always appreciated :)
...it's nice to be around people who are considerate of my access needs...like, don't invite me to a place that has a huge ass flight of stairs. if you do that more than once we probably won't date for very long.
...it's also nice to be around people who think my quirkiness is cute :)

things i don't care about in a first date (or ever):
...how much money you have.
...what your car looks like.
...how expensive your clothes are - dressing nicely and having clean clothes is awesome (i'm a sucker for slacks or jeans and a button-down shirt). but i don't care if they came from goodwill, wal-mart, or a designer store.

things i really don't want in a first date:
...being asked out to places that are out of my way, or asked to go to multiple places - i don't drive and i take the bus. so, meeting me somewhere that's centrally located where i can get to independently of you is really awesome.
...it takes awhile for me to be comfortable riding in the car or being tipsy/drunk alone with someone, so don't assume i'll be okay with meeting somewhere out of the way or going to a bar at night with you - because i probably won't on a first date.
...hearing about your entire history with your ex.
...an excess of (or any) cologne. i'd rather smell you (preferably within 24 hours of a shower), not your old spice and calvin klein. and i'm allergic.
...sex. been there, done that, you're not getting any until i know you better. meaning 3-5 dates or so at least.

Definitely not too high. I am NOT surprised you don't communicate any longer. First dates are for first impressions, and she didn't make a very good one.

Showing up in gym clothes on a first date :blink:and never on time? I would have left immediately...just sayin':runforhills:

Thanks for the validations :). I thought about leaving, lol. But I hadn't had coffee and I was hungry :blush:
She's an attorney and VERY impressed with herself, me? not so much!! :blink:

Onward and upward!!

Kitty - I am so with you on that!
 

Unless it is truly an unforseeable situation or circumstance, there is no excuse for making someone wait. It is one of my pet peeves. It shows lack of consideration, and disrespect - and if it is our first, or second date, or early in the relationship, it surely puts a dark mark against the butch - for me, anyway.

I expect to be treated with respect, consideration, gentlemanliness, and like the lady that I am.

I like a 'take-charge' butch who is confident, but not aggressive. He will be gentle, yet strong, and make me feel safe at all times.

Ideally, he will always pay for dinner, unless we agree to 'go Dutch' on special occasions. If he cannot afford an evening out, we will stay in and have a home-cooked dinner which he will make.

He will not make promises he cannot keep - another pet peeve. I don't take disappointment well. But I love surprises, and when I see that he has gone out of his way to make the evening special, and interesting, he surely is on the right path to my heart. :)

And the list goes on...but this will do for now.

It's funny how different we all are. I would not touch that butch with a ten foot pole.

If someone kept trying to make me feel safe, I would be annoyed. The paying thing would not work for me either. I don't like the the idea that I am supposed to be taken care of.

Fine if we take care of one another. Fine if I am a submissive and there is that reciprocity. But that I am explicitly the one in the relationship to be taken care of and kept safe. No. Thank. You.

i like to be treated with respect always, i am respectful and in my honest opinion and belief it should be returned.

show honor and integrity...

I do not like mind games and Im simply not willing to play them.

Yes, how different we all are. I'm lucky enough to have a daddy that complements me completely - we are truly the ying and yang. He loves making me feel safe and protected (even tho in reality he knows I very well can take care of myself, and do - I always have).

He also likes being in charge of alot of things, and I know when to give over the reins, tho I am a very capable 'driver' - and he knows that too.

I have spent a lifetime taking care of others - and I'm not talking family - it's nice to find someone who wants to take care of me for a change. Our relationship is not a complete one-sided thing - we know our limitations, and what we can actually do, but we have a lovely understanding, and we like it just the way it is. We fit snugly just like a jigsaw puzzle.

To each his own, and Viva la differencia!!

:firetruck:

Dating a gemini
 

good morning first of all... LOl

i was reading all the posts about how a woman wants to be treated on a date and they are so good... But.... I would have to say that if your gonna take me on a date you better have your ducks in a row!

I make all the decisions in my real life so, if someone is gonna take me out they have to know where were going (plz dont ask me where i wanna eat) if you ask me that i would say "take me home".. to me it means you didn't plan all the way thru.

Come to my door i dont care if you live in my house, RING THE BELL and greet me with a gentle kiss on the cheeck, this is a date not a hump session... Show me you have self control when i open the door smoking hawt and you wanna jump the bones remember im a gemini and we or at least I dont like pushy I like to know that you have control over your vital organs LOL..

Im the sorta girl i like the music on, I like to sing, so Im gonna sing all the way there or at least sometimes lol.. I want stimulating conversation, show me boi's that you have the abiity to think outside of the box.. We can talk religion, politics, death penality etc i dont care but entise me with your brains and thoughts no matter how crazy they sound. if we're sitting at the dinner table I alays wondered what the waiter would say if a song comes over head and we both like it, and get up and dance. be fun spontanious live on the edge. Life is already so frigid lets have fun!!

I think I said everything then what i would want my date to consit of lol but I tried..

I guess as i sit here I want my date to be something when you drop me off I say WOW and I feel it everywhere..

Respect me as a woman
 

I identify as a strong femme woman. I find myself mostly attracted to old school butches. (Hard to find as they may be). On a first date you can tell a whole lot. Sometimes, everything you need to know. I want to know that chivalry is not dead. I look for it to come naturally. It matters to me. Whether we walk down the street to a coffee shop or go to a 5-star dinner, the thing that matters most is being treated like I am the most valuable thing that my butch has come across. I like the lead with hys hand on the small of my back, the assistance with my wrap or the opening of my car door and waiting for me to get in as hy shuts it. It has never stopped giving me chills. For myself, I want you to be yourself, be confident and whatever we do on that date, do it with passion, enthusiasm and treat me like I am the only woman on the planet. These are the things that make me swoon.


:blueheels:

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech.

and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! :) )

the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.

I second this and applaud it....

I don't care what kind of car you drive or the job you have, are you kind? are you considerate? are you courteous? are you giving just for show or because that's who you really are, be respectful before and after and mean it don't just play a game I have feelings and they matter if to no one else than me they matter....respect is huge in my book.

A picnic on a beach would suit me more than some stuffy high end restaurant.....

a trip to the dog park, a walk along the river even fishing or camping ..

be good to me and ill be good to you, it kind of works like that or so i would like to believe in or at least hope for.

How do you like to be treated
 

I'll probably be from out of town and you'll pick me up at the airport -
You meet me with a grin on your face and you reach out to give me a warm welcoming hug.
My suitcase is light because I know I am only going to be here for the weekend - if it is chilly out side you offer to help me with my jacket or coat. You reach to take my luggage from me, and we walked to your car and drive to your place.
You get out of the car, come around and open the passenger's door for me, you take my hand and kiss it gently.
You open the trunk and take out the luggage.
Once inside the house, you introduce me to your four legged babies.
You take my luggage into the guestroom, you show me around your house, you have a large cozy bathrobe in the bathroom for me.
We take a few moments to sip coffee, chatting, the babies are helping to make this an easy transition in getting to know one another -
You've made plans for dinner, Italian.
I could sit and talk with you all night, your smile is genuine and your laughter infectious. But there are dinner reservations.
While helping me with my coat, you ask if you may kiss me, a soft sweet gentle kiss. You open the door for me and you tell your babies that we will be back shortly.
At the restaurant you pull out my chair and kiss my cheek. You sit directly across from me because you want to look into my eyes while we chat.
Since I haven't eaten in this restaurant before and we have discussed over the phone I only eat chicken and some fish, you ask if you can order for me.
You're so handsome, and you have made me feel like a princess. After a wonderful meal we leave the restaurant and you take me to your special place - a blanket of stars and fresh air surrounds us - could be a park, a river bank, a mountain parkway, - it is a safe place and we take a moon light stroll, I interlock my arm around yours. Everything is so romantic.
When we get back to your place, we sit and watch a movie and laugh - and time comes to go to sleep, you ask if I would be more comfortable sleeping in the guest room, or if I would like to sleep with you, you promise to be on your best behavior, but it is a strange place and I might be more comfortable cuddling with you. I have only one answer, and we drift off to sleep with your arm wrapped around my waist.
Morning comes and I awaken to the scent of a delicious cup of coffee right next to me on the night stand.
Good morning, you're in a very good mood -
I realize how very safe I feel with you -
this weekend is going to go way too quickly. You're the perfect gentle person - doesn't mean I will always want you to behave so perfectly, - but this weekend, this first date, I know I will be back because I want to know more about you and I want more of you.

I'm responding before reading all the other suggestions, so forgive me if they're repeats!

First, THANK YOU for asking this question! And your list of things that you do that don't cost money are fantastic -- with all of those in place, well, I can't speak for all femmes but I know that for myself there wouldn't have to be a penny spent and I'd have a delightful time.

Overall I'm WAY more impressed by someone who is honest about living within his/her means and who is making the effort to find creative and enjoyable things to do than someone who backs off and does nothing because she can't currently afford the type of date she's like to go on, or someone who gets themselves into debt to "impress" me.

Just don't make a big deal about it being a low-cost date - don't act embarrassed, don't keep apologizing, in fact there's really no reason at all to say to her that you're trying to keep the costs down, because that just puts your date in an awkward position.

I will tell you that one of the very best dates I've ever been on in my life started with a simple picnic lunch while sitting on standard beach chairs at the beach -- with foods direct from the grocery store or scavenged from her kitchen, packed in a basic canvas bag, and an inexpensive bottle of wine -- followed by ice cream at the boardwalk and a walk around town. It was the best date because at every moment I was made to feel pampered and special (all those "don't cost anything" things in place), but at the same time I was fully respected for my intelligence (lots of different conversational topics as we ate and sipped wine), I was allowed to be surprised by it (I like to not have to OK every plan), I didn't feel pressured for anything, it was light and romantic and fun instead of more formal and constrained, and I enjoyed every single moment of it.

And while not every date needs to be (or should be) a surprise, still don't be going to her and asking her to ok every part of the agenda - if you don't know her well yet, maybe check in and verify that she likes doing that sort of thing (some folks just don't like art museums or sporting events, for example) but work out the details on your own - she'll appreciate you for it!

Some no/low cost ideas that I personally would very much enjoy include museums, free outdoor plays/concerts in the summer, bike riding or walking through a park or along the beach, festivals/parades (ethnic, holiday, small town, etc.), a small-town or college ball game, fireworks, or even just getting together with a couple of friends who you know to be compatible and easy-going to do a bbq or play cards.

I know that in some cities, they have a weekly email that goes out that lists all kinds of plays, concerts and other events for that upcoming weekend for which you can get typically half-priced tickets. Maybe see if there's something like that around you?

Don't be afraid to plan a deliberately casual date with a Femme -- I'm guessing that most of us enjoy those jeans/shorts and t-shirts kind of dates just as much as the dress-up ones! But especially if she doesn't know going into it exactly what you'll be doing, please be sure to give her a general idea of what to wear. For that date on the beach, my date told me in advance that shorts or a simple sundress and sandals would be best, and I really appreciated that.

With an attitude like yours, you're going to make some Femme very happy to be dating you. :)

THIS. Exactly, especially the part I highlighted.

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

these days? I'd rather it not really be a date, to be honest. I'd prefer to just hang out and see how we get on as mates and if there's chemistry and attraction there. I'd like to talk before hand a bit to see where we both want to go, and the most important thing to me is how we get along, chemistry wise. Is there lots of laughing? banter? questions and curiosity? I'd like to be treated like a friend with possibilities. I don't want flowers, I don't want candy or stuff like that. I want you to be relaxed, confident, able to talk naturally, banter with me, and be totally honest like you would a friend - without fearing judgement. I don't want us on our best behaviour. I just want us to be very very realy about who we are. Still a bit hung up on a ex? Don't care. Tell me about it. Not for hours mind you, you'll put me into a coma, but tell me what you think and what you'd like to do about it.

I do webcamming work - I'll have told you a bit about that before we meet up - to put me through school. Don't treat me like a slag. I'm not. I won't bed you just because I can talk about sex easily on a camera. It's work and it's dull, don't fetishise me. Make jokes, sure, but the jokes should be about my clientelle (follow my lead hey?) and the rediculousness of the work, not some lame filthy bullshit I hear when I'm *at* work, you'll remind me of a service user. My job is convenient for study and half decently paid but very dull and a long shifts gives me headaches from having to be "chirpy, bubbly, smiley and up" and dealing with dickheads very swiftly with little or no reaction. I've got very thick skin and a very little tolerance for fuckwittery. But I have a very wicked sense of black humour, I love smart assing back and forth with people and I love a playful insult between friends. And I hope you do too. To me it shows intimacy, playfulness and ability to keep things from escalating past a certain point in debate.

I expect that to be there as a solid backbone - playfulness - especially if we decide to sleep together. I want our dates to develop as we do. I want romance expressed as a deep friendship and affection. We'll know how to express that to each other as we learn each other. If that happens quickly because there's shitloads of chemistry, I'm fine with that. But don't rush it. It should happen mutually.

flowers are nice and so is wine provided she isn't allergic to either of those and if she is well then substitute you know...ofos ways are impressive it means your thoughtful....and sometimes the best flowers to receive are the ones where someone hand picked them out weather at a florist or a garden or what have you...

just my opinion.

I have to agree that I would prefer not to be asked where I want to go if I've been asked out. If I take the initiative and ask someone out (it happens from time to time) I make sure to plan food and an activity, and leave some time after for hanging out/coffee if needed. I value creativity so someone that puts the time and effort into planning something I've never done before will win major bonus points.

The best date I've ever had was when they picked me up from my house, brought me a pretzel they had made that said E=mc2 and two little beaker-shaped ones (i'm a biologist), opened the car door for me, and we got ice cream down the street from my house which we took to a little park nearby and looked out over the river while we talked. I never stopped to think about how little the whole thing cost until just now, lol!

I've had great dates both with and without money. Museums are cheap, parks are free, and those are two of the best date spots in the world! A fancy dinner can be presumptuous, especially if neither of you would normally eat there, then it can actually be uncomfortable.


That point cannot be stressed enough.

The best date spots are places where you both feel comfortable enough to talk, in a place that is not too noisy for you to listen. That's all dates are really about.


Save the expensive spots for later dates. The first date should be about the conversation.

(IMHO)

And normally, I'd say no to flowers, but truthfully, they are starting to grow on me.

I still hate roses.

and carnations

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given. :)

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

Got me thinking here....
 

Open the door for me.....its taken me years/and I still dont always let someone do this, but I think its a sweet gesture.

Smile. If you're smiling, its a good sign.

Let me pick up the bill from time to time, especially if you've A) travelled any major distance to see me. B) It was my idea.

Be creative. If you come up with a special date night, I'm probably going to love it. It really doesn't matter whether it's expensive or cheap, thought matters.

Try and sneak in the smelling (yeah I usually smell like something nice)/hand at the back/hand behind my chair/hand holding gestures. I love it.

Thank me for coming out. I will normally thank you as well.

Tell me I look nice if I do. Dress well. I don't mean fancy, I mean clean/put together/take a shower. A girl should not be able to take her eyes off you ;)

I wish I could go on a date sometime soon!!

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

Star gazer lilies and you can have me now!!