blankety blank stupid effing email hijackers.

So sorry I accidentally went over to a law enforcement buddy's house (I'll take computer forensics for 500, Alex) so I could use a secure system that's not linked to me, followed your breadcrumbs home, dl every darn thing I could find about you, notified IT at work, and turned the resulting mess over to said law enforcement buddy to play with. The scope and depth of your sleazitude will make for hours of entertainment.

I sat down for a minute between my house work and saw this video. This is making me think...

What is shown here is a feudal system. Where the wealth "lords" determine what is right for their "serfs". This system doesn't work... and somethings got to change.

A complete turnover would be nice. Thank you for sharing the video.

Words and the power we attribute to them.

I am also daydreaming and thinking about the impact of my decisions (mostly for the best)

update
 

On my mind

Things really can turn on a dime. Much to my amazement friends and business associates from the past have stepped in to become business partners so I have Not lost my business. Even more surprising they insist on my not moving and have made it possible for me to stay living and working by the sea. While I was looking forward to returning to the mt; this is better for now.

On top of that one or two new customers makes a difference in production business. That happened too. I gained a customer.

Thankyou for listening and thank you to those who left me notes. Very nurturing and unforgettable. Bowing down.

Last night and the feelings/energy that surrounds me today. organizing, sleep, coffee and lunch. My friends are always on my mind and so are my projects and plans.

Giovanna, my Boston terrier...she is not doing too well, health-wise.

yesturday , today and tomorrow

What's on my mind....
 

I'm sitting here, tear-stained face after having just seen my ex. She looks great, dressed well, but she's not healthy or happy inside either. I can see it in her eyes. I know her that well. And while I still hold love for her and always will, seeing her made me realize without an ounce of longing that I do NOT want her back. So WHY does it still hurt so much? What can I do to get through this?

I look on Facebook, see a picture of a rain-soaked rose and the directions to share the image if you have a brother or sister that means the world to you. Kim; my only sister, my older sister, the one who protected me against a woman who was mentally, physically, and sexually abusive-- and at times neglectful, my biological mother; is gone as of January 17th this year. I love and miss her so much, and the reality that she is truly gone comes and goes and eats away at my already fragile heart.

I feel like less of a person and less of what a man is supposed to be-- despite the fact that I am a transman AND content with THIS aspect of myself-- as my ego is crushed because of my medical needs. I am struggling because I am not the strong one this time who others can rely on, but rather, the one in need of help. And I am grateful and blessed that I do have a few good friends who support me and look out for me and don't look down on me when I crumble. I never pretended to be "Superman"; I'm simply "Clark Kent" with good intentions and the willingness to be hurt if needed. So why do I hold myself up to such standards when everyone, everywhere sometimes needs help? Why can't I let go of my ego and be okay with it?

My life feels like a bad country song right now: have to redo my semester because I was in the hospital and will not be able to make up the work in time, lost my girl (time and time again, but this time-- and somewhat thankfully as she was manipulative and abusive-- for good, lost my apartment, my dog and cat, and she has my car.

Needless to say, I'm in a bad place at this moment, and while I know it'll pass and in a few days, my mind will sort through the funk and leave me smiling and hopeful again, I just wish I could be hugged, really hugged-- a real, genuine hug. While online hugs are great reminders that people care and I always value the sentiment, it's the warmth of skin I crave, of a friend or loved one holding me, assuring me that I'm still strong, that I'm going to be okay. I'm normally the one holding others, tightly in along my chest, my lips resting along their brow, stroking their backs, reminding them that life never gives us more than we can handle. Just wish I had a bit of that for myself right now.

A nice relaxing movie tonight with awesome company

I am so sorry for all of the hurt you are experiencing right now, Solitude. I wish I could give you a real genuine hug because I too and I think a lot of us here, have felt the same kinds of pain and the same need to be told things will be okay.

You have support here and you WILL be okay. I don't think you are any less of a person, of a man or less strong. Sometimes to really BE strong, you need to do what you just did. You need to let it out and trust that you are provided with the tools you need. Guess what, you already have been. You are still here. You sound like such a wonderful person and somebody is going to appreciate that someday.

I know it's always harder when we are the ones in the position who need help, especially when our ego rarely lets us admit it. I am here. If you need somebody else to talk to, please feel free to pm me? I know online hugs aren't the same but aside from being here to listen and sending you comforting thoughts while keeping you in mine, it is all I can do. (((Hugs))))

I had a strange little connection and I am not sure if it is just in my head or not. It wasn't anything bad and I am just waking up from a long nap.

I am thinking about my friends, my projects and showering.

I am wondering how much camping gear is actually in my storage unit. I will have to add that to my list of things to do next month.

On my mind is the dreams I've had the last few nights
Sunday Night I dreamt I was digging through pieces of of peoples crap (literally) looking for little pieces of Gold
Monday night I dreamt of being panicked and searching all over for my EX and once I just decided to go home -there she was.

And of course homework-I am taking very similar classes were dealing a lot with heavy issues. discrimination, hate, culture and communication biases.
seems every night I'm reading, writing or researching.
Fricken tired...

I hope your dreams lighten up soon, KC.

Either I go into a deep sleep and forget what I am dreaming or my dreams are really vivid and usually comforting. I almost always wake up smiling and feeling a really strong happy energy.

Lately (the last 2-3 days) I have been having strange dreams. This has happened before and I think it's related to not getting a lot of sleep at night.

I cannot tell if these dreams are supposed to mean something or whether it's just a way for my mind and body to process the emotions that have been lingering.

Mind
 

Gonna take off tommorrow. Why wait?