All good ideas but my brain is muddled. To be honest I probably need to evaluate what I'm actually looking for. I think I need something more intimate. My dominance is part of my love and sex today. Lately I have not explore service only subs but I suppose I could. In the past I was even cool with friendships that had that little "something-something" so I will try and tap into that. This is what Wanton always was for me but this last time things became more intense and emotional.

Yes, I am very clear about my expectations and open to communicate. I am VERY patient and flexible to a degree. Wanton is mentally unstable with some issues with depression. I've always known this and threaded lightly keeping this in mind, however hy has hys own perception and lately keeps changing our relationship. It's getting exhausting. Hy has also been playing these little passive aggressive games to get a reaction from me. I am a "cards on the table" type of woman. If you want something from me you need to ask. I also make it clear what I am willing and not willing to do. Our base arrangement is me paying hys rent, hym coming daily to work and that is the primary base of our relationship. Then we are friends and the days hy chooses to be submissive towards me hy does. It's a bit of a roller coaster and although I don't totally blame hym I would say hy is responsible for the bulk of it.

As for hym being tired.... If that was it then I would certainly understand. Hy had help and not that much to do. Hy has a drug problem and because hy couldn't get stoned while caring for my animals hy was most likely having withdrawals. We agreed for hym to get hys own place and I would help because every night hy would go out onto the deck and get shit faced to the point where hy couldn't even talk to me. I didn't enjoy being around hym like that. If someone wants to get high, go for it. But to get shit faced every night is just not something I want to be around. I am flexible and I believe fair. I am constantly negotiating and shifting my sails. I am a strong and capable woman with a lot of life experience. If I invest in anything I expect something back and when I give more then I get I leave. It's that simple.

There is a part of me that wants to put all this on hold for now because I'm enjoying so much of my life right now. I am in a good space spiritually and emotionally. I'm just not wanting to complicate it. In fact this morning I told Wanton not to come to work and that I needed time to think things over. The past few days I get these weird text msg and this fucked up attitude. I'm not use to so much drama and I'm thinking I don't need that in my life right now.

Thank you for your feedback.

who here has a fetlife account? If so add me a friend? Sachita

Just thoughts
 

You got some major red flags popping up all over your post:

Wanton is mentally unstable with some issues with depression.

I'll be honest with you, I get people have issues but for *me* as a Master I don't want your issues, I would certainly help out and make sure proper medical care was sought out.

hy has hys own perception and lately keeps changing our relationship

This for me as a Master is NOT acceptable, the person who serves me does not change the relationship I do. Hence why I am in Femme Led relationships perhaps you guys need to talk about his need to keep changing it.

Hy has also been playing these little passive aggressive games

Yeah, this one would get you a kick to the curb first time

the days hy chooses to be submissive towards me hy does.

Once again he is doing the choosing? As a Goddess shouldn't you be the chooser? I'm not being sarcastic I am being 100% honest woman to woman Femme to Femme Domina to Domina, why is this person choosing?

It's a bit of a roller coaster

No fun.

would say hy is responsible for the bulk of it.

That screams volumes that he.hy gotta go

get shit faced to the point where hy couldn't even talk to me. I didn't enjoy being around hym like that


This I am like :| I partake in the green and I will be honest I can't imagine smokin' to the point of the above statement. No one likes sloppy.


The beauty of these relationships is, we make the calls period, if it's not working we gently escort the person who thought they could occupy the space out the door because frankly who needs that? My mind can not wrap around at the thought continuing in an exchange where my needs are not met period. It's a good idea you did not allow he.hy to come over and taint your space with all this negative interaction and I do hope you take the time to think if you want to continue with the toxicity, I wish you much luck!

all noted.

I guess the point I was also making is that my life is all about negotiation at the same time I have expectations that must be met. Because we were friends with benefits I was more flexible. Normally I am not. Mental illness doesn't always scare me away. I think we're all crazy. I'm also pretty experienced when it comes to dealing with complex emotional issues and scenes within sexual alternatives. There is just a point where my can gets full and I drop you.

I don't expect everything to be perfect. In fact I live in a world that is tolerant of choices, however I am looking to get my needs met. Right now the most wonderful thing that could happen to me, something that would be the icing on the cake would be a sweet boi who would serve me at ANY capacity I see fit. One who needs me as much as I need her/hym

Then you are going to have to specifically put that out there into the Universe and cultivate those thoughts, wants and desires to the Universe. I would be honest with the boi.boy you are dealing with now and release him.hym of all duties since hy.he is not the one who is goign to do that, it's an emotional, physical, mental yo-yo for hym.him and it could be one more trigger to his depression and need to get sloppy high. I'd seperate myself from him for 30 days and revisit to see if you could have a friendship, that's just me though and not something that you should do if you don't want or you like how things are going.

Yes, exactly. This has been an issue for some time. Today, this morning, I just had enough. At a later date perhaps we can once again be friends but I won't revisit the D/s relationship with hym again.

I had exchanged a few emails with a boi that lives in my state. She's an experienced butch bottom, or so she says. I can normally get a good feel of things by talking. I actually did go log on to collarme, haven't been in in a while and there was a recent email in my inbox. I replied back with my phone number and we talked. In fact we'll meet this weekend. Nothing big, just a casual introduction. I sense that she is looking for a serious one on one with a mistress. I was forthright in that I am just not sure what I'm looking for. With all the drama the past few months I just may slip into fun mode and raise a little hell. lol

So casual and lighthearted would be great for me now. In fact if I had someone to watch the farm and animals I'd have to fly to the reunion and show 'em how it's done. (said in my best southern accent!)

I'd really love some more dialogue on this topic. I feel that women like us are very misunderstood and this makes it hard for people to approach us.

I don't really have issues with approach outside of this forum it's understood what I want and look for when I am out and about everyday. I think the whole none approachable is a stigma that comes from sexism because there are people that can't handle a Femme/Woman/Female Power source, I figure that shit is on them, I'm the sweetest person if I feel that the intent is good or that you have desire to make some form of connection and commitment to the relationship be it family, friend, or service person. Good luck with the newbie this weekend and good luck over all finding your hearts desire.

It's funny though that a Masculine/Male/Butch led relationship is rarely question and certainly is not stamped with that whole oh hy.she.he is so unaproachable..

Oh btw Snow, I meant to make a comment about the "green" and getting high.

I honestly have no problems with drugs and alcohol. I do have a problem with abuse and addiction. If someone makes that their choice then thats cool. I just don't enjoy being around that everyday. I also don't get high other then drinking so its hard for me to even relate to that space with someone who is.

If I didn't get so shit faced stoned, want to eat everything in my house I would smoke it. I hate the feeling of being out of control. I hold my liquor pretty good so when I party I drink. If I drink to much I fall asleep.

Wanton would smoke on the deck then try and come in and talk to me about spirit world, aliens and shit. Hy would talk as if hy tapped some other dimension and often insult my intellect without realizing it. Sometimes hy talked in circles and it made no sense. In hys perception tho hy was keenly focused and did everything much better high. I use to let hym clean the house high but hy made more of a mess and I couldn't find anything! lol Hy would do the craziest shit then make me think I lost my mind!

yikes
 

Yeah at that point it would be a limit, I need clear thinking.

I have been having amazing dreams lately about this. There is a person in my dreams but I can't see hys face.

I have dreams and fantasies of someone kneeling in front of me with adoring eyes. Not because I require hym to but because hy knows it comforts me. Hy really enjoys spoiling me... fixing me healthy food, feeding me, bringing me coffee and even washing my hair. Hy wants my world to be perfect. I adore hym because of this.

I'm not sure I could be in a standard BF relationship again. Its not that I want or even expect someone to be my slave but to understand and address my core needs. That primal essence I call Goddess within me. The masculine aspect of my nature that wants to project aggression and penetrate hys very existence.

I miss this in Wanton boi- the adoration, the service, the whole entire dynamic but I don't miss the craziness and all the drama. I hope one day to find this again in a secure, sane and loving relationship.

Female led relationships- IMO are sexual, spiritual and emotional. A femdom dynamic that is infused with magic. Adoration, service and worship of the divine feminine within a Domina (or whatever you choose to call this essence in you)
The right connection can raise my vibration to unreal levels. I feel alive and connected to the universe. The wrong connection drains me and although I am a strong and capable woman, I need to be inspired, adored and appreciated for all that I am. If you are lucky enough to see me in this space you'll witness a seductive and magical energy. The simplest movements are infused with power and light.

lol- yes I am rambling. I'm probably lonely and needing to talk about this. I wonder how people perceive all this. Perhaps if you are lurking you can jump in and tell me. I'm especially interested to hear from people not into femdom relationships and how they look at a butch-femme dynamic that includes female domination.

I've been thinking..... lol I think a lot about this as I re-evaluate my life. The many chapters I've lived and how I arrive at this place today. There is no doubt that I don't fit into the typical butch-femme dynamic. Even though I'm attracted to masculinity and there are parts of the BF dynamic I really love and other parts I can do without.

So I stepped out of the femdom world i was living in, one that was quite refined and totally 24/7. I'm not even sure why. I was hoping to somehow blend my desire for BF with my femdom world or meet in the middle. It was exciting stepping into another world, almost like role-play. lol I was digging it but there were times it seriously ruffled my feathers. I just don't fit into a domestic role. I'll never forget a butch I dated who scoffed at the idea of me having a maid. And who refused to help me cook or clean. Needless to say that didn't last long. None of them last long. yet each time I would sit down, look them straight in eyes and explain what type of woman I am. My standards are high, I am feminine, seductive, smart, picky and I need to be spoiled and adored. I'm thinking that they never got that manual because they were all clueless.

Snow posted something:

" I think the whole none approachable is a stigma that comes from sexism because there are people that can't handle a Femme/Woman/Female Power source"

I don't know if this is always the case but I do feel that a lot of butches have a strong longing to fully express their masculinity. They've fought so hard to identify that they clasp onto traditional hetro relationship values. But what a lot of people don't see, beyond the facade, is how the essence of femininity truly does lead in one way or another. Women have power in so many ways and its up to them to cultivate and learn how to use it constructively. That arm candy that seems plumb dumb isn't as dumb as you think. Sure he might be spitting out the words and appear in control but she has him wrapped around her finger.

I'm getting off point lol

anyhow I encounter a butch who spent some time with me after she had broken up with a GF. She lived in my house for an extended visit trying to get her shit together and perhaps remain with me. It was perfect. It was romantic and yet she was suzie homemaker in a masculine body. She waited on my hand and foot, cooked, cleaned, massages, wonderful conversation and we spent hours talking. I was careful to keep an arm's distance because I knew she was just out of a relationship. To make a long story short she did leave and did end up back with the ex. I was crushed.

I enjoy being the bread winner, so to speak. I enjoy having a butch who enjoys taking care of our home, cooking, cleaning, spoiling me and isn't threatened if I feel sexually aggressive. I don't want to pretend that I';m not kinky. At the same time I don't want to feel like I'm fulfilling/servicing someone's sexual fantasies. Does that make sense? I've had people come to me who were purely curious about submission or seeking sessions from an experienced top. I'm not here for that. It needs to be able me.

So I'm wondering how many butches out there feel comfortable being a house butch and allowing the woman to truly lead the course of the relationship. I see it all around me even when they pretend they don't. I'm just wondering how many enjoy it and are proud to be in that space.

just sharing some thoughts and processing a lot inside. I have decided that this will be the only relationship I will allow myself to have. I am seeking a boi/butch who will be my awesome little fag/June Clever, sometimes daddy, sometimes butler, sometimes just intelligent human. Hmm maybe even two? Oooo maybe a boi and girl? lol my mind is wandering now.

I am re-visiting this thread, after having been away for a few months from it.

My submissive and I are doing well together. He is obedient, faithful, loyal,and correct in all his services and adoration to me. I have no complaints whatsoever. In fact, this is the easiest relationship I have ever been in. I have my limits, he honors them. And serves fully up to them.

I take care of my own house. He often stays with me but has his own residence. I am the Suzy Homemaker, making dinners, baking, cleaning. When I can. When I cant, he steps in and does it all. His service isnt to replace a spouse or be a maid nor to butler me. Though, often, he does. When needed. Otherwise, I need my independence.

He would never change the dynamics nor push the boundaries, nor dishonor me by presenting himself to me in any fashion other than as a stable, workable person.

He offers me his emotions, his love, his caring. I am tended to well. I also tend to him well. I give him back what he needs from a Mistress.

We have incredible conversations. His intellect is astounding. Gifted intellectually, he can converse on about any subject. I learn much from him. He loves to hear my points of view and we smile as we heatedly debate on different topics.

THIS is how life is suppose to be in a Femme led relationship, for me anyway. I no longer want to struggle. I dont need to be the one working so hard that my heart hurts and my brain feels unwired. I have had it with relationships that were cruel in their hoaxes and empty heartshells of affections. What I have now is real. And what my life was suppose to be defined as. I do not blame anyone in my past for my sorrows, except myself. As a strong Femme, I KNEW. I acknowledge that I KNEW I was forcing the round peg into the square hole, with the past decade of relationships. The only way it fit is if parts of me were shaved off and forced into places I never should have gone, had I been true to myself.

But then is Then and now is Now and I am happy. Could I be in love with this person eventually? Yes. But thats another topic. And not for one right now. For now, I am doing well in this relationship as it is.

hey there Ms Tia, nice name!

I know what you're saying. I think its about female priorities regard;ess of how that manifest in a relationship. We evolve with a relationship and the cool thing is that as long as we identify our innate power and find a counterpart thats all that really matter. We each have our own needs and what we expect out of a relationship. It seems that you have found your comfort zone with this man and thats all that really matters.

I personally am not a Susie Homemaker type but it doesnt mean I can't treat some sub special and pamper her/hym. I often cook and flutter about my home in a ultra femme manner, however its a choice and not an expectation. I prefer my sub boi to be domestically attentive and adoring in a pseudo feminine way even if hy is butch or even masculine. It's a ying yang thing. The most important, for me, is that hy follows my direction and isn't afraid to bend the rules to please me. in fact hy enjoys the pendulum swinging!

I am happy for you. You seem peaceful, fulfilled and in your zone. Kudos to you.

I am very territorial about my home and my kitchen especially. I have a need to maintain my own territory and am good at it. I enjoy his care when I am down, but then it is out of need, not contractual purpose. I am pampered in many ways, but I dont need to be gluttonous of frivolities to feel Mistressy, but thats me. I see a distinction in my household than yours. We are just different, with different needs. Good luck with yours.

I thought folks here might enjoy these images