Well I'm not a butch and I do have dicks that other people wear. they can wear their own, or they can wear mine (I'm a size queen. I love them very fat and lots of butches bring the medium sized one one the first date/day of play - also many of my partners haven't used a strap on before, so my harness and dicks are the ones they first use).

I've had two of the ones in my collection of a modest five for almost 10 years. they are in very good condition, I take very good care of them and they are high quality and very expensive. I have slept with about 15 or so butches/MoC women in the last 10 years. None, not one of those, objected to using them, nor did they ask or think about who had used them before. I don't think that's what they were thinking about when passions were running high and the toys were brought out.

My wife used them and they had been worn by several people before and after her. She never asked or wondered who had used them in the whole time we were together.

When she brought her dick to the relationship, she had bought it in her last long term r'ship. No, I did not consider what she had done with M with the dick. I just don't care.

But I've had many partners and I also actually love hearing about their past r'ships. I actually truly do. Especially the positive stuff. Stories about travel and adventure and hilarious sex accidents I like a lot. exes do not threaten me. I know what it is like to have loved and lost and miss people but not want them back. I like sharing that human aspect of experience. I like hearing how much someone loved someone else because it shows they have the same capacity for me.

I may be a bitch, I may not be politically correct/sensative, I take the piss and tease people, mock in a friendly way, be a smartass/sarcastic for affection, I may speak very bluntly and not give a flying fuck about other people's feelings around what I have to say - how they feel is their issue - but I do love stories of love and adventure. especially if they inspire pathos and love or a great venting rant that makes me laugh.

I will not walk on eggshells when it comes to these things. If people are not comfortable with me talking about my exes then I have nothing to talk about. I have spent the majority of my life in the company of those I have loved and I like telling the stories and hearing them.

The sex toys (bondage gear, cocks, harness, flogger, crop, pinwheel, vibrators, rubber opera gloves, portable sling) would cost a small fortune to replace and since I sleep around when I'm single with friends that I like, it's not appropriate for butches to get diva-rific about this. they use mine or bring their own. I don't care who they've used it on. I hope it was fun.

I'm here now and I have a hard time believing they'd be thinking about anything else but my snatch when it's in front of them, to be perfectly honest.

I think it boils down to what you attach to things. I care about the people I've been with. However, I don't really associate them with the item why are wearing. perhaps it's just the way I have grown up with sex.

If someone was with someone for 15 years and they bought a dick together and that's the only toy they had and the person feels uncomfortable using it with someone else? ok. fine. go out and buy yourself another cock. come back with one that's yours. I'd like it if it was on the massive fat size, but you know, buy more than one if you want, it's your collection, you are paying for it.

During the separation, I took all the sex toys. most of them were mine to start with anyway and I figured since she got a brand new sex toy, ten years younger than me, she had no right to bitch. And pointed this out. She raised her eyebrows and nodded and said "fair enough."

I've been with a few people since. No one has cared. They've just been happy to be there. As have I. So...

But yeah, if one is serially monogamous and goes from 4 year relationship to 4 year relationship, then I guess they just may see things differently. And hey if that's how people swing it, good for them. And they wouldn't be interested in getting muddy with a tart like me in the first place. so, no issue. :)

:awww: :bouquet:

best fucking line ever!
 

WOOF!!!

:paw:

It's a matter of each person's comfort-- whether it's two people or ten having sex. I wouldn't be comfortable without my own. I wouldn't be comfortable using one that I'd used with another partner. That is what makes me comfortable. If I had a different view and had been using a cock that I was particularly fond of it and she had an issue with it having been used on someone else, then I'd get another, offer to wear a condom, etc., because I'd want her to be comfortable too.

After all, NO ONE is going to enjoy the experience if there's something your brain's focused on rather than the one you're having sex with.

like I said, I understand that however I think for those of us that have a LOT of various partners, a) the cost would be exponentially prohibitive (!!!!!!) and b) have kinda learned through a lot of active use not to associate individual people with individual cocks/vibes/cuffs/feather dusters.

I'm not saying one is better than the other - but one IS more practical when one sleeps with 8 people a year, hey?

I've slept with 10 in the last 18 months. I don't have the cash to be uncomfortable with it! That would have cost me... 3,000 dollars??? *just* in dildos. not counting all the other vibes, plugs and bondage items!

that's kind of what I'm saying. Of course it's up to the two people involved, but it's WAY less likely to bother those of us that sleep with multiple people.

and jeeze of course a condom is involved!!! :O !!!
if it's not silicone and I can't use virilex (medical spray that kills viruses and bacteria) on it, it's gotta have a condom on it!!

So I do think numbers actually make a difference in perception of this kind of thing.

i always wanted to be thought o' as a muddy tart.

jus' sayin'...

I would have no problem using whatever was brought along... err as long as it was clean.

Like some here I don't ascribe anything to the item; it's just a tool, a means to an end. It facilitates a connection, but it's not me.

If I started dating someone who said they weren't comfortable or wouldn't want me to use what I already had, I'd request they buy what they want me to use.

I have bought sex toys with lovers/partners, but I couldn't tell you what thing was bought with whom.

Thoughts
 

I've been thinking about why, why are we placing value on an item that we are purchasing to fuck with.


I feel and am guessing that this kind of mentality is engrained sexism, puritan like thinking attached to our attachments.

We don't get new breasts, new mouths, new vaginas, new houses, new towns when we begin to get intimate or have casual sex. There's an almost pushed upon thought of virtue placed upon the cock as if it's some kind of holy grail that is going to enter our bodies and that it should be pure and virginal just like the person who is gettting entered.

We all know it's not true, each time we are penetrated by a lover it's a new experience, new feeling it's not the cock that is invading our space it's a person be they spreading our legs wide open, throwing them over their shoulder or coming at you from behind. It's a person orchestrating each and every thrust, that's what we should be concentrating on.

The person who is thrusting a cock in you (general you) is the one who should have all the *values*, *ethics*, *morals* etc etc. If those things are a must to fuck then evaluate that before a piece of silicone that can be so easily replaced.

People not so much. I wonder if this thinking is talked about here more online because the dating pool is so small and if this is where you date then the 6 degrees of seperation could be a mind altering situation when one begins to think about fucking.

The constant reminder is visually there, be it the ex, posts, songs etc. Maybe that's why.

I don't run into this particular conversation outside of this forum.. Just a thought.

Ramble alert!
 

you ain't kiddin. I've got a date from Seattle coming up for a few days (which is lovely. Everyone always expects me to come to them. Er... intensified school program?? I can't go *anywhere* for the next year and a half except between terms! I haven't even seen my own mom in a month and she only lives an hour from me!) and her best mate knows my soon to be ex wife. One of my exes in London that I lived with wound up being a close friend of an ex-fling of mine in san fran... jeeeeezzzzusss. Seven lesbians in the world and the rest is done with mirrors
The globe be TINY.

I did write something earlier about concepts of purity.

And my guess is that straight girls would LOVE to tell men to change their cocks from their last gf.

But we did fight for a very long time to have the right NOT to be a virgin before marriage, to not have that "purity" be "spoiled"... no penis can so unalterably change our vagina that we can never become proper lesbians, nor make it impossible to have new and wonderful sex with someone else, after someone else has been there.

That said, I do get a large percentage of my long term partners making cracks about how many people I've slept with. Most of the time, I'll admit it's funny. But when it's mixed in with insecurity about how they compare, it gets kinda deadly. And they start getting mean. And asking a lot of questions about how they compare.
Imagine of someone, right after having sex said "is my ass fat?"
"no."
"no really, is my ass fat"
"no."
"it's ok, if my ass is fat, cause it's ok to tell me."
"your ass is not fat"
"I mean I'd totally understand if you thought it was."
"it's not"
"If my ass was fat would you tell me?"
"jesus wept, would you shut the fuck up?"

after every time you had sex? it would drive you nuts, right? Same goes with the insecurity around sex. And people get very insecure about it. And take that out on other people/inanimate objects.

It honestly doesn't occur to me that other people are thinking about their exes when screwing me. I don't. so why would they. I am, however, reminded that people project a hell of a lot. And that when people fear judgement from others, it's USUALLY because they are doing a lot of judging themselves.

So I know that if someone is worried about me associating ___ with my ex (or one of the unwashed many before hahaha) then more than likely, they are actually thinking about their own. Or have been with others. Or when they wank. That's a big cluedo for me.

I've done it, right after a break up. When still reeling and trying to get my bearings and trying to get my self back. It happens. But it had nothing to do with who's willy they wore, in fact the last person that happened with, it was in their bed, with their toys, in a different city. I was just unable to comprehend it wasn't my wife, quite suddenly. And the poor sod, I started crying.

but she distracted me with a story,calmed me down, then got back on the horse (so to speak) and the second attempt, the eagle landed. So knew what I was upset about. She also had enough empathy to understand how hard it was for me, her being the first person after my wife left.

She was not jealous. She did not mind I struggled but really wanted to be there. My desire for her was enough.

it didn't matter who's cock it was. And personally I think if they other person fears an ex present on some genitals, that ex is in the room already, watching.

but I suppose concepts of purity also has something to do with it. Lots of men don't want "sloppy seconds" from a girl who has just broken with her boyfriend. Hetero gals I know would love to change his dick cause they want a pure cock that is their alone.

So it's also concepts of ownership. People don't want to own some used genitals. They want fresh, pure ones that are fresh from the store and theirs alone.

so, yeah, ownership. This dick is "ours".

Vs this dick is "Mine."

concepts such as that. my pussy is mine. anything anyone brings to the table is theirs. I don't want to own it. I mean, if we are monogamous then I would be very happy if they didn't put their hands, face, clit, dick in anyone else's vagina, but I certainly don't own them. I don't own their detachables either. If they are bought during the relationship, I'll probably take it haha ;)

I did, however get really fucked off at the thought of my wife fucking around on me with that dick. so I made sure that particular item was not ever able to be inserted anywhere ever again. So, I can succumb to ownership myself, at highly emotional and stressful times.

no. I never ran cross it. I only ever saw it on forums. Never with people I was ever with. not once. But like I said, me and the kind of people that do long term serial monogamy don't seem to cross paths in the bedroom much.

Ok, that's a lie. but it's on such a casual basis that they just don't ask who else I'm screwing - they know I am - and it's their decision to be there. And either they bring their own or they haven't got one and mine is fine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara (Post 780707) ........And they wouldn't be interested in getting muddy with a tart like me in the first place. so, no issue. :)

.......and now I think I have a crush on you and this sentence.... when I grow up I want someone to call me a muddy tart!!

Oh let us call a spade a shovel and put on our asbestos panties....apparently my filter is at the repair shop today..or perhaps closer to the truth is I've finally been offended by an internet conversation..

In a public person to person forum the likelihood a room of queers is going to tolerate slut shaming and the other unsaid crap from this thread is close to zero, in fact I'd bet on it being zero. The blatant moral attachments to having a new willy for reasons other than "It's Monday I feel like cock shopping!" would go down like a lead balloon.

People who are ashamed of sex (read: potentially even suffer from internalized homophobia) are not talking in a public person to person forum, they are at home on the internet. They aren't at a queer conference discussing or celebrating sex and gender.

The internet provides a lovely veil for those who have issues around sex to climb on a ladder and wave their cocky morals for applause.. Get on with your bad self, but my queer, fat, sex positive, loud mouth self is prepared to go tit to tit or cock to cock about why I disagree with placing moral value on an object or that you are somehow a more virtuous human than I.

So here's to being a slut. To having fun, enjoying sex, and not being ashamed that my cock or your cock has had action. Dirty, filthy, steamy, lewd, lascivious, brutal, sweet, muddy, strutting, amazing fucking action. :praying:

oh I dunno, I'm waving a bit of cocky morals myself, probably.

I don't think all of it is about slut shaming, though I think it probably has a slice of the pie.

I am more thinking it's about ownership. "our" cock (as a couple) rather than "my" or "their" cock as an individual.

I agree with this.

Although this is not specifically about sex toys, it is about conceived ideas about sexuality and multiple partners... and I think this plays into all kinds of assumptions...
I'm dating right now, and the comments I am getting from many have been *SPECTACULAR* at times. Needless to say I don't sleep with those people but my jaw has been dropped on a couple of occasions, by... just gobsmacking ideas around sex and numbers.

So there's a book, a quick review of it and how this still applies even to queers, policing each other's sexuality, when cismen aren't around to do it for us. And how it feels to be a femme, dating in the middle of all that judgement when people are unaware that they are even doing it.

If anyone wants to read it, it's
located right here in this underlined link (or in my signature)

I think that ideas around these things, especially in our own communities should be challenged. I had a andgorenous lesbian only slightly older than me, who was very eco friendly and into burlesque as an art and all this kind of stuff... when I asked if she wanted femmes why didn't she put it on her dating profile... she said "cause I thought I'd just get shallow, fluffy girls. But I'm not sure why."
My jaw dropped open. I asked what she thought that meant about her assumptions about femininity and highly feminine women and their relative intelligence.

fuck. me. sometimes, y'know?

I'm sure I say just as stupid assumptive shit and I hope to fuck people call me on it...

New partner = New toys. No discussion. I want us to pick new toys out together. I think it's a bonding experience. Our toys should be "our" toys......

For ME:

New partner (casual or serious relationship) who has a removable cock that is an integral part of his/her identity: No way, that would be like someone saying to me that I needed to get new breasts, and to my definition of things shouldn't even be in the same discussion as "toys." Getting a new cock for a cock-centric butch or transguy is part of who they are and not my business if it's new or not.

New partner in a casual affair that's not likely or uncertain to last: No way, because it would be just too damned expensive and impractical.

New partner in a potentially long-term relationship for whom they are TOYS and not an integral part of his/her identity: Once the relationship got serious, I'd prefer to buy new toys, just like I'd prefer to buy some new sheets, a new dress for a special occasion instead of the one I wore for many previous special occasions with my ex, etc. If I can afford to replace certain things that were an intimate part of previous relationship, even if they're still perfectly functional, then I'm going to! Did I ditch all my old sheets? Oh hell no (though I made sure to keep the best ones!) But do I enjoy knowing that the sheets I'm putting on are new or have never been fucked on by anyone other than me and her? Absolutely. There's no moral implication to it - it's a preference, period. And an excuse to get some exciting new things.

Yes, when they are "toys" to both participants, that makes sense.

For some of us, the cock we wear is not a "toy".

But sure, you want a different butt plug than the ones in my drawer? No problem, lets hit the sex store together.

I to agree new partner new toys.. and I like to let her choose what her "heart" desires. I'd like her to be able to say..Hey lets use the Wednesday one on Friday.. lol She can even call them anything she wants. Cause it is all about her (in my opinion.)Well..that is until we get in the bedroom. ;-)

UGH so torn about this.
I would have to say new partner, new toys, though.

My take on this...
 

with a twist...

new work boots - new socks

New partner yeah we can get new toys, it's fun and sexy to choose and experiment together.


My cock though most definitely does not fall into this category and is as much a part of me as my tongue is and that doesn't change between partners either :D

New Toys?
 

I go with "new" - but the only exception is with butch cock. I don't expect my partner to have a new one lying around in a drawer...or in their pants. Also, I respect the loyalty my partner has to theirs.

Of course, I'll want a good look at it first - and have on occasion even asked my partner to put a condom on it or take a shower with it on (both of which turned out to be kinda fun).

With respect to all, I'm also not of the mindset that butch cock "belongs" to anyone but the respective owner. I'm very happy with them sharing it, though,

So when people are single and they buy themselves toys, to have fun with, do they get rid of them when they get a long term partner??

In my opinion, new partner, no need for new body parts.

And that's why.

:-)

I vote new toys. I know, I know, they are expensive. That's my feelings though. If you are using the toys just on yourself and you begin a new relationship I think it's alright to use your toys if she is comfy with it. My issue is that I wouldn't want someone's ex's favorite sex toy in me. I know it can be washed and all that but it's the principle of the thing.

For those who have body related attachment to it, I can see why you wouldn't want to buy a new one. Maybe that should be on a case by case kind of basis? I don't have much experience in that area but would assume that a good honest conversation with the partner would be in order.

Ok but what if it's not an ex and all toys were used on me. and bought by me, for me.
as in, I don't just have sex when I'm in a relationship. I have casual sex from time to time. In those instances they usually use my toys on me. I don't generally use toys on them.

So if it's NOT an ex, *I* bought it for *me* and it had nothing to do with being inserted in *them*, what about then?

I side with buying new toys when you get a new partner. I've used a toy on two different people and the sex was great but part of me still felt guilty, remorseful, I'm not sure it just wasn't a good feeling. So I will continue buying new toys if I get a new partner.

I see why thats a grey area but it really boils down to honesty. If the person youre using them in doesn't care then that's cool. For me, I guess I feel like if a relationship was the goal I'd just go with the...er respect? Kindess? Whatever... of new toys. It might not bother some people at all though. What's important is that everyone ia open and honest. Thats true about everything with sex really. Thats my $0.02.

Point taken..
Well,safe sex is important for me to and my partner.My butch dick belongs to my gf,alone.Then there's this monster that belongs to the community.I practice safe sex and I use condoms.I just bought some new toys the other day because I respect this new lover a great deal and we plan to have more than a one nighter.

I have come back to this thread a few times and I`m still on the fence. Its such a grey area.

First reaction would be always new. New relationship, new beginning, new US and I dont want any ghosts in the bedroom thank you. {I say relationship as I`m not a casual sex kinda girl}.

However....what I hadnt thought of until reading some of the posts was that Hy may well, and quite understandably, regard Hys cock as part of Hym, and for a Femme to say, `that has to go I want new`, well I can see why Hy would have an issue with that. So on that score if my Honey felt that way my heart would want to respect Hym and all that Hy was though I`m not so sure if I could persuade my legs to uncross. :blink:....although if Hy packed most of the time and as our relationship and intimacy levels built then I suppose I would view it and Hym as whole and one so.....I think that would be fine.

I`m going to get some feedback from Hym, I may post again.

HHmmm :deepthoughts:

Daisy :bouquet:

Alternatively, a butch could buy the same cock over and over again.

I have. More than once. More than twice. More than thrice. :blink:

I don't plan to do that again.

I have to say I don't get the concept of new partner = new toys...not at all...My butch has toys she loves...why would I ask her to go out and spend tons on new things for me? The tools people use are secondary to the pleasure that comes from them. And for butches who consider their cocks body parts not toys, I'd suspect the suggestion may even be insulting. Unless you're a virgin or dating one, everyone has exes. They're part of the experiences that make you who you are. I dunno. It's never a big deal to me. But, to each their own and as long as you both agree, that's all that matters.