|
another text convo with roommate's mom
"Mawmaw": I will have (Blade's niece) thru & fri. I will be up VERY early
(Since she retired, she normally doesn't get up till 9-10) Kenna: awwwww Mawmaw time "Mawmaw": I will be a blithering idiot b4 day is over. She's a chatterbox and in the WHY WHY WHY stage! Kenna: I'm sorry I can't help but chuckle at that! I will rescue you and keep her occupied making peanut butter and Cherrio bird feeders ....(thinking to myself how much fun it will be to make a HUGE mess with peanut butter and cereal with a 3 year old!!!) |
Two For One Deal.
First one...Years ago mom and step dad took a road trip. Part of trip took them across Nevada. That night I get call from step dad saying mom wants to tell me something. She gets on phone all excited, "Did you know what they raise out here in the middle of the desert?!" I said, "Uh, no. What?" Getting even more excited she says, "Bunnies. They raise bunnies!" Not understanding what the hell she's talking about I said, "What do you mean bunnies? Where did you hear that?" By now I can hear step dad in background trying so hard not to just bust out laughing as my mom continues, "Well, we were just driving across the desert, nothing for miles and miles, then we came up on this billboard that said, "BUNNY FARM, TURN LEFT AT NEXT EXIT".
Of course this was the cue for step dad to lose it while I proceed to tell my sweet, naïve mom, "Mom!!! They aren't raising bunnies in the middle of the freaking desert. It's a whore house!" Leave it to my step dad to hold that in all day so my mother's only child would have the pleasure of telling her what it really was. All of this came rushing back as I traveled across I 80 into Nevada. Second thing involves my wife. She is getting really into cooking and not just any cooking but gourmet cooking. (Yay me!) Today she went to store and bought purple potatoes. The kind that are purple all the way through. So she calls to tell me and all I could say was, "Awwww, you got queer tators!" Love My Family, Brute. |
a Frosty will never be the same...
Sitting in Wendy's parking lot....my roommate exclaims (in a happy voice) "Look how stiff it is!"
I look over at him :| :| slap him on the shoulder ...then he gets this embarrassed look and we both crack up.... my roommate is a goofball!! |
Funny commentary for a honey badger video :)
|
Crazy furbabies!!
I had went outside to open the chicken pen to allow them to free range... Blade's large german sheppard immediately starts to have a panic attack, whining and barking... When I get back inside, all 3 little furbabies hear the sheppard barking and think Blade is home ...so they start whining and crying to get out. Only Skippy has this really HIGH PITCH screaming noise that hurts your ears...I've never heard a dog make noises like that!! I tried to hush them...but they insisted that Blade was home...so I let them out to see... Skippy (who I call Dippy) went scooting out real fast, JUMPED off porch...kicked up dirt as he hit the drive lane, his ears completely perked up...dancing like only a chihuahua can...gets to middle of drive way and looks around for Blade's truck, with a huge STUNNED "where's my Daddy" look on his little face!!.., This crazy dog, who for the last several cold days refused to step foot in the yard, then turned around, literally kicking up dirt as he scooted around "the play pen" and like a lightening bolt headed down to the tool shed looking for Blade...From the look on his face and how he pranced as he ran, you could tell he was DETERMINED his daddy was home! Skippy Dippy is what I call a velcro dog...GLUED to his daddy |
|
My stooooopid crazy chickens ...instead of getting in their warm cozy nesting hutch, they stood in the snow all day... but 7 of them gave me pretty eggs...they'd get snowed on, fluff their feathers, stand there while they get snowed on again ...
|
I'm still laughing!!! I talked to my roommate tonight to hear how my dog decided to jump in the shower with him....the pups face peeking thru the shower curtain...then he invited himself in....
This is our only dog that will willingly jump over the tub's edge on command when he needs a bath....tonight I think he was just lonely and wanted Blade's undevided attention. |
What wasn't posted in 5 letters today in response to:
F R M U B The first sentence that popped into her head: Frantically removing my unclean boxers... Jeez...That was funny (& gross)! As the cleanest butch in the known world, this sentence was especially funny coming from her. |
Doggy antics!
|
While cleaning the garage I found $20. & my 5yr. Niece loks @ me (with hand out) & says "HOT DAMN AUNT BARBIE..YOU GONNA SPLIT THAt MONEY WITH ME...BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.." Im in trouble as she gets older..
|
their attemp to *whip* me into submission :)
Them: Fantastic...get in that tub so you can call me after!! Get ya going before I spank your cute behind!! And don't think I can't spank ya, I got your address and many options to get there.
Me: OMG! spanking? Don't go there honey...you're playing with Fire :cheesy: |
this is for paybacks baby...fun delightful painfully sweet pay backs...since *you* have never said THAT word to me before
(Scene: they are pulling an all nighter at work...I woke up from short nap now can't sleep)....
Texts: Them: I'm trying to read your emails but I'm on a ladder 18 feet up...not a good idea! Me: I'm gonna kick yer azz when you get down!!! Them:woooo hoo I like feisty turns me on Me: Then hope you can take feisty!! Them: Hey now you just made me drop my nail gun Me: I DID? *chuckles* Them: You just eat this up...making me stuble and stuff...dang you're sexy Me: grinz...possibly....sexy is empowering... :) sexy is confidence... Them: ohh yeah and you're all in one package, what a treat, what a heartthrob...ohh my boner, grinz Them: let me hear your voice before you go to bed, like 5 minutes, you need sleep Me: (responding before I read the boner statement) Now stop letting me distract you so you'll be safe...call when you get a break... Me: (look on face :| :| after seeing *boner* :| :| and reading their request to call) CALL ME Them: I'm climbing down ladder, you gonna call me? They dial me...I pick up and calmly ask if they are ok? *Yes, why?* Me: You DID NOT JUST SAY BONER!!!!! They start laughing so hard I couldn't understand what they said....I start laughing with them, they stop long enough to do a sexy growl...I start laughing harder to where it makes me have a coughing fit!!! They're still laughing as they say OH MY GOD, I just drew a glass of water to offer you!! I can't believe I just did that!!! This made me laugh even harder...I sit up, coughing and laughing, scare my poor dog and he FALLS OFF THE BED, wedged between the wall and bed...rescued poor Willy ...I say " kinda like the first day you called me, and you popped a breath mint before I picked up??" I get wrapped up in their deep, gorgeous, fun belly laugh...I'm still coughing...I say "oh my god I need some tea"....their response "I'm sorry to choke you up baby!" (I could hear the naughty grin).... I retort back "if THAT'S not an innuendo!!!" All this laughing because of a boner!!! This was sooooo much fun in person!!! Wish I could have voice recorded it!! THIS TIME...I had no intention of *bleeping stuff out* to "protect the innocent"....not a chance! |
While helping a friend move my phone rings I answer only to hear this soft voice saying aunt Barbie you gotta come get me right now.. Mommy isnt being nice & im over it..
While trying not to laugh I ask why is mommy not being nice.. I get a responce of "I want ice cream"..& mommy said no.. So u come get me & get me ice cream & ill stay the night @ ur house.. So hurry up I dont like waiting. I lost it & yes I did go get her & the ice cream also got her sister but took them home when ice cream kicked in good.. |
|
The owner of my salon with a customer. They were discussing where the customer's eyebrows should be drawn.
Customer: They are under my glasses. Owner: They are supposed to be there. Customer: What's the point of having them if they are hidden? Owner: It's where they go. It's natural. Customer: I want them here. *draws lines well above the top of her glasses* Owner: Now, come on. You don't want that! You'd look like a hookah. :blink: They continue bickering with one another until the owner catches my eye and says, "Grandmuthaahs!" Then the grandmother said, "Now do them like this!" and drew two very curved lines on her forehead. Owner: I'm not turning you into a Bozo hookah! Now, stop it and go away. I love you and will see you later. Grandmother: I should pay you for this, right? Owner: Nah. You can't afford me. Just buy me a drink at the wedding. The two of them went on and on, back and forth, for a good ten minutes. North Eastern families. Gotta love 'em. |
Listening to book 2 of 39 clues... there are moments that I just bust out laughing... It really helps make my day go by fast at work
|
Watching Jimmy Fallon try on Shaquille O'Neal's suit jacket. He is one big guy! I laughed so loud, I scared the fur babies.
|
that little Christmas Elf
text conversation..............
Mom.....JBH just called me, she says the Christmas Elf has stuck a rubber band up her nose. You can imagine my laughter at this point Me...Oh Lordy Mom....She says she has used tweezers and can't get it out Me...Tell her to make her blow her nose Mom...Well yeah...only she sniffed instead. Now she can't see it. I have now suggested she use a suction bulb like when she was a baby. Me....Google it...how to remove a rubber band from a child's nose |
Text Convo
Mom...your favorite TV show would have been 50 this month....guess
me...Mom did they make TVs when I was 1? Mom...yes Me..Did we have a TV when I was 1 Mom..yes a tiny one Me...I'm guessing Rawhide or something cowboyish Mom...NOPE "FLIPPER" Mom...Oh and in 64 you were 2 Me...Not until September I wasn't |
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:41 AM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018