|
Quote:
Totally get THIS! And it IS sad that it takes a while to figure that out. And just as sad, I think, is that it might not even be evident to THEM until one day, that person's gonna look around them and say to themselves, "Hey! Where'd everybody go?!?!" and what they will hear back is the echo in the room. |
Quote:
That kind of behavior is absolutely reprehensible in my mind. Absolutely. There's no excuse for it. Having said that, I am most definitely NOT what might be called a "pc" person. I say a LOT of things that I've begun to reevaluate and tweak since this thread started. There is a stark difference between saying something that may or may be offensive and walking away from someone in a medical emergency situation, though. That is something I could never do. *shakes head* |
Arwen makes a really important point here. If I am offended by what someone posts, it is my responsibility to let that be known, and again as Arwen said, in a frank and gentle way. I think that the individual should explain what is offensive about the word/phrase as well. While I am certain that at times folks make comments that they know will be offensive but do so anyway, in the majority of the cases (I hope) the person doesn't realize that it might be taken offensively. The intention is not to be offensive, but yeah, we're all going to say stuff not realizing how it is taken by some. I try to give folks the benefit of the doubt - if something is said that bothers me I'll point it out while assuming that no ill will was intended. In this way, my point is made respectfully, no accusations thrown, and we can get on with whatever discussion was going on to begin with.
[quote=Arwen;23636] The person who is offended needs to have the courage to say something to the person who said the offending term. As has been pointed out by many of us, we do not always know when a word is offensive. So being told in a frank and gentle way is important.[QUOTE] Slippery slope indeed. You mention various areas where censorship has been used/abused: art, film, books, music. I'm going to offer a thought, wondering if it is a useful distinction to make. The mediums you mention, as artistic expressions, are things that we generally have a choice in whether or not we view them. If we don't like a movie or book, we don't bother with them, and this affects no one except ourselves. When art is displayed, books written, music played, the intended audience is some population full of folks the artist doesn't know. SUre, some people might be offended, but this is a case where that is entirely unavoidable. Specific example - I find Howard Sterns absolutely completely offensive. I choose not to listen to him. But my being offended is nothing directed personally at me. No relationship between us, nothing personal. To my mind this is a very different scenario than art offered to the public in general. We are a group of folks involved in dialogues between specific people. Some of us know each other in real-time, some don't but know folks well in online terms - there are relationships involved here. Real people, real names. Real feelings. I think it is different here, there should be attempts to not offend because, well, we're a community. Mistakes will be made, of course. Disagreements are going to happen. But if we try to communicate respectfully, seems as though our discussions should generally go reasonably smoothly. Thoughts? Fair distinction? Quote:
|
the word whiner
I think that the word "whiner" can have a BIG negative result. I see when things are said about people in general "being like that" and how they are making a big To-Do about being a victim... it is harmful to the whole community. If the people you are representing when you use that word "whiner" are unable to recognize they are one, what good does it do for it to be said publically in the community forums?
What happens is a silencing in general, of people that you are probably not even talking about. No one wants to reach out for support and love if they worry that someone will label them a whiner. Psychologically speaking, a "whiner" has real feelings and are misunderstanding because they have been encouraged to feel free on these sites to be themself, share, and find acceptance and support here. Maybe they have no one to listen to them in the real world and I think the eye rolls can be "felt" if not seen. Sometimes people are just uncomfortable and need to judge or be cold about that "whiner" person because they are just too tired to be a shoulder to another someone else. Some people may think if positive is the only type conversation then it will be a fun and pleasantly smiley place to be. But I saw that movie pleasantville. It wasn't real at all.... and it was NOT pleasant. |
Bumping My Post
Just because this was how I wanted to say it and I took myself to the red zone afterwards to make an angry rant. I regret that didn't help anything and was selfish of me. I was mad. And sad about what I was hearing/seeing. No excuse though. I still stand by what I said here.
|
Quote:
|
Okay here is my 'offended by words' list.
(any word that slangs race, geographic orgin, religious belief or intellectual level / capacity, physical or mental disorders), asshole, bastard, bitch, cunt, fuck(er,'MF'), slut, whore. These are words heard/read recently. Most within this site. If you are willing to be educated and wish to be respectful take heed of what others feel/perceive as hurtful/offensive. |
Quote:
I hear you that most of the time, people offend others with words out of ignorance. I use the word 'ignorance' as a lack of an understanding/awareness of misspeaks. We all grew up in our own community's rules, morals, language, and communication in which being apart of location, place in time, and in that social network , we knew exactly what was meant/intended by others' around us. But...PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE!!!!! Get a clue! If someone says they are offended by what I/You said, believe it! Apologize(unless it was intended, then shame on me/you, and shut up!). Use in the same forum 'public/private' they identified the offense. If you can't act as a responsible person, go away! |
I did have a guy ask me not to use the word "bastard" because he was born without a dad and that word hurt him every single time he heard it. I managed to never use the word around him, but occasionally it still slips out. But then I think of him and regret saying it.
Words can hurt and I am more and more aware of that the older I get. I try to be respectful. |
[QUOTE=June;128651]Frisky. You just took away most of my vocabulary. Can you explain why asshole, fucker, bitch, cunt are problematic to you?
I get Bastard, (I still use it for special folks in my life) because of the origins of the word. Technically, my son is one because he was born out of wedlock 8^O however, when I used it, it has no reflection on the original meaning. We have the capabilities with this software to make **** appear when people type certain words, but I wonder if that would be taking censorship too far? For me, context means a lot: QUOTE] I find cunt extremely offensive, personally. Then, again, I don't much like any slang for female or male reproductive/sexual body parts. Just don't. On a website, however, I expect to see them used and I wouldn't react to usage overall, unless used to directly cut a person down (any person) or in a sexist manner. CONTEXT really does say a lot!! I don't use foul language much in real-time. Just don't and I don't really have any kind of reason for this. Sure, If I whack a thumb with a hammer, f-u-c-k does come out of my mouth. I also know that in my background, there was an unwritten code not to sound like the daughter of an uneducated immigrant garbage man... because that is what people expected of us. Guess, I just try to understand what someone else migfht be feeling about certain terms and not use them here if they let me know it is offensive to them. The key word for me in the title of the thread is flippant.... sometimes flippant gets old. |
I curse like a sailor and I think part of that for me is the feeling of liberation from the good girl mold I still feel pressured to fit into.
But I think I'm gonna give up the foul language. As I grow older, I am realizing that (for me) there is a correlation between respectful behavior and self-respect. |
Quote:
I really don't like this either. My oldest sister was with a wife-beating, cheating, alcoholic husband for 14 years and there is just not one redeeming quality about its usage to me. She left him, raised her kids (did not get one penny of child support and worked to provide for them even after remarriage, put all 3 through college/vocational school) and did remarry a great guy that loves and respects her and her kids. Besides, some peeps look great in them and I just can't put that identification on them! My son has a great body and is a good man, husband and father. He (like most people) do not deserve to be having what they have on put in this context. Many peeps here do not deserve this, either! |
Quote:
|
Quote:
However, I finally realized, I was judged by how I expressed myself. I didn't want to pass that on to my kids. My own mom's strongest cuss words are 'shit and hell'. If she was that mad we knew to 'straighten up'. Thanks for sharing. |
I'm also trying to become more aware of my own able-ist language (metaphorical uses of blindness, hearing, standing, etc), and I'm trying separate/balance my moral and spiritual ideas from the concepts of light and dark because I think the correlation of lightness and whiteness with goodness and the correlation of darkness and blackness with evil or badness contribute (to some extent) to unconsciously perpetuated racism.
It's hard because both of these tendencies are built on a lifetime of interrelated, built-upon thoughts which are very much culturally re-enforced. |
Quote:
The moderators and the members on this site do a good job of keeping things in check. It is difficult sometimes to determine who is the majority because the one that is most vocal is often thought of as speaking for the majority if no one challenges them. If something is distasteful, hurtful, or a slur to someone, that person may not feel comfortable speaking up. So it goes. |
I've developed a fondness for "asshat", which I often spell as "a$$hat" to bypass the profanity filters on some sites.
*wonders if a$$hat is offensive to milliners* |
I feel comfortable expressing myself in this medium as I see fit. As a result of that level of comfort, I often use profanity. Would I use that same profanity in the company of someone's grandmother? Um, no. Would I curse more if I were in the company of a bunch of sailors? No. If I were in a person's living room and I knew that s/he hated or had issues with a particular curse word, I would do my very best to avoid saying it. In someone else's world, I adapt. When someone is in my environment, I expect them to adapt to my preferences. If they can't, and it bothers me that much, then I am perfectly able and willing to show them the door.
In this medium, we're such a lovely mishmash of identities, genders, creeds, etc that it's like blending something in the blender. You have all of what you put into it, but the final result is something different, in all aspects. We all have to have a level of tolerance and acceptance when we log on here because some days we are the cursers and some days we are the squeaky cleans and those days can flip flop mighty quick. |
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:19 AM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018