Clay, I am soooo looking forward to meeting you at the Reunion!!

Thanks Cajun that made me smile.... Yes it sounds like a franklin mint limited edition ad.

Oh do i have a hitch in my get-along!

I'm just catching up. Aisha asked this question a page or so back.

reprinted in part from a post I wrote in the Butches and Body Image thread:

"...I'm dating a very butch woman who sometimes performs in female drag. Her drag personna feels a lot like a toughened up Diana Ross, but about a dozen sizes larger. Her personna wears wigs, heavy make-up, and sparkly dresses. The reason why everyone enjoys and understands the performance as drag is that her virile, masculine energy easily overwhelms any height of heel. Stereotypically feminine trappings only serve to accentuate her masculinity..."

Throughout the course of my day I would say that I get addressed as a equal times as Sir or Ma'am. There are times that, for no apparent reason, when people address me as Sir I just want to scream at them "Are you fucking blind? Do you NOT see these tits? If these tits got any bigger they'd be required to have break lights and a license plate you dumbass!" but I just smile and move along. I've come to believe that this reaction is more about being hurt at being invisible to people than it does to my gender identity.

I went through a period where dresses and I didn't get along. I put on a kilt for a function once and something changed. (I know, weird!!) Now I am simply neutral on the issue. I am in general physically comfortable in the dresses/skirts that I have. They are modest in appearence and color. Not frilly or with coloful patterns or anything like that. The shoes not so much. Actually, the shoes make me feel way more gender-discomfort than the dress does. I hate those damn shoes!!

I do not wear dresses now except for special occasions where, for me, it is a sign of respect (Such as my cousin's funeral earlier this year) for my family. I should clarify that this is my choice to do that for them, they would be fine if I had worn respectful (in this case black) clothing.

*Laughing....in those situations I am still simply a butch in a dress.

being butch
 

its not something I wear, its nothing i do
Be gracious
respect
pride
self care
belief
earn respect

ok you made me spit donuts (yeah yeah I know real healthy) and coffee all over my puter...........laughin....

oh yeah welcome to the Planet.........

I used to get anxious every time I had to interact with people who don't know my name- would they call me sir, ma'am, he, she? Should I correct them? Should I make a joke or should I be all offended and snap at them?

Now, I just don't care.

Cashiers, wait staff, the guys at Jiffy Lube...they don't know that blue is my favorite color. They don't know that I collect Zippo lighters and books and sharp-pointy things. They don't know that I have a dog named Max and cats named Bella and Vinnie. Why should they know all about my gender identity/sexual orientation?

I just go with whatever they call me...which is especially funny when they call me "sir" 15 times and then look at the name on my Visa card- talk about priceless!

Late night confession ....
 

I don't pay much attention to whether someone calls me Sir, Ma'am, he, she etc when it's coming from store clerks or some other customer service person. I figure they are either required to say it or they are saying it out or habit. Not everyone who says "have a nice day" truly means it, lol.

When it comes to butch femme communities it is extremely invalidating and frustrating when male defaults are used. Most butches are not male or male id'd so why this continues to be perpetuated is truly beyond me. I thought we were trying to get past the binary. It's certainly not as bad on this site as others but it still occurs.

I am happy to refer to anyone by he or hy if that is what that individual prefers. However most butches are not he/hy and when it is used as a default I just feel the person doing it must be truly out of touch with the reality of how most butches live or they do it to not offend males (which is another sign of male being valued over female). The argument that we have to use he/hy for butches and she for femmes to tell the difference between the two is truly beyond ridiculous to me.

Some Butches feel ok "cross dressing," some don't. What makes a Butch butch is who they are, how they are within their own head and how they express that to the outside world.
Some use clothing as part of that presentation. In some cases it is ingrained deep enough to be beyond presentation....more part of the persona.

I feel much more comfortable in male attire. With the exception of the binder, I wear everything from the Men's department. And since the binder is kinda home-made, I guess that's "male attire" too.

But I am Butch because I feel the masculine energy surging inside me...undeniable....vivid. And because of how this energy is carried on into the outside world.

If I ever had to wear a dress, it would be long, loose and more like a robe...I'm not comfortable accentuating my "female" form. But that's just me.