Originally Posted by Gentle Tiger (Post 399779)

I have added as in went back and got more salad to my plate to go with the barracuda I thawed out (caught it myself). Fun to catch and good to eat. And my refrigerator is full of fruits and vegetables for salads and my juicer. There is no Pepsi.

I have got to find that Apocalypse thread that I think Medusa started. :vigil:

Originally Posted by Medusa (Post 399802)

Whatever you do, don't pluck it or two more will grow in it's place!

Originally Posted by Matthew (Post 399813)

Originally Posted by Yellow band

Do you take insulin for the diabetes (if thats not too personal?)

I'm not a nurse, so I'm not giving a diagnosis. I have a heart problem that requires me to pay attention to it always. The fluid that is in you ankles is a huge warning to you, that you are retaining fluid. Fluid retention can squeeze your heart . Thats what happened to me. It is also a sign that maybe your kidneys are failing.....you have diabetes, you are already taxing the poor kidneys. Where does your back hurt at? Top near the shoulders? or at the waistband? Have you told these telephone answer'ers that you have a potential medical emergency going on here? This is not DRAMA..........

Originally Posted by apretty (Post 399661)

E and I had such a busy weekend that we didn't get to our normal food-shopping!

I work a few hours longer today so E's going to stop after work and get us some things that are our basics, for me those include

chocolate soy (for my coffee every morning in lieu of cream)
low fat cottage cheese (from costco, I usually go through a big container in about 10 days!)
a variety of fruits (E doesn't do melon besides watermelon but I like all kinds)
a variety of vegetables


My everyday cereal is Special K red berries (lower points than Go Lean Kashi)

........................

I've been a bad tracker and have been losing weight with only mild success because I haven't stuck with the plan 100%--I am about at 50% some days I am at 10% on plan. So, I am down 12 lbs and would love to see that 15 lb weight loss (and get another gold star!!!!!!) but I am coasting and each time I brace myself at the scale, thinking that I am going to gain, I am down .8 or .12 of a pound and feel like I've really got one over on someone or dodged a bullet. Which sounds silly because I am not in a race, but *fat*, while can be chocked full of wholesome goodness--I find that mine is chocked full of a range of highly-charged emotions and a part of the stage for my personal, human drama and I appear to be committed to clinging to every pound that I am trying to lose in ways that I don't yet fully accept or recognize.

So, how do you let go of a part of you that you have spent so long identifying with?

Originally Posted by Medusa (Post 399694)

WORD. My answer is: I don't know yet.

The fat girl in me is beloved. On purpose and with vigor. Politically and emotionally. Because I've worked at it for years and because it is a sign that I reject the negativity, body hatred, sexism, beauty-ism, and bag of your basic "fucked up shit" that our Mothers and Fathers and the World has handed to us.

She is proof that I am strong. To be fat in this world requires that. She is proof that I have and will continue to survive. That I reject all of that fuckery.

It is a little unnerving to me that a smaller body will have such huge meaning for me and how I move in the world. I am apprehensive about people violating my personal space. I am apprehensive about receiving more unwanted attention than I already get. I am apprehensive about being more visible.

I feel safe in my fat body. Insulated. Strong. Unrepentant. Audacious. I don't want to stop feeling that way. So I'll have to do more work when I thought my "work" here was done. After all, I climbed the mountain of body shame and staked my blinding pink flag at the top and flipped the giant bird out across the horizon. A big ass "fuck you" to what I had to climb over and through to get there. And now? Im looking out over that valley and seeing more scary work ahead. Harder work maybe. And I'm hearing the echoes of "You'll never be acceptable no matter what size you are".

I am finding it a huge battle to let go of my control issues with food.
My personal stuff centers around not having control for a long time and gaining control by being able to choose (with reckless abandon) what I put in my piehole. Being out of control is being IN control for me.

And now, I feel like I have to give that control over to the part of me who wants to be more conscious, who wants to drive the bus for awhile, who says that being an eating machine is no longer acceptable.
Adult me is telling baby me that it's time to wave goodbye now.

I think I'll still be here when I'm smaller. (not in the thread, but here, in this body) The me who did the work. The me who identified with the fat and made it her own.
The reality is that the work I did is not going to just go away because my ass is smaller. I'll still need to reconnect with my body, I'll just have better tools to do it.

Originally Posted by PinkieLee (Post 399831)

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger (Post 399841)

Originally Posted by Thinker (Post 399833)

Per Angie's request yesterday... This is what I have had so far today.

Coffee - 1 pt.
V8 - 1 pt.
Whey protein shake w/strawberries & banana - 3 pts.
Greek yogurt (plain, non-fat) w/blueberries & Special K granola - 4 pts.

Brown rice w/non-fat refried beans & spicy diced tomatoes - 7 pts.

...and about 24 ounces of water

Let me tell you about my rice and beans. I use the Success brown rice bags and a can of whatever beans.......for me, usually black beans (low-sodium, rinsed off) or Rosarita non-fat refried beans. I like pinto beans w/jalapenos too!

I mix in 1/2 can of some sort of spicy diced tomatoes and heat the beans.

I put half of the cooked rice in a bowl and put half of the beans in with it. This makes two good-sized bowls, so I save one for the next day.

Aside from the fiber and protein benefits, it's a VERY filling dish for when you want to feel full but don't want a whole meal or don't feel like preparing food.

I've also had it in smaller portions as a side dish with grilled chicken breasts and some sort of green veggie.