Scars
 

A couple of decades ago I was in a committed relationship with a femme that was very violent and abusive. It was my first relationship like that so I was blind sided. She was diagnosed with a illness that I had never heard of and will not name here but later found out that it may have contributed to my experience.

I was bullied, threatened, held hostage, and abused both physically and emotionally. Since I had no experience with that type of behavior I had no tools to deal with it. My family finally saved me from her but not before the damage was done. It took years to recover from those scars but I did. I am still leary of that specific illness but I understand that there are a lot of variations of it.

I fight a lot harder for myself now.

answering JDeere's question
 

JDeere, I do not believe I am missing out or being shorted of anything by not seeking a relationship. I am content being single. I feel good about it too.

Course sometimes I look, see and get lustful but it does not drive me like it did when I was younger ... so very thankful for that! :)

Hope that answered your question.

I don't want to assume.

When I read this, I think of someone that acts nice in the beginning but then the real (not nice) person slips out.

Is that what you mean?

RATS.. i am so dyslexic.

Thank you emmeG.......

You know when I read it, that is what I saw! I did not see that she reversed it until you wrote this!

:)

That's how I read it too and had a similar reaction!

Made me remember the time I dated someone (very long ago and not a person on this site) who portrayed themselves as being a nasty, experienced, toppy, strapping Daddy and they most certainly WERE NOT.

It was really disappointing and I felt sorry for the person thinking they had to create that persona but it was just flat-out dishonest so we didnt date long.

I am just very insecure, so there are a lot of fears. I trigger easily these days and it put a damper on my last relationship.

Anyways, I like seeing how this thread has continued.

I've had a lot of past girlfriends come down hard on me for not being attractive enough. I used to be really confident, now it's really hard.

Fear of abandonment. How does it play out in relationships? As a result, I withdraw, hold a little back so it doesn't hurt as bad when things go south. Knowing this, I have to work extra hard to allow myself to be open even though it makes me more vulnerable. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.

For the first time in my life, I have zero relationship fears. We talk about everything. I don't have to worry when he is texting (rare as it is) if it's an ex or another girl stepping over bounds. I know where we stand, how he feels about me, our plans for the future, everything.

Growing up I had body image issues, depression issues, fidelity issues. Girlfriends dumping me for boyfriends but wanting to still be FWB, a girlfriend who convinced me I needed diet pills and a strict food regime to be more attractive, partners who would spend more time online than with me whether it was gaming or talking to other people. I've felt not worthy enough, not pretty enough, not wanted, always waiting for the shoe to drop, for something, anything to happen and lose it all. You know, general insecurities I guess.

I am an introvert, I like my alone time and sometimes it is necessary, but my partner is understanding of that. I've always worried it would feel a partner feel rejected but it is necessary for my mental health, for our relationship. I need recharge time, whether it is mindlessly binging Netlflix or cuddling or sitting and reading for hours or just some long, slow, loving sexy time. If I can't get that, any relationship I am in is doomed. Sometimes I just need to quiet my mind, sometimes I am just feeling down/sad/'off', sometimes I just really want to read a book I am sucked into or I become a bitch, LOL.

So yeah. Current relationship fears are non-existent and it still amazes me somedays. I never looked into it so deep before, and now it's like a lightbulb has gone off :praying:

I didn't want to admit it but I had a pretty big fear of abandonment. Also a lot of insecurities. I took time and found a content spot within myself. Things are much better now and I'm happy.

Trust though.... I think I will always be on guard to a certain extent in that area. Not to a point of insanity but I keep my eyes open.

I'm seeing a pattern, alot of us fear being abandoned.