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i don't equate passion for hostility. i think it is on the reader not to make up stuff in there heads about a members tone of post. we are all adults here and as long as everybody is following the TOS it should be all good. Honestly all this talk of how the femmes should voice their opinions and the accusations of yelling and laughing sounds like the same old deflective song and dance some butches and transguys do when they have a hard time accepting they have crossed a boundary or insulted some femme or not femme members.
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Passionate does not equate hostility.
Kobi, why are you always trying to control the "tone" of how people speak (usually femmes)? It is seriously irritating. |
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Each of us here have our own skills in communicating. Not all people can formulate the structure of educating posters in one form or another. We all have our individual styles. I have been accused on numerous occasions of ganging up - dog piling, etc. I will use my relationship with Snow as an example. Snow and I are friends. We also share a lot of the same political views, as well as how we as Femme's and Women prefer to be addressed and spoken to. And here comes the BAM! If Snow is positing in a thread which might be controversial and then I come in and post in that thread, with similar thought processes - We are immediately called out for ganging up on the person. This is really unfair Kobi and unjust. It just so happens that we are friends and share similar thought processes. I stopped posting for awhile, because I got tired of people yelling and screaming gang bang or dog pile. It got really old. I thought about NOT posting in this thread, because Snow posted before me - but I said... Bullshit. These are my thoughts and emotions and I have every right to post in a thread, as does Snow, as do you and as does every other community member here, without people screaming their automatic response of being bullied because they are being called out. I am glad we had the dialogue we did. It was absolutely constructive and it was good. But I do want to say. Just because we had the dialogue we did and it was positive - does not mean others will have the same type of dialogue. We all communicate differently and that is in part what makes this community so rich and diverse. Julie |
Don't ever grab the muffler of a hot lawn mower with your bare hand.
Do not EVER ride your bike off a roof. Even a small close to the ground one over your back porch. Those plastic drycleaner bags make nice superman capes but not so good parachutes. Umbrellas make terrible parachutes Do not take a big whiff of smelling salts to see what they smell like. Witch hazel is NOT the same thing as vinegar. Boats do not have brakes. Don't ask me how I know. |
thanks for sharing such caring thoughts....we all see expressions of love differently and the ones you shared here speak to how you choose to honor your femme....i applaud you and your tenderness
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Julie asked how we could make the process more constructive. This makes sense given we are a developing community with new members added everyday who are going to make mistakes. Looking at how we can deal with mistakes more effectively without hurting peoples feelings in the process makes sense to me. I voiced my opinion on the matter based on my experience in this thread today. And, I voiced why I felt the way I did. You know what irritates me? It irritates me that I saw the original post before anyone responded to it. I could have said something to Jist and I didnt. And I didnt because I didnt want to get stuck in the middle of what I knew was going to be a problem. I didnt want to deal with the passion that was likely to find it way to me. Knowing I did this makes me feel pretty fucking shitty about me. I let Jist down. And I let me down. Just like the Femmes have a code of honor, so do we butches. I dropped the ball here simply because I didnt want to put up with the bull. And that is making me feel pretty fucking cowardly. And Jist, I owe you an apology. I should have said something to you and I didnt. I'm sorry. Maybe if we can discuss this without people getting chaffed, we can stop this from happening to other people. If you need to feel chaffed, do it. I got my own irritations to deal with and, today, you are not going to be one of them. |
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Oy Vey
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I didn't realize from the get go what zone the thread was in because the title is what caught my attention... "What Every Femme Should Know" So I read the post, thought hmm, this makes no sense because not ALL Femme's want these things that were in the OP. Hence my post regarding it. There was no criticism tied to my posts regarding *you* My thoughts and and posts were regarding things a Femme should know because I thought at the beginning that's what it was about, a thread about what Femme's should know... Your sentiment was sweet and now I understand that the title was meant for only one particular Femme hence the confusion and the voicing from a lot of Femme's about what we should know, sorry if you felt it was an attack against your character.. It really wasn't... ---------------------------------------------------------- JAGG I have NEVER wanted to hang you from your eye lids, see this is how rumors get started.... The eyelids would tear and cause a bloody mess, and I am pretty sure that blood play would be a limit....:| As for the whole *gang bang* theory.... I think gang bang is an awfully violent yucky gross term to use when describing people coming in to voice different opinions and state how they feel. That's just me though... If we're gonna focus on wording maybe we should focus on that terminology as well because truthfully I see no one running around shooting up anybody, cutting up anybody, or slicing up anyone, it's not violent in here its a bunch of folks with similar ideas and thoughts and some with not so similar ideas and thoughts discussing and I think learning I am unsure at this point...:canadian: |
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We have a magnet on our fridge at home that says, "put your big girl panties on and deal with it." 'Nuff said. We are all adults. Some of us more direct than others, some handle tough situations with humor (JAGG) ;) and others are natural peace-keepers. No one is right or wrong. What becomes challenging and frustrating is when people start personalizing everything, don't learn from situations, and continue to scream VICTIM! I don't think you behaved cowardly, but I do read a lot of passive/agressiveness in your posts, and I personally don't generally have positive reactions to that sort of behavior. But that's just me. |
I will try and make this as simple as possible. If you want to build bridges, you build bridges. To build bridges, it takes give and take, it takes adjustments on everyones part, it means being committed to learning new stuff that we might not want to learn. That means if someone tells you (generic you) they feel hostility, do you have the right to tell them they dont? Who is the better judge of what they feel and why they feel it...you or them? If you dont want someone telling you (generic you) what you as a butch or femme should think and feel, you do not have the right to tell them they are not entitled to what they feel and think. It is a 2 way street. Cant get if you dont give. Well you can but thats how wars start. If you want to build pseudo bridges i.e. the illusion of bridges without doing the actual work to actually build them, have at it. And when we keep revisiting history over and over again, are we justified in saying over and over this irritates me or that person irritates me cuz they dont agree with me, or why is my passion a problem etc? I dont think so. I am not advocating people be silent. I was silent and it is making me feel crappy. I am not advocating people not be passionate. Passion is good. Im not even advocating you not be chaffed. Chaff away. What I am advocating is, if the goal is to be constructive, then post constructively. You can be passionate and still be constructive. If the goal is to educate, you can still educate without making someone feel crappy in the process. And if someone is telling you (generic you) that something you are doing or saying is making them feel crappy or attacked - stop and listen to them. Maybe you are doing something. Maybe that isnt your intent but that is how they are experiencing you at that moment. Will it fucking kill us to just stop and listen for a change? Might we actually learn something? I dont want to chaff BullDog or make Corkey feel silenced or make Julie feel she cant post after someone else. I dont. It makes me feel bad that they think this. Its not my intent. Let me ask this.... and let it stew a bit. When do we stop talking about looking out for our brothers and sisters and actually start doing it? Do we have as much responsibility to look out for Jist as we do to look out for Corkey or BullDog or Julie and anyone else I am bound to chaff today? |
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white people's history books
Im almost sixty. It was not until I was almost 30 that I heard the whole story about north america.
What is a real story? The real story has all the parts...not some of the parts. Part of the story of our reactions to this piece of our bfp herstory is that the op was made fun of. If you didnt do it then okay but it was done. I am learning that info is all so Im trying to remember to ask questions first so that is one way I may have dealt with it. Curiosity is friendly. Everybody fucks words up. What I really want to know about someone is what their tone is and what they are reverant about. My part in this story has one purpose....to help some see... |
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Do I think it was done deliberately, not in the least. Holding a defensive position for too long can scream victim, whether one is or not. Egging people on is kind of like waving a red towel at a bull, there's gonna be consequences. |
Kobi, why don't you practice what you preach.
Now, I am off with my sweetie to a basketball game. Go Lady Vols! Have a great night everyone. |
"And if someone is telling you (generic you) that something you are doing or saying is making them feel crappy or attacked - stop and listen to them. Maybe you are doing something. Maybe that isnt your intent but that is how they are experiencing you at that moment. Will it fucking kill us to just stop and listen for a change? Might we actually learn something?
I dont want to chaff BullDog or make Corkey feel silenced or make Julie feel she cant post after someone else. I dont. It makes me feel bad that they think this. Its not my intent. Let me ask this.... and let it stew a bit. When do we stop talking about looking out for our brothers and sisters and actually start doing it? Do we have as much responsibility to look out for Jist as we do to look out for Corkey or BullDog or Julie and anyone else I am bound to chaff today?" Oh dear...this is getting quite redundant. Feelings are wonderful and amazing and beneficial EMOTIONS! Behavior is how you actualize your thought process, the physical manifestation of how your brain interprets various stimuli, and ultimately, how you respond. If you interpret every situation emotionally than you are going to exhaust not only yourself but lots of others in trying to get everyone to not only see something from your perspective (which is emotional) but to agree with it as well. |
I didn't appear to ME that JistMe meant harm or was telling others what they should or should not be in life. It was simply an expression of emotion...
This is the writing and poetry thread. For the sake of having a place to expose ourselves through our writing WITHOUT persecution I ask you to PLEASE take this discussion to another thread more suitable for the topic. Scoobs |
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I think calling out isms is appropriate in any thread.
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and who gets to decide more suitable? |
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Thank you for the reminder :) :sparklyheart: |
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