Wow, I talked up a storm here, my apoligies, but damn I apparent needed to rant. ;)
I think some people find bisexual a stepping stone on the way to identifying as lesbian or gay... as to ease the climb... I on the other hand found the steps ended with bisexual. I've never identified as totally straight but I have previously identified as a lesbian, because shit, I must be, I'd been in a relationship with a woman for a decade and a half. It's only on my years long my path of searching for authentic self, retrospectively looking at my feelings of the my youth... honestly looking, untainted by learned prejudices, mass mentalities, have I admitted to something I'd criticized in the past. I enjoy the company and intimate companionship of both sexes fairly equally. If I were to find myself again single, (which as an aside I don't see as I'm happily coupled with a woman and have been for some time) I could in no way say that I would not be with a man, or a woman... I think I would be with whoever stole my heart and who loved me as I loved them regardless of whats between there legs. And it's been proven to me either sex is quite capable of attracting my attention.

I will say men have hurt me more, personally. I will also admit to having been raped, but having this happen to you doesn't change your sexual orientation. It doesn't mean all men are bad or evil, although it skewed my thinking and fucked me up for some time I was attracted to men and woman before it happened and am still even though I admit I've had to really work through some deeper issues with that. And to be fair some woman have fucked me up too...

All this said, never before has it been so difficult to come out about something as it has about being bisexual. I mean why subject oneself to the bullshit stereotypes, to the alienation from the gay community in which you've built love and lifelong friendships? The straight community can be just as bad... some seem to take it as meaning your a sex nymph. I mean YES I'm bisexual but no it does not mean I'm attracted to you... I'm in a monogamous relationship... then it's like NO I do not want a threesome... if I did find myself single again I realize most lesbians will not date me because I'm bisexual, and some men may not trust me, or worse think I'm a ticket to a peep show... like blah fuck it... why ever tell anyone as long as I live???

After the last national coming out day, and a LOT of thinking, I come out publicly only because of those exact stupid stereotypes. Cause it really pisses me off to have anyone think I'm "confused" or "straddling a fence for the fun of it" or that I'm "more likely to cheat". I will speak out and claim it proudly because I have PRIDE, I want to truth about it all to be visible, and that forces me to make myself visible in hopes of educating people as to what bisexuality is and what bisexuality is not. Last I come out because I have faith in people, I have faith in my friends, and if someday someone doesn't want to be with me just because I'm bisexual I don't want to be with them either, because frankly they are utterly stupid...

Yes. I understand this very well.

I prefer to keep it simple.
 

I identify as Bi. I have been in long term monogamous relationships with females, males, butches, ftm's and mtf's. I have come to the conclusion that people are people. To me we are all walking, talking bags of hormones subject to the stimulation life hands us from birth to death. I could go into the nature/nurture debate, genetic debate, social/peer circle, media nutrition/lifestyle and etc but why? I don't want drama nor do I want debate. I just want someone who gets me, someone I get. Not about sex for me. I want a good fit like a comfortable pair of slippers, I want to be able to laugh with someone, eat in front of someone..just be myself. All the other things will fall into place regardless of how they might identify, including trust. If there is chemistry..we'll feel it. If we have an intellectual connection..we'll talk about it.

Perhaps one could say I want it all, yes! if all means happiness, not just sex (strap on or bio) If someone I am dating does not trust me when I say I am happy with that person then it is not my issue. Maybe there is past hurt and trauma with someone whom could not be trusted in a committed relationship. To me being Bi is just as natural as someone who is gay or straight, there was no preference or choosing, it is just me and it always has been.:glasses:

I identify as Bisexual. By this I mean that I am attracted to both men and women.

I think I have always been this way but growing up in a very hetero household I was always more comfortable flirting with and dating guys. I simply didn't know how to 1. tell if another woman was interest in girls or 2. how to figure out if she might be interested in me.
In fact, I still have issues with this.
I wasn't actually able to act on my interest in women until after I was married, ironically. My husband helped me out a lot, having been in poly relationships with bi women before. You could say he is my best wingman haha.

I can genuinely say I enjoy being in a romantic relationship with the few women I have dated as much as I enjoy the romance between my husband and I . I also equally enjoy sex with women as much as with men. Each person is different of course. Some are better than others, but that's part of the experience.

I've just recently started thinking of myself as bisexual but I'm currently married to a man (bio-male). I'm definitely not looking to start anything with a woman because I'm completely against cheating. But I admit that I definitely have an attraction to very masculine-of-center women. Looking back, I realize that I've always been attracted to both men and "masculine" women, although I've never been attracted to anyone that presents in a traditionally feminine way.

I don't know.I do know that I have these mad crazy affairs with bio-man every 15 years apart.I had my first sexual experience with a man at age 11,around that time I also had my first sexual encounter with a woman.I have never been divided who I should have a relationship with,its always been with women.I guess my clit doesn't descriminate.Never been married,never had children.

Hey,why am I telling you this? :weedsmoke: (i must be high)

Brings a song to mind...Bluebeard by The Cocteau Twins

Did i mention I like my men with beards..oh yes

To me, bo-sexual is a person with a free spirit that doesn't acknowledge physical boundaries. Maybe someone on a higher spiritual level? Maybe not.

Personally, I would not date a bi-sexual only because I have seen, so many times, that some use their bi-sexuality as permission to cheat. I am not saying everyone does that but I am not willing to put my heart on the line (or my body) with someone who could use the bi-sexual label to cheat.

Also, I can't even imagine a bi-sexual butch. Lol... Although they may be out there.

Just my thoughts and, please, understand that I am, in no way, putting anyone's lifestyle down. To each hys or her own.

thoughts
 

You don't have to, imagine it that is. Bi sexual butch peoples exist just as much as bi sexual Femmes, Transguys, Men, Women etc. They're not immune to it nor does it make them an oddity...

I feel that for people it's hard to imagine something because they're afraid of the truth, or want to keep people in certain pegs because it doesn't disrupt one's comfort level...


Like you said, to each their own!

"let's marvin gaye and get it on..."

Oh look,i'm back
 

*snort*

I love that song..

I just want to say that your idea of keeping it simple, is simply beautiful. The way you describe your identity, as an bisexual, is such a breath of fresh air.

I have partnered with those who identify on the male side of the identity spectrum. And, each time I've either dated or partnered with those particular individuals, it was because I too like to keep it simple. Feeling entirely comfortable with someone is a really big deal in my world. When you said that you wanted the relationship to feel like a good fitting pair of slippers, that you wanted someone who totally gets you and vice versa, then I definitely resonate deeply with that point of view because my sexual identity is not up for debate, nor is theirs. I've never been public about it before but bisexuality is a part of my identity.

What matters most to me is how well we fit together (full stop).

Thanks for painting an articulate picture about what bisexuality means to you. :bouquet:

It means that gender isn't as much of a factor in whether I'm attracted to someone else, compared to other things about them.

This is something that is VERY near and dear to me, and something I've dealt with all my life. I am bi. Probably actually pan, because I can't see myself not being attracted to someone because they are transitioning or do not identify as a certain gender. I am currently rabidly in love with a woman, and do not see that changing at any point in the future.

So, what does being bi mean to me? It means I have to listen to people spout the most ridiculous nonsense I've ever heard. It means people feel that I owe them an explanation as to why I have the NERVE to be attracted to more than one sex. It means I have to sit here and read about how I'm just confused, how I'm really straight or I'm really lez but just haven't got the guts yet to make a decision. It means I have to deal with constant harassment and abuse from the LGBT community that should have my back more than anyone else. It means I have to listen to men cackle and ask for a threesome while I listen to lesbians talk about how they could NEVER date a bisexual like we are the worst people there could possibly be on the face of the earth. You have no idea how much I've cried in my life because of shit like that, and how I'm near tears now because I remember how worthless that casual dismissal used to make me feel. Like, "Who cares what kind of person you are? One word makes you nothing to me."

It means I probably shouldn't have stepped foot on this thread, because I get enraged at injustice and people who feel the need to tell me that because my heart and mind and soul are open to anyone who is worthy of my time and love that there is somehow something wrong with how I choose to live my life. And no, I'm not aiming this entirely at people on this site or this thread, but some of you...some of you are here spouting exactly the misunderstanding and deliberate, willful discrimination I deal with every single day of my life.

This is what being bisexual means to me. My heart and life and arms are open for anyone who is smart enough, sexy enough, funny enough, and clever enough to catch my attention. I am not only attracted to butch women, like they're some kind of replacement for the men I "really" want. In fact, the majority of the women I loved have been femme. And no, I'm not secretly lesbian and trying to hide it, either. In fact, I'm pretty much running about 50/50 with the gender of people I have loved in my life.

My butch is everything to me. She is not a replacement for a man in my life. She is not an experiment. She is not someone to keep me occupied until a man comes along. She is, and will always be, my world. And no, it's not that I have zero interest in men anymore. I'm not miraculously gay now. But what I am is completely in love and fiercely dedicated to the love of my life - my butch.

And yes, I get infuriated at the fact people dare to make assumptions about me and what I feel and what makes me happy. If all goes like I want it to, I will never have another lover, and I'll be just fine with that. I won't miss a man or start pining after them. I've seen plenty I thought were gorgeous or sexy in the three years I've been with my butch, and I've never once been dissatisfied with my life or my lover.

That is what being bi means to me: a life of love, happiness, discrimination, pain and anger.

This is absolutely true (and I am a bisexual butch.) I can't imagine how anyone can't imagine a bisexual butch. How does one preclude the other?

Getting a little shirty here--I got fed up with being pressured to feminize myself for some nameless schroedinger's boyfriend a long, long time ago. Schroedinger can go keep his boyfriend, I'm not into people who want me for something I'm not. It didn't mean I was required to give up all attraction to men.

(I'll admit, being stone butch with guys is...very difficult most of the time because they tend to not understand, it bothers a lot of them, they tend to wheedle and get upset and need me to prove in a million different ways that I mean what I say and I'm not damaged/I don't hate them.)

Hope this helps
 

I met a guy once who said " I think bisexual people are just confused, no offense." I honestly replied " I'm not offended, I think that straight and gay people are missing out on half the fun." Both sexes have amazing qualities that the other is lacking (except for me).

Bisexuality....it evolves just like us!
 

Since the 80s and popularized in the 90s, bisexuality has been defined by various bisexual communities as "attraction to more than one gender." This is the definition that has endured. Robyn Ochs, a bisexual activist, has also expanded on that to include "not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.” Which is wonderful!

Like all the other letters in LGBT/QUILTBAG, the B is a community term. There are many ways to be bisexual (bi/pan/omni/polysexual/ace, etc) but the foundation of our orientation moves bilaterally along the sexuality spectrum without settling on a specific point of that spectrum. Just like the L in LGBT does not signify what type of lesbian one is (femme? butch?), the B does not specify what type of bisexual one is.

It's a wonderfully open category.

If anyone wants to discuss more about this, I'm game.

I've been bi my whole life, and experienced "attraction to more than one gender" for decades without ever having been with a AMAB person (which eventually happened.) Because it's about attraction to more than one gender, it doesn't mean that bisexual people attach gender to biology—bisexual spaces that I've been to over the years have consistently practiced this distinction. And those that don't quickly learn....

It's about attraction and potential, not necessarily sex.

And hello to all, this is my first post after visiting on-and-mostly off since 2012!

If just I knew what it means...
 

"Bisexual", it's the expression that I currently use when coming out to my friends and family, which is a step by step process. Still, I can't yet wrap my mind around why i am not really confortable with this term.

Hi Indigo!
Well, we're all socialized to have zero pride regarding the term 'bisexual'. All we mostly hear outside of bi circles, is negative and damaging. As long as you are accepting who you are on your own terms, that's more important than any label, of course. But labels are only as useful as the community they make/gather...so I hope you can find some sources and spaces of bisexual solidarity that make you feel great about what bi consciousness stands for today!

And I hear you on the step-by-step process!

I am a bio female femme who is married to a bio male who identifies as a woman privately. He (the pronoun he prefers at the moment) is a submissive femme at home. And other places. (But doesnt present 24/7 everywhere)

I qualify as bisexual. So does he as he enjoys all genders like I do. We have an open agreement that we can have other indulgences (sex) in our lives if we chose and would consider a poly marriage if the right person was found.

I have only been attracted to butch women. I have dated trans men too. And lived asexually for awhile. I just dont have an attraction to other femme women except my husband Go figure this all out!!

So all that sounds very complicated. But its not. Or it shouldnt be. I am getting really tired of the many many labels I have to "qualify" myself under. (I cant even buy a pride flag now without it adding race (brown and black) to it, when its suppose to be about orientation, not race. I am gypsy. Where is my stripe in our flag?)

Soft*Silver, this post was reported as bordering on racism. Embracing an intersectional view of oppression is not something everyone believes in, but please if you are going to make a point that you want separate space for pure LGBT pride, don't drag another traditionally oppressed identity that is not one of your own under the bus. Please try and keep in mind how someone of the identity you singled out as not wanting on your pride flag might feel reading it. We want everyone on this site to feel 100% welcome and protected. We don't always realize how our words might come across, and I simply ask that for future posts, you take this into consideration. Thank you.